tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974490144171545442024-02-20T00:55:35.997-08:00The Exploration of IdentityThe place where I go to find myself again when I am lost. My Zen garden if you will.Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.comBlogger351125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-40850733791321186482020-02-03T20:36:00.000-08:002020-02-03T20:36:08.703-08:00The Monarch Story<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
In case you hadn't heard, for me the spring and summer of 2019 was pretty preoccupied by monarch butterflies. These well known Lepidoptera* have relatively recently become a species of concern and work well as a poster species for rousing the general public into supporting pollinators. </div>
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Their numbers have been in decline for the last several decades due to habitat loss/fragmentation, pesticides and herbicides on the food they eat, and as is often the case, climate change. </div>
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Here I would like to chronicle a little project that we took upon ourselves here at Ogden Nature Center</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF1CtVbV0GUuy8yWecKIPb2_whz5hb5DZofweRmK-9rxf-LyGyHtMUz637eo0osUVFFMIoMlmb2GXSu9ifxRJ8H6ZhGLuIJFDRPG-Btc3_rK5lTSAd9LKACGsR-F9uA3G2bc89jh1akxP2/s1600/IMG_8509.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF1CtVbV0GUuy8yWecKIPb2_whz5hb5DZofweRmK-9rxf-LyGyHtMUz637eo0osUVFFMIoMlmb2GXSu9ifxRJ8H6ZhGLuIJFDRPG-Btc3_rK5lTSAd9LKACGsR-F9uA3G2bc89jh1akxP2/s640/IMG_8509.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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<i>Two little girls who frequent the nature center quite a bit, helping us release one of the butterflies we raised. </i></div>
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<i>*Lepidoptera-order of insects that include moths and butterflies</i></div>
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In March of this year we did a teacher workshop on monarch butterflies and how to teach about them in the classroom. It was a interdisciplinary workshop, combining science and art. It was free and one of the benefits was that at the end you got a certificate good for 5 free monarch butterfly caterpillars and milkweed to raise in your classroom with your students. </div>
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Fast forward to the end of summer, right before the school year started. We got 30 milkweed plants and about 150 of the teeniest, tiniest caterpillars. I wish I could have captured just how small they were when they were hatched! Their eggs are no bigger than the head of a pin so imagine how small the caterpillars would have to be coming out of that!</div>
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As it is I did take some pictures of their growth progress. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-PMQcnmMQPvD7UsJWnVvEREadkRRPKIaKrWaWKV51eMJ3yG6EEqSHPsE34f2FlIMX6a1b6hnbFzdZNBkKz5rku-ngMlpAZpm3rD-trWnI4pX14oD7GQd2qzT29eisVUu6kJmazUgK50fE/s1600/IMG_8212.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-PMQcnmMQPvD7UsJWnVvEREadkRRPKIaKrWaWKV51eMJ3yG6EEqSHPsE34f2FlIMX6a1b6hnbFzdZNBkKz5rku-ngMlpAZpm3rD-trWnI4pX14oD7GQd2qzT29eisVUu6kJmazUgK50fE/s640/IMG_8212.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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<i>Caterpillars were probably about 5-7 days old at this point. </i></div>
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<i>So cute!! See how many you can spot in this picture. </i></div>
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Not all the teachers actually came and got their monarch caterpillars so we at the nature center were able to experience raising about 15 of them. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD-mULp7bd127asUI1Uo0j4JHQ4tPxMcfWNpx9SF4tZHWZBkL0ZpLiUYBUg5W96aCl1nXr-MXxRB5FH5hMrYDJ5GoVzG6ANfveBhiAfkO88cCtvy1Tcii7hMWdbmXBEuSKvgMmq1t9Hohj/s1600/IMG_8216.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD-mULp7bd127asUI1Uo0j4JHQ4tPxMcfWNpx9SF4tZHWZBkL0ZpLiUYBUg5W96aCl1nXr-MXxRB5FH5hMrYDJ5GoVzG6ANfveBhiAfkO88cCtvy1Tcii7hMWdbmXBEuSKvgMmq1t9Hohj/s640/IMG_8216.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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<i>About a week and a half old here. Maybe closer to 2 weeks. </i></div>
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I would check on them every day to make sure that they had plenty of milkweed to eat and that they were all growing ok. It was really magical watching them grow.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPFfVfMPhgi18HJ5sW6XAtXrylRHTBM3AQ5meN73b4K_l23l1l89WqccoONDlM6g7PyWhL6TSc63fltgjBH_9G0CFW4BFMY1pkUbgn7Mq_xyiPRTELDjw-fs9yRnwEUVgCH4aAZsrcrgC2/s1600/IMG_8296.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPFfVfMPhgi18HJ5sW6XAtXrylRHTBM3AQ5meN73b4K_l23l1l89WqccoONDlM6g7PyWhL6TSc63fltgjBH_9G0CFW4BFMY1pkUbgn7Mq_xyiPRTELDjw-fs9yRnwEUVgCH4aAZsrcrgC2/s640/IMG_8296.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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<i>2.5-3 weeks old. </i></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-rQVgH6M7NOP4TaZoUFdXWnQVfw8yDwTL8CHsoPdgxKjKtMimIdeea5bxZvhoQDjSJyaV8e5XCeIfM7RNnlA7jueeY9iK3WXBWUdLBKwWl1rK8QUuSSUK3zCJbYPDAr1V2TfzCIk9BwEe/s1600/IMG_8265.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-rQVgH6M7NOP4TaZoUFdXWnQVfw8yDwTL8CHsoPdgxKjKtMimIdeea5bxZvhoQDjSJyaV8e5XCeIfM7RNnlA7jueeY9iK3WXBWUdLBKwWl1rK8QUuSSUK3zCJbYPDAr1V2TfzCIk9BwEe/s640/IMG_8265.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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<i>3.5-4 weeks old. </i></div>
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After about 4 weeks and LOTS of milkweed later they were full grown and ready for the next stage. Once a caterpillar has eaten it's fill and is ready to pupate it will create a little silken platform on a leaf (or in our case the top of the mesh enclosures we had them in). They then hang from this silken platform and form a "J" shape. </div>
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<i>A caterpillar just about ready to pupate. </i></div>
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A fact that not all know is that in the next stage while it grows wings and completes metamorphosis, butterflies don't form a cocoon. Moths are the ones that spin cocoons around themselves while they change. The picture below is actually just the exoskeleton of the pupa form of the caterpillar. Not a cocoon. It's called a chrysalis. </div>
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocWgSgMGxOc">Here</a> is a pretty neat video of the process. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMcgLWzAxwiSmCJpEz3lypIVp6Wqo8sP2ZU9-nMwDzUPqpu94NIT5wE0Nm4QXVLtg8RIT0Mcqm9ZALw5ZE2OSOS_-Rc2v64vgFd8dXrrbs3RAQQkMFGhrMgFgfKwvOKtSy5hj7iR8eChL3/s1600/IMG_8368.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMcgLWzAxwiSmCJpEz3lypIVp6Wqo8sP2ZU9-nMwDzUPqpu94NIT5wE0Nm4QXVLtg8RIT0Mcqm9ZALw5ZE2OSOS_-Rc2v64vgFd8dXrrbs3RAQQkMFGhrMgFgfKwvOKtSy5hj7iR8eChL3/s640/IMG_8368.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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<i>The caterpillar will stay in the pupal stage for about 4 weeks before emerging. They are called "monarch" butterflies because of the golden "crown" that is seen at the top of the chrysalis. </i></div>
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Just before they are ready to emerge, the chrysalis turns black and you can begin to see the distinct pattern of the butterfly come through. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWQbdWLtveSPKCWRomGB-0GPRTQqIgSrqfOTw2ElfmZ3LldYFnqbkfxp5GzZJt5FesfLH3RDGtMgHQSQZp64XXCWkS24CYnuHyh9h1oQPGBlGmBtWmp_LTwMSIqwx2f2IpzqYENyFlzAP5/s1600/IMG_8374.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWQbdWLtveSPKCWRomGB-0GPRTQqIgSrqfOTw2ElfmZ3LldYFnqbkfxp5GzZJt5FesfLH3RDGtMgHQSQZp64XXCWkS24CYnuHyh9h1oQPGBlGmBtWmp_LTwMSIqwx2f2IpzqYENyFlzAP5/s640/IMG_8374.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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<i>These two have less than 24 hours before they will emerge. </i></div>
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Then right before they come out the chrysalis will turn clear. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOwOQq2ASv09H-wEaSSReOJr-EPNyQj243PmR1CL_ezO5SzmDzgoh4i-yr6Dchj56ivN28pOq0Qm86iCBdB3suKqakcfR5dHp7B1LSDHyo1yNoD4WhzZM8dYxuQ7HXqgCsAVrltwUsvdLL/s1600/IMG_8363.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOwOQq2ASv09H-wEaSSReOJr-EPNyQj243PmR1CL_ezO5SzmDzgoh4i-yr6Dchj56ivN28pOq0Qm86iCBdB3suKqakcfR5dHp7B1LSDHyo1yNoD4WhzZM8dYxuQ7HXqgCsAVrltwUsvdLL/s640/IMG_8363.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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<i>In only a few hours this butterfly will emerge. </i></div>
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<i>If you look near the tip of this butterflies abdomen there are two symmetrical little black spots on the veins. This indicates that it is a male butterfly. </i></div>
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We released them as they hatched which was also quite a magical process. </div>
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<i>If you look near the tip of the abdomen on this butterfly you will see it does not have the black spots that the male has. </i></div>
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<i>Another butterfly with the spots indicating a male. </i></div>
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I just wanted to share a little bit of the magic and one of the many and multiplying reasons I love my job.</div>
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Sure there is stress and frustration and exhaustion as there will be in most jobs.</div>
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But at Ogden Nature Center, I get to counteract that stressful stuff with moments of childlike wonder. </div>
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Whether it's watching children make a connection and have the time of their lives discovering animal tracks, or it's me chasing after insects or spotting a bird, or crossing paths with deer, it's a relief and rejuvenation.</div>
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And I adore it.</div>
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Here in the dead of winter, I am already anticipating the warm months of sunshine and new life.</div>
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<br />Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-85704414811140715902019-12-04T08:45:00.003-08:002019-12-04T08:45:49.411-08:00My A B C's of Gratitude<div style="text-align: center;">
This all begins on a Monday. The Monday before Thanksgiving, to be precise.<br />
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It was cold and snowing in a way that wasn't pleasant for anyone. I had been at work since 7:00 am and didn't have a prayer of being done until at least 5:30. I had to drive through snow and traffic to schools 1 hour away. I was to teach 4 different 1 hour long presentations to cooped up first graders who weren't getting outdoor recess and were super excited for their upcoming holiday break. </div>
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Needless to say I was in a "just make it through" kind of mood. Not a good way to start the week. </div>
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But then this thing happened that I didn't expect and flipped my whole day. </div>
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I was already out of sorts for the first class of the days for many reasons, the main one being the teacher wasn't prepared because she didn't read my email. But they started their day off as usual, with the singing of the national anthem and the pledge of allegiance.</div>
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Then this school did something I've not seen at other schools. Over the intercom came a voice form the front office saying it was time for "Mindful Monday". I was already in front of the class ready to teach when they started this. I didn't want to just sit their awkwardly in front of them so I participated. The voice had them place a hand over their heart and their stomach and began some basic, calming breathing exercises. Relaxing them. I realized as I sat breathing and listening to the voice as it told me to relax my shoulders and face that I was actually pretty tense. So I breathed and I relaxed. This exercise lasted maybe 5 minutes. </div>
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And at the end of it I felt better. </div>
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The best part is that before she signed off, the voice told the students to try and think of their thankful A B C's. Think of something you are thankful for beginning with each letter of the alphabet. </div>
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I loved this idea. Both of the thankful A B C's as well as the mindfulness Monday.</div>
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I don't take enough time in my life to be mindful. To sit and just be still. To not only relax my body but to relax my mind. </div>
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So, in light of the holidays, I want to share my own A B C's of gratitude. </div>
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This is not an exhaustive list of all the things I'm thankful for...also it's longish. So be ready.<br />
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Here we go!</div>
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<b>A: Abundance</b></div>
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I grew up in a life where things were sometimes tight. There were a lot of us kiddos. But my parents did everything they could to make sure we had the necessities. We were never wanting. We had food, a roof over our heads, books to read, toys to play with, and even a pet or two. Maybe my clothes were hand me downs, maybe our milk was made of powdered milk mixed with water. Some nights we had "mung" for dinner (macaroni noodles, ground beef, onions, tomato sauce) because it was what we had. </div>
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But it was enough. And we were never left wanting. </div>
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The first year of my life in Utah was one of the hardest of my life. There were a lot of reasons for this but one of them was the fact that I could barely make ends meet. There were times I worried where my food was going to come from and my income was desperately dependent on the generosity of the people at the tables I was waiting on. Very rarely have I lived a life so strained. </div>
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And so now I am thankful that while I am not rolling in cash, I have enough for what I need and enough extra to start building up my savings again and start paying off debts. I have enough that I don't have to work two jobs. What a tremendous blessing. </div>
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<b>B: Bones</b></div>
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No, not skeletons silly. </div>
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Simply put, I'm thankful for my dog (don't worry not just the one, the other one will come up later). The pup that I hadn't planned to get at the shelter but the one who changed my life for the better. </div>
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He has been and continues to be one of the best dogs I've ever had. He's cuddly, sweet, affectionate, playful, smart, and listens to me. The perfect partner, eh? Except for the fact that he's a dog.<br />
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I adore this silly boy and I am thankful for him daily.<br />
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<b>C: Camaraderie </b><br />
Specifically the kind that I find at work. I'm typically the kind of person who can get along with most people, but I've worked many jobs where there were people where I just had a hard time handling in large doses. Overall it was rare for me to make friends that I spent a lot of time with outside of work.<br />
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At my current job at the nature center, I have finally found my true niche. I'm working with people who have similar ideals and ambitions as me. People who will nerd out about nature just as much as me. People who love to educate and who are basically dorky and quirky and my kind of people.<br />
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I paint with Susan and Hailey, I nature journal with Brent and Susan, I jam tunes with Lauren and Brent, I play Dungeons & Dragons with Daniel and Lauren, I go hiking with any and all of them. I find that not only do I enjoy working with all my coworkers but I really enjoy spending time with them outside of work. That is something that has been missing in my life and I am thankful for it.<br />
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<b>D: Dungeons and Dragons </b><br />
I've had friends who play Dungeons and Dragons and I've sat in on a couple sessions. I even played once. But I was not invited back into that campaign (which made sense, they were in the middle of it). I didn't really meet anyone for years after that who played. Then I met Daniel when we both started work at the nature center. He turned me onto a trio of comedian brothers who had a D&D podcast and shortly after invited me to join a new campaign he was starting.<br />
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It's been a fun adventure where I get to stretch and flex my creativity and it's been a blast full of snacks and side splitting laughs and I love that he helped me really get into it. I don't know what I'm going to do when my other adventurers leave next year!<br />
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<b>E: Environmental Education</b><br />
In a nutshell, I love my job and the kind of work that I get to do. I've found my passion and I couldn't be happier with where this job is taking me right now.<br />
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I'm thankful for all the places that have fanned the flame of my love for environmental education. I'm thankful for a field that seeks to get people passionate and learned about the natural world around them.<br />
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Thank goodness I found my calling.<br />
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<b>F: Friends and Family</b><br />
I have so many great friends and family that I can't list them all without taking pages and pages. But while I do get along with most people as I said before, I am particular about the people I become close to and let see the deeper side of me. I am so grateful for the friends I have that still like me for me, flaws and all.<br />
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My family is stuck with me and have to love me no matter what and everything. But what I am really grateful for when it comes to them is the fact that we all actually still get along and really enjoy one another's company. This is also the case for my extended family. The more I learn of the world the more I find that this isn't always true and is becoming more of rare thing. I love and adore my family and can't wait to spend eternity with them.<br />
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<b>G: The Gospel of Jesus Christ</b><br />
I don't know if I can put into words that express how important having Jesus Christ as my exemplar is to me and my life. It shapes who I am on the surface as well as on a deeply spiritual level. I believe that one of the most important reasons for being in this existence for a little blip of time is to improve ourselves and improve the world around us, leaving it better than when we came to it. I fully believe that following the example of our savior and brother enables us to do this and brings joy and peace along the way.<br />
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<b>H: Health</b><br />
I know that I am not the most healthy person in the world. I need to lose weight. I really need to stop eating so much sugar.<br />
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But all in all I have been in good health. I have far less to worry about than others and while it may not last, for that I am grateful. Hopefully I'll get my act together this coming year.<br />
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<b>I: Intelligence</b><br />
This is not a humble brag. I'm not trying to flout my "intelligence". I am thankful to be a human being who is capable of intelligent thought. I can make my own decisions and have the agency to do so. Yay for being sentient!<br />
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<b>J: Jude</b><br />
Before you become confused, Jude is my car. I've had him for 7 years, he's over 10 years old, and he's gotten me through lots of scrapes and adventures and is still going strong. I may not take care of him as well as I could, but he always gets me where to go. And I still love the great gas mileage! I've been there and back again and there again and back again so many times. He's taking a beating but is still there for me. Thanks Jude!<br />
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<b>K: Kindness</b><br />
There have been so many tender mercies in my life provided by amazing people who have been put in my life. Strangers, as well as dear friends, have reached out to me just when I needed it. Kindness is such a valuable virtue and commodity. I wish we saw it more on this planet we call home, but every time I do see it whether personally or via the internet, my faith that humanity is inherently good is restored. I still have faith in people and I try to hold to that.<br />
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<b>L: Lily</b><br />
There we go! We got to Lily eventually. Lily has been...an adventure to say the least. I will be the first to admit that getting her was not my smartest move. I was not ready for a second dog. But once I commit to something I stick with it. So I stuck it out with her. Through all the stress, the messes, the frustrations, the hard move to Utah, I never gave up on her. She is still a wild child and so much more of a challenge than Bones. But I have learned so much with her. She is SO affectionate and silly and playful and she always knows how to make me laugh and cheer me up. I don't know now what I would do without her (well...maybe get a cat but SHHHHH DON'T TELL HER THAT!)<br />
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<b>M: Music</b><br />
I could go on and on about music. Whether it's a film soundtrack, or the new Coldplay album, the Tabernacle Choir, or Muse...music feeds my soul. Not just music I listen to but music I learn and perform. I have been feeling the music void in my life of late and hope that in the near future I can find the time to join a community choir and maybe even perform at open mic night with my co-worker, Brent. Music is magic and I am so lucky to have parents who taught me a little about how to appreciate and wield that magic.<br />
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<b>N: Nature</b><br />
This one might seem obvious. To anyone who knows me I am an avid lover of nature. But it's so much more than that. Among the beauty, the quiet, the tumult, the curiosities, the richness of nature, I feel whole. I feel peace. I feel wonder. More than anything else in the world, nature makes sense. It draws me in. It heals me when I need it the most. It touches and inspires me in ways that just about nothing else does. It's my life and livelihood, and it is one of my passions. I am thankful to live in such a diverse world where amazing things and places exist. <br />
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<b>O: Ogden</b><br />
Just the other day I was walking along Ogden's hot spot, 25th street, in all its festive splendor when I realized something: I love where I live. Of the few places I've lived in or experienced in Utah, Ogden has the most personality without feeling overwhelming. It's the place that feels the most like my home back in Missouri. There's always something to do whether it's trivia, open mike, art walks, baking classes, knitting classes, painting classes, cool seminars on the college campus, minor league baseball games, college football games, etc. etc.etc. I could keep going on. The farmer's market here is pretty darn amazing, 25th street is eclectic and has many fun places to visit and delicious places to eat. Ogden loves its history and is all about creating a fun place for college students and families alike.<br />
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It is a place of beauty, of experience, of fun. It has this low key, relaxed vibe that lets you feel like you can be who you want without judgement.<br />
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I am thankful for Ogden and for finding a place that I can feel at home.<br />
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<b>P: Painting/Photography</b><br />
I've always wanted to be more artistic. It's a skill that so many of my family members have developed even going back to grandparents and possibly further. So over the past several months I have been trying to develop those skills. I only have a phone camera, some cheap acrylics, and a want to do better. It's been fun and maybe someday it will be a more marketable skill but for now I'm just really loving the experience and the hobby of it all. I'm thankful to have a creative outlet.<br />
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<b>Q: Quirks</b><br />
I love that individuality of humans. Little things that make us unique. I love that one of my coworkers sings random out of tune songs about the avocado he brought for lunch. I love that my other coworker says my name in the voice of David Bowie's Goblin King from Labyrinth every time she sees me. I love the different, random quirks of my two dogs. I love the distinctly different way every single one of my immediate and extended family members are quirky and yet it's a quirkyness I can see in all of us that defines us as family.<br />
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Also I'm thankful for the work "quirk" itself because its fun. <br />
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<b>R: Repentance</b><br />
Where justice, love, and mercy meet.<br />
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Repentance is something I can still hardly grasp, but it gives me hope which is something we could all use a little more of in this world.<br />
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Without the perfect sacrifice of my Brother and Savior, I would be helpless. Lost in darkness without anything to hold onto.<br />
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I still feel that way sometimes. There are days, weeks, months where I have felt I am drowning, drifting, careening our of control. But HE is always there to pull me back. For that, I owe my life and eternal soul.<br />
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<b>S: Singing</b><br />
Ok, a little less heavy now. Something I have been so thankful for in my life is singing. From a young age it's brought me happiness. Heavenly Father saw fit to give me a voice to laud him with and I do so gladly as often as I can. I've loved performing in choirs, small ensembles, solos, in the car, with friends, etc. Singing fills my heart and has, at times, seemed to thin the veil between this mortal existence and the next. I miss singing in a choir and I hope to remedy that hole within me soon.<br />
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<b>T: Tears</b><br />
I am thankful for happy tears, for tears that come with mercy. I am thankful for the swelling within me that has no words, but its a burning that confirms to me the truthfulness of all things and with it the wetting of my eyes. I am thankful for the movie tears, the music tears, the laughing so hard you cant breathe tears.<br />
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But I am also thankful for the tears of anguish, of pain, of loss, of feeling utterly alone in a black abyss. I'm thankful for the ugly tears, the quiet tears, the tears no one sees, the tears that only the closest ones to you see.<br />
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Without the tears of sadness and hurt, we wouldn't be able to understand and appreciate the tears of joy. I am thankful to be a person who feels and who expresses those feelings by leaking out of my eyes.<br />
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<b>U: Utah</b><br />
I didn't want to move here. Did you know that? I had said to myself many times over while I searched for jobs that I would never go to Utah. How foolishly stubborn I was. I said that and searched for over 5 years before I humbled myself and finally, truly considered it.<br />
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Do I believe I could have found myself happy with a job elsewhere? Yes. But my journey took me here. It took A LOT of courage, a lot of acceptance, and in the end it was really hard. But I made it here.<br />
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For now I am <i>still</i> here. And for now I love it.<br />
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There's plenty <i>not</i> to love but whats the use in focusing on that? Here there is adventure and beauty beyond compare. Here there are new things to be learned and new experiences to be had. Here there is family who I would love to know better. Here there are mountains to climb, valleys to explore, wonders I haven't conceived of yet.<br />
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And here? Here it's a dry heat. Thank goodness for that.<br />
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<b>V: Veterans</b><br />
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I would be an ungrateful person indeed if
I didn't mention those who have fought and died for what they believed
in. I am thankful for all those willing to stand up for goodness, even if
it was the hard decision. I'm thankful for those who defended their
country even if it might not have been the best decision the country
made. I am thankful for those who have courage I will never know.
