Saturday, November 27, 2010

On ninja moves and exploding choco.

There are times when a hero is needed. When the darkness of the days demands an explosion of light. Well, this is not that time and I am not that luminous breakthrough.

But I am a ninja.

I bet you didn't know that. Neither did I until last night.

It was a Saturday night just like any other Saturday night. Things were moving along. I was taking tables and making money as always. And just like any other night I reached for a white plastic syrup pitcher. That's when it happened.

I dropped it.

Now you have to understand. The clatter of these plastic pitchers on the tile floor is much like cat claws on a chalkboard to me. It's loud, the pitch is shattering, and it doesn't seem to stop for a whole 5 minutes. I could not, WOULD not suffer through 5 minutes of ceaseless plastic on tile. It's lucky that these plastic pitchers are also rather bouncy. One impact on the right edge and they will reach heights to rival your average 25 cent bouncy ball. Because of this I was able to reach out my hand and catch the wily pitcher before it hit the ground again. In my sudden relief, I loosened my grip and the pitcher fell again. Again I caught it (lucky me) but this time it reached only the tip of my fingers. The smooth white plastic slipped from grasp but I would not let it fall a third time. With that same hand I reached out and grasped wildly. I played a little game of one-handed hot potato for several seconds until the Ninja in me was manifest.

It was all a blur and there is only one witness in the world who can confirm events as they occurred. As I played hot potato the horizontal arc of my arm widened. That is to say, the pitcher was getting farther and farther away from me and my left arm was moving in a kind of semi circle in a counter clockwise fashion horizontal to the ground. As you all know, if you hold your hand out, palm cupped and facing up (I want you to try this. Go ahead, extend those arms!) and then move that arm toward your back not (and not twisting at the waist) it eventually becomes easier to twist your arm around and point your arm so that your palm is facing down. Try it. About the time you get to mid waist flip your arm over and then as you get further still you bend your arm at the elbow and your hand is facing up again. It is this way that we are able to reach those hard to reach places when we scratch our back. Well, that's the route my arm took the last time the pitcher hit my hand. I caught it and in an attempt to keep it in my cupped hand I moved my arm back and bent my elbow. The pitcher was propelled out of my hand at top speed and into an alcove where we keep dishes. It slammed full force into a bowl and that bowl was shattered.

This all happened in about two, maybe three blinks of an eye. It was amazing. No one knew what happened. All they heard was a crash and then they saw was a pitcher lying next to a shattered bowl.

Okay, you had to have been there. But I am a ninja. I promise.

That same night, the coolness I bought with the ninja move was canceled out 10 fold. There was a tiny rush. Not much. I had 3 tables and a 5 top get sat all within 5 minutes. And all the tables seemed to be needy. Needless to say there was much rushing around. One table ordered all hot choco's. But the machine that makes this delicious drink was out of powder and so was producing chocolate colored water. Instead of finding a knife or a pair of scissors, I decided that I could open the bag of hot chocolate powder by holding a side of the bag with each hand and pulling, much like you do a bag of chips. At first there was no give. Then there was a little give and I thought, "piece of cake". But before the "cake" part of that thought was even fully manifest there was an explosion.

An explosion of hot choco powder.

In an instant everything in a 2 foot radius of me was covered in brown chocolaty dusting. I stood there helplessly and in shock for several moments and then my coworker arrived (the one who had witnessed my ninja move). She took one look at me and burst out laughing claiming that I was just making her night. She helped me blow off and dust off as much powder from my uniform as I had time for (if you remember I was running around trying to get things done) when my food came up. So I took it to my table and explained the situation. All were sympathetic as they took in my bepowdered form. My table of very chatty and amusing guys said that I smelled so good that I was not allowed to leave the table. I told them that smelling me would cost them extra.

Needless to say, it was a crazy night and overall not one of the best nights of my life. But it just goes to show that you can't be a ninja and a Sarah Lambson at the same time. It's just one of those scientific laws I suppose.

Monday, November 15, 2010

On being

Sarah sat with her legs dangling over the tiny pink couch in the corner of her room. Could it even be called a couch? The SIZE of the thing. It wasn't even a love seat. But it was there and it was better than lying on her bed.

