Wednesday, September 30, 2009

"You're rubbing elbows with the moon..."

So, I know that at least ONE of you noticed the post that I posted last night and then deleted this morning.

I was REALLY stressing last night. But some sleep and before sleep thinking led me to the conclusion that it was not as much of a crisis as I was making it out to be.

I had one of the most vivid and real dreams I think I have had in my life. To make it brief, I will just skip to the part that involved all the emotion.

Before you get all curious, this dream is about Muse.

I was sitting at a table with the three band members. We were at a fancy dinner of some kind watching a video of the band in their early years (man...Chris's hair!). I was sitting next to the main singer Matthew Bellamy. He took the cap off a pen and started trying to poke me with it and mess with me. Joking around. He accidentally scratched me on the forehead with it. Apologizes. We continue to flirt a little. At some point he leans over to me and whispers (in his cute British voice), "You are perfect tonight." I turn away blushing. And I start thinking to myself..."I am awake. There is no way that I am dreaming this. This is real!" My heart is hammering and my face warm. My hand is resting on the table and his is resting only a few inches from mine. My arm is shaking a little. Slowly he moves his hand from the table onto mine. My heart explodes and in that EXACT second, I wake up.

I wake up with the feeling of his hand still on mine. My heart is hammering and my hand is actually shaking. I have never wanted a dream to be real so much in my life! I think that my mind just couldn't cope with the impossibility of the dream and forced me to wake up.


So anyway, about my "crisis". I have recently been freaking out a little concerning the e-mail I got from the New Hampshire Conservation Corps last Friday. They want a phone interview. I set one up.

Now I am having second thoughts. They are mostly centering around my anxiety of being there for 10 months and the thought that as I continue to further my career and education I am not trying very hard to start that other part of my life. A family.

If you would like to call me and talk more about it I would love to have input.

But I am mostly figuring this out.

I don't know why I am freaking out so much especially since I don't even know if I've been accepted yet. When Rhode Island interviewed me over the phone, they said they wanted me at the end. I don't know how many applicants there are for this one, but they accept 30. So I have no idea how likely it is that I will be accepted.

A note on the fathead minnow experiment. There will be another attempt. Probably in November sometime. We will try to spawn the fish at the place we got them from. Then we will transport them back. From there...I am supposed to be working up a specific and set schedule for checking up on them. The theory is that I can work it around my work and class schedule as much as possible.

I have one thing to say about all this. I had better get an awesome letter of recommendation from this guy when I ask for it. Of course...I DID get a D in the class (that was without the project, but I still think that I am looking at a C. Still not good, so would he be the best person to trust with saying what a hard worker I am?).

To those it concerns: I Am now covered the weekend of the 10th. The game plan is this. I will either leave Thursday night and crash somewhere in St. Louis (Em, I know that you are going through a bit of a crisis. I am fine with bringing a sleeping bag and crashing on the floor somewhere) or leave SUPER EARLY Friday morning. The intent is to be in St. Louis early. Like 6:00 ish. Do that I cam do bird counts in the Bellefontaine cemetery and then in the surrounding area around it. (Em, if you feel like you are able you can come along. I don't NEED you too, but I hear it is a fantastic cemetery.) Then I will leave St. Louis and make my way to Carmel where I will meet Elise and hopefully Juli? We will do something. Then I will sleep and early Saturday (6:00am-ish again) I will go to a cemetery in Indianapolis. And then the surrounding area. More bird counts. Then we will drive to Ohio to go to the Bob Evans farm festival. Home that night and church on Sunday and I will be home on Sunday.

Also I now have the next weekend off if there is still a trip being made to the Renn. Fest this year. Last I head the 17th was the weekend we were trying for. Anyway, there's that.

So that is my life right now. Sadie will hopefully be groomed this week. Thursday, I am getting my brand spanking new stereo installed. Lets hope that for the money investment, my car lasts me at least another year or two.

My phone interview is a week from today. Wish me luck, whether that means getting the internship or not.


Tamara said...

Wonderful to hear! And I am glad that I was the ONLY one who read & commented on the post that got deleted! I was thinking about you today...and I'm glad things are getting better. Believe's a hard decision, but if it is right...things will just start falling into place and you'll you're supposed to be there. As for me, that's what happened...and as much as I tried to plan my own life and do it MY WAY, things just ended up in a dead end all the time and never working out. So there you have it. Love you. Know you'll do the right thing. Good luck.

Steven said...

I'll have you know, Chucklespit, that I did read your post and didn't comment for the express purpose that I am going to call you with my thoughts. If you're not working Thursday night, give me a call. Savvy?

Peeser said...

Pray to know what the Lord wants you to do and where He wants you to go... I'm sure that whatever happens, you will grow and become better for it.

That dream sounds pretty amazing- I'm sorry you had to go through the disappointment of waking up- (did I ever tell you about the dream I once had of being engaged to Bruce Willis? A little unusual, I know, but in the dream, it was pretty incredible!)

Hopefully, we will talk tonight about details for next week, but I think your plan sounds fine- I would suggest Crown Hill Cemetary for observing- it's huge, it's incredible, it should have anything you could possibly need/want in a cemetary.

Love you!

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