Please, please, please let me get what I want...

I have to agree with Kirsti. I hate the fact that Stephanie Meyer somehow has access to all of these Muse singles that I can't seem to find anywhere. The title to my post happens to be one of these.

Curse her!!

Plus it fits just a little bit...the feelings that I have had lately. Mostly I am just sitting here waiting for my purpose to make itself known.

But that's my problem. I'm waiting. Sitting. Inactive. I have all these dreams and I am too lazy? afraid? timid? yo make them a reality.

I'm not a generally selfish person. At least I don't see myself in that way. (We all perceive ourselves in our own version of reality. I could be the most selfish person in the world and not see myself that way.) The point is, every once in a while I just wish that things wold happen they way I want them to without any effort.

It's a good things that's not how life works. We are here to learn. To experience. What kind of life would we all have if we got everything we wanted without effort? That's why I am so grateful to my parents for their efforts to make me independent and self sufficient.

I have the temptation to say that today is perfect. And that would be close to the truth so far. One class. It got out early. I walked outside to the realization that I would need a jacket. YES! My favorite time of year. Jacket season. I enjoyed the drive to campus. Class wasn't even as boring as usual. I wondered where Tim was...feel free not to ask about who he is. Now I'm in the computer lab, blogging (my favorite past time. I am so glad to get a longer blog in this week) and listening to Coldplay's Viva La Vida. I'm also reading what exists of Midnight Sun by Stephanie Meyer. The woman I am silently loathing...Hmmm. that word is too harsh. I don't loath her. I don't hate or despise her as a person. I was only severly dissappointed by her attempts at a wonderful close to her slowly sinking Twilight series. Like the Titanic. Only not as epic. reading midnight sun is only a little more bearable because Edwards mind is much more intelligent than Bellas. Getting inside Bella Swans mind is much like getting into the mind of Shakerpeares Juliet. Not worth the time and possibly damaging to the person doind the delving.

Since I'm on the topic of Twilight, I'm going to make one more comment before I get into a real rant. When edward first sees Bella, his reaction is that she is a normal human girl. Just like everyone else. Nothing special. She doesn't particularly attract him. The only reason he first finds her interesting is because of the fact that he cannot read her mind. It's not until he smells her that he first becomes obsessed. A chemical reaction. Nothing more. It's similar to a physical lustful attraction. Not healthy. Nothing about the relationship between Edward and Bella is healthy. It's Romio and Juliet all over agian. Only this time Meyer is not writing to create adversion to that type of love. She ultimatly condones it. Blah!

I can go on. But why ruin this wonderful day?

There is a blemish on what would otherwise be a nice reprive from horrible Monday. My two hour shift at Bob Evans. Lately there has been very little business on Tueadsy afternoons. Guess what that means for yours truely? I waste gas and two hours of my day for maybe 8-12 dollars. Hardly worth the time. I'm trying to get the shift changed from 2-4 to 2-4, break, 5-cut. We'll see how that goes.

Another good note...I get to take Trissie on a walk this afternoon. That's always a wonderful thing. I miss getting to see her every day.

On the topic of pets, I am starting to adapt to my two new additions. Eunice and Howard, the zebra finches are now fairly close to their full size. Howard is sufficiently handsome in his 'look at me!' plumage. Eunice is drab in comparison. Not only do Howards feathers say 'I am awesome and you want me', his vocalizations imply something to the same effect. He is a little noisy while Eunice perches by, quietly most of the time. They could almost serve as my alarm clock. They awake at almost the same time every morning. 7:30-ish. Their beeps wake me up. But I'm accustomed enough to them now that I can just roll over and go back to sleep. They are darling little things.

I was reading some old enlgish papers and such from high school. I was surprised at how well written and insightful some of them were. What happened? I know that writing comes easrier to me than it does to some. I am greatful for that. But I am sadly out of practice. I miss writing. I wish I had more time to really put effort into it. My other blog is a sad collection of 19 entries. I want to be plugging away at the stories that swirl in my mind throughout the day. Some of them have real potential. But I just dont have room for their plots and complexities this semester. My brain is filled with massive papers, presentations, limnology facts I dont understand, boring botany and of course, work.

Not to mention my new calling!

I am now the ward enrichment leader. I was surprised when bishop posed the question to me. Would I accept the call? Of course. I just find it interesing that this is where Father wants me to be. I'm really going to miss being a Sunday School teacher. but maybe I've had my chance to grow from the experience and now it's another persons turn. I'll find my place in my new calling. I just hope I can perform my best at it. It seems like one of those callings that requires a lot of planning and no procrastination. We all know thats not the way I work. And thats probably why I was called.

Well, this post made me happy. I feel a lot better than I did in my last post. So I will close with what started my last post.

I am so greatful for the family I have. I am constantly reminded that there are peoplein the world who dread seeing their flesh and blood. I can't WAIT for Beckie to come home. I love the holiday season when we all get a chance to some together. I'm going to miss that when we eventually all start going our own ways and spend time with our own growing families. I am do gereatful for the relationship I share with everyone of my siblings. Especially for the bond that is growing between me and Kirsti. Not to single her out (too late) but for the longest time we had the typical big sister, little sister thing going on. We fought over every little thing. We hardly got along. It was stressful for us both. But I find it easy and fun now to spend time with her.

I'm glad that our whole family has matured enough that we realize how much fun we can have together. I'm glad we aren't bickering over what book belongs to who anymore. I'm glad to have the constant support of everyone in my family. And I am eternally greatful for such wonderful parents from whom I have learned so much.

Okay, enough of that. It's about time for lunch.

I am glad for everyone who comes and visits me here on my blog and I love your comments. Especially the ones that pop in every once in a while (thanks for your comments Genny!)

So I will close this post in good humor and anticipating a pretty good day.