Life should be as easy as a survey sometimes.

Or not because it took me forever to get this done...


Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People Right Now:

1. I wish you understood how much I miss you. Do you miss me too?
2. I think you're a wonderful person and I want to get to know you better.
3. I'm sorry I was the 3rd or 4th person to hurt you. It was not my intent. I really want to be your friend.
4. Your class is lame. Teach better.
5. Get over yourself, stop lying and trying to be right all the time. Do these things and maybe, just maybe, people will stop hating you.
6. How are you? I'm a horrible friend for not keeping in touch.
7. I can take care of myself so stop treating me like I'm a child. I older than you for petes sake!
9. Did you ever feel anything for me in all that time or was it really all one sided? The answer to that would help me a whole lot.
10. I want to do better but I can't unless you try as well. So get it together!

Nine Things About Myself:
1. I like to start short stories and never EVER finish them.
2. I have procrastination down to an art form.
3. I used to have a nice phone and I lost it in a mud hole. I don't think anyone knows just how much I miss it. In other words, I am more materialistic than you might think.
4. I'm often sad that I don't have enough time to do the things I really love.
5. I love things that most people find gross...i.e. bugs, rodents, getting dirty, etc.
6. I used to love every movie I ever saw, but as I have gotten older I've become far too critical.
7. Beautiful music makes me cry
8. My favorite food is chips and salsa
9. I used to love N'SYNC

Eight Ways to Win My Heart:
1. Listen. Being the selfish person I am, I don't always want a solution, just an audience.
2. Suggest a good book.
3. Sing along to musicals with me. (Kirsti, remember when we would sing Moulin Rouge while riding bikes?)
4. Give me a big Hershey almond chocolate bar.
5. Introduce me to something new.
6. Be in love with Muse.
7. Agree with my philosophy on Rome and Juliet...or at least concede that it's not romantic (and neither is twilight).
8. Watch a ridiculous movie with me.

Seven Things That Cross My Mind a Lot:
1. I have this, this, this and this still to do.
2. Will I have enough money for everything?
3. Why cant I stop?
4. "Laundry day. See you there. Under things tumbling." or "Now the nightmares real..." and especially "Thank you hammer man! I don't think I can..."
5. Song lyrics in general.
6. I'm tired.
7. Random ideas for the short stories that I never finish.

Six Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep:
1. Think about writing in my journal and don't
2. Fluff my pillows
3. Cover my birds
4. Watch a little bit of whatever movie I am on
5. Read a little it
6. Roll on my right side (the position I always start sleep in) and think some more about those stories

Five People Who Mean a Lot:
1. Erin
2. Marcia
3. Famliy-more than one person but what are you going to do.
4. Ben
5. Trissie: shes not a person, but she means the world to me. She is the love of my life at the moment...awkward since shes a dog and a girl...

Four Things I'm Wearing Right Now:
1. Bat earrings
2. "Nature Fights!" t-shirt
3. my favorite jeans
4. underwear

Three Songs I Listen to a Lot: [at the moment]
1. My freeze Ray-Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along blog
2. Brand New Day-Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
3. Everything You Ever-Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

Two Things I Want to Do Before I Die:
1. Write and publish at least a short story
2. Go to New Zealand

One Confession:
1. I want to get married and start a family, but really the thought scares me right now. Married? Me? I wont ever be mature enough...

Darkshines

Courtesy of Muse

A good song for today. Cloudy for the most part. And WARM. Thats what brings me down the most.

I already hate Mondays, but if it were a Monday with some of the Autumn chill I could survive it. No such luck I suppose.

Some good news is that my Ecosystem Management professor realized just how crazy he is having us write 6-8 pages single spaced. Our learning objectives are now to be 1-2 pages doubles spaced and our case reports are to be 5-6 pages double spaced. Thank goodness he saw reason.

My dependency on familiarity fascinates me. I alsmot always take the same way to a location even if there may be a shorter way. I sit in the same seat in classes and in the same area in church. I feel uncomfortable if I dont have a person in class that I can talk to. So I form these 'classroom' relationships with them that never extend past the 50 minute incraments we spend in the same area. At the end of the semester I never talk to them again with the exception of a few...and thats only because we consistently have classes together. It's a very superficial practice. And I need it to feel comfrotable.

I realized many things about myself this weekend. Some of them I already knew. Others were revealed to me by my little sis. These are the 10 bigger ones.

