Wednesday, April 11, 2007
I grapple with a beast of raw emotion. Somewhere within the realm of jealousy and spite. And I fear it. The way it claws at my insides, begging to break free...somewhat diminished in the world of sleep. Be it regains strength as the day's war continues on and my mind refuses to cooperate when I tell it to "stop feeding the animals".
I understand. Believe me when I say that. It's the acceptance part of me that's broken. It feels like old times but I've forgotten the rules of the game. A young dog trying to remember the tricks it once learned but quit obeying because it wearied of the constant play.
The beast finds some time to roar in the sanctuary an iron escape along with those who understand best what it means to pour out the darkness of your soul. But then after there is only a small amount of ease and no one to talk to but the empty computer screen because who would truly understand? And I miss the crutch I always knew I could lean on because that bond was weakened some time ago by the acid of what I cannot express.
Those who seem to understand me best are the ones I don't know. And I feel nothing but annoyance as those who care try to be there but only halfheartedly because they know that I am being selfish. And they have their own problems.
The best way to forget is to forget yourself. How?
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