Little Sadie made a wild jump and barely cleared the gap from the bed to the mini couch. Once there, she settled herself in the space between her loving owners legs.

The song "The loneliness of a tower crane driver" by Elbow sounded from the speakers of Sarah's laptop. She was listening to her "writing music" playlist. As the notes swirled through the cluttered spaces of the room, the ever so slightly emotionally rumpled young woman of the family of Lambson wondered just what she was going to put into her blog entry.

It was another one of those started, deleted, re-started, deleted, re-titled and re-started and edited and deleted and RE-restarted entries. Sarah knew that if she didn't finish an entry once she started one that it would never get published. It was a good thing then that her livelihood was not dependent on her ability to create a witty posts like THIS blogger and THIS blogger.

Even now, she had no idea just where this post was taking her. She wished more than anything that the creative side of her could be awakened again. But the only things she could think to write about was how all her time these days was spent working at Bob's and watching movies and TV shows. The only things occupying her thoughts were how much sleep she would get tonight, considering the altered sleeping arrangements, whether or not her car would live another year, and how in the world she was going to find a life in Maine.

She twirled her hair thoughtfully as the live version of "Newborn" by Muse played through her thoughts. She considered how there were several people close to her who had problems and worries that were much worse than hers. Why complain, really? Her car situation was out of her control and all her other worries, the ones that WERE in her control, she need only worry about as she continued to procrastinate solutions.

As she corrected yet ANOTHER misspelled word, this molder of mediocre motifs (Mmm for short) realized that, yes, she does make a lot of mistakes on this blog. There are a lot of typos, she tends to use commas far too much, she write run on sentences and sentence fragments, and she has no idea how to spell. Thank goodness for those squiggly red lines which are only useful sometimes.

Oooh, oooh, OOOH! Sarah clicked a link in her e-mail to a radio program on the magic of the music of Harry Potter. Her heart soared. She was glad that this episode still existed and hoped that others might take advantage of it, especially since they started off with WILLOW music (Sarah also decided to let readers of this blog know that in order to access the episode if it in fact still exists, they need to click "On Demand" and then "The Score-Edmund Stone" to listen to it).

Oh if only she had just enough money to buy all the Lord of the Rings complete film soundtracks. If only, if only.

Sarah realized she had gotten off track. But really, what was this blog for if not her random thought processes and de-railings. And why would she need to edit her blog entries? It was HER BLOG after all. There for HER benefit first and foremost and only secondarily existing for the readers. You want to read a grammatically correct and blemish free piece of writing? Go to a library, or a bookstore, or any INTELLIGENT persons blog.

"Enough of that," Sarah Thought. "Time to stop this and move on with life. Time to find an online writing exercise and post it on the OTHER blog because I have the time to have TWO unnecessary places to publicly publish my thoughts."

Friday, November 5, 2010

On poor advertising, sugar free drinks.


This entry in no way has anything to do with me or my life. It is simply an opinion and nothing more. If you are reading this blog in the hopes of getting an update of some kind on my humble existence you WILL be disappointed. If you don't care about my views on advertising or sugar free drinks, feel free to spend your time on something more productive.

If, however, you are curious and feel passionately about advertising and sugar free drinks, feel free to read on.

You have been warned.

Here I go.

Have any of you seen those advertisements for digital downloadable movies that Blu-Ray and Fox and other dvd companies are doling out? I tried to find video for them but have been unsuccessful. It's probably just as well because they infuriate me.

Yes, of course, having a digital copy of your movies and TV shows can be great. Mostly because it means that if you DVD ever gets damaged, you still have a copy that show/movie somewhere. But that's not the point. Whether or not responsible people can find productive uses for these digital copies is not the argument. I'm here to talk about advertising. I was watching a movie the other day and FOX was advertising their downloadable digital copies of their movies. Everything was fine at first. This motherly woman was saying that she could download her kids favorite movies to her computer. And her daughter exclaims that she can then download them to her lap-top. Finally this 10 year old hold up an iPod and says he can even download movies to his iPod! How exciting! Then the boy says this means that he can watch his favorite movies whenever he wants-during long car rides, while outdoors, EVEN WHILE PLAYING WITH FRIENDS!!!

