Thursday, May 31, 2007


It's a funny thing, time is. It seems, in the summer, to take on a new form that it refused to assume during the semester. It has now morphed from the tortise into the hare. Zipping along until it thinks it has a fair lead, stopping off for a leasurly rest and then rushing in a panic to catch up. This makes for an erratic living experience.

I'm spending a lot of time at work, and not only at my store but also at Cherry Hill Which has the customer traffic of my back yard. I can get all the morning chores done in fifteen minutes and then I spend my time thinking about cleaning and changing the color of a post-it with a red pen instead. It's nice that it's so quiet, but it makes mornings that are already dull even duller.

Agricultural Law
Financial planning
I can't say that I am really excited for any of these. Oh well.

Still don't have the raise that I was supposed to get a few months ago and I blame this fully on my district manager who is a complete jerk. His best interestes are deffinatly only his own and he doesn't care for his employees at all. I really think we should consider the possibility of an uprising. That woud show him. Too bad I don't have the gumption...something I could really use sometimes.

I saw the new Pirates movie. It was good. Better then the second but not as good as the first. I went with people from church...who are my friends?

I'm not really sure who my friends are right now. Do I have any? Real friends? I think a few but they are all moving on and I am still stuck in the "wanting things to be they way they used to be in he summer" phase. Maybe I will never get out of it. Only because I don't have any stationary friends to lean on. They are all hanging out with the hare of time. and I am the slow and steady torise, except I probably wont win the race.

Anyway, those are my only concerns right. Life is pretty okay. I want to get out of columbia for a day or two. I really can't wait for the road trip me and sis Juli are planning.

Come on life. Show me what you got. Make me burst out of myself.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


I hate hormones. Right now they are not my friend.

I'm not generally a moody person thanks to regulatory hormone pills I was perscribed by my doctor for my anemia. But now that I'm not taking them I've been having these irregular mood swings.

For example, I cried at the end of The Shining (the 1997 one with Steven Weber from Wings). Who does that? I'm a regular weeper when it comes to movies, but I'm not sure that vrying to Stephen King is normal, unless it's at the Langoleers because the movie was such a waste of made for T.V. time.

Sunday was just terrible with a flood of "I'm alone and have no friends" feelings that weren't helped with my dream where one of my best friends ignored me the whole time.

I came to work tonight in a generally good mood but by the end of the shift I was throughly annoyed and feeling an emotion bordering on melancholy. Even Mike's constant good mood and shining aura didn't seem to lift my spirits as it usually does. My manager came in late and immediatly started telling me that I was doing something wrong because the rules had changed yet again. The number of petty rules that can get you trown out has been mounding up for the last few months and I find many of them pointless and tiresome. And my moodiness caused me to cat out unnaturally. I started arguing with the boss lady about the stupidness of the rules and got even more annoyed when she tried to mollify me with her made up excuses and examples illustrating why it makes sense (I learned a while ago that most of these "illustrations" are just her way of trying to keep the employee happy.). I finally just said, "whatever, I still think it's stupid but there is nothing that I can do about it so I'm going to let it go." But se still felt that she needed to explain herself and was distressed by my obvious change from smiling follower to scowling mutineer.

Oh well, this too shall pass and I will go back to having normal emotions.

And might I just add that it's hard for me to graciously accept the people that my "best friends" are becoming lately...

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Lookin Up!

Okay, I just have to insert this from Dave Barry's 24 Blog which is one of the funniest things on earth and makes up for his not writing a weekly column for the Miami Herald anymore...

"CTU's motto should be 'D'oh!'"

This will not be a 24 entry, but those of you who are watching this season with any regularity should understand.

So, things are going to be better from now on...hopefully. I still, still, STILL can't figure out why I can't enroll for my classes. But all of the ones I am signed up for are still miraculously open.

I am done with ornithology!!! The class that has controlled my entire life for the last few months. I'm pretty sure that I will manage a passing grade (passing being at least a D). But no matter what happens, I am not going to take it again. I will enroll super early next winter semester and get into mammology. I'm done with birds.

