Good and Not So Good

well, right now it actually feels like everything is not so good. I hate being poor. I hate never having enough money and above all I hate Mizzou because I am not getting a refund again this year and I deffinatly should be. If I can get my act together I sould be moving out sometime soon. And then theres a car. I got a call from Kelly White about a car that she is trying to sell. It sounds awesome and is $2000. I want to say yes. But I can't pay 2000 up front. I thought that with my refund I would be able to swing $1200 or so and then somehow get the rest somehow. I keep getting more and more upset as I think about this and realize that instead of a refund, I owe $600 dollars to MU. So, I'm back to only $800 by the end of august when I wanted to be a $1000 and thats because of stupid movie gallery and not making any money at that stupid place. I blame it all on movie gallery. I have been saving up hard.

So now what do I do. I would really like to buy Kelly's car from her, but thats not going to happen. And I would really like to not have to add school fees to what I have to pay monthly. Lets see, on top of books, I'll probably owe close to $1000. I want to cry. How did everyone else get through this and Im here? Theres no whay that I can move out and pay for...

Rent
Car(not Kellys)
Insurance
Cell Phone
Food
Gas

And on top of it all, about $250 a month to MU.

How does this always happen to me? Why is it me that always gets screwed over? I ask again, what am I supposed to do? Cancel this road trip that me and Juli have been planning since the beginning of this year? Forget about moving out? No offence to Mom and Dad, but I need to get out of here. Be car-less? That would help a lot of things.

It's hard to believe that yesterday, I was feeling so happy. Harry Potter is close, but thats yet another thing that I have to spend money on. This road trip is close. But thats more money gone and time that I'm not working earning my measley $6.75 and hour for all the work I do for that place. They can't tell me that they can't evenr get me to $7.00 and hour because my numbers aren't high enough! Thats the biggest load of bull that I have gotten from that place. Well they can have it back. After my trip is my two weeks and then I am outta there.

But where do I go from there? Last week, going into a serving job sounded good. But then I talk to mom and she seems to think that it's no good and I should try for something else. And I hear all these complaints from everyone about serving jobs and not getting hours and haveing to work doubles and haveing to pick up shifts all to get by.

Im just so scared of life right now. Things that were all okay a week ago are now falling apart before my eyes and I can't handel it.

Sorry for the downer, but it seems that there isn't much good.

Harry Potter and the Making of Wands

So , like the nerd that I am, I bought the Harry Potter & the Order of the Pheonix soundtrack first thing Tuesday morning. That means 12:00 in the afternoon. And I must say, it is amazing. I think that Prisoner is still my favorite and John Williams best soundtrack in these rescent repetative years. Goblet was okay with Patrick Doyle..."Henry the V" and all that. But I find that I only really like 4 or 5 songs on that CD. Mr. Nicholas I-do-mainly-horror-films Hooper has done an amazing job with this soundtrack, making it all his own. His themes perfectly portrey the film, it's essence and it's characters.

And because I have done this for the last two movies, I also went to the 12:01 premire of the movie. And I declare myself dissapointed with the number of people who thought the movie was disjointed and didn't do the book justice. I couldn't dissagree more. Here is a link to my Facebook movie review page. On it is my review for the movie. I don't want to have to write a new review for every one of my blogs. And for some reason I can't figure out how to copy and paste onto this stupid thing.

Anyway, onward to the wands part. I promised Emily that I would post a picture of her wand so she can see it and tell me what she want's changed. Here it is along with pictures of my almost completed wand.

MY WAND

EMILY'S WAND

And that's all for now folks...check back later to see if I ever figure out who I'm going to live with and where I am going to work.

New Music and That Midnight Temptress the Moon

My new free CD's came in. Keane-Under the Iron Sea and Fall Out Boy-Infinity On High. I have decided that Keane is my second favorite band right now. I love getting new music and finding that you like more than the three songs that you bought it for.

I watched Driving Lessons with Kirsti last night. A really cute movie with a really cute Rupert Grint in it. And a girl with the coolest name ever: Bryony. It also had Nicholas Farrell from Chariots of Fire an Julie Walters (Molly Weasley). I think I want to name my first daughter Byrony. Me and Kirsti also decided that we liked the idea of naming one of our kids Nebula. Anyway...

Afterwards I made my way to Movie Gallery to return my movie and made the mistake of going inside. Mike told me of last nights fiasco with counting all the money. He doesn't know how, but he screwed it all up again. I felt really bad for him, and being the kind of person that I am sometimes, I decided that I would go over everything with him to make sure that he got everything right so he wouldn't be suspended or fired. Poor Mike. It's all his bossy wifes fault really.

After spending an hour more at the Gallery than I was intending I exited the store and saw the only thing that could keep me from going straight home to bed. The moon. She was smiling down at me in the most inviting way that I couldn't refuse her. The night air was abnormally cool and the stars winked happily. So I got in the car and drove to my hearts content, making my way down silent neighborhood streets that lead nowhere and following my urge find that place inside me that has lain dormant for far too long. I listened to my new music and found new roads and finally had to stop because I had run myself out of gas and felt guilty about it. After filling up, I went home a happy and content person for the time being.

July promises to be an exciting month. I'm more at peace with life than I have been in a while.

I'm alive, I promise

Sorry that I had another dry spell. I've been spending a lot of time working and my free time is spent sleeping or reading Harry Potter. I am trying very hard to get through all the books before the last one. And I'm only halfway through book 4! I'm not sure of I will make it. Even with my method of skimming a lot of parts. I just don't want to miss anything. So since most of the people who read this are either not in my ward or are going to find out today anyway, I feel no guilt in finally announcing my release as the Music Chairman of the University Ward. Thank goodness for that. As musical as I am I really don't think that I am cut out for that calling. I am amazed is looking back at my journals that it has been almost a year since I was called to that. How time flies. My new calling is a Sunday School teacher for Gospel Docterine. Yeah. Another in a long line of Lambson teachers. I am really nervous. I am teaching for the first time today. Not my first time ever. I taught in Young Womens a couple of times. But this is my first time teaching a more sophisticated crowd. I am hoping that since it's about the Atonement and the Garden of Gethsamne, that I will be able to just let the spirit work it's wonders as I stumble nervously along.

I don't know how I will do as a teacher. I'm not very good at public speaking. And I alternate weeks with Ross Redfern. He does a really good job and is a lot older than me. If I were alternating with one of the younger girls closer to my age I would be less intimidated. Oh well. I'll just keep praying and hope that I dont end way too early. I would rather take up too much time than not enough. Especially with this lesson.

Anyway, I am almost done with Kirsti's murder mystery thing. I could write a novel with the story I have come up with. After I am done I can finally relax and get back to writing that short story I thought up thats based on a crazy dream I had. I am also trying to prepare extensively for Harry Potter. I have watched all the movies now and, as I mentioned previously, I am on book 4. I am working on my costume. I need to make my bottle cap necklase, my raddish earings, my Ravenclaw t-shirt and my wand(which will be made from a stick from the back yard. It will be Persimon brance, brittle, containing the...um...bark of a persimon tree. A very magical substance...okay not really. If I could choose a magical core for my wand, it would probably be a Pheonix tear or a dragon heartstring or something like that).

Now that I am done expressing my nerdiness, I need to go and be nervous some more before I go to church.