Good and Not So Good

well, right now it actually feels like everything is not so good. I hate being poor. I hate never having enough money and above all I hate Mizzou because I am not getting a refund again this year and I deffinatly should be. If I can get my act together I sould be moving out sometime soon. And then theres a car. I got a call from Kelly White about a car that she is trying to sell. It sounds awesome and is $2000. I want to say yes. But I can't pay 2000 up front. I thought that with my refund I would be able to swing $1200 or so and then somehow get the rest somehow. I keep getting more and more upset as I think about this and realize that instead of a refund, I owe $600 dollars to MU. So, I'm back to only $800 by the end of august when I wanted to be a $1000 and thats because of stupid movie gallery and not making any money at that stupid place. I blame it all on movie gallery. I have been saving up hard.

So now what do I do. I would really like to buy Kelly's car from her, but thats not going to happen. And I would really like to not have to add school fees to what I have to pay monthly. Lets see, on top of books, I'll probably owe close to $1000. I want to cry. How did everyone else get through this and Im here? Theres no whay that I can move out and pay for...

Rent
Car(not Kellys)
Insurance
Cell Phone
Food
Gas

And on top of it all, about $250 a month to MU.

How does this always happen to me? Why is it me that always gets screwed over? I ask again, what am I supposed to do? Cancel this road trip that me and Juli have been planning since the beginning of this year? Forget about moving out? No offence to Mom and Dad, but I need to get out of here. Be car-less? That would help a lot of things.

It's hard to believe that yesterday, I was feeling so happy. Harry Potter is close, but thats yet another thing that I have to spend money on. This road trip is close. But thats more money gone and time that I'm not working earning my measley $6.75 and hour for all the work I do for that place. They can't tell me that they can't evenr get me to $7.00 and hour because my numbers aren't high enough! Thats the biggest load of bull that I have gotten from that place. Well they can have it back. After my trip is my two weeks and then I am outta there.

But where do I go from there? Last week, going into a serving job sounded good. But then I talk to mom and she seems to think that it's no good and I should try for something else. And I hear all these complaints from everyone about serving jobs and not getting hours and haveing to work doubles and haveing to pick up shifts all to get by.

Im just so scared of life right now. Things that were all okay a week ago are now falling apart before my eyes and I can't handel it.

Sorry for the downer, but it seems that there isn't much good.