Discipline I will never have. My heart aches for those who have fought
and died in war or battle. I know war can and will still come. I am
thankful for those who are willing to take up the banner to defend those who
cannot defend themselves.<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b>W: Work Ethic</b><br />
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Really this is just me being thankful for
my parents. Since I can remember they had me out there helping do the
work that needed to be done. I was always taught how to take care of
myself even if I didn't need to. I was taught to finish what you start
and to stay dedicated and work hard. This is a virtue that has become somewhat tarnished over the years. So I am thankful to have been raised by parents who instilled a strong work
ethic in me. I wouldn't be where I am without it. <span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b>X: Xylophones</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Ok, ok. I'll admit. X was
hard. I promise I didn't pick Xylophone because it was the only X word I
could think of. Those who know me know I have, in the past, been a
percussionist. It's one of my favorite things about me because it made me
stand out. In Jr. high, being the only female in the percussion section,
I often got landed with the instruments the boys thought were too girly for
them to play. The glockenspiel, the xylophone, the chimes, etc. It
helped that I knew piano. Because of that it was something that I became
really good at in Jr. High and going into High School. I feel that talent
defined me. Keyboard percussion instruments are still my favorite because
you can express so much with them. And they just sound fun. I'm thankful
for their existence and that I got to learn to play them. I hope to own
one someday and get those chops back into shape.<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b>Y: Yummy things</b><br />
It would be silly of me not to mention the fact that the world is full of so many uniquely delicious things! One of my favorite things is to try new foods, new recipes, new restaurants. I am thankful to have a mouth that wants to eat new things and loves most things. It is the time of the season to eat so many wonderfully familiar and rich foods and treats but actually right now I am most thankful for one of the best restaurants I have been to in a long time. It's this little Korean place in Ogden and if you are ever in the area, we have to go!<br />
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<b>Z: Zillion</b><br />
I am thankful for about a zillion other things but this post has already run really long. But here are a few simple things I want to mention:<br />
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Lovely smelling wax melts<br />
Space heaters<br />
Soft throw blankets<br />
Fuzzy socks<br />
Hot herbal tea<br />
Creativity and inspiration<br />
Cuddles<br />
Good movies<br />
Good books<br />
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A good life.<br />
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Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-12616933610115523672019-04-06T12:03:00.001-07:002019-04-06T12:03:04.472-07:00Two Weekends of Tracy Aviary<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
It's the beginning of a new month. One of my favorites. Not because it holds my birthday or, often, Easter. I love it because it is usually a better tell of the first true signs of spring. </div>
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I love spring in full swing but there is something special about the first few weeks (not the random and annoying surprise snow storms). </div>
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There's something new, fresh, and wonderful when you get your first whiff of a new season. Spring smells green and earthy and newly damp. </div>
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I love the warmer days that are still cool. </div>
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I love the puffy clouds that hold the promise of life giving moisture. </div>
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I love the first flowers and the songs of birds and frogs as they blend together in a symphony of new life. </div>
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I even love transitioning from thick hearty soups and rich, winter food to pasta salad, green salad, fresh ingredients, fresh herbs and veggies. Berries tasting more in season. </div>
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And something new I've come to love are the mountains covered in snow but feeling the sun shine on me down below. </div>
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I think mountains were meant to be clothed in snow. They are nice in their own way in the other seasons, but late fall, winter, and early spring is where they really shine. </div>
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While I personally have made it my goal to move out of Utah after several years and start trying to head for new England again, I find myself falling for the mountains. </div>
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And with my goal this year of hiking all the peaks in the Ogden area by the end of the year, I fully expect to love them even more. </div>
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They may be the undoing of my plan and I might just find myself unable to leave them. </div>
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We shall see, mountains, we shall see. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvj9iB2svBsV8oQXcNw-QHTVDZrL2v_ixMVn_HZhWxn9NomCIeAi8ag4Xuc46RK3NYOaKyi_gM8VKs8lFDq2TN07ZepXxviBuo1FwksyGyeprFOJWEH_DhGAj3yC3h0RJx8lC2kY_bn-5_/s1600/IMG_6744.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvj9iB2svBsV8oQXcNw-QHTVDZrL2v_ixMVn_HZhWxn9NomCIeAi8ag4Xuc46RK3NYOaKyi_gM8VKs8lFDq2TN07ZepXxviBuo1FwksyGyeprFOJWEH_DhGAj3yC3h0RJx8lC2kY_bn-5_/s640/IMG_6744.HEIC" width="640" /></a></div>
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Along with the nicer weather has been this insatiable urge to get out more. No more snuggling against the cold and telling myself it's ok to be lazy because it's dark and icky outside. </div>
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Two weekends in a row I went to Tracy Aviary, my old summer stomping grounds. It was wonderful and I loved being back there. Allow me to share some pictures of the first week. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHg2Xyk1-z-nNd2ayn7Tpo9XbcEmURZMGqIm8iueKdSc0VS_oRNVHg8trwN6QQLu4dWGknNntJUAuMqGWS4vV6MI8eyvOzBW6gf_E5vTwF6hyphenhyphen04ff5jm_Muf2mAqCZNcq-B9RKX0h26lgN/s1600/IMG_6759.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHg2Xyk1-z-nNd2ayn7Tpo9XbcEmURZMGqIm8iueKdSc0VS_oRNVHg8trwN6QQLu4dWGknNntJUAuMqGWS4vV6MI8eyvOzBW6gf_E5vTwF6hyphenhyphen04ff5jm_Muf2mAqCZNcq-B9RKX0h26lgN/s640/IMG_6759.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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American White Pelican</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIFpORz4hg4oO1gwImHGb_AZfHyrb-e6tTX-OGYBz6iM0tDdzobr7Y_CKWkX8euYy0wJ9x-Geyvts8_Cte2VC5M4BQXLKGpxeq8Va_OfRz6blcCCUo2X11shU5zBa9FpPw1-OqyT9w5-4Y/s1600/IMG_6766.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIFpORz4hg4oO1gwImHGb_AZfHyrb-e6tTX-OGYBz6iM0tDdzobr7Y_CKWkX8euYy0wJ9x-Geyvts8_Cte2VC5M4BQXLKGpxeq8Va_OfRz6blcCCUo2X11shU5zBa9FpPw1-OqyT9w5-4Y/s640/IMG_6766.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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Green-naped pheasant pigeon</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-aTfp0Ox2mUcZRPFKgKYZGhL1azbx0lbnzCxF3jujBIszQzbSfcs-MsSIaCjAnXHAKlqFzTLx55X5YlYlpE1hcaDYjzJeVpXfsqr5HZ5d-5KcVsjGH_-cj-Ti0moXGZRtDQ1byhnvgG30/s1600/IMG_6769.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-aTfp0Ox2mUcZRPFKgKYZGhL1azbx0lbnzCxF3jujBIszQzbSfcs-MsSIaCjAnXHAKlqFzTLx55X5YlYlpE1hcaDYjzJeVpXfsqr5HZ5d-5KcVsjGH_-cj-Ti0moXGZRtDQ1byhnvgG30/s640/IMG_6769.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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Hooded Pitta</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio7Ww1Vs1mbq8Du70mFaTEkSO0eT7AV8QYTfGoqgdIZYh1u_2a5FFercPrCe-lqpnHtphmPZZUSTcCO3HZZlfEPQ4x6bpT1poxANRIcxhTfrtsNRWZ_RxHaPmlXW5uEq5W6neEs4cfI1k1/s1600/IMG_6770.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio7Ww1Vs1mbq8Du70mFaTEkSO0eT7AV8QYTfGoqgdIZYh1u_2a5FFercPrCe-lqpnHtphmPZZUSTcCO3HZZlfEPQ4x6bpT1poxANRIcxhTfrtsNRWZ_RxHaPmlXW5uEq5W6neEs4cfI1k1/s640/IMG_6770.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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American Avocet</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC4aPUnlAx1TYIb5OLJXAm0L3aomvc0pc5OUfPATLbwRlAaMttuBcwYuycPHop_dAXX6063oOlXIL5e7ujF1TNg1ejE2h6ILDVozhLQlvNOmqxIWIsKptmFjrknWzzmSqTuq5rDegFLTQ6/s1600/IMG_6774.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC4aPUnlAx1TYIb5OLJXAm0L3aomvc0pc5OUfPATLbwRlAaMttuBcwYuycPHop_dAXX6063oOlXIL5e7ujF1TNg1ejE2h6ILDVozhLQlvNOmqxIWIsKptmFjrknWzzmSqTuq5rDegFLTQ6/s640/IMG_6774.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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Kia learning a new trick. They are SO SMART!! This was something he had never learned before. They call it "clean up". She dumped out all these toys and started by just setting them around the edge. He was able to figure out that what the trainer wanted was for him to knock the toys in the hole and he would get a treat. </div>
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Once he got all the toys in she then scattered them on the ground around the bin to make it more challenging and he got the hang of it immediately. He didn't have to be shown how or anything. I love these birds. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl6twHiZXNI3-LFoOKhcdsCFVudjWIWoJcTTSGhBFCzzwntHiDaNisc2rjL_H7msxpb48f7FeK9BZd-Cf51I7RsBlJkLbseHqwq0-K0R5zzbrPGbcM0s5gBtCVJgeKCPFVsLVWfnCkG4NF/s1600/IMG_6777.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl6twHiZXNI3-LFoOKhcdsCFVudjWIWoJcTTSGhBFCzzwntHiDaNisc2rjL_H7msxpb48f7FeK9BZd-Cf51I7RsBlJkLbseHqwq0-K0R5zzbrPGbcM0s5gBtCVJgeKCPFVsLVWfnCkG4NF/s640/IMG_6777.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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Couldn't pass up a chance to snag a picture of the peacock displaying. </div>
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There were just a few from the first weekend. (Two weekends ago). </div>
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That same day I got to attend an eagle court of honor where we bring our eagle Des Ta Te in. </div>
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Des Ta Te means "may the sun shine on your face and in your heart in a good way". It's an Apache name. </div>
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It was cool to get to see her out of her enclosure and to see how Bryce (the guy holding her) handled her. It was also neat to hear all the stories he has about her. </div>
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It was a neat experience. </div>
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Below are just a few pictures of the deer we see all the time on our property. Not the healthiest herd, to be honest. There isn't a lot of genetic diversity since they are all family and mostly stick to the property so end of breeding with relatives. I actually learned that usually over Christmas Break the wildlife service comes and helps cull the heard to help it not get rampant and even more unhealthy. </div>
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ANYWAY. The point is the babies are always cute and it's cool for kids to get to see wild animals in the wild. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9W484Y43khtbG5kQPgXHPbh5Yg2CqFA_mnSxG_Z_z8Sr6Kb8wLu-j3BTvpfcmOKgRHsKPiu3hmc87Cpt6Mc89jEwmsJdYDAQ61JaOEUQsSdgLscslnaG0CJ7mbnyAChenWp5_9Uf93_P8/s1600/IMG_6784.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9W484Y43khtbG5kQPgXHPbh5Yg2CqFA_mnSxG_Z_z8Sr6Kb8wLu-j3BTvpfcmOKgRHsKPiu3hmc87Cpt6Mc89jEwmsJdYDAQ61JaOEUQsSdgLscslnaG0CJ7mbnyAChenWp5_9Uf93_P8/s640/IMG_6784.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW7-YjfkyqTJM3xLFlePSd7bPzwfyjh7StdDkvQZ1BhrOl0kRLGBXWp4Ij4NAtsdlxPVam4ZAtQi7f5NetU06LEbklODBXAhG6aKf6TF_-OB4bm8vUd7upE96039Om1zNpNgR8Mj_BzRON/s1600/IMG_6789.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW7-YjfkyqTJM3xLFlePSd7bPzwfyjh7StdDkvQZ1BhrOl0kRLGBXWp4Ij4NAtsdlxPVam4ZAtQi7f5NetU06LEbklODBXAhG6aKf6TF_-OB4bm8vUd7upE96039Om1zNpNgR8Mj_BzRON/s640/IMG_6789.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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And, since I don't share enough about them (except when I'm telling gross stories), here's a cute picture of Bones and Lily during a recent snuggle fest we all shared. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXdDCX9QMeclb_x0RyWnUs9rxZUnIrLZpWpGFlVzDQQIr5JdvS_X7e6Fw_ghgY0KpFZUo8askZSB__QzirycJ9dcWtRYnhz6yBH-Vp3E2_-fKuSzOKy6L_HdUoosp0jrur0ySANVV-GwiO/s1600/IMG_6793.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXdDCX9QMeclb_x0RyWnUs9rxZUnIrLZpWpGFlVzDQQIr5JdvS_X7e6Fw_ghgY0KpFZUo8askZSB__QzirycJ9dcWtRYnhz6yBH-Vp3E2_-fKuSzOKy6L_HdUoosp0jrur0ySANVV-GwiO/s640/IMG_6793.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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So last weekend I went to Tracy Aviary again with Kirsti and Alice which was a treat. I hope Alice had tons of fun. I had tons of fun watching her be cute. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5uTjUoPp5_iqVZU6lbg5PHw6iLv_gDfbnt-yRHiUuTzmp9mB3QsvZJpreqJgmSL7ojXtmEvxoHIRI0pxKgEBERFAsbVsD7A8O-7f2p-YcYos5QoruFlvL9ManejeWbQNuYrJAVAMbQV-F/s1600/IMG_6795.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5uTjUoPp5_iqVZU6lbg5PHw6iLv_gDfbnt-yRHiUuTzmp9mB3QsvZJpreqJgmSL7ojXtmEvxoHIRI0pxKgEBERFAsbVsD7A8O-7f2p-YcYos5QoruFlvL9ManejeWbQNuYrJAVAMbQV-F/s640/IMG_6795.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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Here's anoter trio of some of my favorite birds. Roseate Spoonbills (you can find them in Florida). They get to go on walks sometimes and are super used to humans and are really chill. And a lot of fun! They are named Rizzo, Frenchie, and Marty after The Pink Ladies. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqPjhDr8stCOrf85Zej6wPaj0nMH7YbijLDbxwRgM6Pj_jVJv32mu6NkoQAbKXFF_6cM_6Wj4VubZsfjp8XV6L2N4Nu_7muvkyqqgWNKDVbhVYSKAJme9KUaeTrZ_czZsTpyHTgr0gs9Wr/s1600/IMG_6801.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqPjhDr8stCOrf85Zej6wPaj0nMH7YbijLDbxwRgM6Pj_jVJv32mu6NkoQAbKXFF_6cM_6Wj4VubZsfjp8XV6L2N4Nu_7muvkyqqgWNKDVbhVYSKAJme9KUaeTrZ_czZsTpyHTgr0gs9Wr/s640/IMG_6801.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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Another Kia picture because I love them so much. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmM9wHCxhwwAc2_hzbXW83s2-8KdRp3STg8-B50yGkge6D1LwIiRlDsDRJlNhyphenhyphenMkOHVFfl4JCbVLKaUgbmizONvENa7CsJaOjaFMgfBpxTi9Qcv9Vt06u7Jw88lPsAc3pVZiCN70hTk_n0/s1600/IMG_6807.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmM9wHCxhwwAc2_hzbXW83s2-8KdRp3STg8-B50yGkge6D1LwIiRlDsDRJlNhyphenhyphenMkOHVFfl4JCbVLKaUgbmizONvENa7CsJaOjaFMgfBpxTi9Qcv9Vt06u7Jw88lPsAc3pVZiCN70hTk_n0/s640/IMG_6807.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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Not a bird but forsythia is one of my favorite early springtime flowers. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb4pIt5Oun1wiSm3mNbob2qB8rPGxPjAadZWLM3WjDA9yjVkugBI83Hy5N-3hPJ6dj0HzJp3nBa_OEBFC9etHLxXFLBc-SymB2rT8Mnv-JrUakhMlIGJM7hQuaazpxjKjCfMoMbAB65ee0/s1600/IMG_6811+%25281%2529.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb4pIt5Oun1wiSm3mNbob2qB8rPGxPjAadZWLM3WjDA9yjVkugBI83Hy5N-3hPJ6dj0HzJp3nBa_OEBFC9etHLxXFLBc-SymB2rT8Mnv-JrUakhMlIGJM7hQuaazpxjKjCfMoMbAB65ee0/s640/IMG_6811+%25281%2529.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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Great Green Macaw</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqPWJNDbHIRzPb6OjUBf0YHotNOAM9b0MsfMH_yJBo4tztsyTrtCLGKlXrUk9IQZXkoKLuaL470fTxITJcgdtNF_rdPZDYqSMFWCvyYQRDePJ14EfY_Tzd6SuLTXeiySSnx1sHzzLcpxjz/s1600/IMG_6814.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqPWJNDbHIRzPb6OjUBf0YHotNOAM9b0MsfMH_yJBo4tztsyTrtCLGKlXrUk9IQZXkoKLuaL470fTxITJcgdtNF_rdPZDYqSMFWCvyYQRDePJ14EfY_Tzd6SuLTXeiySSnx1sHzzLcpxjz/s640/IMG_6814.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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Long eared owl. How cute is he???</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPaU-lgqIWEkhVsdY7tXK7-vFiTh-s3lKvhCRkcKEhMtuqt-mBuZPLAs-XMjJd8aNI6PXhsU__0M5O-3PoKBEZcgdfFKA18pw_QeU-1uynuWZeygJW90MsO0TRfmTmWJN60DKH5_QzUFAi/s1600/IMG_6821.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPaU-lgqIWEkhVsdY7tXK7-vFiTh-s3lKvhCRkcKEhMtuqt-mBuZPLAs-XMjJd8aNI6PXhsU__0M5O-3PoKBEZcgdfFKA18pw_QeU-1uynuWZeygJW90MsO0TRfmTmWJN60DKH5_QzUFAi/s640/IMG_6821.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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Alice looking simply precious as a barn owl. </div>
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And again as a toucan. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglWD2AeNA28ihugS47i9iH8qni7M4tHbXLOTr59fwPBaORKrTUr8NvkYX0j4eHnyk0k7luNrgGke62ZdWe0o0OqUmdkYjyaCZujXyZfWUp6gnNEUJNcu1-gVl3hLGRbKfykKgfl4sI0qC9/s1600/IMG_6830.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglWD2AeNA28ihugS47i9iH8qni7M4tHbXLOTr59fwPBaORKrTUr8NvkYX0j4eHnyk0k7luNrgGke62ZdWe0o0OqUmdkYjyaCZujXyZfWUp6gnNEUJNcu1-gVl3hLGRbKfykKgfl4sI0qC9/s640/IMG_6830.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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And after knowing most of the birds at the aviary I cannot for the life of me remember what this one is. </div>
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Who want's to give it a name? </div>
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Anyway the last two weekends have been great and April promises to deliver a lot of Fun. </div>
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Between a visit from Mom and Dad, a fun birthday weekend with Kirsti, Fan-X, Easter, etc. there is a lot in store. </div>
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Tis the season to get out and do things!</div>
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And I can't wait. </div>
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Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-69116891486524888972019-03-05T21:54:00.000-08:002019-03-05T21:54:02.041-08:00Those with weak constitutions or currently eating delicious food, proceed with caution.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
This title speaks for itself and believe me when I say that I am not exaggerating. </div>
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What I have to say may shock and disgust you. </div>
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It was a Monday. </div>
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Now, I'm not one for superstition. Sure, I knock on wood from time to time and I used to hold my breath crossing bridges as a kid. But Monday's? The only reason they seem to be worse than other days is their inconvenient location after the weekend. Poor Mondays. They get a bad rap. </div>
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I will say that this particular Monday has made me a little "stitious", if not superly so. </div>
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It began around 5:00 am with a smell. </div>
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I was resting peacefully, another two hours of sleep ahead of me, both dogs beside me on the bed. Or so I thought. </div>
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Suddenly, my slow, deep breathing caught the fist whiff of stink. Noting too foul at first. I chalked it up to a typical dog toot. Both Bones and Lily have been known to give off some noxious fumes from time to time. The smell roused me from my deep sleep, but I rolled over unconcerned. </div>
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After several moments the smell didn't dissipate as I thought it would. In fact, it got stronger. I felt my irritation rise, thinking that one of my dogs was really stinky and how <i>dare</i> they wake me up like this. I tossed and turned for a little while, trying to change my position to hopefully escape the stench when I realized that Lily was not, in fact, on the bed. </div>
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My eyes flew open and immediately narrowed in the early morning darkness.</div>
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LILY. </div>
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The smell. Her absence. The sound of her collar clinking in the distance. I felt my stomach sink as despair washed over me. Clearly this was not a simple case of canine flatulence. This was more serious.</div>
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I grabbed my phone and switched on the flashlight so I could make sure I didn't step in any warm and smelly surprises on my way to switch on the light. </div>
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"Lily" I grumbled under my breath, groggy but quickly becoming more alert in my anticipation of the fecal carnage I expect to find. I can see her cowering, tail tucked, in the dim circle of light my phone gives off. </div>
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I switch on the overhead light and squint against its sudden brightness. </div>
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I am filled with instant relief. </div>
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Ahead of me are 4 small poops, well formed and not too sticky. An easy clean!! The smell had led me to believe something much more nefarious was afoot. My heart was significantly lighter. While I was still annoyed at Lily's seeming lack of control, I would lose little sleep over this. I scooped up the poop with a large wad of TP and flushed it all down the toilet. I did a light cleaning of the carpet, sprayed some febreeze, cracked the window, put Lily in her kennel (in case she decided to leave <i>more</i> gifts between now and my normal waking time). Then I fwumped back into bed.</div>
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I thought the story of the Monday morning poop fiasco was over. </div>
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Little did I know....unspeakable horrors awaited me.</div>
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I'm going to speak them anyway. </div>
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I awoke at my normal time, the room a little chilly from the cracked window, and prepared to meet the morning. </div>
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I stumbled to the bathroom to relieve myself, then went to let Lily out of the kennel.</div>
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I was met with the same smell as before. </div>
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My stomach clenched. </div>
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I groaned loudly my unhappiness and approached the kennel where all I could find was Lily looking guilty and poopy paw prints.</div>
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There had been poop.</div>
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There were paw prints to show it.</div>
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<i>Were was the poop......</i></div>
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<i>WHERE WAS THE POOP????</i></div>
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I knew. I knew because I know my dog and one of the most annoying and horribly disgusting things she does is this: if she has an accident, she does everything she can to hide the evidence. And in her supposedly clever but truthfully unhinged mind that means she must <i>EAT IT. </i></div>
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I had been lucky before, but not this time. She had eaten her own waste. This would be ok if it were only going to result in a doubly digested, absorbed, and refined fecal discharge later. But no.</div>
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<i>Oh ho ho ho no.</i></div>
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I'm not that lucky.</div>
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And experience has taught me one very important thing when Lily eats her own droppings.</div>
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What goes down, must come back up. </div>
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At this time I would like to warn you once again to please set aside any and all delicious food. Or better yet avert your eyes altogether and simply scroll down until you reach the pictures and more pleasant things. </div>
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If not, know you read on at your own risk. </div>
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I pulled Lily out of her kennel to rid it of the poopy paw prints. My only thought was to get it clean and un-stinkified so that I could shove her in it again before the inevitable happened. You see, her kennel has a removable plastic bottom that makes messes relatively easy to manage. Her kennel was the best place for any and all disgusting things to happen. </div>
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I thought I had time. </div>
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I thought I could be fast enough. </div>
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<i>I THOUGHT WRONG. </i></div>
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As I am spraying the plastic bottom down to rid it of any and all feces, I hear it. </div>
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A sound most horrifying that I can only imagine will give me night terrors in the years to come. A loud, <i>wet</i>, hack/gag. </div>
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I wish I could describe to you the emotions I felt. I feel like I can only compare it to a combination of the revulsion one might feel in sticking their hands in a hole crawling with bugs mixed with the terror of a painful and inevitable death (a la Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom-for both feelings). </div>
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I rushed out to see that Lily had done the worst thing she could do and I hadn't been quick enough to catch it. </div>
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On the carpet was, in my mind, a veritable lake of vomit.</div>
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But not just any vomit. </div>
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<i>Poo vomit.</i></div>
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And let me tell you folks, if you think you've smelled bad smells, you haven't. </div>
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You've not smelled anything close to a bad smell until you've smelled the smell of poo vomit. IT'S PARTIALLY DIGESTED POOP MIXED WITH MOSTLY DIGESTED FOOD AND BILE. </div>
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If there was a way to recreate it and bottle it, I could make a fortune selling it to secret government organizations to be used as the most effective form of torture ever created. </div>
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But I digress. Back to me trying my best to get you to puke. </div>
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There it was. The poo vomit lake. Staring me in the face. Sneering. Telling me that I would have no shower this morning, no breakfast, no chance to slowly and pleasantly greet my morning and my week. No. There wold be no time for simple things such as these. If I wanted to be rid of that smell I would be spending my morning cleaning up the worst smell in the world that has taken the form of something the consistency of pea soup. </div>
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You're welcome, pea soup lovers. You can't say I didn't warn you. </div>
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I closed Lily in the bathroom (the only place in my living space with tile) and proceeded to do what I could. Imagine trying to clean pea soup off of carpet. Medium length fiber carpet. Imagine trying to do it with a quickly dwindling supply of paper towels (cause folks...if I used a washable towel to clean this it wold be thrown out and possibly incinerated.). Imagine trying to mop up a lake of poo vomit with paper towels that you might not have enough of while trying not to pass out from the smell. </div>
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I promise that I am only slightly exaggerating for the sake of humor. <i>Only slightly</i>. </div>
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I did what I could and then thanked all the stars in the heavens that Erica (who I live with) has a carpet cleaning vacuum. Much like the ones you can rent. Bless the person who invented such a device for without it...I would have had to burn a hole in the carpet. Or simply replace the whole of the basement every time this poo vomit thing happens.</div>
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And yes...this very thing has happened before. More than once.</div>
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I use the carpet cleaner to suck up the rest of the nasty and do my best to shampoo it. But if you knew what this smell was like you would understand that this was not enough. I went over it again and again. Then I soaked the spot down with a heavy duty carpet cleaning spray from the pet store. Then I threw open the windows making the basement cold, turned on my wax melty thingy that makes my living room smell like cookies, covered the still damp spot with that good smelling arm and hammer baking soda smell remover stuff....and <i>finally</i> felt like I had done all I could. </div>
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I let Lily out of the bathroom so that I could get the plastic bottom of the kennel from where I'd left it drying in the shower so I could sequester her in her kennel. </div>
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MISTAKE.</div>
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In that short time, Lily made her way to a <i>new</i> spot of carpet and ejected yet <i>ANOTHER POO VOMIT LAKE</i> onto the carpet. I cried out in horror and despair! No creature has ever made the equivalent of the sound that emerged from my lips. I am ashamed to admit that a swear or two accompanied the sound. </div>
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I was already going to be late for work! The carpet cleaning vacuum was already disgusting and needed to be cleaned. The place still smelled of rotting death and here was a second lake of disgust to clean up. </div>
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Worst of all, I was out of paper towels. </div>
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So...on the verge of tears I had only one option for that stinking pile of digested poop and bile pea soup. I had to use the vacuum to suck it all up. No pre removal.</div>