1.I am a martyr in the worst way.
2.I am greatly affected by the emothions of those around me.
3.Because of #2 I have tendancy to try to make everyone happy...which makes me #1.
4.I am hippocritical...but arent we all just a little bit?
5.I cant let some people go, no matter how many times I tell myself that I have. (this one has nothing to do with the last 4...it's just an annoying fact. I wonder if you can guess who I'm talking about?)
6.I like to talk things out, not let the words unspoken stew and fester.
7.I dont like to be in the dark when it comes to how people are feeling.
8.I do have a tendancy to get deffensive.
9.I really hate to feel stupid. I get most deffensive and hurt when someone implies that I did something dumb or embarassing.
10.Though it may not appear that way, I am entirely too vain and materialistic.

It's painful to realize these things about myself. On the other hand, it gives me a chance to work on them and become a better person.

Monday(classes, work, end of weekend)+warm cloudy day=Sarah in a little bit of a funk.

One of those days where I wonder...

Who are my real friends? (My family, undoubtably. Thanks for that guys)
Am I trying hard enough?
Where is my second half and why is he being so elusive?
How can things ever be good again, the way the world is going?

Then I remember...

Just becase I am not the center of the social niverse doen not mean that I am friendless. Some friends come and go, others will be there forever. This is the way of life.

Maybe I dont try hard enough, but that just leaves room for lots of improvement. I;m not lost yet.

Someday I will find that man who completes me, who I will love and laugh with. I cant know when that is. And even though my heart aches for it now, I know that when I we are together it will be worth the wait.

The world is not a perfect place. It's falling deeper into dispair. But there are good things and there is hope. The world has to fall deepre before it can finally reach the glory that it will. And when that day comes, I will be ready.

The Alphabet of Sarah

Attached or Single?-Very much an emphasis on the latter.

Best Friend?-It's not fair to ask a girl that. So I wont pick one. Marcia, Erin, Ben, Jenni...Matt I suppose. And then, of course, my family.

Cake or Pie?-Pie all the way...unless it is chocolate ice cream cake.

Day of Choice?-Sunday. Day of rest, church, no work, family time, yummy free dinner...etc.

Essential Item?-Something to write in/on...Blog, journal, notebook, napkin, whatever.

Favorite Color?-Greens

Gummy Bears or Worms?-I'm not sure who would take a worm over a gummy bear. Thats pretty gross. But seriously? Absolutely bears.

Hometown?-I like CoBoCoMo...makes me think of the beach boys. (Columbia, Boone County, Missouri)

Indulgence?-Chocolate and Supernatural

January or July?-I tend to like the winter months better, but by January I am done. July is hot which is blah. But it has fireworks. So I might have to say July.

Kids?-Are great. I love working with them and I can't wait to have some of my own.

Life is not complete without?-My family, friends, the gospel...go ahead and phert.

Marriage Date?-Sometime in the future...

Number of Brothers and Sisters?-5 Sisters and 1 brother...poor bloke.

Oranges or Apples?-Apple juice rather than orange juice. But I prefer eating oranges.

Phobias?-Hmm...the dark in open places (the woods, a parking lot and empty street, etc), People popping up in dark car windows.

Quotes?-"Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty." -Frank Herbert. "Reality is merely and illusion, albeit a very persistent one"
-Albert Einstein. I have many, many more.

Reasons to Smile?-Trissie, my funny family, kids(especially Noah), fall days, good music, watching movies from my bed.

Season of Choice?-Definitely Autumn. No contest.

Tag Some Peeps!-First of all I do not call anyone 'peeps'. And here they are. Juli, Dad, Mom(not having a blog is no excuse) and any other random person who decides to visit this entry who does not usually visit my blog.

Unknown fact about me?-Gosh...I really cant think of any. I'm a pretty uninteresting person. I suppose I could say that I once made up a mean ex-boyfriend to make another guy jealous....That more of an awkward admittance than an unknown fact.

Vegetable?-Any and all. Except beets, radishes and peppers.

Worst Habits?-being too judgmental, making assumptions, being a martyr, whining and biting my nails.

X-Ray or Ultrasound?-Are you asking whether I have had either of both or if I prefer one or the other? Couldn't think of a better X-question? I'm going to make my own. Xylophone or Xenophobia?-I love playing the Xylophone...So I'll have to choose that one.

Your Favorite Food?-right now? Mac & cheese with spaghetti sauce and a hot dog with some bread and butter.

Zodiac Sign?-Taurus

20 Posts!

My creative blog...peepholeintochaos.blogspot.com...just reached it's 20th entry mark. Took long enough.

I've decided that I need to just write more. I wrote all the time in Jr. High and High School. Why not now? I could say that I have no time. But there are all those little times where I can get in a paragraph or two.

I will try to do this more and stop worrying about how good or not good it is. Practice makes perfect as they say.

Thats all. Two in a week! How exciting.