Everybody Hurts

Where is the antidote for this? The warm soup, the midnight drive?

In the rift created the edges of understanding, of black and white, melt together creating grey rivers of doubt.

What do you do when you have hurt someone you dearly love? How do you fix it when you know he will never accept how you feel and you can never accept his choice?

You come to an understanding and hide behind fake smiles and assurances. But deep down you know that things will never be quite the same between you. And thats what cuts the deepest.

You promised to always be there and in his greatest time of need, you tell him that he's on his own.

There's nothing more to say. "I'm sorry" doesn't take away the fact you will never think it's right.

You get the same words of advice from everybody. It doesn't help. Nothing will fix this all the way. You can glue the pieces together but you will always be able to see the cracks.

who knows where we go from here...except to Father.

BIRDS!!

Hairy Woodpecker

Green-winged Teal

Pied-billed Grebe

Blue Heron

I wish I had taken these pictured. But I don't have the typed of camera for that. But I did see all four of these birds. Some others too, but these were the most interesting. We went to Eagle Bluffs on our first 7:00am field trip in Ornithology. It was really early, fairly cold, and actually kind of fun. It felt great to finally be in the field since this is probably what I will be doing a lot of in my career choice. Though I hope to be viewing more mammals. Most of the time the birds looked like tiny brown blobs, larger brown blobs, swimming brown blobs and even some perching brown blobs of prey...although we did see a large white splotch that was a hawk of some sort. Great fun.

Though I do blame my Ornithology class for all my frustrations today...Curse you!!!

Grebes are so cute...

Mmmmm...bird skins(it's gotta be Tuesday)

Nothing beats looking at bird skins that smell like a combo of mothballs and death.

Another beautiful day...and I all of a sudden really miss all my friends who are no longer in Columbia.

My brain hurts and I hate Ornithology. I feel stupid that I didn't predict how comprehensive this test was going to be. I really need to get on learning how to read peoples minds.

Sleep would be wonderful, so would not having to do things that are so hard.

ahhhhh...what is this limbo?

I hate really liking someone and you don't know if they ever think of you past what they see of you at church events. I am, of course, talking about chicken boy. He's so cute when he plays with Natalie's yorkie. I cant help feeling that so many good things would happen there. But there are so many awkward things in play.

(I wish the spell check would stop telling me that "yorkie" is spelled wrong...)

So anyone who wants to see how absurd peoples understanding of Mormons can be click here

I mean wow.

I have also developed an unhealthy addiction to caramel bugles.

p.s. Tee-Hee...Bono

Friday Things

Just some things because I was thinking...

It's Friday and even though I have to work, It makes me feel warm inside.(wow, does anyone remember TGIF? haha...I do.)

I love my sisters and I am so lucky to have each one of them in my life. Where would I be without them?

I have to spend 20 hours observing hunting Kestrels in the cold. What have I gotten myself into?

This is why I hated Valentines Day in Jr. High and High School...(I'm trying links now...I'm figuring it out so sorry if it doesn't work.

I love teen girl squad. "I'll notify her nest of...um...fruit cup."

Every time I hear the song "Photograph" by Nickelback I get all nostalgic and I feel warm and fuzzy. which is weird for them. I laugh because I remember Kirsti pointing out that Chan Kroeger looks like a country singer, yet he's in a band that could be classified as hard rock. Tee hee, he's such a poser. But a cute one.

Woah...where did he come from? A guy just appeared next...he's magic.

I have a crush on my Geology T.A., Rani. He takes the place of last semesters Amir...Whats with me and being into people of Middle-Eastern descent?

Have I mentioned how much I love John Mayer? I've been a little down in the dumps lately and listening to his music seems to make things all better. I really love this song...and he's so cute! But he moves his mouth weird when he sings.

Sorry for the randomness of this entry. This is how I usually think about things...

Take A Bow -symphonic tribute to MUSE

I was trying to find something to portray my good mood today. Muse always makes me happy and I found this and thought it was way cool. i would totally love to do something like this. I picture it being a song during some epic scene in a dark movie of some sort. It is a little choppy. But cool none the less.(the "video" aspect of this video is..well, non-existent so just listen and be amazed.) Whoever arranged this was a genius.

So I had a weird dream last night and it felt so real. I was on campus heading to my Geology class (which, in reality I was walking to wrong way but in my dream it was right). I passed by this guy who was there with his mom, dad and little sister. The little sister fell over, so I helped her up. They thanked me and I went on. Several moments later they were ahead of me again and I was passing them. This time they were wondering how to get somewhere, so I told them where to go. Again they thanked me. I walked on and almost right after that, I see them ahead of me again(how they keep migrating in front of me I done know). There wondering about the irrigation system at Mizzou. This is where it's funny because, first of all, Mizzou has no irrigation system and secondly, I start to explain this non-existent feature like I know what the heck I'm talking about. I am apparently helpful because I get thanks for the third time. I start to leave again, but the guy(who I remember being really cute) stops me. He says something along the lines of, "you've helped us three times now. Let me at least get your name." I introduce myself and he says his name is Michael. His mom starts to clear her throat suggestively and Michael seems to get the hint. He asks what classes I'm taking to see if were in any of the same classes. It turns out were not. But we are really connecting when I get a cell phone call and he has to leave.

The call was from my geology Professor asking why I'm not in class yet. I tell him I'm on my way and that I'll accept the loss of points for being late. Why the heck it would seem normal for my Professor to be calling me on my cell phone, I don't know. But it's a dream. Lots of weird things are normal.

The only other thing that I remember is thinking that I would go to facebook and look all the Michaels at Mizzou that are taking a psychology class(he told me that was one of his classes). I woke up before I ever got the chance to find him.

I remember being impressed with myself for being as assertive as I was with a guy I didn't know. Hmmm...

