Speaking of late, I really should be doing things. There are a lot of things I really should be doing.
Like packing, cleaning, e-mailing, keeping warm, typing up research, finishing my summer summary, you know, things like that.
Instead, here I am. Blogging.
It's a bit chilly. I mostly doing this now because I feel the need to get one post done this morning and then do my usual daily post this evening. Just in case you were wondering what my thought process was.
I remember times when I was bored. Those were the times I was little and it was far to difficult for me to sit through that many hours of people just talking without pretty pretty pictures to keep me distracted. By the way, Fantasia? Brilliance.
I remember times when I tried to listen but didn't always succeed. These were the times when I wanted to be good and knew that it was important to listen to what the prophets, seers, and revelators were saying but it was still too hard to really stay focused because I didn't have the right frame of mind. Was that one sentence? Sorry.
I remember times when I wasn't listening at all. I was there, I knew that what was being said was important, I just didn't care. You know how it is said that your soul can hunger? And then there are those times when your body is hungry, so hungry that you don't notice anymore? These were the times when my soul was so hungry that I had learned to ignore it. And so I didn't try to feed it even though there was a free feast right in front of me. During these times I was present (maybe for one or two sessions) but only heard a talk or two. A phrase here and there. These were the times when conference seemed like one giant guilt trip. The worldly part of me resented this guilt. What should I feel guilty? I haven't done anything that bad. But it was the starved soul that was feeling the guilt. It was crying to be fed and I didn't listen.
And then there are those times (like this past conference) when previous to conference I had been feeding my soul again, not only feeding it, but nourishing it. And so my soul cried out for more. Anything and everything that I could give it because it had been so long since it had been fed. My soul hungered. This hasn't happened to me often, but it is how I have felt for the past month and 1/2. I could not wait for conference because it was another chance to have a spiritual feast. Conference is not meant to be an 8 hour guilt trip. If that's how it feels to me, there are obviously things that I need to change in my life. I think that many of us feel a sting sometime during the conference because there is on thing or another that we have not been doing. That is why the speakers are prompted by the Spirit to speak of what they do. I am so grateful for the things that were spoken. I am grateful for the music that was sung.
Most of all, I am eternally grateful to have had the presence of mind to quit starving my spirit.
I feel more and more strengthened every day.