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And so...I did. The vacuum sucked it up, leaving in it's tank a mixture most foul. I gave the new spot the same treatment as the one before and prayed that Lily's stomach was empty. By this time I was exhausted and already late for work (luckily my schedule is usually a little flexible). Bones was anxious because he could sense I was angry but didn't know why. Lily was anxious because she knew I was angry at her but didn't know why. </div>
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And I was just angry and upset and worn out. </div>
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I tell you what, Garfield hard it lucky. I'd take a pie to the face every day of the week if it meant never having a Monday like this ever again. </div>
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To make matters worse, I had shut Lily in the bathroom for the day to avoid further mess to the carpet <i>or</i> her kennel. </div>
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Guess what I came home to?</div>
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A sloppy, runny poop patty and poopy paw prints all over my shower. </div>
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ARRRRRGH!!!!</div>
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<img alt="Image result for garfield yelling picture" src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/FBreOgKDCSw/hqdefault.jpg" /> </div>
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Picture courtesy of the great Jim Davis. </div>
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Ok. Lets abruptly move on to some nicer things from previous weeks. </div>
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We have mule deer on our property. Probably 6-10 in total? I usually only see 6 at a time. A few of them are young and pretty darn cute. They are more scruffy then the white-tailed deer I am used to but they are still cute to see. </div>
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It's been slim pickings with the cold and all the snow. We don't have the best food sources for these guys which is why I'm surprised we have so many. </div>
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The other day I caught this little one munching on bird seed. And not even the good stuff, the chaff left behind from the birds on the ground. But munch away it did, right next to our visitor center building. And it was cute. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLecy4MGdX44AViYtmrdxI3f06fjJgl_G8buwbOF7wyDeJIPMwgPPSQnfzIzBoXMzf9ZktssKjlMXFLTocIavpSPR_8A-5Olb5urdNel9cawaUlFuPaGkZdVHH8S98KA2I1r32g7vFBSbG/s1600/IMG_6679.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLecy4MGdX44AViYtmrdxI3f06fjJgl_G8buwbOF7wyDeJIPMwgPPSQnfzIzBoXMzf9ZktssKjlMXFLTocIavpSPR_8A-5Olb5urdNel9cawaUlFuPaGkZdVHH8S98KA2I1r32g7vFBSbG/s400/IMG_6679.HEIC" width="300" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw5rsrN9irPg3dueoW9X_FmP1MUcP61Qq_uneiR2QUIJhm47e8oWl7F3pma_7MMyQZt01TiYdF5Su0KdNO8KdcXT7Zl2rylcwjxMMuyk6mh2lLAk5onoizuK5Ms5C0LG9L3hcQT0d0YNlQ/s1600/IMG_6681.MOV" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw5rsrN9irPg3dueoW9X_FmP1MUcP61Qq_uneiR2QUIJhm47e8oWl7F3pma_7MMyQZt01TiYdF5Su0KdNO8KdcXT7Zl2rylcwjxMMuyk6mh2lLAk5onoizuK5Ms5C0LG9L3hcQT0d0YNlQ/s400/IMG_6681.MOV" width="223" /></a></div>
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Sorry for the chatting in the background in this one. </div>
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Mom, you might want to look away for this next one. </div>
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I wanted to share a picture of one of my favorite creatures. At least my favorite snake. I have a favorite tortoise and hope to develop some kind of relationship with one of our birds at some point. </div>
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Anyway, this is Paintbrush. He's a milk snake. And I took him to the indoor farmer's market a couple weekends ago. I know not everyone sees it but I think he's one of the cutest things. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTLV59-ZObA9QuGIHif6LU-YRw3lyWKdlrhxFFK4BX8sN5B6Z0HDKPmP8OgOyIfLkSvnqX_LP2DcXW3KajwcOPNIUI5Ye4PIoJ-qwtHLzF01AMaRZZhDlt5KnlMUifNv5fE2DJjU8JVqjj/s1600/IMG_6691.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTLV59-ZObA9QuGIHif6LU-YRw3lyWKdlrhxFFK4BX8sN5B6Z0HDKPmP8OgOyIfLkSvnqX_LP2DcXW3KajwcOPNIUI5Ye4PIoJ-qwtHLzF01AMaRZZhDlt5KnlMUifNv5fE2DJjU8JVqjj/s400/IMG_6691.HEIC" width="300" /></a></div>
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Another video or the deer. More than one this time. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj86TQwBU4CcMD5_mFk9VWRUCa0XCdi8OctoZoS3LyK-iLnRGapcJe2eVDCu8oIgXNcUg_6m8NhBqt74pNwZLkr-ByGNO83Cy9NfQ5MS62xXEki9LqNPGtImkM6kWklA1ffjizMsQ6bJSUd/s1600/IMG_6695.MOV" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="854" data-original-width="480" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj86TQwBU4CcMD5_mFk9VWRUCa0XCdi8OctoZoS3LyK-iLnRGapcJe2eVDCu8oIgXNcUg_6m8NhBqt74pNwZLkr-ByGNO83Cy9NfQ5MS62xXEki9LqNPGtImkM6kWklA1ffjizMsQ6bJSUd/s400/IMG_6695.MOV" width="223" /></a></div>
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This promotion brings with it new challenges and I often wonder if I am up to facing all of them. Things have gotten busy and I find myself working extra hours, worried I won't meet deadlines. Knowing that it's just a matter of time before I let something slip. </div>
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I let my insecurity reign sometimes. I wonder if I will really add to this position or simply be adequate. I have this desire to rise above mediocrity but at the same time a great fear of falling should I rise too high. </div>
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It doesn't help that I have a side of me that just wants to sit in pjs all the time and simply cuddle with my dogs. </div>
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But there is a thirst to prove myself. And to go above and beyond what is asked. </div>
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I might not be able to do it right now, but I have time. And in time will come familiarity and things will get a little easier. Then perhaps I can find ways to really shine and not just be another voice in the background. </div>
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I think it's time to end. I thank you for bearing with me in that disgusting and sorry tale above. </div>
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I promise my next post won't be so poopy. </div>
Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-626893684929041032019-02-17T20:46:00.002-08:002019-02-17T20:46:34.164-08:00Unpopular Opinion: I love winter<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
It's the middle of February and while I love random sunny, days in the 40s and 50s, I do so love winter. </div>
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The snow, the clear stars, my breath on the air. I love how much my dogs love to romp in the white powder. The way the sun sparkles on the piles of flakes. </div>
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I do miss the look of frost on a grassy field. That was much more easily found in Missouri. As were cardinals. I miss cardinals. </div>
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But I am rather enjoying the winter here. Yes it can get sloppy at times, but overall I am rather pleased with how tolerable the cold is in Utah. (Not that I'm trying to brag). </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTcgAxk9JJxWMe3eDrbJM4wzRkNRPCOG4RAJItpF-iJ3q1PtBFJ7mmr3nYr1UoZvirKuwVmXzjR8iH5ZEhXPrqDiKH5EC_9KLjerTTWsPquua8_z6HX-MDmK9cl8ryMqcc1PTdA062-G16/s1600/IMG_6577.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTcgAxk9JJxWMe3eDrbJM4wzRkNRPCOG4RAJItpF-iJ3q1PtBFJ7mmr3nYr1UoZvirKuwVmXzjR8iH5ZEhXPrqDiKH5EC_9KLjerTTWsPquua8_z6HX-MDmK9cl8ryMqcc1PTdA062-G16/s640/IMG_6577.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidQ7Y-3ScLxGJXNDlF_3QyoXeDC5JYBqzQRCKTWQmmxT9imMXb_k9USjmTwRYWgOl6ncB9eY1ncF-tR6wJmm2GGKs2mqixQ3t-dnSGiRu59QSwafVmMUSHixqiAh18sFXQD9NrjcepmJQy/s1600/IMG_6579.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidQ7Y-3ScLxGJXNDlF_3QyoXeDC5JYBqzQRCKTWQmmxT9imMXb_k9USjmTwRYWgOl6ncB9eY1ncF-tR6wJmm2GGKs2mqixQ3t-dnSGiRu59QSwafVmMUSHixqiAh18sFXQD9NrjcepmJQy/s640/IMG_6579.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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This past week has encouraged me. Instead of being worried and afraid that I can't handle the increased workload and responsibility of my new position, I am now confident that 'tis nothing I can't handle. I look forward to the new challenges and experiences that it brings.</div>
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I am where I want to be. I am with my people doing what I love. Right now, I wouldn't trade that for anything. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBx9nFIZHrlcGVwBWSCElomrRX-1hCuso2TqyZjX4pqG7ZQ1uzSClGbgIMqpUBj_LZaienVB-0kdECmDTgJT9RXHICfM2AvlQHT-4Ptcq8_oVuob6ivsl2n37wdoIEoE5wYjh_usnMEnH3/s1600/IMG_6582.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBx9nFIZHrlcGVwBWSCElomrRX-1hCuso2TqyZjX4pqG7ZQ1uzSClGbgIMqpUBj_LZaienVB-0kdECmDTgJT9RXHICfM2AvlQHT-4Ptcq8_oVuob6ivsl2n37wdoIEoE5wYjh_usnMEnH3/s640/IMG_6582.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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(Me as a superhero. Made at an art integration conference that I was able to attend)</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPzbiL8_lUTY1xPv4aylJLjw828LtuiyajgQCTrzEfV7MqrPfGRLFCehhZAsHgOOxHraH0SwBTLkSpbKOJdw4T9t4MFvEmn79dll65snxIfF_ILi6yQOeTvMwhA-NQbpoJUINHOrqVjUda/s1600/IMG_6584.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPzbiL8_lUTY1xPv4aylJLjw828LtuiyajgQCTrzEfV7MqrPfGRLFCehhZAsHgOOxHraH0SwBTLkSpbKOJdw4T9t4MFvEmn79dll65snxIfF_ILi6yQOeTvMwhA-NQbpoJUINHOrqVjUda/s640/IMG_6584.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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This is my addition to a "mural" as part of the same art integration conference. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikwv0jTh8G9IPGx_e1elwFFM7-8uxoTrZwWnY03P7D3KfthYVA6K0reBKrutcU-SSQm0lNppYII53vecYpOkUo-nhLiyG0XHrxqzzYtTwAHEaal77IJctZDMLPufkMxkFYRYypUl3tFDSx/s1600/IMG_6585.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikwv0jTh8G9IPGx_e1elwFFM7-8uxoTrZwWnY03P7D3KfthYVA6K0reBKrutcU-SSQm0lNppYII53vecYpOkUo-nhLiyG0XHrxqzzYtTwAHEaal77IJctZDMLPufkMxkFYRYypUl3tFDSx/s640/IMG_6585.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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This would be my "signature" if I were a graffiti artist</div>
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As part of my new position I have opportunities to attend training and conferences that take me cool places. I was able to go to the Hogel Zoo. The weather was terrible so I didn't get to see much but here are a few pictures and videos. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3a-SvceueqjhNc2I51DmBxktmo8S7ARB6eUh4ZFH3k5R26H0rSB-V0GfxZb59AVo3_BP7flEhxxxXjGrejvjvmX5gJo0LAlS7Vd_SU3_3UmHIq293aeb4grdlJMCvU8IAQcYFlMGHJw8C/s1600/IMG_6595.MOV" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3a-SvceueqjhNc2I51DmBxktmo8S7ARB6eUh4ZFH3k5R26H0rSB-V0GfxZb59AVo3_BP7flEhxxxXjGrejvjvmX5gJo0LAlS7Vd_SU3_3UmHIq293aeb4grdlJMCvU8IAQcYFlMGHJw8C/s640/IMG_6595.MOV" width="356" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQZjtIMC5qj-CX9oFgh-X7Tu2qPlcxFHrCcigZqeE5PDbeegZmqsHbyJ8DQqu92hyCHhPZDaXABpzyul-TRd9igzcWHHKvp7LkOTbCmEQClJuEtDysFX1QcO-jtix46_i5rWOtQKpwCuh2/s1600/IMG_6597.MOV" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQZjtIMC5qj-CX9oFgh-X7Tu2qPlcxFHrCcigZqeE5PDbeegZmqsHbyJ8DQqu92hyCHhPZDaXABpzyul-TRd9igzcWHHKvp7LkOTbCmEQClJuEtDysFX1QcO-jtix46_i5rWOtQKpwCuh2/s640/IMG_6597.MOV" width="358" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTtVIHRSzaPaUo0AemMyhw262AgETXUq-_LuWv-EOpJnYH9OvuhkYUpXq8AWFtYUZ_U9aiXAHpHctnoqXHdfUOybhMFTGiGIqcXEugqnlM2kH-jP8RDTZJqM4H3ttuwWQK-T2105zZm2TC/s1600/IMG_6599.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTtVIHRSzaPaUo0AemMyhw262AgETXUq-_LuWv-EOpJnYH9OvuhkYUpXq8AWFtYUZ_U9aiXAHpHctnoqXHdfUOybhMFTGiGIqcXEugqnlM2kH-jP8RDTZJqM4H3ttuwWQK-T2105zZm2TC/s640/IMG_6599.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtW3QiPIlzyU1fnKzh0MD6Fr5Xdk3_3dD9TRXG_rgJhYhffamLL5phjmmqm4oJIBvvRfsX83PmP8PDMCrPzUv5viSrruXW-rClJTgDqV83j4LUQT4GB4blZTE6PfdBulFEaqnPhdB7fHQn/s1600/IMG_6600.MOV" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtW3QiPIlzyU1fnKzh0MD6Fr5Xdk3_3dD9TRXG_rgJhYhffamLL5phjmmqm4oJIBvvRfsX83PmP8PDMCrPzUv5viSrruXW-rClJTgDqV83j4LUQT4GB4blZTE6PfdBulFEaqnPhdB7fHQn/s640/IMG_6600.MOV" width="360" /></a></div>
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My phone isn't the best camera but I sometimes try to capture the beauty that I find while I'm here. I hope someday to afford a camera that will make this easier. Below is a picture I took while hiking with my dogs in the evening on the Bonneville Shoreline trail which is a short 5 minute drive away from my house. You can see the temple in the distance. It's right in the middle of town and every time I see it I do truly think in my mind "I love to see the temple". </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7l-TZcmVcX3-9GMqKvZ3-_aP2IYpxaQSkPvyenx-z4FomnCKY5GhIyZRcWJGGukkNNjS5gHZzLJb28rnWPBbY5x9-ozKOi74l6iXcRfTOxSE84oW9Q3xJ0D3q4tjHwaQQdS8vToCyNhon/s1600/IMG_6637.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7l-TZcmVcX3-9GMqKvZ3-_aP2IYpxaQSkPvyenx-z4FomnCKY5GhIyZRcWJGGukkNNjS5gHZzLJb28rnWPBbY5x9-ozKOi74l6iXcRfTOxSE84oW9Q3xJ0D3q4tjHwaQQdS8vToCyNhon/s640/IMG_6637.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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Finally, Kirsti came to visit!! We had a blast at the nature center (I didn't snag any pictures) but we also went to a place that I shall never be allowed in again unless I have a child with me. So I was truly happy to capture a glimpse of the magical place called The Treehouse Museum. I think it kind of a cross between The Magic House and The City Museum in St. Louis. It was so fun! </div>
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There were so many multicultural displays! There were also lots of little exhibits that were related to Ogden, Utah, the United States, etc. It was really so fun. I think I loved it more than Alice!</div>
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Every exhibit had little costumes of some kind! Alice loved the cowboy hats. </div>
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Look at this kid, she's a natural cowgirl!</div>
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Little mural at the rodeo exhibit. How many random famous characters can you spot?</div>
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This was an adorable little diner! Kids could put on little aprons and pretend to serve food to people sitting at the bar and at little tables. It was adorable and totally something I would have loved playing with as a kid. Maybe if enough kids play with this, they will appreciate food service and tip better!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVW7B0QtzFsz4qvf3PGiSDtomX5U6usptsQK2XoYDdm2Pk-gNwaNsxhyphenhyphenVnjypxwIwekwereFoxrmv934mvC7wUVQKY1VAdPli7xCowT7M99G0OVQdpxHxvmu45_8h_72GONRGJ-DaYKP1u/s1600/IMG_6659.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVW7B0QtzFsz4qvf3PGiSDtomX5U6usptsQK2XoYDdm2Pk-gNwaNsxhyphenhyphenVnjypxwIwekwereFoxrmv934mvC7wUVQKY1VAdPli7xCowT7M99G0OVQdpxHxvmu45_8h_72GONRGJ-DaYKP1u/s640/IMG_6659.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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Alice spent a lot of time in this wonderfully charming woodland exhibit and I was happy to oblige. It was lovely and so well painted. I swooned. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCK2HeiafrG5MQrvpHR_bfXlAwUKMvTpYfqVovpWnhDwF4cNP7YbQeNWkXE7cVA9kkUfkHKTyRUG2ZlYv9wbyED8hKydPJ4LDJKVeSUV2Gy7Q16zu2u1BOpLzrISTXP9v_CpQu5L_0Sq7n/s1600/IMG_6660.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCK2HeiafrG5MQrvpHR_bfXlAwUKMvTpYfqVovpWnhDwF4cNP7YbQeNWkXE7cVA9kkUfkHKTyRUG2ZlYv9wbyED8hKydPJ4LDJKVeSUV2Gy7Q16zu2u1BOpLzrISTXP9v_CpQu5L_0Sq7n/s640/IMG_6660.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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There was a little oval office where you could pretend to be President! </div>
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There was a great room/exhibit that talked about all the first ladies and these displays with all the first ladies (through Nixon) in Porcelain doll form. </div>
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There was a room with a few small exhibits on fables from other countries. This one was from Russia. I can't remember the name of the fable but I can only guess it included Baba Yaga. </div>
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No awesome interactive children's place is complete without a giant chess board!</div>
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And finally this seemed too perfect not to include. Alice was, indeed, in a wonderland. We all were. And I hope she is able to visit again and again to enjoy this place.</div>
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I'm finding myself more and more at home. While I do love winter, I look forward to all spring will bring. More hikes with the dogs, kayaking on lakes, camping, General Conference, and seeing the nature center in bloom with wildflowers. </div>
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Until next time, dear fam. Love to you all!</div>
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Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-78846667279185604292019-02-07T21:05:00.000-08:002019-02-07T21:05:10.126-08:00Winter wonders and fun<div style="text-align: center;">
Ok, ok so I've decided that I want to try blogging once a week again.</div>
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I know, promises, promises.</div>
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I miss the mental stimulation and outlet for thoughts that it once offered. I also like sharing with friends and family what I've been up to.</div>
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For tonight...another epic photo dump. Perhaps more than the last one. </div>
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But before that I'll share a little more about the promotion I was offered that I will start in earnest next week. </div>
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I am going to be the new Outreach Coordinator at Ogden Nature Center. This comes with a pay raise and a hefty amount of additional responsibility. More than I realized before I started training. Now I watch Hope (the girl who is leaving) with new found respect as I realize just how much she did to make sure things run smoothly and details don't fall through the cracks.</div>
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Essentially I am doing most of what I do now. Teach kids on field trips, teach community programs, teach first graders all over Utah, write curriculum, etc. But now I am the person answering and sending the emails that make sure everyone is on the same page (co-workers and the teachers/community members we work with). I'm the one taking phone calls and calling people to set up outreach programs. I'm also the one heading up the running of several teacher workshops. We've done one on outdoor education, we're working on a big one on bringing Monarch Butterflies to the classroom to raise and teach about them which is really cool, and we're also working on two more. All that have to be done by the end of the school year. Yikes! I already feel like I'm running out of time on that one. </div>
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I also get to teach once a week at Bear River Migratory Bird Refuge. They have a preschool program that they don't have enough staff to run there so I will hop over there almost every Wednesday and teach cute little pre-schoolers for about an hour. I'm really excited for that. </div>
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I'm excited for this new challenge and growth, but I'm also apprehensive. I just hope I can be as organized and efficient as Hope was. I'm sure I'll do great but there's always a sense of nervousness with change. </div>
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Anyway, any other questions just ask!</div>
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Now...for a million un-edited photos from December. Yeah, just December. It was a busy month. </div>
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To start, here are the pictures of Kirsti and I going to see the lights at Ashton Gardens at Thanksgiving Point. They called it the Luminaria. I got the tickets at a silent auction. It was really fun and lovely. I just with my pictures could do it justice. </div>
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Made of gingerbread. Edible? That's questionable. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgo3kJCNPJKEGpdH-hGGCTB1aVpyNaywxBzvgM_DYAUqp20HQBS8asTNkqBft-ZdheCr-RLGaibDfyLIRJ57xRxuXKbiJVskg9UivlfsZXLfM5zQW5oamDnytCQ9ODFc4nSI134iCeB8js/s1600/IMG_6227.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgo3kJCNPJKEGpdH-hGGCTB1aVpyNaywxBzvgM_DYAUqp20HQBS8asTNkqBft-ZdheCr-RLGaibDfyLIRJ57xRxuXKbiJVskg9UivlfsZXLfM5zQW5oamDnytCQ9ODFc4nSI134iCeB8js/s320/IMG_6227.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
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So I know this isn't lights, but Reindeer are cool. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9oHk44XOHLiX3LCwpdyxN4bHaYFTPEOKVCfYa0jkzO8CcFQMoCGHef_k1tsdALMqTrZMr-KfjzHlQ2KBT4iIAh-uWejYHBsLFX504W3bvZU_4lsnxn9ykZWVcfpkeAFEPiOnXBzU9XWct/s1600/IMG_6234.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9oHk44XOHLiX3LCwpdyxN4bHaYFTPEOKVCfYa0jkzO8CcFQMoCGHef_k1tsdALMqTrZMr-KfjzHlQ2KBT4iIAh-uWejYHBsLFX504W3bvZU_4lsnxn9ykZWVcfpkeAFEPiOnXBzU9XWct/s320/IMG_6234.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
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Reindeer antlers are huge!!!</div>
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One perspective of the light show they had going to music.</div>
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I am the s'mores snowman.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijQI_GMebAA22geZVFTeHjfTaW-Cd9DreQjzqhbXPkTWY8rix9wIm-53Z1ZcBxolAMwO_ZO3RoJQioVP9ZQGBqlCFnSiM_MTmtW0e_e50tTf55QebcIvNvyBUo7Wn1GCN2QliAJw3GDbgp/s1600/IMG_6285.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijQI_GMebAA22geZVFTeHjfTaW-Cd9DreQjzqhbXPkTWY8rix9wIm-53Z1ZcBxolAMwO_ZO3RoJQioVP9ZQGBqlCFnSiM_MTmtW0e_e50tTf55QebcIvNvyBUo7Wn1GCN2QliAJw3GDbgp/s320/IMG_6285.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
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The other perspective of the lights to music show.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzxq5t3Jap7ugms6HzIDrBc3BTZwBE9ri39aAuipSjQltGRl81FJXGetuIzOU2Q-HSswZBx5Xre3Q-Aw-d2MfP45qPnMJdTGzblT_I0PXe66OCi76VldPR8q-PFB9hI3hac75C_R6BgS8_/s1600/IMG_6293.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzxq5t3Jap7ugms6HzIDrBc3BTZwBE9ri39aAuipSjQltGRl81FJXGetuIzOU2Q-HSswZBx5Xre3Q-Aw-d2MfP45qPnMJdTGzblT_I0PXe66OCi76VldPR8q-PFB9hI3hac75C_R6BgS8_/s320/IMG_6293.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
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Later in the month I went to "Christmas Village" which is in downtown Ogden. It's really pretty cute. Local organizations/clubs, businesses, and non-profits create small houses (about the size of small sheds usually) that represent them. Some do models of their business-like Ogden Nature Center who made a model version of the visitor center. Then inside the houses are displays that also represent your business/nonprofit/organization. There were lots but I just included some of my favorites. </div>
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As you walk around, music plays and there are lights everywhere. It was fun. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJq2ahT8srrg-T4uC0edAMeI6GUrAnmUVVM41tc9lVNWL32RnUoF_Y8gM6FYNHdabaTDxdV93HJx0DNqzWKlkm-FVOSv9p2tbmBn2od8EEWn3W4Qdha72oHPjOcrmfG7wSKMzN9c63XRW1/s1600/IMG_6298.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJq2ahT8srrg-T4uC0edAMeI6GUrAnmUVVM41tc9lVNWL32RnUoF_Y8gM6FYNHdabaTDxdV93HJx0DNqzWKlkm-FVOSv9p2tbmBn2od8EEWn3W4Qdha72oHPjOcrmfG7wSKMzN9c63XRW1/s320/IMG_6298.HEIC" width="320" /></a></div>
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Hope and I in front of the Ogden Nature Center model house.</div>
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The Nutcracker House (I thought Steven might be impressed with their collection)</div>
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Hope and I in the laps of random giant bears.</div>
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A really cool model of a historic hotel that is in downtown Ogden.</div>
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I can't remember who set up this display but if you look close, it's gingerbread people in a "hot tub" of hot cocoa, topped with whipped cream. I thought it was cute. </div>
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And now for a few other pics. </div>
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I painted this for a co-worker. I'm still not great but I'm learning and having fun doing it. I was pretty proud of this one so I wanted to show it off.</div>
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So I bought myself a tiny tree. Like 3.5 feet tall or something. I set it up. And left the house for a little while and this is what happened. I guess I didn't have it stable. UG. I lost a few ornaments. But most survived. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTFqlViVNzId8pXYwjGC24gIkZn440UyleRwE7nqyMi-LTbRVYiljwaf-cY_QPenmC10d33Xy-qa5VQKK-Z_Z5Wk4XV3SAzUydyY0PaBsEHqiaLlb7bdsP8qE1LLQGiHI74w8CPBoWKVOA/s1600/IMG_6327.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTFqlViVNzId8pXYwjGC24gIkZn440UyleRwE7nqyMi-LTbRVYiljwaf-cY_QPenmC10d33Xy-qa5VQKK-Z_Z5Wk4XV3SAzUydyY0PaBsEHqiaLlb7bdsP8qE1LLQGiHI74w8CPBoWKVOA/s320/IMG_6327.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
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Here it is completed and upright again. </div>
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Another painting for a coworker. This one I am more critical of, but as I said, I'm still learning. </div>
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Hope and I made ginger cookie houses! The ones that come in kits. Maybe some year I'll make my own ginger cookies/bread. We did a train (with a cart that holds trees) and a cute dog house!</div>
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Kirsti and I went to see the Lights at Temple Square. It really is so busy. I don't mind going, I just wish there was a good time when there are less people around (not likely).</div>
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So as most of you know I went to Arizona to be with Mom and Dad for my two weeks off for Christmas and New Years. It was a great two weeks. Though the drive there and back was LOOOOONG. 10 hours give or take. With two dogs. I could go into the disasters that ensued on the way there, but lets stick with happier memories. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxRdWv6Omy48uLi7naxVrr7gunkr1qUouhok9Z43TsFVY0MngWAVmQb8nZR8FYge45fyrJJ4ediylaN7vfS5X41IqgbmGyA8kfSGxsVfRzscfm7Ehxu8wAJho3FbV_UY6jF8SLwXzyLj3j/s1600/IMG_6357.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1203" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxRdWv6Omy48uLi7naxVrr7gunkr1qUouhok9Z43TsFVY0MngWAVmQb8nZR8FYge45fyrJJ4ediylaN7vfS5X41IqgbmGyA8kfSGxsVfRzscfm7Ehxu8wAJho3FbV_UY6jF8SLwXzyLj3j/s320/IMG_6357.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
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Packed up and ready to go!</div>
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One of the many beautiful views. One of my regrets was that in my haste to get there I didn't stop very often to take pictures of the amazing drive. Driving through evergreen forests, driving along stretched of highway just like this one. At one point I saw one of the most heart wrenching sunsets I've ever seen again beautiful purple mountains that were back lit. And I had to write about it the second I had a chance once I arrived in Arizona because I didn't want to forget it and I didn't get a picture! Oh well. </div>
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I made it safe to Arizona and the following are some fun pics of my time there. </div>
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I'm the best Christmas present you'll ever get! (Hehehe)</div>
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This was one of my favorite things. In my cracker that I got from Kirsti and Ryan, I had two bouncy balls. I would put Lily in the back yard and then let Bones have at it. He really is hilarious and had a blast and was so aware of Alice! It was great. </div>
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Bones and Dad were reunited and Bones loved it. I think Dad did too. </div>
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The next several pictures are from the Rare Earth Gallery which I'm sure many of you have heard Mom and Dad talk about (and I think some of you have been to!). I was in awe and wonder. So I'm sharing just a few memories from it. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxM3k11TckMcD3yhdblS_4FoYT1lxIzm9PBOJycKbqe_k2dpnCPgq7xdV3uToEwZwXNnT1l0fM2d03CXDaYhPNVK5-7Ek2ulo6ERv8Tgzse_wJakk03rtI9B8M0rFB6tnH0Z-Oh_eM6Hqc/s1600/IMG_6430.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxM3k11TckMcD3yhdblS_4FoYT1lxIzm9PBOJycKbqe_k2dpnCPgq7xdV3uToEwZwXNnT1l0fM2d03CXDaYhPNVK5-7Ek2ulo6ERv8Tgzse_wJakk03rtI9B8M0rFB6tnH0Z-Oh_eM6Hqc/s320/IMG_6430.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
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I got some lovely earrings that were made from this kind of stone. (Don't ask me what it is. I have it somewhere but don't feel like looking it up). </div>
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This kind of fools gold (pyrite) grows with perfect edges just like this, in cube form. Nature really is the coolest. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAUlBEPtT1LzUJPkA2J2Xy9I6P7erT0oQNwj-EDFCjrWprFIB-yJVSH0iYlA91ncn-HuOhgSIBsCuHCbFcT7Tn3nvFuhfVUnwQ7vBuUfwwRFreIL-6_8zDvGfCuX09AZDDKiVyddXNQEzp/s1600/IMG_6437.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAUlBEPtT1LzUJPkA2J2Xy9I6P7erT0oQNwj-EDFCjrWprFIB-yJVSH0iYlA91ncn-HuOhgSIBsCuHCbFcT7Tn3nvFuhfVUnwQ7vBuUfwwRFreIL-6_8zDvGfCuX09AZDDKiVyddXNQEzp/s320/IMG_6437.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
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Mom, Dad, and I went to the top of a mountain in Phoenix. It was a perilous drive but too high to hike for the three of us so we braved it. It was windy! But they views were pretty cool. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjow7ue9RI1CilrWR2Xo-91XXKGAA3RTOZyVxBKNaAqKzoD-Rd8FOj3YI6xwCbr5-VpvoGmqi0TPITtYr55DRwKaI-SBQKWMiEvWqpplA3WcjSNCUF09m_YBF3LVptEUUHlAssTYYtTcj5G/s1600/IMG_6454.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="439" data-original-width="1600" height="87" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjow7ue9RI1CilrWR2Xo-91XXKGAA3RTOZyVxBKNaAqKzoD-Rd8FOj3YI6xwCbr5-VpvoGmqi0TPITtYr55DRwKaI-SBQKWMiEvWqpplA3WcjSNCUF09m_YBF3LVptEUUHlAssTYYtTcj5G/s320/IMG_6454.HEIC" width="320" /></a></div>