People Who Hate People!! (and various)

This is going to be a long one so bare with me...


I am convinced, and I know many share my opinion, that too many people on the customer side of the conversation in any service job think that the employee they are interacting with has the intelligence of a lump of moss. This is, of course, completely unfair. Most of the people that feel this way understandably have all the intelligence of people who have never seen the other side of a high school, sophomore level math class.(this may be an unfair statement, but in the experience I am about to relate I think it's being kind).

Who would have thought that working at Movie Gallery would provide me with so many experiences where I want to pelt people with safety locks...

I worked Saturday morning. I had an employee call in. So it's about 3:30-major rush hour (I guess 3:30 is the best time to get your movies), I'm alone, and a couple comes in. I look up their account. The have over $100 in late fees (how this happens, I don't know. I mean, you have to really be trying hard to piss someone off to rack up a late fee of that magnitude...maybe it's a terrorist conspiracy. Sorry... have 24 on the brain). They brought 3 movies saying that they want to return them to get some of the late fee taken off. This is, of course, possible if you bring back the movies you originally rented. But these people, with their amazing vocabulary of 15 words 10 of which are made up of four letters, have brought me movies that they purchased from another store. Price stickers an all.

For the next 20 minutes I said the same thing over and over again (switching up the word order of course) to try and explain that I couldn't do what they wanted me to do. They got upset, the man more than the woman, displaying their great communication skills used mainly to display anger while playing Grand Theft Auto. They decide to take advantage our lifetime guarantee policy that I mentioned somewhere in there. They now claim that the movies they have don't work and they want different movies (keep in mind that these movies are "XXX-State of the Union, The Amityville Horror, and (always a classic) Like Mike). I tell them that (because no one in the right mind would buy these movies) we have about 20 copies of both XXX-State of the union and The Amityville Horror. For some reason, we have no copies of Like Mike...apparently it really is a winner among the people of the world. So the best I can do is give them different copies of the movies we have and the only movie I can exchange is Like Mike. They don't understand this and I spend the 10 more minutes telling explaining why they cant have different movies for the other two.

By now the man is getting very loud and vulgar in his language. people are beginning to stare. They tell me that they don't want XXX or Amityville because they already have working copies of them at home (explain to my how this makes sense?). But eventually they give in. (I will mention that by this time, I have a line of about 4 people). They will exchange Like Mike for Rent(another winner) and just keep the other two.

I tell them that I need to see the receipt for their original purchase since they didn't buy Like Mike from us (Movie Gallery employees are required to tell people they have to provide a receipt when returning something). This is the log that breaks the dam(or the D@!# in the case of the customer). Now the woman is cussing me out. Apparently they don't have the receipt and they are angry at me because I insist they provide one.

Then the man decides to call me a "stupid cracker!" and tell me that I need to get a college education. At this point I turn to him (about ready to start yelling back at them) and say,
"Actually sir, I'm currently in my second year of college, that you very much."

Anyway, they finally start to leave and as they are going out I suggest that they call the district manager and complain about me and how I treated them (knowing very well that anything they would say about me, Doug would never believe). They say that they will...yeah right.

Sorry that this story was so long. I find it amusing that the reason people like this get angry and try to call me stupid is because I was smarter than them and they couldn't intimidate me into giving them money they didn't deserve.

Anyway in other news..

Who's ready to head back to the other people (not the others) in Lost? And who else thinks Kate needs to die already?

I am amazed how much like this season of 24 is like season 2. A bomb went off. They are trying to get de-seat the president, it's all about the muslims...and randomly the europeans make an appearence. Now all we need is Bill to sacrifice himself in a plane and Tony to be alive.

"24 is brought to you by Kay Jewlers...every kiss begins with Kay"

nothing says I love you like a drill in the shoulder

Okay, I'm done...have to go sing.

LOST RETURNS!!!

Kudos to Will and Derek for another wonderfully funny video. There's a link to the website for these guys below under "places I go". If you are reading this blog and like to waste time as much as I do, then you should check it out. Also, if you like what you see there, go to YouTube and look up Nobody,s Watching and watch "nobody's watching" parts 1-3. They're great. Thats my little promotion for my favorite internet video guys. And...

YAY FOR LOST!!!

24 - Hero

So, I know I said I would stay away from all the 24 entries, but it's Monday and I couldn't resist (though I should be studying right now). I love this song by Nickelback and I have come to the conclusion that it is the theme song for Jack Bauer/24. I had to choose between this video (clips from seasons 2-4) or one with bad visuals from season 3. I really like this one because it has a shot of Jack and Curtis together. But it has no Chase and no Tony:(.

As much as this Blog is an "Exploration of my Identity" I will probably post a 24 entry every Monday. 24 is, after all, my life right now. As sad as that is, I "explored my identity" and came to the conclusion that I am okay with my obsessions as they are harmless...mostly.

24 - If Everyone Cared

Well, here's another video that I found that I really like. Apparently Nickelback is the band for 24 though I'd like to think that Muse and 24 combined would be the most amazing thing ever. This one has Tony:).

24 - He's A Pirate

Okay, so I have way too much time on my hands and this now constitutes a flurry of 24 entries for Monday, but this is just too funny. Call me a loser, I don't care.

Return

I thought I would try to get out of my 24 rut and get back to my obsession with Muse. They are currently nominated for 4 awards...which is exciting. I cant believe that I forgot how much I love them. This is a pretty weird video but how I feel about life sometimes. This was Matt's red hair phase..which I dig. Those of you who haven't explored the fantastic-ness of Muse, let me know and I would be happy to make you a CD that will change your life.
I really find that whenever I need to cleanse my mind and take back control, listening to music helps. Especially when it's Muse. Yay! for moving from one obsession back to another!!