Monday, April 30, 2012

On Greenery

Just a short one folks.

Take some time to sit back and drink in the joy of spring.

Starting with the garden that I finally planted!  Yeah it's a little late, but at least it's not never.  


A 5 by 5 square foot garden.  Two pepper plants, one eggplant, 4 tomato plants, a melon hill, 3 basil, two dill, thyme, sage parsley, oregano, stevia, lavender, and lemon verbena.  WOO! 

This just seemed...artistic somehow.  I guess.  And there was a butterfly perfectly perched on that daisy.  

These make me think of Maine, where wild roses grow abundantly.

Sumac, perhaps?

Funny how its hard to motivate myself to get on my bike and ride  but once I get out there, I LOVE it.  

I'd better enjoy it while I can, before the horrid Missouri summer makes my bike rides torture.  

Thursday, April 26, 2012

On Validation and Truth

I apologize in advance for the little rant I am about to allow myself to go on.  

This is me.  This is how I work.  

I write.  I stop.  I get bored.  I read over what I wrote.  I HATE it.  I delete it.  I start over again.

 I wouldn't be surprised if this gets deleted in the next several days.

Though I suppose if anyone is reading it, it does in fact exist.

The truth is, I'm just me.  Nothing more, nothing less.  

I don't expect anyone to find these bits of me interesting or worth looking over.

Here's another truth.  One I've battled with for YEARS.  

While I don't expect validation, I crave it.  I think we, as human beings, all want to be acknowledged.  And what did the blow-up of social media and blog sites do to that desire?  It FED it.  To a monstrous degree.  All of a sudden we are given these outlets with possible opportunities to be validated by people we are not immediately in direct contact with.  SCORES of people, at that!

Is this blog a contradiction?  Of course it is. Because while I  despise the media that stokes the fire of online acknowledgement, I actively participate in it.  I'm not going to give up my Facebook account any time soon.  And I'm not going to stop blogging.  

Because apparently what I have to say is important.  Important enough to toss to the masses of strangers who will never come across it.  

It's a conundrum.

Life is not about silly thoughts and pointless assumptions.  It's not about all those things we WISH we had; that ONE THING that will "make our lives better".

It's about what we are doing with what we have now.  

It's about constant progression.  

This is challenging.  There's no doubt about that.  

It's so easy to forget about progression and just be happy with mediocrity.  With doing the bare minimum to get by.

Where does that get us in the end?

I wish that my TRUE self would listen to this rational self.  I wish I could turn off certain parts of my brain.  

Like the part that says, "I DO want to eat those cookies"

Or the part that wants to keep up with with too many TV shows instead of doing productive things.

Most especially the parts in my brain that feel anxiety over work (specifically the things I still don't know how to do), and the parts that wonder incessantly about how certain other people view me.  

I believe that if I spent less time wondering and more time just "being" and "doing" that I would probably be happier.

I want to become better at the guitar and learn to play the new hammered dulcimer I just acquired (That's right, I now have a HAMMERED DULCIMER.  I can check THAT off my dreams list!).

I want to finish one book a month.

I want to bike to work every day.

I want to (yes I'm going to say it) go one dates.  Learn to be social and balance that with all the other things in my life.  

I want to memorize scriptures.  I want to help my mom and sister do family history work.  I want to be a good member missionary and serve those around me. 

I want to write letters to my friends.  To finally plant my garden.  To be crafty each day.

I want so many things and yet I find myself lacking in each and every one of them.  It makes me wonder just how MUCH I want them.

If I truly wanted them, wouldn't I try harder?

Okay, that's enough for one night.  

Time to ponder how I can fit more into each day.  

Maybe I should stop blogging and save some time THERE....




Far too practical. 

Friday, April 6, 2012

On A Change

I rode my bike again today.

I took the route I'm going to take to my new job.



I'm a Doctor's Assistant at All Creatures Animal Hospital.

It sounds so official, doesn't it?

Interestingly enough, only one building belonging to the United States Army stands between Candlelight and All Creatures.  In fact if I had not applied to All Creatures back in November, I would have never considered  popping over to Candlelight to see if they were hiring at the time.  And I might have been spared.

But all that is neither here nor there.  All Creatures did NOT hire me in November (though my new boss was kind enough to mention to me that the only reason I was not the one they hired was because the next day after my interview in walked someone who knew the software and had worked at another hospital.  I was THIS close!).  And I learned all kinds of patience working at The Lodge.  

Moving on.

I get to wear scrubs.  Not gonna lie, they make me feel pretty rad.

I can't talk about my work.  I COULD tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

The other day I learned how to pluck the hairs off male cat genitals in preparation for a neutering, how to administer a sub-cutaneous injection, what sub-cutaneous means, pull at least 30 ticks off a runaway dog, and restrain a cat that I am pretty sure was possessed by the devil.  Woops.  Now I have to kill you.

There is A LOT to learn.  But I have high hopes and I am tremendously excited.

I love the changing of the seasons and this ride I will take to work (being nearly 5 miles) grants me a detailed look at all there is to see, hear, and smell.  It follows the rambling Bear Creek and it winds through town under the overpasses of Rangeline, Providence, and Garth.  While I get moments of the city, most of my way is surrounded by trees, marsh, and scrubland.

Currently, bursts of purple phlox ornament the green undergrowth.  I spent the ride racing with butterflies as hawks navigate the thermals overhead.  Northern Perulas have started sounding their trilling call. Dandelions, prolific as ever, claim their territory in brilliant yellow.

(The above all sounded lovely in my head.  Now it kind of makes me want to *phert*)

The weather was perfect, and the ride invigorating.

I know waking up early only to take a 50 minute ride to work will take some getting used to, but I am excited to finally be back to spending regular time outside and getting in good exercise.

This could be the perfect turn of events for me.

And just to end things off, here are some pictures I took while I foraged for dandelions and wild onion with Sadie the other day.

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