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Then we went to see some petroglyphs. </div>
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We also went on an adventure to Tortilla Flat located in Tonto National Forest, near the Superstition mountains. Here are some cool views and such. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEPtTaWicNQ_R1Nz_ecmkZEzSslQgozNLBemY2xPM7srPNOuiPkJwDFqU_gH4ltFMgzSrlv6OvSwATji5_tOvPG_mlsi5MkH6js7Dmnelv0Pws9dFuypLLW_gq3lFHc2aRjD1e-Oi2fMLG/s1600/IMG_6460.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEPtTaWicNQ_R1Nz_ecmkZEzSslQgozNLBemY2xPM7srPNOuiPkJwDFqU_gH4ltFMgzSrlv6OvSwATji5_tOvPG_mlsi5MkH6js7Dmnelv0Pws9dFuypLLW_gq3lFHc2aRjD1e-Oi2fMLG/s320/IMG_6460.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
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Not so much a "cool" view, but there is legend that a man called The Dutchman found gold and carried the secret of the location of it to his grave. Apparently no one has been able to find it in all these years. But at Tortilla Flat they have this silly little fake entrance to his mine. </div>
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Baby rattlers, heheh...</div>
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I know a lot of people frown on graffiti, but this is art. I don't care what anyone else says (spray painted on the side of a cement tunnel)</div>
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The superstition mountains. </div>
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Finally, Mom, Dad, and I went to see the sun rise New Years day. The day I drove home. It was a lovely end to a wonderful trip. I'm so glad I got to go.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe7fvfZZkRskG13xKquObhqZZCVO2dxoAqj2pulKHHt1GS5uo34LFXKXsnkagfiG4tz35MbHxPtJ-MVanjA2qQ6EDUc0RnyMYAtyCxX3DE9iSKQVAZoo5dOn9Uter4dYicElXGxOQssXFR/s1600/IMG_6539.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe7fvfZZkRskG13xKquObhqZZCVO2dxoAqj2pulKHHt1GS5uo34LFXKXsnkagfiG4tz35MbHxPtJ-MVanjA2qQ6EDUc0RnyMYAtyCxX3DE9iSKQVAZoo5dOn9Uter4dYicElXGxOQssXFR/s320/IMG_6539.HEIC" width="320" /></a></div>
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So...if you managed to make it to the end, thanks for joining me on this photo dump adventure. <br />
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I really do want to do this once a week. And I'm gonna try. So dumps like this shouldn't happen again (hopefully).<br />
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I send love to all my friends and family who might be reading this. I look forward to this new adventure that the new year has brought to me.<br />
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And look forward to many more fun times. </div>
Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-53302087734364028372018-11-25T14:53:00.002-08:002018-11-25T14:53:53.844-08:00Recent Adventures <div style="text-align: center;">
So basically I have been lucky enough to go to some really cool places lately. </div>
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Nearly a month ago I went hiking and camping with my other education staff coworkers from Ogden Nature Center. We went to Little Wild Horse Canyon and Goblin Valley.</div>
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Then a couple weeks ago, I was in Cedar City. Hope and I stayed the week there at her parents house while we taught at schools in that area. We got to do a little exploring while we were there. We went to Snow Canyon State Park (pretty close to Zion but perfect because there were not tons of people) and Cedar Breaks National Monument. </div>
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I've been trying not to bombard social media with floods of pictures so I decided it was worth it to share it on this blog (if people wish to read and see). </div>
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So here is my photo dump. <br />
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Maybe in a little while you'll get a post about a few other recent not so picturesque "Adventures" I've had.</div>
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Enjoy!<br />
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(There are a lot)<br />
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LITTLE WILD HORSE CANYON<br />
(8-mile hike and camping overnight nearby)<br />
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The drive was stunning in so many ways, but this was the first jaw dropper just a little ways outside the canyon.<br />
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A short way down the trail we came upon some large cottonwood trees perfect for climbing. Lily wanted to join the fun!</div>
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I had never been through a slot canyon before and I was amazed at the intricate waves and patterns the water, wind, and sand had made in moving through this canyon. It tells a rather dramatic and stunning story. I kept wishing I were a geologist!</div>
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The crew stops for a break. Hope is walking Bones, I have Lily, Alex is in the red sitting down, the two standing right next to each other are Daniel (my office mate) and his girlfriend Kate, the other two standing a little apart are Brent and his photographer wife Kirsti ("ker-sti") who is from England. Her photography is brilliant.<a href="https://kirstygemma.com/shop/"> https://kirstygemma.com/shop/</a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDRgIjodH8y2aCB0vyeY2yluJsmira2_nFvQnx_XbXSX0hhMjD5IMEsoNgo-uOkya4Xmk4c13F6NzyUfkr1RSr-jJyvLksxi6USGE4BoHYSlEKeYlK7m49OxfhvGTm0FmtKDE1OQtqpV5s/s1600/IMG_5805.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDRgIjodH8y2aCB0vyeY2yluJsmira2_nFvQnx_XbXSX0hhMjD5IMEsoNgo-uOkya4Xmk4c13F6NzyUfkr1RSr-jJyvLksxi6USGE4BoHYSlEKeYlK7m49OxfhvGTm0FmtKDE1OQtqpV5s/s640/IMG_5805.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div>
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There wasn't a ton of wildlife in the area but we did see several lizards! (no idea what kind for sure)</div>
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A lot of the trail was narrow like the pictures above but there were times when it would open up into clearings (like the one we were all hanging out in). Sometimes it would open up enough for several people to walk next to one another. </div>
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Can you find the face that's cracking up? Get it? Because it's a rock...and it has...you know...cracks? There's a face that looks like it's laughing ok? I'm not a comedian. </div>
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I eventually let the dogs off their leashes once the crowds of people thinned out. Here they are blazing the trail for us with Daniel and Kate.</div>
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There was not a lot of vegetation either. Juniper was the tree of the day and this giant, sprawling one was just breathtaking. </div>
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Lily poses on a rock!</div>
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If you look close you can see Bones' eyes look a little glassy. I had sedated him what I thought was a little bit for the 4 hour drive there. He turned out to be more sedated than I thought! Poor boy. </div>
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The second half of the hike opened up quite a bit and was more of the kind of canyon you would expect and less slot like. But the view were still beautiful. </div>
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Bones was such a trooper for being a little sedated. He was often the one at the head of the trail. At this point the dogs and myself were pretty work out. I'd never taken them 8 miles before and I hadn't hiked more than a few miles in years. But I felt rather accomplished (and luckily there wasn't much gain in elevation).</div>
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On the way out. Those cottonwoods. I miss the red of maples but I do love the yellows of the fall here. </div>
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The dogs were pooped! So was I.<br />
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This is the view from our camp area (since you can't really call it a site. It had a fire pit made by someone else but that was about it). The was as the sun was setting. I couldn't take good pics after the sun went down but it's been a long time since I've been somewhere with so little light contamination. The stars were wonderful. And our little camp of random collections of food made for a nice dinner.</div>
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It was cold though.</div>
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This was a lovely little succulent I found the following morning.</div>
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The night was rough as it was so cold and because of the temperature drop (and it's the desert) there was so much condensation that it got quite wet overnight. I didn't sleep much and since I was exhausted from the day that was rather unfortunate. BUT the rest of the day made up for it. </div>
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The following are just some wonderful pics from Goblin Valley State Park (you know, where they filmed some of Galaxy Quest!). It was so fun to climb and explore and be adventurous. I've missed that. See if you see any goblins!</div>
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These rocks aren't really that pretty but check out that goblin face profile!</div>
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Hope and I in a little cave we found.</div>
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SNOW CANYON STATE PARK</div>
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(several weeks later. Just a day trip while we were in Cedar City)</div>
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This state park has so much amazing and distinct geology! Not only did there used to be sand dunes here but there also used to be volcanic activity! It makes for some really cool rock formations. </div>
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Hope my adventure companion looks out at the beauty of the landscape.</div>
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I'm silly but I got really excited at seeing all the unique plants that I've never seen in person before. I'm a true nature nerd. </div>
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Cactus!!!!! (I can't really convey to you how excited I was to see all the cactus)</div>
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So what makes these rock formations are PETRIFIED sand dunes. So cool.</div>
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There were soft sandy areas here still and it made for some cool track finds. How many kinds of tracks do you see? (I see at least three...one of them probably had a tail). </div>
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Between some of the petrified dunes were some short slot canyon type areas. Fun to explore. </div>
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Not pictured is the random small sapling of a tree I saw which had leaves that looked like a redbud! I was so surprised...I didn't know redbuds grew in this area. After researching back home I discovered that there is such a thing as a desert redbud! Again...nature nerd. I thought it was cool. </div>
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There was this amazingly colorful lichen splattered in random places. Against the red rocks it was very striking. I loved it. <br />
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Another tracks find. I have no idea what kind of tiny creature makes these! It's got to be a mammal...maybe a mouse of some kind? </div>
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Look at this crazy cool cactus!!!</div>
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CEDAR BREAKS NATIONAL MONUMENT</div>
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(we just drove up here to see it)</div>
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This was rather stunning and was up in the mountains a bit, a short way from a ski resort area. </div>
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Off in the distance on a clear day you can see Nevada. And also in the distance (not super visible in this picture) you can see Zion national park. <br />
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Thanks for putting up with this photo dump!<br />
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I'll be better in the future not putting things like this off. </div>
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Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-223681767002819062018-10-17T09:59:00.002-07:002018-10-17T09:59:26.687-07:00Creatures of the Night and Why it's Been So Long<div style="text-align: center;">
Hello again friends and family. </div>
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<a href="https://blog.patrickrothfuss.com/2018/08/a-blog-if-only-barely/">I recently read a blog entry by my current favorite fantasy author Patrick Rothfuss</a>. He had reentered the blogosphere after months of absence and expressed exactly what I've felt for the past 3 years.</div>
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I feel like I used to love to come here to express myself. Emotions good and bad. Life mundane and interesting. </div>
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It was good practice for writing and a good brain exercise. But for the past several years life has felt heavy. Like I was dragging myself through the same mundane tasks over and over again. Waiting tables, living in Columbia, same old same old. I felt as if there was nothing interesting enough to put in an entry that people might read. And any time I had a spark of inspiration I would start an entry and then the idea of completing that entry in the same state of inspiration it started in became exhausting and cumbersome. I couldn't do it.</div>
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Then I moved to Utah. Exciting, right? So many new things to experience, so much beauty and variety to spark the imagination. A new home, a new life, surely there would be so much to share!</div>
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But when I got here I found myself in the same drudgery that I had left back in Missouri. I'd actually taken a step back. I was working at a PIZZA BUFFET. <br />
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(Shakes head sadly)<br />
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Those were dark days. <br />
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In any case to sum things up, life was tough when I first got here and the last thing I had mental energy for was writing a blog entry.<br />
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Fast forward almost a year to RIGHT NOW!<br />
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I have my dream job which builds me up rather than breaks me down. On top of that for the first time in years I have a fairly regular work schedule giving me late afternoons, evenings, and most weekends off. I live in a good place. Ogden is just waiting to be explored by me. The mountains are beautiful and inspirational. I can't wait to build up my outdoorsey muscles.<br />
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More importantly I finally find myself in a head space where creativity is a things I strive for again. <br />
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So here I am, starting small so I can work up those brain muscles. <br />
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Below are a few photos I've taken recently of the mountains in Ogden and of a really fun Halloween event we held at Ogden Nature Center called Creatures of the Night.<br />
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It's a family friendly, no scare event for young children with a couple food trucks, hot cocoa, "carnival games" (in quotations because they resemble carnival games but are nature/Halloween themed and are all hand made by us), an evening hike called the crepuscular creep (where staff member dress up as creatures active at dusk and teach about those creatures), a few other really fun activities, and ME. The fortune teller. I think my costume turned out well. I had on owl puppet that I used sometimes. I called him Bartholomew.<br />
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Children entered my tent and I sat at a table, welcoming them to Madame Greentree's tent of fortune. There were some lights strung up for effect. I would ask them some easy, cute question like "what is your favorite thing about Halloween" or "what is your favorite candy". After they answer I tell them to reach in the cauldron and draw out a creature (there was an assortment of small, mostly African critters made of rubber. The kind you can buy in bulk.). I see what they pulled out and then tell them I must consult the spirit of the creature they drew. I close my eyes and maybe put my hands to my head or something-then I tell them a scripted "fortune" based on the creature they drew. All the fortunes were based on what that creatures represents as a spiritual totem. This information I just looked up online. But it was fun and cute. I wasn't telling specific futures per say but I would say things like "The spirit of the bear tells me you have great strength" and throw in something silly like "and that you like to sleep all winter long..., wait...that's not right. The spirits must be confused". The I go into something like "the spirits tell me your are mindful and that in your future it will be important to save your energy for when it is most needed." Something silly like that. I might tell them a few other traits they have or will have based on the bear. If they are older I can give more specific fortunes. Then at the end I would task each child with a quest. Their quest was to use the power of their animal (the bear, the giraffe, the tiger, etc.) for good and not for evil. To use it to help their friends and family. And if they accepted they would receive good luck, good fortune, and much candy in their future. They get to keep their little animal figurine.<br />
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It was cute. It was fun. I loved it! (Except when I had a string of 6 teenagers come through...it felt weird giving them childish fortunes they had to know were fake. One kid asked me if he would be a businessman...I said I couldn't tell future specifics. All I could do was read auras.<br />
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Below are some pics.<br />
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I hope you enjoyed this little window into my life. Look forward to more in the future. Madame Greentree foresees it. <br />
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My tent made up of carefully clothes pinned sheets and blankets. It did little to protect from the cold of those two nights.</div>
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My cauldron set up. I really wanted to add dry ice but no one else seemed excited about that idea so I let it go. </div>
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I really wish this owl puppet looked more real. It would have been more fun that way. He looks very muppety. </div>
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Apparently I have the perfect face (and face shape) for this role. At least that's what someone told me. Clearly I am in the wrong profession and should be making my money conning people as I tell them their fortunes. </div>
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There's been some snow on the mountain tops as a little moisture arrived.</div>
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Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-49698145247327409152018-10-01T11:51:00.002-07:002018-10-01T11:51:16.906-07:00Blogs may not be what they used to be, but I'm still here. <div style="text-align: center;">
Hello again world! </div>
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Family, friends, random person who accidentally finds themselves here, I come to you after 3 years of silence (and another sporadic 3 years of on and off before that) to once again share with you my world.</div>
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Such as it is.</div>
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Not for popularity or recognition. Not for validation.</div>
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For connection. </div>
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Also because I'm a little rusty in the writing department and I figured dusting off the old blog might be good practice. </div>
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The clacking of the keyboard has a sense of familiarity. But the flow is slow and sluggish. </div>
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Maybe a quicker wit, a larger vocabulary, and awesome extended metaphors will come back to me again. For now, I just wanted to take some time to say just how thankful I am for my life right now.</div>
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What a blessing it is to even be able to say that. To recognize all the good. Because let me tell you...</div>
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...Things leading up to this were tough. </div>
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But lets save the toughness for an different reflecting period. </div>
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Today, let me tell you about my job.</div>
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(skipping the journey of getting there for now).</div>
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Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think a high percentage of people would say that working for a non-profit, making next to nothing, having to be a jack of all trades, and wrangling children is their idea of a dream job.</div>
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Well.</div>
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Let me tell ya. </div>
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It's been mine since 2011. </div>
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Working for a nature center has been my goal since my first taste of it working in Maine at Merryspring Nature Center. </div>
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And if I had any doubts that this job would be just as amazing, they have been since quieted. </div>
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This job at Ogden Nature Center is literally my dream. </div>
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I get to go to a 152 acre nature preserve every day, work with a bunch of other kooky naturalists who love the outdoors, and EDUCATE!</div>
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Now if you had asked young Sarah if she had any plans of teaching, like...at ALL, she would have laughed in your face. She was going to work with animals and own 100 brown puppies and 100 white puppies, dang it! She was going to be an animal trainer for movies. Or a Zoologist. (Or maybe a special effects artist...that was a random one). </div>
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Sarah Lambson an educator? Nah.</div>
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Funnily enough, pretty much everyone in my family has done some educating of some kind or another (formal or informal) and the fact that it runs in my blood is rather encouraging. </div>
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And when I realized I loved it, I ran with it.</div>
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And so here I am. </div>
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For anyone interested I'm gonna outline my job below (feel free to skip if you bore easily).</div>
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I would try to outline a day in the life for me but the fact is, every day is different. </div>
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For clarity's sake I will say that I was hired because of a grant through iSEE (Informal Science Education Enhancement). The grant qualifications were that we created a curriculum for first graders that followed along with Utah testing and curriculum standards, teaches science of some kind, and that we attempt to reach every first grade classroom in the state of Utah in three years.</div>
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So that's a big part of my job. Maybe about half. This half of the time is spent driving all over Utah, going to schools, and teaching the same program about classifying animals into birds, mammals, and reptiles to all first grade classes. We use animal artifacts (pelts, feathers, skulls, etc.) to help teach about the traits different animals have. And we always bring a live animal (usually a snake). So far we've gone to Park City and Logan. And let me tell you: The drives are stunning. </div>
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Driving in canyons is my new favorite thing. </div>
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Another 25% of my job is helping with field trips. These are for schools that want to bring their classes (K-5) to the nature center for a seasonal program. Right now the have the option of a program called Field Ecology (where we collect bugs, learn about the food web, and explore predator/prey relations). The second is called Living Close to the Land and teaches about the indigenous peoples of Utah (we built a giant teepee, we show them how to make corn cakes over a real fire, it's cool). There can have up to 100 kids and we split them into groups and several of us take them around to the different activities around the nature center. It's exhausting work but it's outside and it's a ton of fun. </div>
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I would say about 10% of my job is other various outreach. This usually means going off site with various activities to interact with the community. I've helped out at the farmers market, gone to a block party at Weber state, taken paper making to a middle school, and taught veterans about aquatic macro invertebrates. Some time in October I'll be helping out with an owl themed outreach and I'm really excited. </div>
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What are we up to, 85%? </div>
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Another 10% is helping out with events. As a non-profit we do a lot of community fund raising events. Some are fancy, some are more relaxed. The one we have coming up that I've been doing a lot of prep for is called Creatures of the Night. A non-scary, nature/Halloween themed weekend of fun times for kids. I've helped put together several carnival games (pumpkin golf, skunk tail ring-toss, Bat/Moth), and put together a fortune teller costume for myself at the fortune telling station. This event seems like a lot of fun and I'm excited for it. The others I've helped host have been strictly 21+ and have been geared at the big money types around Ogden. I mean...we don't make money here so we want wealthy people to give it to us, right? So we throw fancy fundraisers. I get it, I just wish I didn't have to dress all fancy and be there for it. </div>
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The last 5% of my job is (hopefully) helping the nature center come up with more programming ideas and way to reach out to more and more people so we can continue to expand. My goal is going to be to create programming for the middle school and high school ages. My director isn't a huge fan of that age group so I'm not sure she'll be on board. But I love the chance to reach out to that age and really connect with them on a more in depth level. I think we could do a lot of good here in Ogden with that age group. Working with kids that age begins the next generation of environmental stewards and that's kinda the point of a place like this. </div>
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So there you have it. It may sound boring at times (heck, it IS boring at times all those phone calls and writing/re-writing curriculum). But essentially I get to play games with kids, do arts and crafts, and watch magical connections happen all day. It's a blast. <br />
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For those of you who weren't sure what I do for a living these days, this is it. I wouldn't have it any other way right now. I hope to be here for several more years. <br />
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Stay tuned for more little updates coming soon (like moving into my new place!)<br />
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Friends and family, I love you all and I wouldn't have made it here without all your help and support. </div>
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Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-46498175596895756422015-11-24T17:31:00.000-08:002015-11-24T17:31:12.290-08:00On Learning to Become my Best Self<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
(Insert obligatory apology for it being over a year since my last entry....and moving on...) </div>
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Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to find
yourself. More specifically how to find
your BEST self. <o:p></o:p></div>
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And hold onto it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I know I found my best self once. It took me years but when I discovered her,
there all the time…those were the happiest and most content years of my
life. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I knew exactly who I was and that gave me confidence,
compassion, charity, and love. <o:p></o:p></div>
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And then…<o:p></o:p></div>
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I lost her.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Two years give or take, and I lost her. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Anxiety, depression, and a total lack of trust of my mind,
my heart, and myself took away all my confidence. Everything I was so positive of. And with it went the contentment. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ve spent the better part of the last 2-3 years trying to
find her again.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I still haven’t succeeded.
I’m not giving up.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But here’s the trick to that: You’re best self is never the
same person twice. Just like YOU are never the same person twice. We are all constantly growing, learning, and
moving in some direction that changes us.
Whether infinitesimally or in great leaps and bounds, we are all