In some amazing twist of fate (or rather a twist of me actually doing my work), I managed a 90% out of my research paper(I would have gotten a 95% if I had been able to turn it in on time. CURSE YOU COMPUTER WITH NOT ENOUGH MEMORY!!). I am always amazed at how I am able to pull stuff like this off, it's how it's always been in my English and other writing classes. Maybe their standards are low. Or at least lower than I expect. I would once again like to thank Mr. Stover for making my senior year of high school a living hell so that I can be a competent,I mean writer. Along with that, I think I did pretty well on my Ornithology final. I finished in an hour, which could be awesome or detrimental. I guess I'll have to see, but I felt that I was sufficient in my explanations. And unlike the last two tests, I felt that I actually knew the answers to 98% of the questions. Thank goodness for my procrastinating heart telling me that I have to deny it just this once.

The three finals I still have to take are still looming, but not as much as Ornithology was. I have meteorology this afternoon at 1:00 which I'm not studying for at the moment. But this is my least difficult test. It's only 50 questions multiple choice(like all the other tests), covers two units, and I still have three hours to study for it. It will probably only take me 1.5. Man, I love easy A, entry level classes. I've about used up my quota for those, so I'm basking in the rapidly fading glow.

My other two finals loom more like a cluster of light gray fluffy clouds than an oncoming storm. Not too threatening and I still have plenty of time for study, which I will try very hard mot to put off...but my reserves of determination were almost completely depleted in my ornithology fervor.

Well that's all I got for this week so far. I may take a moment and make note of how I think I did in my other finals, but I may too busy dancing on campus because it's almost the end of another semester!

Over and Out.

Friday, May 4, 2007

Last Days

I cannot express enough in words how lightened my heart is by the fact that three hours from now I will be done with classes for the semester. Finals week is almost a light at the end of this weeks long dark and dank tunnel. (*giggle* I'm making rhythmic patterns on the space key to "Brighter than sunshine" as I think)

After yesterdays soggy dreariness (that left my feet more a prune than they have ever been in my entire life of long baths) the earth smells like memories of Shelter Gardens. Pine, wet earth and a blend of all manner of green things. I could close my eyes and imagine myself elsewhere were it not for the intrusive sounds of campus construction. It seems that I am doomed to be followed by an incomplete state of refurbishment. First Hickman High, now Mizzou. Life in a constant state of costly upgrades.

Several people have told me that I am a good writer. Complements are always encouraging. And I am great full for them If only these people read my more modest self which dwells in the pages of my journal and my black notebook(yes, the black notebook has returned in full force...for some time actually-see December 6th and 7th 2006 entries). It's less than lovely. More of a raw self rather than the polished one I usually present here. Not that I'm not honest here, just in a less random erratic and more eloquent way. Different faces for the same person. I think it's healthy to be a little multi-colored. The same people that tell me that I am a good writer say that I should so more with it. I've tried this before and it usually starts out good and then comes to a screeching halt. It's because I don't have the patience to get through that hard parts. But I think that this summer I'll try again and maybe see it through to some kind of end thins time. Who knows...we'll see.

And I have to mention how sad it made me that on Myspace I'm not even in any of my few friends top 20. I actually don't care that much about Myspace, but I had an irrational wave of unlovedness for a few moments there worth noting because it was so silly of me.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007


You think that after all the grief that I have gone through in life that is attributable to my procrastination, I would have learned my lesson by now. Maybe this time I will remember how awful the last 4 days have been and next time I will get things done as soon as possible. It's just so easy to say that I have months of time and wait to do that research or to actually enroll for next semester. Then it becomes days and then hours.

Have I ever mentioned how much Mizzou tends to piss me off at this time of year? I have all my classes picked out and they are all still open and then I go to enroll and the stupid "new and convenient" myZou system tells me that there is a hold on my account and doesn't even tell me why. So even when I try to get things done it flies back in my face giving me a substantial life bruise and making everything terrible.

I tried to finish my report for my research and the computer tells me that I can't because it ate too much and is full of it.

Will life not be happy again? In the meantime, the days and hours drag on, sneering as they pass by because all I want is night and summer. Driving and trying to catch up with the moon(even this has been taken away from we with gas at $3.85).

I want the warm nights with symphonies of the earth. I want camping and fireworks and lazy, do nothing days. Movies with friends, leisurely breakfasts, waking up and realizing that you have no obligation to be a human being and the cosmos wont be thrown out of alignment if you morph into sloth and spend the day hanging from a tree sleeping. I want good books that I can finish in a week rather than a semester because I have time to read.

It will be here soon. I just have to wade through the crucial ornithology final that determines whether or not I pass the class with a C or a D and zip past the inconveniences that are my other finals. I'm hungry and don't to go to work.

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