Sunday, October 24, 2010

Yes, I will spend unnecessary amounts of time talking about New Hampshire and Bear Brook for the next two months.

Just in case you were wondering what it was going to be like living with me for the next two months (those of you residing in Columbia, MO).

In every conversation I will find some way to talk about a memory from New Hampshire.

I will constantly rave about sweet potatoes, feta cheese, eggplant, and not flushing the toilet.

I will complain about not having enough vegetables and spend all my free time trying to find a particular brand of veggie sausages at the grocery store.

I will say, "I miss New Hampshire" at least 10 times an hour.

I will reference people you don't know acting like you should know who I am talking about.

But I will be home. For a while. Even though it's a little scary, I can't tell you how good it feels to have a plan. Even if it's not a real job and it's only temporary. I have somewhere to go and it's a place I always dreamed of living in ever since I saw Sara Plain and Tall and she talked about Maine.

What else?


I didn't cry during the recognition ceremony. I didn't cry during the sharing meeting. I didn't cry on the last night when everyone else was drunkenly sharing their inner most feelings.

I did cry on the last night when I was walking back to my cabin. I did cry as I was driving out of Bear Brook for the last time. I did cry when I realized I don't know when I am going to see Jessica again.

And then I drove, and drove, and drove, and drove. Like the pioneer children with horse power.

I have a million cheesy and cliche things I want to say right now. How I will never be the same, how this experienced changed me and helped me grow, how I will never forget my 10 months at Bear Brook state park.

But the truth is, now matter how much I will miss the people I met there and some of the things I had there, I was ready for the end. I was ready for the next step. This was a chance to figure out who I am and how I want to live. Dale Penny said that this was the FIRST step. The second step is to live our lives using the things that we learned. I can't wait to start living my life as ME. As the person I am now.

This version of me is not completely new. She is the same in many ways. She still quote Willow and Clue. She is still a complete dork. She will still kick peoples butt at Guitar Hero (it's like riding a bike, yo!). But she will now know what's it's like to live as an adult and make choices for more than just herself. She will know that she can't pretend to know what she is talking about. She knows that it's just best to be honest.

I have said this many times, but I have learned more about myself in these past 10 months than I have in all my previous years combined (that is not literal, just a way of expressing how I feel. In case you were wondering).

I'm going to finish now by saying that change is weird and scary and exciting.

Bring it on, life.

1 comment:

Jeanne, the mom and grandmom said...

Do I still have to hide the Star Wars movies?

The BIG QUESTION.... will Sadie know the new you?

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