changing. For better. For worse. That’s up to you.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But the change is there.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And so with that knowledge comes the impossibility of ever
being someone you used to be. <o:p></o:p></div>
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This was something I didn’t understand for a long time. When I lost my confidence, contentment, and
all that I thought was “my best self”, I was convinced that I knew how to find
her again, and stick her back to me like Peter Pan trying to stick his shadow
back on with soap. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I believed that if I could just gather all the components of
my life while I was at my best and jumble them together in the life I had now,
that I could be that version of myself again.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I believed this and as I desperately tried to execute it, I
didn’t want to hear any different.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Luckily, I had a very patient and understanding friend. He told me over and over that I was fighting
a losing battle. That I could never be
who I was before. And that all the
things I was doing to try to get there were going to end up simply disappointing
me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I fought back for quite a while before I realized that he
was right. <o:p></o:p></div>
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And for a while I was angry and upset and it felt hopeless.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I thought that if I couldn’t become who I was when I was
happiest, then there was no way I could ever be in a happiest state again.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Foolishness.<o:p></o:p></div>
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You can never be the same person twice.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I was never going to be that girl again.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And as long as I kept trying, I was going to keep myself
from becoming the woman I had the potential to be.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I was trying to ignore all the flaws I had picked up, all
the cracks in my mind, all the nonsense.
I was trying to force myself back my skin from two years ago. Like trying to fit into the clothes you wore
when you were a child. <o:p></o:p></div>
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What I needed to do was accept those flaws as a part of who
I was becoming, and then use them to shape who I wanted to be. I needed to be
comfortable in the skin I was in and then work on making the improvements
needed so that I could be my best self 2.0.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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Little by little I have picked up pieces. I have sewn torn seams, I had sealed
cracks. Only to find new ones from time
to time.<o:p></o:p></div>
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That’s life. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The only time we find ourselves perfected is in the life to
come.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Even now I have days where I feel like I might never find my
best self again. I’ve come close, and then
lost it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I feel at times as if I’m still losing it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Drifting.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Further and further away from the vision of the woman I saw
myself becoming.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Eventually, I will have to turn away from that image and
create a new one. One just as pleasing
and grand. One with just as much
confidence, potential, compassion, and love as before. But different. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Because I am changing every day. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Some days it’s a new crack.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Some days it’s a repair.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful for that friend who helped me see the truth,
and stop holding onto the past.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s ok to use the
past as a template, and a learning experience.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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But never should we try to go back.<o:p></o:p></div>
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That leads to madness.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Always we need to be moving forward. For all forward
movement is progression. <o:p></o:p></div>
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And it will lead us home.<o:p></o:p></div>
Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-74189607453052839322014-08-05T10:27:00.001-07:002014-08-05T10:27:09.149-07:00On the Beast Inside. <div style="text-align: center;">
*******This is a post about anxiety/depression. It's very personal and not typically something I would post on such a public forum. But I feel the need to share. To be honest. And I am going to do so now. Fair warning*******</div>
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It's been nearly a year, folks.</div>
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About 11 months since I posted anything. </div>
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I don't really feel an obligation to this blog anymore, to be honest (that being said I intend to visit here more frequently again). When I created it years and years ago in college it was a place to just put things. Thoughts, emotions, tidbits about my life. As time went on it was a place to update my family on my life (when I was in Rhode Island, New Hampshire, and Maine). </div>
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Now? Well, the updates are mostly unnecessary. Nothing exciting has really happened. As for thoughts and emotions?</div>
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I've had a bombardment of those in the past 11 months. More than I think I've ever thought or felt. Nearly none of them thoughts or emotions I felt inclined to share. </div>
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And right around August/September of last year is when it all got really hard. </div>
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My way was suddenly barred by a beast I never thought I would have to battle.</div>
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The double headed monster that is depression/anxiety. </div>
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It took a really long time to admit to the anxiety. Even longer to admit to the depression. And it took until a week or two ago for me to admit that I'm not fully recovered. That while in general I can see the world in a positive light, I still battle that beast, even if he's in a smaller form.</div>
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I don't speak honestly to create discomfort. I speak as one who understands that sometimes we don't speak of these things enough. Because we are ashamed or in denial. We insist that we need to be stronger. Hide it. Keep it all inside. Admitting it means admitting to weakness, right? And we can't have that. Telling others and asking for help is putting too much on someone else when we should be able to handle it ourselves.</div>
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Right?</div>
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Wrong.</div>
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I post now about these things not just because I feel the need to come out of blog estrangement, but because I've seen too many people that I love live in denial, or hide away the things they struggle with. That beast? He works within. He eats away at the core of you, creating imbalance and pain. </div>
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You can have a dozen good days and then suddenly he's there again. You can't get out of bed and force yourself to be productive. You can't smile genuinely because in your head there is nothing really to smile about. You look inwardly and instead of the beauty you see the beast. And to your eyes, the beast is yourself. YOU are the horrible creature that is destroying everything good. There is self-loathing, there is despair, there is fear, and there is physical pain. </div>
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A friend of mine recently shared a buzzfeed post which I really appreciate.</div>
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You too can read it by clicking <a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/hnigatu/comics-that-capture-the-frustrations-of-depression">here</a>. </div>
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I want to specifically mention some of these. </div>
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Number 9: It's frustrating to be that person. The person who doesn't want to burden anyone else with my problems. For me it's not an inability to express what's wrong. It's not wanting to assume that other people are willing/able to just listen. To just be there. To take a tiny speck of my burden on themselves. Because sometimes you DO just hurt and want someone to hold you and say it's going to be ok and expect nothing from you. It seems silly to want to be alone but feel terrified of being alone at the same time. I was lucky enough to have a very close friend who never judged, who loved me enough to just be there so I wasn't alone, but not expect anything from me so that I didn't have to deal with the world. A friend who made the world melt away. I hope everyone can have a friend like that. And trust in them.</div>
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Number 10: A million times over (both in my head and out loud to my friends) I have said "I'm not the person I used to be. I miss that person". I miss the carefree, stress free person who loves hiking, biking, cooking, reading, learning the guitar. Who isn't a control freak and doesn't get anxious or sad about the silliest little things. I miss the ambitious girl who had a goal in life. I miss the girl who was strong enough to look her temptations in the face and say "screw you, I'm better than that". The girl who was strong enough to bare OTHER people's burdens. I hardly recognize me anymore. Sometimes I see the old me and I feel joy. Like greeting an old best friend. I'm still trying to morph into the new beautiful butterfly that is a combination of who I was and who I am now with what I've experienced. But that metamorphosis takes time and means letting go. </div>
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Number 13: I hope that not every person who goes through anxiety or depression (or both) has to have a friend say the following to them: "There are people out there who have it so much worse than you." Because those words hurt more than almost anything else. Why? Because YOU have been saying them to yourself all along. You know they are true. You have been beating yourself into a corner with all those words of "suck it up. You're better than this. You have nothing to be sad about. Get over it". And then here comes a friend who you hope to lean on and it feels like they are joining in the beating. Kicking you while you are down. They don't MEAN to. They are trying to help you have perspective. </div>
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Let me promise you, friends of anyone who is or has gone through anxiety/depression: these words NEVER help. They only hurt. More than that person may admit. Please...never use them. </div>
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Number 14: Very close to my heart is this one. The friend I had who was closest to me through all this was wonderful. Tried to help me gain a new perspective on life so I could pick myself up. But this friend used this one so much...and I couldn't make them understand. That it didn't matter. "You have so much going for you...you have less reason to be insecure or down about life than anyone I know...". These words hurt almost as much as telling me there are people who have it worse than me. So what if I have a lot going for me...if feels like your saying I have no reason to be anxious or depressed. You think I don't know that??? But that doesn't matter. Knowing that I have so many good things in life is not the sword that defeats the beast. In fact it only feeds him and makes you feel worse because you hate that even though you know what's good about your life that you still feel awful.</div>
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Number 16: Never tell a friend who is going through this that they are being silly. Or ridiculous. They know. And it hurts. They are trying. What they need is encouragement. </div>
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I feel like a lot of the ones that touched me had a theme. </div>
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And so I again want to reach out to those of you who know someone who is going through these things. Maybe you understand what they are going through are just want them to snap out of it because it hurts you to see them feel pain like you did. Maybe you don't understand and have no idea how to handle it.</div>
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In either case I promise you-don't try to help them rationalize through it. Because the nature of the beast is to generally be irrational. There are things that your friends will go through where they need that slap in the face. A big "HELLO! You are being silly or dumb. Stop it.". When it comes to this, the majority of the time all that friend needs is an "I understand. I'm here for you for whatever you need" or an "I may not understand, but I love you anyway."</div>
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Give them a hug. Tell them that it will pass and you will be there for them until it does. Don't leave them behind to deal with it alone. We are not solitary people. We were never meant to be alone. Don't beat them up for it. Don't be angry or upset with them. Be patient and considerate. Encouraging. It's ok to offer them incentive to get out of the house or to have fun. But if they can't do it, don't guilt them for it. Offer to be there but don't feel slighted if they just need some times alone. </div>
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I could never have written this in the midst of it all. In the darkest parts of my experience. Because I saw no light in those times. And so I never came here because I felt I had nothing good or rational to say. I've gone through so much more than just the anxiety/depression this past year. But I'm starting to come out of the woods.</div>
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Now, I am more light than darkness for the most part. But it's still there from time to time. And I have to remind myself to be kind to myself. For this too shall pass. </div>
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I want to thank you, readers, for being patient with me and this entry. I know that for some of you it will touch a part of you that knows exactly where I am coming from. I hope for some of you it will be a lesson. And for others I hope if will be a reminder that you are never alone. </div>
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I want to personally thank those of you who have been there for me through any step of the journey. You were essential. </div>
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I want to leave you all with one more <a href="http://i.imgur.com/0otnPUU.jpg">link to a comic</a>. I think the end of this one touched me more than anything. To those friends out there who are helping someone through this, my prayers are for you as well. To have the strength and presence of mind to simply say "hard day again, huh? I'm sorry." And then give that friend a hug until their pieces start to glue together again. </div>
Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-47976296777835019932013-09-06T07:31:00.002-07:002013-09-06T07:31:21.698-07:00From the other side<div style="text-align: center;">
A lot of words. A lot of introspection. A lot of sharing in this one. Feel free to pass it up.<br />
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***<br />
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I thought I knew myself.<br />
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I figured "Hey, I've lived for over a quarter of a century. I know who I am and where I'm going. I am in control."<br />
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Then something happens...and I lost sight of that. The who that I was got shifted, molded, altered. Into something...unexpected.<br />
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Good in some ways. Not good in others. <br />
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I'm hard on myself. Who isn't? I've always seen myself as above emotional weakness (silly me). Telling myself that "I'm smarter than that. Rational. Chill. Relaxed."<br />
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But then I suddenly realized that I'm just like everyone else. And in a terribly prideful way, I resent myself for it. Because I feel I SHOULDN'T be like everyone else. I should feel this way or that way. <br />
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Being a rational person...it's hard for me to feel irrationally.<br />
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So while I've experienced lessons in confidence, extroversion, sociality, etc. I've also learned about anxiety, discontent, loneliness, and all those other things that normal people feel in their normal lives. It's just that in the past they were a muted presence that I could write off with a good Bon Jovi song or a walk in the woods.<br />
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Now...not so much.<br />
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Sometimes you live your life in a whirlwind and its not until you've stepped out of the fray that you realize where you were and where you are now. <br />
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It takes time to re-orient yourself to your surroundings and to adjust to the new environment you find yourself in.<br />
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It's been ages since I posted here regularly.<br />
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I think I could fill a book with words on my life in that time.<br />
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A book no one would want to read.<br />
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I mentioned turbulence a while back.<br />
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I feel that pales in comparison to gale I allowed myself to be swept into.<br />
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I've experienced selflessness, as well as selfishness. <br />
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Contentment. Little things I've never felt before as well as big things. <br />
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Learning to let go. <br />
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Learning to hold on.<br />
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A lot of firsts.<br />
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And in that time I developed a new normal. One I felt comfortable with. Knowing full well that this "normal" was temporary. It had an expiration date. And I was okay with that. Because it was just nice to have the experience, you know?<br />
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Even in that knowledge, one can hope. And have expectancy. A time frame, maybe?<br />
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Nah.<br />
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All at once, that normal was punctured. Slowly leaked out air. <br />
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Causing tightness, uncertainty, and a sudden change in everything. Meaning that I had to change again. And learn a new normal knowing what things could be like. <br />
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My relationship glass has been shattered (a la HIMYM) and there is no going back to the normal I had before it all started.<br />
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I tried to convince myself that I was more than human. Better and stronger than the emotions that flooded through me. What did it matter that millions of people had gone through the same thing and THEY weren't spared the experience?<br />
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I had gone into it knowing what it was, knowing it would end, knowing that it was what it was and nothing more than that.<br />
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So who was I to feel all those things that are human, natural, and expected?<br />
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I tried to turn it off.<br />
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And failed.<br />
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So I let myself feel.<br />
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And started to move on.<br />
<br />
Usually I'm pre taking a situation, looking at it from outside myself, evaluating my thoughts/actions/emotions, then rationally trying to work through it.<br />
<br />
All my tactics were proving less effective this time.<br />
<br />
Hot herbal tea. Good, soul healing music. A nice long walk outside. Watching the stars. A long drive.<br />
<br />
These things used to heal all.<br />
<br />
Maybe you come to a place where you see yourself whole. <br />
<br />
Normal becomes a possibility again.<br />
<br />
(Forgive my random tense changes as I write this...I can't help if. I go from "I" to "You" back and forth. Try to keep up because I am ultimately talking about me, of course).<br />
<br />
You smile for no reason, sing along in the car instead of talking to yourself, get random songs stuck in your head again. Laugh. Joke. Breathe easy. And are generally happy.<br />
<br />
You're sure it's real. You're positive that you have a handle on things.<br />
<br />
Then in an instant, all that can change. Suddenly all the ground you gained is lost and you are back where you started when it all first ended.<br />
<br />
Why?<br />
<br />
Because like billions before you, you allowed yourself to hope. Even just a little bit. It was enough to taint your new reality just enough that when that hope is extinguished it's all the much harder to let go all over again. <br />
<br />
<br />
So, I told myself I could let this happen once, but never again.<br />
<br />
All the conclusions I had come to, the truths I had realized, the advice I've given myself...it was gone in an instant.<br />
<br />
<br />
You're sitting there and suddenly it's all "Deep breaths, here it comes."<br />
<br />
What is it?<br />
<br />
I have no idea. I can't put a finger on it or rationalize it. But it's there. This undefinable worry.<br />
<br />
Restlessness.<br />
<br />
A knot in the pit of my stomach that I can't explain.<br />
<br />
This isn't me. The Sarah Lambson I know well is rational. Stable. Feels emotions deeply, for sure, but is in control of them (unless she is watching the end of Return of the King or Dead Poets Society). <br />
<br />
(allow me to change tenses for a moment)<br />
<br />
Suddenly there's the hole again. Deep in the core of you. Yearning for something else. Something more. Something you know you aren't meant to be without.<br />
<br />
All you want to do is fill that hole. You know logically that this should be possible. Fill it with the things you love, the people you care about. Fill it with service.<br />
<br />
But you find, instead, that you don't want to do those things you love. Not unless you can do them with someone else. The people you care about offer welcome relief, but it is temporary. You can find peace in service, but at the end of the day you must also take care of yourself. As you are taking care of others who is taking care of you?<br />
<br />
These thoughts, feelings, stresses, anxieties. They used to center around a particular subject. But lately that has faded into the background and you are left befuddled. Completely baffled as to why you feel they way you do.<br />
<br />
Maybe it's residual. Mostly it's irrational.<br />
<br />
But probably it's wishful thinking. Trying to convince myself that it's nothing to do with what it was about before. Because I'm over that. I've turned over a new leaf and discovered release.<br />
<br />
But have I? Is this new found release causing new feelings of unfamiliarity? Is this experience of letting go leaving me drifting aimlessly?<br />
<br />
I was holding on. Tighter than I'd like to admit. It was kind of like Eric (Magneto) holding onto that submarine as it plunges deeper and deeper even though I know I'm probably going to drown. I finally let go and I'm floating directionless and disoriented in the water. Listening as hard as I can for that Charles Xavier voice in my head-drawing me back to the surface. While I'm down here, I can't breathe. And I have little direction.<br />
<br />
I feel like I let myself go in that whirlwind. I didn't keep my eyes fixed on something still. And now I'm left discombobulated. Trying to find something to fixate on again. Focus, drive, motivation. What am I moving towards? Could someone tell me? Because I've no real idea.<br />
<br />
All I know is all I can do and lately it doesn't seem like enough. It's like I WANT to do all that I can but I keep getting pulled back being told "not yet".<br />
<br />
Not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet....<br />
<br />
Why is it so hard right now? Because even a few weeks ago I had times of peace and contentment. Maybe it was false reality but it was there. There was something sure about gripping that submarine. Either I was going to accomplish my goal or I was going to die trying, dang it!<br />
<br />
Now as I'm drifting? I feel discontent. Unsure about everything. And that peace just isn't there and if it is, it lasts only moments. A flicker that burns out quickly.<br />
<br />
I know it's irrational. I know I have no reason to be unhappy. To worry so much about NOTHING. Or about things that are out of my control.<br />
<br />
That's why it's so hard. Because I don't understand myself. I can't rationalize through the way that I'm feeling.<br />
<br />
Maybe it's because I know I'm waiting and waiting is just about all I can do. I need to wait PATIENTLY and wait well (meaning not just sit here twiddling my thumbs, but be progressively moving upward). And this is the restless anxiety associated with waiting uncertainly for something. Like test results.<br />
<br />
What are you supposed to do while you are waiting?<br />
<br />
When you've been told that ALL YOU CAN DO is wait?<br />
<br />
Endure to the end, do all that you already are. Press forward.<br />
<br />
And that's it.<br />
<br />
You can't do any more than that.<br />
<br />
Patience is one of the hardest lessons to learn. Knowing that you could have what you wanted if only it were the right time.<br />
<br />
***<br />
<br />
Then time moves on. Little by little you learn what you need to. Realize what everyone has been telling you all along. Move on.<br />
<br />
And eventually a light bulb goes off and you think "yeah. It's time."<br />
<br />
***<br />
<br />
Things aren't perfect.<br />
<br />
I'm okay.<br />
<br />
This is all just angst flowing out of my brain and through my fingers. It's therapeutic. Putting it all out there because I know others know exactly how I feel. And this, in some weird and unnecessary way, connects me to those people. <br />
<br />
Helps me relate.<br />
<br />
It's why I blog, honestly.<br />
<br />
It's not for the benefit of anyone else but myself, really.<br />
<br />
This was a doozy. If you got here, thanks for taking this journey into my brain with me.<br />
<br />
I have been so wrapped up in the insanity of the summer and of my emotions I have had no desire to blog.<br />
<br />
The fact that I'm here again is a good sign to me.<br />
<br />
Even if I do tend to overshare. <br />
<br />
HAPPY FRIDAY!!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-65668040367160046062013-08-29T19:38:00.000-07:002013-08-29T19:38:25.342-07:00Summer of Change<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm still alive, I promise.</div>
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I feel like I blinked and May, June, July just disappeared. August is following suite-it being the end of the month.<br />
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Lots has happened and I've found myself not only insanely busy and perpetually occupied. Honestly though, even if I'd had the time, the crud in my brain has been of a murky nature lately. Nothing that came out of it in the past 3-4 months would have manifested itself in anything other than something that resembled teenage silliness or angst. Nobody wants that. <br />
<br />
A lot has happened, though, and I feel like I need to get everyone updated! Just because. <br />
<br />
And I've got pictures!<br />
<br />
First things first. <br />
<br />
This is my boy.<br />
<br />
I obtained him from the Central Missouri Humane Society towards the end of May.<br />
<br />
He wasn't what I was looking for, exactly. I had a few other dogs in mind. But Steven and Tamara went with me and talked me into him looking at him. That was enough to show me it was meant to be. He was so smart, and playful, and affectionate! <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP5VIpRQTV4SIMHNMHBe7EaEkVggGUAEPmyx0CN_OzJnUNiHPhi-MBS_hxAQm3uW-7gz0OU6w8e4CMPgGyQfx2AykZmJ1XOHTaowO5UelnhsXlK35D4g6qdjQvpukYsb0ta-fwWjxg_RjM/s1600/20130817_134110.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP5VIpRQTV4SIMHNMHBe7EaEkVggGUAEPmyx0CN_OzJnUNiHPhi-MBS_hxAQm3uW-7gz0OU6w8e4CMPgGyQfx2AykZmJ1XOHTaowO5UelnhsXlK35D4g6qdjQvpukYsb0ta-fwWjxg_RjM/s320/20130817_134110.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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His name is Bones. No, not for the TV show with David Boreanaz. Nothing to do with him being a dog and dogs liking bones. </div>
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Nope, it's much nerdier than that. </div>
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He's named for Dr. Leonard McCoy off the original Star Trek series.</div>
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Yup. That's right.</div>
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He even has the Trekkie name tag to prove it.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFgs7T3H9IaXzfLxprWlN0I0WOB6LswyYtO1DQ3ctDqWHUklC_UW0HJ9hS2gBaWg1v_Qtn1Q59VpEvPO9PvjVb3H11qFHLfO7ZwELrIky6-DzL4UPIobBJTqp6wK1j5tbnwn9qTg8IItTv/s1600/20130529_103739.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFgs7T3H9IaXzfLxprWlN0I0WOB6LswyYtO1DQ3ctDqWHUklC_UW0HJ9hS2gBaWg1v_Qtn1Q59VpEvPO9PvjVb3H11qFHLfO7ZwELrIky6-DzL4UPIobBJTqp6wK1j5tbnwn9qTg8IItTv/s320/20130529_103739.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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He's incredibly playful which I love! He loves his toys (playing fetch like a pro and tug of war) and romping/wrestling. </div>