Okay, this is where I have a problem. First of all, I don't think a 10 year old needs an iPod touch just like I think kids that age don't need fancy cell phones. More importantly, I am against what these advertisements are suggesting that we do with these digital copies. Similar advertisements from other companies have shown people watching movies on their laptop while they are outside on a beautiful day, during meetings, WHILE THEIR FIRST CHILD IS BEING BORN! Okay, that last one was an exaggeration. But it reminds me of those Windows phone advertisements. I want to say to those actors "Really?" You're watching a movie while you are hanging out with friends? I mean, that iPod is not big enough to share with more than 1 other person, MAYBE. So you can't logically watch the movie with the people you are with. Why would you be hanging out with them if you were going to just watch a movie on your iPod? Why would you watch a movie on your computer outside when you could be going for a walk, or biking, or SOMETHING? If you're at the library, shouldn't you be studying? Then why are you WATCHING A MOVIE!!

In my opinion these advertisements are teaching us the following things:

1. Sloth
2. Anti-social behavior
3. Procrastination
4. Time-wasting
5. Dull-mindedness
6. Media-obsession

Every time I see one of these advertisements, I get angrier and angrier!!

And don't even get me started on the Blu-Ray fad. I DON'T want to have to go and re-vamp my movie collection YET AGAIN!

Okay, that was my big rant.

My next little thing is this:

I love sugar free drinks.

They are wonderful.

That is all.

So. There you have it. My opinion on Downloadable digital copies of movies and sugar free drinks.

I hope you have enjoyed yourselves. If not, don't forget that I DID warn you.

In closing, here is a slightly sad bit of writing I coughed out in November of my Senior year of High School. It was a very angsty time of my life, so don't judge me.


A sleep surrounds in a drowsy blanket, an innocent child lies in the safe soft glow. Protected by it's promise of glad tidings and great joy to all people. A whisper of wishes soon to come true. As I turn in sleep, the child within me is left behind along with glowing lights on a tiny tree upon a desk. A memory of all the sweet and precious things that once were. Each fragile ornament a sugar coated thought of good things all around. But childlike innocence is lost so quickly in the hearts of growing youth. If only we could feel such joy and happiness always. But once, only once a year, can we truly way, "peace and love fill me and all is right with the world."

-Sarah Lambson-11/24/2004

Monday, November 1, 2010

On having nothing to do and still feeling guilty for doing nothing.

Well, I do have some things to do.

I could be filling out a couple applications.

I could be making an appointment to get fingerprinted.

I could be SHOWERING.

I could be unpacking the rest of my things.

I could be calling my future branch president in Maine.

It's a new month. A month to get things done. To be productive. I have limited time here. And how do I spend it? I upload Christmas music onto my computer. I watch the Halloween episode of The Office. I finish watching Chariots of Fire.

Yes, I went on a walk this morning to try and work off all the sweets I had last night.

Yes, I finished my Resume and sent it to the SCA to see if I can get this temp writing position.

Yes, I have been researching election candidates so that I can vote with at least a little education in my opinion.

I have done some things, sure. But it's hard to focus on those things and feel remotely productive when you know there are so many more things you could be doing right now.

Being honest with myself? I don't think I will get fingerprinted today. I will call and set up an appointment for Wednesday.

I don't think I will turn in any applications today. I WILL fill them out, but going to the mall? I don't think so.

I don't think I will get in touch with my Branch President.

I don't think I will get much unpacking done today (maybe some but not all).

The thing is when there is so much empty time in the day it's easy to put things off and say you will get them done later. So why not just DO things? Fill up that empty space?

Honestly, it's because I am lazy. I would much rather sit here and blog and upload Christmas music and hide behind doing research on candidates because that's something I can do and NOT really do anything.

But I have a plan. Things are going to get done. Just not today. I have to spread things over time so that I don't have any empty days before I start working, right? (By the way, I will be working at Bob's again for the two months).

You know, I don't think this would be such a problem for me if I were not living with Mom and Dad who are both the King and Queen of being productive. I see them doing things and wish that I had the ambition to be like them. I'm more like Sadie these days. Hanging out on my bed for the majority of the day.

I miss living in the woods where the only distraction was a beautiful day and the trails all around.

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