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He also loves his cuddle time and is a champ about sleeping in when I want to. </div>
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Just look at that face!!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc58KdatzZ8La8nx-Mdwg3u_OyKF2RdshLUnwfWVc1xmSAxqf0kz7LS9AJtdw7wUoQJDvWeja1j2_hLjRAud7lrO9Gc3TR_WklIwCgox59kcQI_vWMdw7l6Wy1MDk-Y3At0ymivwzeOQ5q/s1600/20130529_073851.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc58KdatzZ8La8nx-Mdwg3u_OyKF2RdshLUnwfWVc1xmSAxqf0kz7LS9AJtdw7wUoQJDvWeja1j2_hLjRAud7lrO9Gc3TR_WklIwCgox59kcQI_vWMdw7l6Wy1MDk-Y3At0ymivwzeOQ5q/s1600/20130529_073851.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc58KdatzZ8La8nx-Mdwg3u_OyKF2RdshLUnwfWVc1xmSAxqf0kz7LS9AJtdw7wUoQJDvWeja1j2_hLjRAud7lrO9Gc3TR_WklIwCgox59kcQI_vWMdw7l6Wy1MDk-Y3At0ymivwzeOQ5q/s320/20130529_073851.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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He's about 1 and a half years old.</div>
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He for sure has beagle/hound in him, but he doesn't have a houndy bark. He sounds and acts more like a terrier sometimes. So there's SOMETHING else in there.</div>
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He doesn't bark too much except in extreme distress or excitement.</div>
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He is almost over his submissive/ excitement peeing. Never had accidents in the house. He's a sweetheart, ready to fall in love with you after 20 seconds of interaction. He'll crawl right into your lap the second he meets you.</div>
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His big thing right now is chewing anything he can get his teeth into and finding creative ways to get around the methods I've used to dog-proof the place. </div>
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We're finally getting into each others pattern. He goes outside off leash to do his business and we've even taken walks up the drive with him leashless. He is really getting a feel for how far is too far away (though he is easily distracted). </div>
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I'm really falling for this guy! I think he might be the one. </div>
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(har, har, har)</div>
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Ready for my next addition?</div>
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First, lets say farewell to the retired Mexican Drug Lord, Javier. </div>
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I resented him most of the time I owned him (because he wasn't a stick shift and he wasn't the car that I wanted going out to Maine). But over the 2+ years I owned him he got me to and from Maine and has been a loyal vehicle. I treated him right and he got me where I needed to go.</div>
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I can't say that I'll miss him all that much but I am grateful to have had him.</div>
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Now, please welcome to the Lambson vehicle family, JUDE!</div>
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(Or as others tell me he is to be known: The Slammer-a name originated from my nickname in the YSA branch: Slambson)</div>
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Despite what others may assert, Jude is a boy car. Though I reserve the right to change my mind as I get to know him better. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilq24sE2bGHGyEb61RbxtQNmg626gJ0yHTbYeK-2yemnuxWFze06qhhYDRzfAMJjc7_imHwjWNdEdBkn9Q1em0WD11Tg6z-D0WjbjhAFOJB5evCAFzl7y2Cw9vTYGJiqmNQdwtvG0kOZ4Q/s1600/20130714_185248.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilq24sE2bGHGyEb61RbxtQNmg626gJ0yHTbYeK-2yemnuxWFze06qhhYDRzfAMJjc7_imHwjWNdEdBkn9Q1em0WD11Tg6z-D0WjbjhAFOJB5evCAFzl7y2Cw9vTYGJiqmNQdwtvG0kOZ4Q/s320/20130714_185248.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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He's a 2008 Toyota Prius. Started with a little more than 60,000 miles on him.</div>
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He's my first big girl car.</div>
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And I love him. He rides so smooth. All I have to do to start the engine is push a button! He's whisper quiet, like a ninja. Roomy. He's pretty awesome.</div>
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<br /></div>
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More responsibility, more money, longer loan, etc. But I'm glad I went through with it.</div>
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Thanks goodness for friends who convince you that sometimes you need to make the grown up decision and OWN it.</div>
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I'm happy with him. I do a lot of driving-and because of him I fill up less which is nice.</div>
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Plus with all I hear about these cars, he's going to last me a while.</div>
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Yay for big decisions!</div>
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And then I went to a Weird Al concert!! We were near the front and it was awesome. That guy knows how to entertain even on a low budget.</div>
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Behold! The many faces of Weird Al.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDXgnWKy_e-RVdbloK1xo6iSv6JJ3Gt7KrxbqxG2PxjMO0Xc6kG45UdCTpkjaOUye78Rykif-iY_d44sB2UfInVdFo99Gii2y-pwVWjgnHyPUH7fCz6meDiGg75RLJZBF40F8ww8X32EHV/s1600/20130724_194241.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDXgnWKy_e-RVdbloK1xo6iSv6JJ3Gt7KrxbqxG2PxjMO0Xc6kG45UdCTpkjaOUye78Rykif-iY_d44sB2UfInVdFo99Gii2y-pwVWjgnHyPUH7fCz6meDiGg75RLJZBF40F8ww8X32EHV/s400/20130724_194241.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE7tRRFyMe452CLA_GEcg_9LGHtgl7G4Dc2lV07Us3zPnWDT-OrGdHbkPH92Zt8SMXa-ZcCAXWsIvJlQvVDdSFcu5UuKXG5K4jI-cjIqSehu6jm6laCnsNPcCniXk1LKSjIzCOZBl_4M_o/s1600/20130724_200239.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE7tRRFyMe452CLA_GEcg_9LGHtgl7G4Dc2lV07Us3zPnWDT-OrGdHbkPH92Zt8SMXa-ZcCAXWsIvJlQvVDdSFcu5UuKXG5K4jI-cjIqSehu6jm6laCnsNPcCniXk1LKSjIzCOZBl_4M_o/s400/20130724_200239.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxiJpdCOskRTbxHGzF26ruSn1s2zB8GL4vTO4t5zNeO7o-H8QLq4E48dJLpk50FoL98tlVjQ2og-D9n1PDogI2GZSo6mSw5VQBkrGFQCrT_86ZcI58xXX0v_JE6ZUo2SG1fbYrmvP_s3PB/s1600/20130724_204519.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxiJpdCOskRTbxHGzF26ruSn1s2zB8GL4vTO4t5zNeO7o-H8QLq4E48dJLpk50FoL98tlVjQ2og-D9n1PDogI2GZSo6mSw5VQBkrGFQCrT_86ZcI58xXX0v_JE6ZUo2SG1fbYrmvP_s3PB/s400/20130724_204519.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi26sRRgl-SdF5fNRpxUY1UIhXXqm1LBcXVKTx9ajSRbd2V4gYa-FL3NcHjgKftmTfx04oFW4OTnDLdu92-ruGYoy1Np4bwAbFiqypyR81eVXYh0HcIJbjwqT3zbSYk2DWHZIszPoUoAz3K/s1600/20130724_211845.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi26sRRgl-SdF5fNRpxUY1UIhXXqm1LBcXVKTx9ajSRbd2V4gYa-FL3NcHjgKftmTfx04oFW4OTnDLdu92-ruGYoy1Np4bwAbFiqypyR81eVXYh0HcIJbjwqT3zbSYk2DWHZIszPoUoAz3K/s400/20130724_211845.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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He played a few old school songs, a lot of ones from his newest album, some of the classics (my favorites being Yoda, The Saga Begins, and Smells like Teen Spirit). It was a way fun concert.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje9XzZwVOj4Lc18NHt3JGgh_A4W639CBYtQ9RLRtIhs2QMuquKHV1wmPIDzL1rN7PPEkSrosi-atDK6Lb-WmPhKQ1L-ZWCMyETAZKMAyzR0OEecfS8oA6WruFo6VcgGSzqVbpBgiHI1fMV/s1600/20130724_212843.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje9XzZwVOj4Lc18NHt3JGgh_A4W639CBYtQ9RLRtIhs2QMuquKHV1wmPIDzL1rN7PPEkSrosi-atDK6Lb-WmPhKQ1L-ZWCMyETAZKMAyzR0OEecfS8oA6WruFo6VcgGSzqVbpBgiHI1fMV/s400/20130724_212843.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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(Sarah and Aaron heighten it up after the concert)<br />
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And just for good measure, here's a pretty picture of purple cone flowers. Taken at Shelter Garden's. It wouldn't be spring/summer in MO without a trip there.<br />
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<br />
It's been crazy. <br />
<br />
Like really crazy.<br />
<br />
And I can hardly put into words all the self discovery and change that's happened over the summer. But that's another story for another time.<br />
<br />
So there you go, my summer update! Hope you enjoyed. <br />
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I promise to try to be more consistent in the future. <br />
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It doesn't help that I don't have internet at my place that that's the most convenient location to blog. <br />
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***<br />
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Oh, and as a side note, there was a boy for about two months. We dated. Then we weren't. And that was that. Started out as a good friend and still is. That is all.<br />
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Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-81317273147722681392013-05-06T20:26:00.002-07:002013-05-06T20:26:22.228-07:00On My Revisit to the world of Blog<div style="text-align: center;">
Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please?<br />
<br />
For my next trick I will make what has vanished re-appear!<br />
<br />
Watch closely.<br />
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***<br />
<br />
Okay. So, it's been months.<br />
<br />
I've started and erased many entries since then. I had one I was going to write for my birthday a couple weeks ago. It was awesome. Simple, beautiful, exploratory, mildly artistic.<br />
<br />
And then life just kept on happening, giving me no time to breathe.<br />
<br />
I feel like I've not had a chance to catch my breath since March. The moments I've had to stop, take a breath, and take a look around have been so brief and scattered that none of them have allowed me to take a little time here.<br />
<br />
This blog, off and on a place full of life updates, has once again become simply a place of exploration (which is what it was originally created for). Living in my hometown of Columbia does that to me. While I know there are plenty of those people out there who AREN'T privy to my life experiences, I often lack the time or energy keep you all updated.<br />
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To be fair, I've sacrificed many things of late to the time gods. TV shows being one of them. Once the fall mini-break happened, I pretty much lost track of every show I've been following. <br />
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I hardly read anymore. A tragedy that I am aware of almost constantly.<br />
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Obviously I am never HERE.<br />
<br />
I don't practice the guitar anymore (it doesn't help that my instrument is being held hostage...but even if it were here I doubt I would be taking advantage of it).<br />
<br />
There are plies of things started and never finished all around my apartment. Reminders that I still don't really have this life things figured out. <br />
<br />
There are small clusters of books I intend to read lying here and there. And magazines. All forgotten.<br />
<br />
A stack of started letters. Some even mostly completed. Unsent.<br />
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1-2 story ideas sit in the back of my mind growing mold with a few pages each as the only evidence of their potential existence. <br />
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A basket of family history items provided to me by my wonderful mother lie unexplored in a basket.<br />
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Don't even get me started on my hammered dulcimer and didgeridoo...purchases that had so much potential and have sat collecting dust.<br />
<br />
It makes me a little sad. I look at the state of my life and wonder what on earth I would do if I were forced to <i>really</i> grow up. <br />
<br />
I've been thinking about growing up a lot lately. <br />
<br />
26 was an interesting age to approach. I never pegged myself as the age-concious type. The kind of girl who says things like "I feel so OLD!" while I'm still living the best years of my life. Mostly because I used to get so annoyed when people under that age of 50 said "I'm old". Because they aren't.<br />
<br />
I'm not old.<br />
<br />
But there is no denying that the feel of time is different from the other side of 25. I'm not sure what it is really. Maybe because I am now closer to 30 than I am to 20 and the view is different over here. <br />
<br />
I feel like I've taken huge strides lately in the right direction. I've made decisions that any true and mature adult should be proud of. I look at the state of many things in my life and I think "okay, I've got this well under control. Go me!"<br />
<br />
But in all honesty, I feel like I'm still waiting to really grow up.<br />
<br />
And that's hard for me because deep down, I want to stay young. We all do. I want so desperately to keep that youthful part of me alive.<br />
<br />
At the same time there are things in my life that I want very much. Grown-up things. <br />
<br />
In the past several months I've actually heard people call me mature.<br />
<br />
Every time I hear that I am at first shocked, then I glow a little with pride, then I feel an immense amount of pressure to live up to that perception.<br />
<br />
The truth is there are parts of me that do indeed feel mature. I know I've come a long way from where I used to be. I've made some good decisions. I made some significant progress.<br />
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Despite that, there is always Mindy. There is and always will be that part of me who is so abysmally immature it's embarrassing.<br />
<br />
I've come to realize, however, that this is part of being human.<br />
<br />
I cannot in proper words express to you how turbulent the past couple months have been emotionally.<br />
<br />
Some of you know (in varying degrees) of what I am talking about.<br />
<br />
Some of you have no idea what I am referencing. <br />
<br />
That's okay. I'm not obligated to reveal all the intimate details of my life. Know that I am sparing you by not delving deeper into the recesses of my mind.<br />
<br />
I will, however, share with you some insights I have come upon.<br />
<br />
One of them can be summarized by a Cat Stevens song:<br />
<br />
"Don't be shy even, when it hurts to say. Remember, you're gonna get hurt someday anyway."<br />
<br />
It sounds a little depressing but here is what I glean from this little gem.<br />
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Don't be afraid to act, and don't be afraid to be honest, don't be afraid of making mistakes. <br />
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You are going to make mistakes. It's part of life and growing. You're going to get hurt. There is no way to totally avoid emotional pain. So stop making excuses because you're afraid of that pain. You never know what could happen. There could be pain, but there could be wonderfully exciting things as well. <br />
<br />
"If you never try you'll never know just what you're worth". <br />
<br />
That one is Coldplay.<br />
<br />
While I feel parts of me have matured, I've found myself experiencing new levels of less than mature emotions. Ones that I know even the most well-adjusted of adults feel (so I don't feel quite so guilty in feeling them).<br />
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The fact remains, however, that these feelings are new and foreign to me...at least to the extent and context I feel them. <br />
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Some of them are positive<br />
(excited, joyful, elated, desired, understood, appreciated)<br />
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Others are negative<br />
(jealous, insecure, doubtful, impatient)<br />
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It's the negative ones that worry me. <br />
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I've had a few people tell me that it's okay to indulge Mindy every once in a while. She'll help me with that desire to feel youthful. She can help me experience exciting things that "mature", rational Sarah normally wouldn't try.<br />
<br />
But those four above emotions...those are the dark side of Mindy. When dark Mindy rears her head I find myself regretting letting her gain even an inch. <br />
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Externally I'd like to think that I am pretty good at keeping her at bay.<br />
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Internally the wild winds are high and fast.<br />
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Like I said...turbulent.<br />
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All revolving around a particular subject (with a few other subjects thrown in the mix just to make things interesting). <br />
<br />
I asked for this. Believe me what I say that. In truth I would not trade these experience for the world. <br />
<br />
I do complain a lot about Mindy. About being on this roller coaster. <br />
<br />
In truth, it's exhilarating terrifying, infuriating and exciting all at the same time. <br />
<br />
All at once an amazing and yet frustrating experience.<br />
<br />
During it all I feel like a complete novice. Like a flailing newborn horse trying to find its footing. <br />
<br />
I know I can't be expected to get it right immediately...and I'm just waiting to fall flat on my face, cringing and hoping with all my heart that it doesn't happen. Knowing that if it does, it will be an important growing experience.<br />
<br />
Through it all I am immensely grateful for all those friends and family who are constant sources of support, advice, or simply a listening ear.<br />
<br />
You do me more service than I think you realize.<br />
<br />
I've no idea what the near future is going to bring.<br />
<br />
That's a little scary.<br />
<br />
But I find peace in the knowledge that I have my eternal goal in sight and nothing is going to lead me away from that. Each step I take will only propel me forward, even if I end up having to backtrack or find my way because I got a little lost.<br />
<br />
This is life.<br />
<br />
This is what it means to live.<br />
<br />
As my wonderful older sister mentioned in one of her blogs, THIS is life. I need to stop waiting to live it and LIVE it because this is it. Right now. <br />
<br />
And it is a fascinating and miraculous thing.</div>
Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-83436236881698587812013-03-24T14:27:00.001-07:002013-03-24T14:27:49.982-07:00On a Snowed in Sabbath <div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
Sure, I'm disappointed that the earth is covered in the wet, cold, white of snow right -it being the end of March and SUPPOSED to be spring.<br />
<br />
But in all honestly, the thing that was the worst for me was that the snow today took away something that I really needed: going to church, partaking of the sacrament, renewing my covenants, and recharging my spiritual battery. I awoke to the snow with thoughts of forlorn disappointment.<br />
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(Totally not me, by the way. I ADORE the snow, but REALLY, Missouri? It's almost April. This is not cool.).<br />
<br />
Normally I would have immediately said my morning prayers, but I was awoken by text messages seeing what my status was with the snow and trying to confirm if church was happening or not. I spent the first hour of my morning making sure everyone was contacted and told that church was in fact canceled. With each new text I felt more and more depressed about it. How dare winter come along with one final massive blow and take away the thing I needed most at the end of this rather turbulent week?<br />
<br />
Once everyone had been contacted, I took some time to pray. <br />
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The second I got on my knees, I felt I was being wrapped in the arms of the comforter. My heart was filled, and a sure knowledge entered my heart that just because the elements prevent me attending church does not mean I could not have a meaningful and spirit filled Sabbath day. I felt the warmth of the love of my Father in Heaven, assuring me and letting me know he knew my disappointment and of the worries and insecurities of my heart of late. I knew that if I did all I could to try and keep this Sabbath day and make the most of it, I would be blessed. <br />
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I started it with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and my scriptures. Then I read an article in the Ensign. Then with my parents (whose house I'm invading to avoid being blocked into my home like I was the last snow storm) and Kailey, who was our guest, we watched "To This End Was I Born" and then listened to the Jeffrey R. Holland talk "The First Great Commandment" from last October's conference. We finished with going though the discussion questions of this weeks Sunday School lesson.<br />
<br />
I didn't get to partake of the sacrament. I didn't get to hear the testimonies of my friends and peers and be uplifted by them. No singing of hymns with the congregation. And I didn't get to share MY testimony, which is something I've been bursting to do since last Fast and Testimony meeting. <br />
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But the spirit was present, as strongly if not more strong than I would have felt at church today. <br />
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My testimony was strengthened. <br />
<br />
And I felt at peace.<br />
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In my scriptures this morning I found my bookmark at the following verses (with good reason).<br />
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Romans 2: 2, 9-16<br />
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"And <b>be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind</b>, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.<br />
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<b>Let love be without dissimulation</b>. Abhor that which is evil, cleave to that which is good.<br />
Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another.<br />
Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;<br />
Rejoicing in hope; <b>patient in tribulation;</b> continuing instant in prayer;<br />
Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.<br />
Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.<br />
Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.<br />
<b>Be of the same mind one to another.</b> Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits."<br />
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Those bolded phrases really hit me. <br />
<br />
I was reminded, as I often need to be, that I can be IN the world but do not need to be OF the world. It reminded me of a scripture in D&C to Emma Smith to seek not worldly things but to "seek for the things of a better". It was brought home to me that worldly doesn't necessarily mean material. There are attitudes of the world, social norms and expectations that don't necessarily need to be sought or followed. We don't need to let the expectations of the world wear us to nothing. We need not be ashamed by those in the great and spacious building who watch mockingly from their lofty places. <br />
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Dissimulation: the act of deceiving. "Let love be without dissimulation." I don't think anything else needs to be said here.<br />
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Maybe it means something else to others, but "Be of the same mind one to another" means to be united in progression and purpose. I also think it means being honest and communicate with one another. Communication is one of those things I need to work on in my life.<br />
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The one that is most important to me lately though is this : to be patient in tribulation or trial. <br />
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<br />
Today my dad found this while looking though files in the house. I've head versions of this before, but I would like to share this one with you.<br /><br />It's called "Laws of Nature"<br />"I remembered one morning when I discovered a cocoon in the bark of a tree, just as the butterfly was making a hole in its case and preparing to come out. I waited a while, but it was too long appearing and I was impatient. I bent over it and breathed on it to warm it. I warmed it as quickly as I could and the miracle started slowly crawling out and I shall never forget my horror when I was saw how its wings were folded back and crumpled; the wretched butterfly tried with its whole trembling body to unfold them. Bending over it, I tried to help it with my breath. In vain. It needed to be hatched out patiently and the unfolding wings should be a gradual process in the sun. Now it was too late. My breath had forced the butterfly to appear, all crumpled, before its time. It struggled desperately, and, a few seconds later, died in the palm of my hand.<br />
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That little body, is I believe, the greatest weight on my conscience. For I realize today, that it is a mortal sin to violate the great laws of nature<span style="background-color: white;">. <b>We should not hurry, we should not be impatient, but we should confidently obey the eternal rhythm."</b></span><br />
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-Nikos Kazantazakis<br />
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This analogy touches me. Deeply. Not only on a literary level (I love nature analogies) but on a spiritual level.<br />
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I've been a long time coming out of my cocoon. I have only myself to blame for that. But now that I am ready to come out, I find myself impatiently trying to force something that has to happen in its own time with its own natural rhythm. I am being refined and prepared. I am proceeding forward as steadily as I can. I know I am doing what is needed, taking the steps that are essential to me spiritual and social development. <br />
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I just need to have patience. <br />
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I've been promised some important blessings. Ones that I know I will receive as long as I am worthy. <br />
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But the waiting is the hardest part. I know this. Because I am imperfect I know I will faces those stretches of impatience. Of doubt. Of frustration. <br />
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The important thing is remembering these times-times when I know with a surety that I can become all that I'm meant to be as far as I hold steady to this path. <br />
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I was going to bare my testimony today in church but since the snow has prevented that from happening, I think it appropriate to share a portion of it now.<br />
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I have a testimony of the pure love of Christ, which is Charity. When I need it most, I feel the deep abiding love my Father in Heaven and my Savior have for me. It fills me. It pierces me. There are times when I recognize that love as something that is felt for every single person on this earth. In those moments, the veil of this mortal existence is pulled back and I see in others their glorious potential. Suddenly I am filled with that pure love of Christ and it is directed through me to others. My regret at these times is that my simple mind is insufficient to express this love to others in such a way that they can appreciate it for what it is. <br />
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I have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that as I follow His example my life will be blessed and enriched.<br />
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I know that as we seek to better ourselves through the refining nature of repentance we can constantly become better versions of ourselves and progress towards that eternal goal of celestial perfection.<br />
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I have a testimony of the divine nature of every one of us. Within us we all hold a tremendous potential. For some it takes longer to realize this and seek to achieve it. I know we all have the ability to be the version of ourselves we wish to be as long as we hold fast to the rod and never lose sight of our eternal goals. <br />
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I have a testimony that every single challenge and trial that we face refines and defines us. We are fashioning and molding ourselves into who we will be for all eternity. That takes time. And it's not easy. As long as our faith never wavers and we do our best to endure we will come out the other side better and stronger than we were.<br />
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Maybe this snow storm happened because I needed today. I needed a day like this. A day to discover how enriching every moment can be as long as we are willing to make the most of it.<br />
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I hope all of you reading this know how much I love and appreciate you. I only wish you could understand just how much. But alas, even in my way I cannot express it in words. <br />
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If my love is this great, only imagine how much greater the love of your Father in Heaven is.<br />
<div>
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</div>
Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-75411235286065476522013-03-14T19:55:00.000-07:002013-03-14T19:55:01.421-07:00On Mindy (AKA The Beast Within) Or Me Admitting I am a Little Insane<div style="text-align: center;">
Today as I walked home, I stopped and listened.<br />
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To the peepers. To the moving waters. To the breeze that has not yet found her true voice among the trees.<br />
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I breathed. It smelled of early spring. Rejuvenating, invigorating. <br />
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All of it filled me.<br />
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I paused for as long as I could.<br />
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Drinking it all in.<br />
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After all that has happened this week, I felt revived for the first time.<br />
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And I smiled. A true smile of peace and contentment.<br />
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It was a beautiful, brief reprieve.<br />
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***<br />
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NOTE: if you thought that was lovely and would rather not have your opinion of me tainted by my honesty, feel free to stop reading now. You have been warned.<br />
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Now prepare yourselves because I am about to go into an extended metaphor that delves deep into the psyche of me.<br />
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Why?<br />
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Because I know there are several people who read this who would understand and right now that's what I need. Understanding. Support. And a good kick in the pants.<br />
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Remember <a href="http://sarahlikestothink.blogspot.com/2012/06/on-voice-in-my-head-i-cant-turn-off.html">THIS</a> post?<br />
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This is an extension of that.<br />
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I've spoken here and there about the 19-year-old in my head.<br />
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This is all about her. She is the beast within.<br />
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I think she needs a name. At least for this post. Because it gets tiring to keep typing "the 19-year-old in my head".<br />
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Let's call her Mindy.<br />
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So. Mindy.<br />
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I keep her carefully locked away. And by carefully, I mean she is shut off by whatever material my mind is able to muster at the time. Lately it has been flimsy chicken wire.<br />
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I try to keep her complacent. I've found that as long as she is starved of all things she desires she is pretty docile. And so I have hammered a big sign by her cage reading "For the Love of Pete do NOT Feed Mindy". Too bad it is invisible to all but myself.<br />
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People unknowingly toss her crumbs. Nothing substantial, but it is enough. <br />
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Mindy can survive on very little-and a little goes a long way. Before I know it she is relentlessly clawing at the chicken wire which begins to give way. I wish desperately that my mind had invested in reinforced steel for her cage.<br />
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I can feel her gaining ground. The enclosure begins to give way. I try my best to patch up the damage. But before long she has broken free.<br />
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She wrecks havoc. <br />
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Most often in the form of one of the most dangerous emotions: infatuation.<br />
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The state of being carried away unreasoned love.<br />
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A foolish, unreasoning attraction.<br />
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All in all, a stupid thing.<br />
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Here's what happens (exaggerated, of course. But you get the idea).<br />
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Mindy sees the particular individual in question and instead of seeing him for what he realistically is, she plucks away every single possible redeeming quality. THEN, she molds and fashions these into a kind of idol. And it is him and only him she sees. I (the mature 25-year-old) approach her as she kneels before him (praying to her false idol that he would just SEE her for what SHE is). I put a kind hand on her shoulder. I begin to try and help her see reason.<br />
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She lashes out.<br />
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Defensive of the lies she had told herself about this person. This false religion she has created.<br />
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I present her with clear and obvious flaws in this idol. <br />
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Suddenly I am brought back to all those high school discussions on religion and the LDS church. One side tries to convince the other they are right. Both with convincing and knowledgeable arguments.<br />
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That is how Mindy is. For every hole I poke into her logic, she comes along with an argument to fill that hole. It's hopeless.<br />
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See why I never feed her? Never let her out?<br />
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I don't mean that I seek to see only the flaws in people to save myself the aggravation of infatuation. I just mean that I try to see what is real, rather than this perfect, false being that has been created by Mindy.<br />
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Her pillar of stone can never love because he does not exist. Not as SHE sees him. <br />
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I know that these feelings aren't real. But for Mindy, they are VERY real. <br />
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All she sees is that he makes her laugh, shares many of her interests, pays attention to her. Seeks her company. These are all things she thrives on. And they make her stronger.<br />
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So I do the only thing I can think of. I try to remove the smorgasbord. I starve her of what she craves.<br />
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But my attempts aren't always 100% successful. I'm still the only one who can see that sign. So there are still people feeding Mindy little bits here and there (often it is her idol unknowingly doing this).<br />
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And even after all this time, all my experience with infatuation (and unrequited love for that matter) I would think to create a cage of sturdier stuff. Sadly I can only use what my brain provides. And all I have is this chicken wire.<br />
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Sometimes I can reinforce it with boards or planks (provided by wonderful, loving friends and family). But these have a tendency to rot away as time goes by.<br />
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Mindy is a beast. Sometimes she makes it really hard to be around those that I would simply see as friends. It happened in high school, college, you'd think by now I would be past all this.<br />
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But Mindy is ever present.<br />
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So it is up to me to do what I can.<br />
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Truth is, I eventually win out. The battle may be long. I may lose ground several times. But infallible logic always prevails. And if not logic, the relentless passing of time will do the trick. Eventually Mindy will see that the idol she has created is either rusting, crumbling, or simply never replies to her pleas. <br />
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It is in those times that I am there. Just me. Having triumphantly locked Mindy away. And for a time, I feel blissful relief. Peace.<br />
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Here's hoping I find that peace again soon. <br />
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Because right now, Mindy is winning. <br />
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MORAL OF THE STORY:<br />
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Avoid false idols.</div>
Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-27435474442710761492013-03-03T20:18:00.003-08:002013-03-03T20:18:56.358-08:00On An Analogy and Lent<div style="text-align: center;">
It's been quite a while. Every time I've gone to write an entry it seems excessively moody and self-pitying.</div>
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Now that I've gotten PAST that state, I think I'm ready to weasel my way back into the blogger-verse. </div>
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And so...I give you an analogy I've been pondering lately.</div>
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***</div>
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She is the nail.</div>
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She may be galvanized, but she is not as strong as she seems.</div>
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But she does what she thinks is wanted of her.</div>
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Standing straight, she takes a satisfying plunge into the wood below with every new strike.</div>
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They are the hammers.</div>
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Each one taking its turn.</div>
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Every hit brings with it a thrill. A smile. </div>
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Because this is what is done, is it not?</div>
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That nail, she's just sitting there. Standing. Waiting. What else is there to do? </div>
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Soon she is flush with the plank. </div>
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***</div>
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To end I offer a brief explanation for those who are confused. I hope this clears things up.</div>
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Note that I mean for this to be shared on the most amiable of terms.</div>
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***</div>
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I'm not Catholic.</div>
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I never have been.</div>
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Yet for the past 3 consecutive years I have observed, to some extent, Lent.</div>
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My first experience with Lent was in High School when I was friends with a Catholic girl. She asked if I would give up something with her. I complied. Being in High School, I eventually failed (it was Soda and I LOVED me some Dr. Pepper).</div>
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In 2011, I decided I was going to give up Desserts (or sweets as some might consider them). Those things that usually reside at the top of the food pyramid. At least they did when I was in elementary school.</div>
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I did a pretty good job, I think.</div>
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So I did it again in 2012.</div>
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And again this year. I'm surprised that it has been more challenging. I feel I have more temptation and I'm more on my own.</div>
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This is the point I want to make.</div>
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I don't observe Lent because of some secret desire to join the Catholic church. I've nothing against them but I am perfectly happy in my religion</div>
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I don't observe lent because I failed to follow through with my New Years resolution and this is my second chance.</div>
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I don't do this to gloat and show off my will power or to seek the attention of others.</div>
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I do it because it is a chance for me to prove to myself that I have self control.</div>
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I am in control of my actions.</div>
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I give up desserts every year because they are one of my weaknesses.</div>
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It says in the scriptures that God will make weak things become strong.</div>
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So this, I do for myself.</div>
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I think I should just start telling people that I am going on my own 40 day fast from my temptations instead "I'm doing Lent this year". Maybe then my intentions would be clear.</div>
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Just wanted to clarify.</div>
Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-31606348211212943482012-12-12T10:09:00.000-08:002012-12-12T10:09:17.120-08:00On The 3 Categories<div style="text-align: center;">
I have this way of categorizing those individuals of the opposite gender who have any kind of placing in my life. Whether it be friend, acquaintance, colleague, etc. they all fall into one of these categories. </div>
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It came to me one day when I was having a particularly difficult struggle with the above mentioned gender.</div>
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Don't worry. There will be no man-bashing, slandering, or otherwise negative jabs at the male sex.</div>
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This is a purely scientific categorization.</div>
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<b>Category 1: The Untouchables</b></div>
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These are they who are nowhere near the realm of my achievement. I would put George Clooney under this heading if I knew him in any way. Others who are in this category include those who are (as society would put it) "out of my league". Whether this be physically, educationally, or spiritually they are, simply put, untouchable. Most likely unintentionally so, but there it is. We all know the type. And while we can dream, that's closest we will ever get. This is the simplest and generally smallest category.</div>
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<b>Category 2: The Safety Men</b></div>
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They are exactly as the category labels them. SAFE. They are either taken, pre or mid-mission, interested in members of the same sex, or just simply "not my type". They are guys its easy to spend time with because the obnoxious "interest" receptors in the brain are turned off. These guys aren't even on the radar. There is no danger befriending them or even confiding in them because they, like the untouchables, are off the table. A number of great guys in my life fall into this category. I'm glad to know them. They pose no threat.</div>
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<b>Category 3: The Danger Zoners</b></div>
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Here is where we have our problem. These guys are available, looking, and of interest. Not only are they on the radar, but they are in great danger of gumming up the relay due to the 19-year-old that sometimes occupies my brain. There are times when she can't focus on anything else. We all know the symptoms of unrequited love. The prognosis is bleak and it is quite contagious. ESPECIALLY around The Danger Zoners. They are carriers for the disease in the worst way. Because they are carriers, they have NO IDEA that they are inflicting any kind of harm. These are they who easily become dangerous and "flawless" illusions (*nod to Sabrina*). They are easy to befriend (and indeed there are some who are really GOOD friends), which often only makes things worse. Being "just friends" with someone who you are infuriatingly infatuated with is truly tragic. But those of us who allow it take what we can get, right? It's better than not being with them at all. They, like the Safety Men can be confided in because they have all the appearance of being trustworthy-this comes from the fact that they obviously have no idea of the effect they have on the girl who can't seem to convince herself that they JUST AREN'T INTERESTED. I'm sure this is because often they see the girl as their own safety individual. They often do things that unknowingly encourage the affections of said girl, making it nearly impossible to TRULY let go. Oh, she (the 19-year-old in my brain) might release for a day or two, having been talked down by the rational adult that sometimes inhabits my brain. But then something happens that causes a flare up and we're right back where we started. </div>
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The Danger Zoners are (for the most part) totally innocent in their status. Though the truth is there are guys in the world who look everywhere but right in front of them for perfection that they aren't going to find. Not that they have to settle. Not that ANY of us have to settle. </div>
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Let me tell you a little more about the 19-year-old located in my brain who I am constantly doing battle with.</div>
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She is a persistent little bugger. And she can't help but be drawn to the positive attention she gets when she sends time with these guys. She clings hopelessly to the way The Danger Zoners make her laugh, share her interests, willing put themselves in her company, etc. </div>
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And the hardest part is that there ARE good qualities about these problematic gentlemen. If there weren't they wouldn't be Danger Zoners. What happens is the rational adult in me sees those qualities and admires them. But what the 19-year-old does with that admiration is twist it into a raging emotion that is barely controlled. The rational adult, losing control of the situation, allows things to rise to dangerous levels before stepping in again. For a time I can ignore those Danger Zoners who pose a dilemma. But it's a never ending cycle and the lull doesn't last long.</div>
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I know deep down that the time spent thinking over and over this is time wasted. </div>
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I have to constantly remind myself that I've been back in Missouri for over a year. If something were going to happen with anyone I already know, surely it would have happened by now, right?</div>
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Anyway, there you have it. The three categories. </div>
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I keep a constant eye on The Danger Zoners. I try to reign in the 19-year-old. I check myself often to be sure I'm not making too huge a fool of myself. </div>
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And life goes on. </div>
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This is part of learning and growing.</div>
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It's patience, understanding, frustration, and a touch of heartache.</div>
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It's knowing that as long as I am doing all I can to keep my covenants and live the best I am able, I can't go wrong. And as I am proceeding forward, as long as I am not shutting myself away from the world, I'll find someone who will quote Star Wars with me, go on hikes, not scoff at my crunchy moderate "hippie" ways, and share my love of music. All the while truly thinking that I am worth it.</div>
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In the meantime, I'll continue to scientifically mark and categorize the men in my life into these three groups. Because there is only one who will eventually fall into the forth category.</div>
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<b>Category 4: The Best Friend and Companion.</b> </div>
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Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-66967723127236334842012-11-13T15:29:00.005-08:002012-11-13T15:29:55.875-08:00On a November Nights Dream<div style="text-align: center;">
Did I ever tell you that as a kid I used to pray for weird dreams?</div>
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Yeah. </div>
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I liked the crazy stories my mind would come up with during my night time reveries. And so I would ask God to bless me with strange and crazy dreams.</div>
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I was an odd one, for sure.</div>
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I don't ask for that anymore. And while a crazy one pops in here and there my dreams have taken on a more realistic nature as of late. </div>
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Meaning that often, while I am dreaming, I have no idea that the things that are happening aren't real. </div>
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Because they are so believable.</div>
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Over the past couple of years I've had some particularly troubling dreams. Ones where I have done something things. Bad things. And the guilt associated with the dream is so intense that I am almost crying with relief when I wake up and realize that it was, in fact, just a dream. </div>
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I can't say that I am fond of these dreams. Though I do see them as warnings. </div>
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But the dream I had last night was different.</div>
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It was a dream the likes of which I have never had before.</div>
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In it, I was going to die.</div>
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And I knew it.</div>
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I had 24 hours at the most.</div>
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There was no disease, no injury, no ailment of any kind. Just a certainty that I was, in fact, going to die.</div>
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I know that through the course of my dream I came to some rather poignant conclusions but I can't for the life of me remember what they were.</div>
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What I DO remember was the crushing guilt and disappointment.</div>
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Not terror.</div>
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And not a fear of what came after or what would happen to me.</div>
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But a deep and terrible wish that I had: </div>
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1. Done more with my life</div>
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2. Tried harder to be the person I know that I can be</div>
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I could not stop thinking about how I was going to miss out on so much of my life. I wondered what was so important in the next life that God couldn't afford to keep me in this one.</div>
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And most of all, I knew deep down that I had let too much slide. I had failed to be the strong, devoted daughter of God that I knew I had to potential to be.</div>
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Was this dream also a warning?</div>
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I know I'm not going to die in the next 24 hours (boy did I just jinx myself...).</div>
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But I know that I can always be doing better. And yet I let so much fall by the wayside.</div>
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What more should I be doing? What can I do so that if I were going to die in 24 hours I would not feel those things I felt in my dream?</div>
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I'd take strange, crazy dreams over these frighteningly realistic ones any day.</div>
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But maybe I need these wake-up calls.</div>
Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-22277350107680107342012-10-28T20:23:00.000-07:002012-10-28T20:23:07.703-07:00On A Little Passing<div style="text-align: center;">
Yes, I know that I JUST posted.</div>
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But something happened today that I felt deserved more than just a passing Facebook status.</div>
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Today, one of my two finches passed from this mortal life.</div>
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Eunice.</div>
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I just want to take a little time to remember her.</div>
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I remember when I purchased the pair of them back in September of 2008. They were actually for a presentation on bird banding I was going to give for a class.</div>
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From that time on they have been kind of a silly and random presence in my life.</div>
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After much deliberation and input from my family, I decided to name them Howard and Eunice. From "What's Up, Doc?" Need a reference? <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45opLOn23r4">Here you go</a>.</div>
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Please go and rent the entire film if you have not seen it. It's for your own good. </div>
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They were a cute little pair. A little shy at first but then learning their routine and opening up in their song repertoire. </div>
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Beeps, chirps, warbles, (and if agitated, screeches) abounded.</div>
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When I FIRST got them, they used to wake me up in the morning. But after a while I didn't mind their sounds. They were familiar. And adorable.</div>
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They used to hop and dart around their cage. Take baths that splattered water everywhere. And once or twice, little Eunice laid an egg (which never hatched, of course).</div>
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Yes, they were a sweet little duo.</div>
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Only in the last couple days has Eunice been acting strange. Not as active. Not singing as much. I thought it was just the change in weather.</div>
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I should have known it was a terrible idea to hold off turning on the heat when it was getting below freezing at night.</div>
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And so after I got back from church this afternoon, there she was at the bottom of the cage. Lifeless. </div>
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And Howard looking confused and a little lost.</div>
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Birds may not have as much intelligence or emotional complexity as dogs, but they do learn routine and familiarity. And these two little birds had been together from birth. Never separated (except for the couple times Howard got out of the cage). And so I know Howard will be a little out of sorts for a while.</div>
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I'll admit, I'm not going to loose sleep over this. I'm not going to take off a day of work. But I AM sad.</div>
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Mostly for Howard. I know he will be just fine. But he seems so lonely now. He no longer has anyone to sing with or to perch next to in the night. </div>
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It doesn't help that I am pretty sure it was my neglect in temperature regulation that KILLED Eunice. </div>
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I feel horrible about it.</div>
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She will be remembered.</div>
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I wish I had a picture of these two...but they flit rather fast and I've never taken the time to just sit there and wait for them to be still.</div>
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It's a pity. They are such lovely little birds.</div>
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So, to Eunice.</div>
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One of the silliest little birds who honored her namesake.</div>
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Farewell, tiny one.</div>
Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-37329883061830189622012-10-26T21:04:00.000-07:002012-10-26T21:04:13.333-07:00On An Unexpected Puppy<div style="text-align: center;">
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Let me tell you a story. Well, my brief part in it, at least.<br />
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It all begins last Sunday night.<br />
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Now, I wasn't here for this part. I was at home, lying in my bed, preparing for sleep. <br />
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But as I understand it, a friend of mine was in the parking lot of Wal-Mart. There, she witnessed one of the most heinous crimes. Blatant physical abuse of an animal. A small puppy to be exact.<br />
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She stepped in, as well she should. As I would have. An argument of unknown length and heat occurred in which at some point the puppy beater said something along the lines of "YOU take her then". <br />
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And so she did.<br />
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Fast forward to Monday morning.<br />
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Not being able to keep the puppy herself, and needing to take her SOMEWHERE, my friend brought her to the Veterinary hospital where I work.<br />
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The puppy had no shots, was quite shy and skittish, and had no idea what these humans around her were going to do to her. Not to mention she was CRAWLING with fleas and had scabs all over her from the scratching.<br />
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It was tragic that anytime a person approached her, she would back away...afraid. Because the humans she knew had hurt her.<br />
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Oh, and did I mention she was ADORABLE???<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1sLLhHEm7fndwGuY0hdZ9ijg0v6Q2zpZ5dQ4ZKkyvHQn5hVcvzcvPbuYkeavL_XVxD1cmWDgfuhO9qUV_JwBuD0VY-0Sal-16iQbMpns4cM9IKFKYEhQb29azGG3Xk3pj0WrB57wcEhVG/s1600/20121022_131036.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1sLLhHEm7fndwGuY0hdZ9ijg0v6Q2zpZ5dQ4ZKkyvHQn5hVcvzcvPbuYkeavL_XVxD1cmWDgfuhO9qUV_JwBuD0VY-0Sal-16iQbMpns4cM9IKFKYEhQb29azGG3Xk3pj0WrB57wcEhVG/s400/20121022_131036.jpg" width="400" /></a><br />
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She was so helpless. <br />
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I mean LOOK at that face!<br />
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But what were we going to do with her?<br />
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I had full intention of taking her home and putting a notice up on Craigs List. Not IDEAL, but it was a thought.<br />
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Half an hour after she came into the hospital and we had made sure she wasn't damaged or sick, a woman comes in with her sick cat. And guess what? She just HAPPENS to be looking for a house mate for her 2-year-old Yorkie.<br />
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The timing was perfect. I showed her the pup and made the sale. At the end of the chat, the pup wandered cautiously from my arms and snuggled right up to this new lady.<br />
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It was a sign. This was fate.<br />
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The only problem (which really wasn't a problem at all but a JOY) was that this woman couldn't pick up the pup until Wednesday morning.<br />
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So, who got to foster her in the meantime?<br />
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Yours truly.<br />
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And so for most of Monday, all of Tuesday, and Wednesday morning I was the keeper of the little sweetheart pictured above.<br />
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I'm not gonna lie. I fell in love. Even in that short time.<br />
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And when Wednesday morning came, a little part of me wished that the woman would call and say her plans had changed and she couldn't keep her.<br />
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Alas. Perhaps now is not the time for me to have a puppy. But it was a wonderful two days.<br />
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Here are some things I want to always remember about this little bundle of joy.<br />
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-The way she carefully seems to select a leaf from the countless numbers of them, pounce on it, then carry it triumphantly for a few seconds.<br />
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-The way she loves to bound through the grass. leaping like a white tail deer.<br />
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-The way she follows close by like she never wants to lose you. You always have to be in her sight. I never had to have a leash on her.<br />
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-The way her food disappears in a matter of seconds.<br />
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-The way she curls up in your arms once she is ready to settle down.<br />
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-Her adorable playfulness.<br />
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-How she looks at you adoringly. Because she depends on you and KNOWS that you love her. And she loves you too.<br />
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-The way she explores under chairs and beds.<br />
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-The way that she already knew the way home from our little walks we take up the drive. On the way back she would start charging ahead, impatient to get back. But she would wait for me to catch up and then bolt a couple feet again. SO excited to be back home. <br />
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-The way she loves car rides.<br />
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-The way she immediately began to open up once she knew she was safe and loved. <br />
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-The way she looked at my slightly steep stairs EVERY time like "you want me to do WHAT now?" but with a little encouragement, stumbled her way up. Because she knew it meant she was strong and because she knew I loved her for it.<br />
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-The fact that in only two days we had already fallen in love with each other. And even though she hardly knew me, the fact that I fed her, cared for her, held her, and loved her meant that she trusted me.<br />
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-The way she would hover around my ankles whenever there was a new person. Afraid to venture from the unfamiliar. And then she would look at me as if to ask "is this person okay?".<br />
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-How smart she was. How she already knew the trick of "I'm going to grab this things that is yours and drag it out here to get you to come out here and play with me". The good ol' bait and lure.<br />
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Let my provide you with some more pictures. They're not great. But they are what I have.<br />
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(wow, yeah...my phone IS kind of a beast...)</div>
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Bath time!!<br />
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Chomping the leaf</div>
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Early Wednesday morning when I dropped her off at the hospital to be picked up my heart broke a little.</div>
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I know it sounds stupid. To get all attached to this little mutt of a dog after only two days.</div>
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I tried to understand myself and why I got a little misty eyed as I said goodbye. Why it was a wrench to leave. Why I can't help but feel that there is now something missing in my life.</div>
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And I think I figured out what it is.</div>
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We, as human beings, need to be NEEDED. It is within all of us (well...MOST of us) to care and nurture others.</div>
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And with dogs, they are so accepting, so trusting, and devoted. They give all they have and are to be with you and love you. You are their LIFE. They depend on you. And in return for your care, they love you unconditionally.</div>
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And we all want to be loved. Deep down we all want to care for someone or something and be loved back. And dogs provide that. Unconditional companionship.</div>
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I had that for a couple of precious days.</div>
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And losing that made me feel like I lost a little part of myself that I had discovered.</div>
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All in all I am very grateful for the experience. I hope one day to have a dog as smart, sweet, loving, and overall well behaved as this little pup was.</div>
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Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-71809185032977071052012-10-01T19:51:00.001-07:002012-10-01T19:51:13.675-07:00On Revelation<div style="text-align: center;">
We all live in our little bubbles.<br />
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Where we are safe and life is as we perceive it-true or not.<br />
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We are convinced that these little worlds we have created are the sole purpose of our existence. <br />
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If any one thing is thrown out of balance, the fragile walls of these bubbles come crashing down.<br />
<br />
Right?<br />
<br />
Wrong.<br />
<br />
Life is hard. It's complicated. It's messy.<br />
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And it is nearly NEVER as we perceive it. <br />
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Sometimes we need to open our eyes.<br />
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I won a pair of sunglasses that have a hint of red tones to them. I often wear them bike riding. When I do, the limited vibrancy of this slow rising Missouri Autumn is enhanced. I can almost believe that the trees are starting to turn bright scarlet, orange, and gold. Not rust, brown, and pale yellow. It's pretty great. But the second I take them off, the dullness of reality is revealed. It's kind of disappointing.<br />
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Of COURSE we all want to wear those reality altering sunglasses through our lives.<br />
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But where does that get us?<br />
<br />
It's hard when we find ourselves faced with a revelation that changes our whole perception of a previously solid reality. There is a time of floundering and questioning.<br />
<br />
This is normal.<br />
<br />
But eventually, you are going to have to come to terms with that reality and find your footing again. Otherwise in this new exposed environment, unprotected by the paper thin bubble, we can find ourselves beginning to lose all that we sought to gain. <br />
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That's why spending life in these self-imposed bubbles is never the best idea.<br />
<br />
Step outside yourself. Look around you. WITHOUT the sunglasses. Expose yourself to reality...and over time it becomes less scary.<br />
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It's still just as hard as it's always been, but you find you are more suited to face it.<br />
<br />
We can spend our whole lives laying out the little pieces of our future. Trying to create the mosaic that we think we deserve. A collage of expectations.<br />
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How often do we limit ourselves through this act of "pursuing our dreams" and "not making compromises"?<br />
<br />
Don't take me for a cynic. I believe as much as the next person that much is possible when you put forth effort and never give up.<br />
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But then there is reality. Sometimes those pieces just don't fit. Like putting together a puzzle and trying to ram the little round end into the hole of another piece and it just wont work. Then we try to force it because we don't have the patience to look for the right piece in the seemingly endless pile of identical looking shapes.<br />
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The worst part is that sometimes that fitting piece is right there in front of us, and we either keep passing it over never giving it a change, or we've tried it several times and decided that it just doesn't look right and so discard it without a second thought.<br />
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It doesn't help that the pattern of the puzzle is ever changing. Never the same thing for very long, and so we are constantly having to alter our perspective.<br />
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Like I said. It's not easy. <br />
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It's not meant to be. <br />
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But if we keep trying to force our lives into perfection, we're only going to be disappointed. <br />
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We shouldn't devote all our time on those two pieces that refuse to fit and miss the opportunity of revealing the bigger pictures that is the puzzle. <br />
<br />
One small revelation can change things. Suddenly, a whole section of the puzzle is different. And I can't seem to figure out how it relates to the rest of the picture. Where does it fit in? Does it even belong to the same puzzle anymore? Does it work well with the rest of the images or is it a blemish to the art that is the balancing act of my life?<br />
<br />
I find myself wanting. Searching for something that I haven't had in years. Sometimes the desire for it is a hollow ache somewhere between my heart and my stomach. It spreads until it occupies a nagging corner in my mind.<br />
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And so that need to search is always there. <br />
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I can't escape it.<br />
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But I can put it aside. Place it on a shelf and let it sit collecting dust while I strive to attend the more important things in my life.<br />
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It's something I'm learning to do, and it's not easy. <br />
<br />
The last thought of the night is this:<br />
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More than anything I wish there was a way I could be just me.<br />
<br />
Just Sarah. <br />
<br />
Nothing more, nothing less.<br />
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No expectations. No brand. <br />
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Because it's okay for me to be that person. An individual separated from various hats that I wear.<br />
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In my entire life I can easily count on one hand the number of people I can be that Sarah around...<br />
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Honest. No strings attached. <br />
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And you wanna know how many of those people are still in my life?<br />
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Not enough.<br />
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It's what I'm searching for.<br />
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Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-43026461392811514722012-09-04T17:56:00.002-07:002012-09-04T17:56:43.010-07:00On Riding in the Rain<div style="text-align: center;">
When I was young, I knew how to let things go.<br />
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And it was liberating.<br />
<br />
Whatever happened to that girl?<br />
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I remember fondly weekends when the skies opened up and torrents of rain made raging rivers out of the gutters in front of our house. Across the street, sunken valleys in the sidewalk filled and became lakes. On very special days like this, with all other modes of entertainment exhausted, my little sister and I were permitted to ignore the usual rule of staying dry. <br />
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And so we shed our inhibitions and became water nymphs.<br />
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Barefoot and free, we ran into the pouring rain fully clothed, prepared to get as soaking wet as possible. <br />
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And so we did. <br />
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We would jump in the sidewalk lakes, splash through every puddle like our lives depended on it, and sit ourselves down in the gutter rivers. We would dance and twirl as the drops cascaded down on our young heads; believeing that were the richest girls in the world to have a life such as this. Who cared that we were getting drenched? Awaiting us inside were towels and warm dry clothes.<br />
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I miss those days.<br />
<br />
What brought this memory on?<br />
<br />
I found myself this past Saturday taking my bike down the familiar paths of the Bear Creek Trail. I'd eaten far too many cinnamon bread sticks from Gumby's the night before and was determined to get this ride in even though dark rain clouds loomed ahead. <br />
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Let me tell you a little about the world of the forest on this day. <br />
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It was as if it everything was heaving deep sighs of relief and contentment. From months of drought to nearly a whole day of rain-every facet of nature found itself coming upon a brimming oasis after months of trudging through the desert. Green abounded and the whole world was dripping. <br />
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I high-fived the trees as I rode. They deserved it for hanging in there.<br />
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I stopped along the bridges to watch the long dry creek beds babble along with newly supplied water. I imagined the dance of life going on under the surface.<br />
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I made it a point to speed through every puddle created in the potholes of the trail, drenching my feet and kicking up mud everywhere.<br />
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And every time I did, I smiled and the child in me emerged. My legs were soon speckled with muck and my shoes were soaked through. And I felt liberated. <br />
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About halfway along my ride, a drizzle began. <br />
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That drizzle became heavier until it was a steady downfall. <br />
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What did I do? I rode on. Felt the drops against my face, wetting my shirt and pants and immediately cooling as the wind rushed past. <br />
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Instead of feeling uncomfortably wet or frustrated by the change in weather, I felt refreshed. <br />
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Free.<br />
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And it was one of the best experiences of my summer. <br />
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Who cared that I was getting dirty and wet? At home, dry clothes and a shower awaited.<br />
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Sometimes we have to learn to let go.<br />
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Because in truth, a lot of the rules in our lives that cause anxiety, strife, and discomfort are ones created by the world and not ourselves anyway. <br />
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We all need days to kick off our tight and constricting shoes. We need to walk barefoot in the mud, jump fully clothed into lakes, ride in the rain, and let nothing stop us from doing what it is we want to do.<br />
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Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-32094600843995666932012-07-30T20:35:00.002-07:002012-07-30T20:35:24.743-07:00On *sigh* (not the contented kind)<div style="text-align: center;">
This is not a gleeful post. So let me preface it by saying this:<br />
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I'm fine.<br />
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***<br />
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You think you've got it all worked out.</div>
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You think you've made your decision. </div>
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You're sure that from now on, things will settle down. Life will click. </div>
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And you won't have to worry anymore.</div>
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All it takes is one tiny grain of conflict, careening at an unimaginable velocity, to bring your wall of certainty crashing to the ground.</div>
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But lets be honest. You can pretend all you want that your wall was made of titanium. In reality, it was made of paper.</div>
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Wet paper, at that.</div>
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I guess that means the wall doesn't come crashing down, but melting down. </div>
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In slow, agonizing globules of uncertainty and doubt.</div>
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That tiny grain-you should have seen it coming. You DID in fact. You just chose to ignore it-hoping that it would bounce right off you. Or better yet, miss entirely.</div>
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Deep down you knew you wouldn't be so lucky.</div>
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Suddenly its happening all over again. You looked at your future (molded by the decision you were going to make) and saw contentment. Hingent on one tiny detail. The instant that detail is taken away, the vision becomes tainted.</div>
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Blackened, even. </div>
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And all your planning, all your hopes and anticipations come to a screeching halt.</div>
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All because of a few choice phrases. A tiny grain.</div>
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Honestly, I'm making a bigger deal out of all this than I need to be.</div>
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THIRD. WORLD. PROBLEMS.</div>
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And all that.</div>
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Happiness is not dependent on fuzziness.</div>
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It's not dependent on the acquiring of "things". </div>
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There is still potential for contentment.</div>
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I've found it before.</div>
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In the most unexpected of places.</div>
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***</div>
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There's a time to fight for what you want (or what you THINK you want), and a time to let go.</div>
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Because what you think you want is probably not all that you think it is.</div>
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The "want" is often deceiving because underneath it are layers of unfair expectations. Visions of what the end result of that want is supposed to be.</div>
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And for the most part, it's all false.</div>
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"Illusions are dangerous people. They have no flaws"</div>
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That's from Sabrina (1995).</div>
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It's only been in the past 3 years that I've become aware of the true danger of illusions. </div>
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But like most things that are falsely appealing to us, we ignore the danger.</div>
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We wander from the path to pick the pretty flowers. Unaware that a wolf lurks in the shadows. </div>
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The wolf, he is idolization. He is false perception. </div>
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And we build up these illusions, until the resemble something flawless. Something that could never truly exist in reality. </div>
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And that, my friends, is how you sabotage yourself.</div>
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It's easy to spend so much time focusing on that false image of "perfection" that you ignore all the other realities surrounding you.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I've decided something.</div>
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I don't need a wing-man.</div>
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I don't need a friend encouraging false idolization.</div>
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I need a reality check.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Someone who will pull off the rose colored glasses and help me see truth.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
These are the vague ramblings of an exhausted, 20-something female. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
They are what my brain decides it needs to spit up and spatter across the blinding lights of computer screens and mobile devices.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
They are not to be taken too seriously. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Because we all make the tiniest problems out to be the end of the world.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
When really, they are nothing more than a blip on the radar of our lives.<br />
<br />
P.S. I'm Fine. <br />
<br />
Just tired and disappointed. Not a good combination.</div>Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97449014417154544.post-49576896180838645572012-07-17T09:30:00.002-07:002012-07-17T09:30:14.509-07:00On Hats.<div style="text-align: center;">
At some point in the process of self discovery, you have to look outside yourself.<br />
<br />
At the person you REALLY are. Not the person you imagine yourself to be.<br />
<br />
Compare that to the person you WANT to be.<br />
<br />
Then begin to take the necessary steps to making the two images one.<br />
<br />
It's not easy.<br />
<br />
It's not quick.<br />
<br />
It is possible.<br />
<br />
Identity has been the focus of my thoughts of late.<br />
<br />
Whatever you may know about me, it's only a small fraction of who I really am. That's true of a good number of people, I think.<br />
<br />
(prepare yourselves for an extended metaphor)<br />
<br />
We all have different versions of ourselves. Different hats we wear for the various social interactions we have.<br />
<br />
I own quite a collection. <br />
<br />
Some of my hats sit collecting dust. Many of those I hope to never wear again.<br />
<br />
Some I've re-discovered and found that I remember just how much I liked how they suited me before.<br />
<br />
I have, as we all do, a few awkward hats. Ones that don't become me. Fortunately only a few people have ever had to see me in those hats.<br />
<br />
And then there are the new hats. Recent additions. A few take some getting used to-and I go back in forth between loving them and thinking they make a fool out of me.<br />
<br />
There is one in particular that is rather weighty. I'm not sure how it suites me, because I never seem to be around a mirror when I have it on. It feels kind of bulky, and sometimes awkward. I'm just hoping I'll grow into it. This hat was offered to me. It was not something I expected. It's one that many have worn before and many will wear after. With it comes a great number of expectations and <span style="background-color: white;">responsibilities, as well as a title.</span><br />
<br />
And people look at you a particular way while you are in this hat. <br />
<br />
But I don't wear it all the time. I mean, it IS rather conspicuous. And the weight is exhausting. Plus I often wear it at the same time I am wearing other hats...which just makes things all the more challenging. <br />
<br />
All that being said, I would never give this hat away, take it for granted, abuse it, or ask to have it bequeathed to someone else. Because right now, this is one of my most important hats and I should wear it respectfully and proudly while I have it.<br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">I think sometimes people don't take me seriously when I wear this hat. Or worse, they don't take the HAT seriously. Sometimes people toss the hat casually onto my head because they like the way it looks just a little off kilter.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Maybe I'm making unfair assumptions.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">I probably am.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">In any case, this is a hat I am trying to take seriously. One that I am trying to be worthy of.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">There are still many hats that I wish I could acquire. I see other people wearing them and feel pangs of envy. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">The truth is that at this point if I were to be GIVEN one of these desirable hats, I probably wouldn't know what to do with it or how it should be worn and presented; how it should be maintained and taken care of. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">I THINK I would look amazing in this hat, but perhaps it would be an acquisition I would regret because I am not prepared for what comes with the hat.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Finally, there are some hats that I had to leave behind. Ones that were only available in the life I had before. Ones particularly suited for ocean breezes, long hikes up mountains, kayaking lakes and rivers, long walks through the woods of tall pines and prevalent birches, and solitary exploration. I miss those hats and find myself trying to use other, unsatisfactory hats to achieve what I had. This only leads to frustration and disappointment. Because I can't have what I had before. I'm in a new place, a new situation, and I have to learn to utilize that hats I DO have and not take them for granted. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">As I sift through my collection, I have been holding up several of the well worn hats that maybe need to be retired. Or perhaps simply taken better care of. Some I cast aside, others I put in a pile of "I'll get to you later" hats. I find that pile to be ever growing.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Identity.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
Who am I to others? Am I the person I want them to perceive me as? Am I to them what I wish them to be to me? Or am I trying to force hats on them which don't fit?<br />
<br />
Most importantly, who am I to Him? Am I striving to be all that I can in His eyes? Or am I striving to be what I think others want me to be?<br />
<br />
Am I more focused on the hats that I think others like to see me in, or on the hats that are of a more humble nature?<br />
<br />
<br />
There are hats for all occasions.<br />
<br />
For all social settings.<br />
<br />
There are the ones we wear for all to see.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Unfortunately we often</span> wear those hats over the ones that are more important. The ones that show to others our truest and best qualities. The hats that most become us are obscured by the wild hats society tells us are fashionable. <br />
<br />
Lastly I have come to realize that some of the most important growth comes from remembering to cast aside all those self-centered tendencies we naturally incline to.<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Being selfish doesn't get you as far in life as you might think.</span><br />
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Humans are not a solitary species.<br />
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We are meant to uplift, encourage, support, and love one another.<br />
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Look past the small central circle which encompasses only you and start looking into those larger circles which encompass all those around you.<br />
<br />
Those you care about.<br />
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Remember that they are people too. With just as many struggles.<br />
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Sometimes its okay to wear no hat at all but instead offer to help others with the number of hats THEY are juggling. <br />
<br />
<br /></div>Sarah Lambsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12771444013849557661noreply@blogger.com2