Cubed...

This is my life as I see it apparently, based on a creative mind association thing that my sister did with me.

I pictured a desert...flat with lots of cracks in the dry ground. Not a lot of sand or rolling dunes, There are a few scattered tumbleweeds and cacti and some dry brush around. And in the distance are those really tall tower rocks...the ones that look kind of like stone skyscrapers.

Loosely translated-The cacti are people that I find hard to get along with. There aren't many in my life that are like this but I can think of one in particular. Maybe two. I'm in the middle of my desert perspectively which means that I feel I am in the midst off life and involved in it all. The tower cliffs in the distance can represent big events that I can see in the future. Possibly looming.

In the Desert is Cube. My cube is in the middle of the desert before me. It's smallish, reaching to my knees. It's made of crystal clear glass and is very angular. It's sitting flat on one side and is hollow.

The Cube is me. It's flat position represents being down to earth...a realist. (It can also represent being cynical. I think that this is the more correct interp. for me.) This clear glass material represents purity(uh...mostly) and clear thinking(maybe?). And the size is my self esteem. I dont have a huge ego so my cube isn't too big and it's not extremly tiny, so I dont think badly of myself. But it is only 4 feet or so high...but who doesn't see flaws in themselves?

There is also a ladder. It's on the ground lying flat next to the cube. It has 13 rungs and is made of wood.

The ladder represents friends and family and their support. The fact that it's wooden means that I am sentimental and traditional. The rungs can represent the number of friends I have or my social circle. Then there is the support issue. I did this with my family and when I read how my ladder was positioned, I recieved a barage of sympethetic"awwww..." 's. Because this obviously shows that I feel I get no support from my friends and family. On further study of this in my mind, I decided that this is true to a certain extent but not for my family as much as the friends I have. Not that it is their fault. I know that. It is just something buried deep inside me. Mostly I just miss them and maybe that translates in some weird way into feeling abandoned or not supported.

Next we were to picture a horse. Mine is brown and white spotted. It's bridled, no saddle. It's a Stallion. Wild but reserved at the moment. It's standing beside me and the cube, close by.

The horse is the love of my life. The white color represents innoscence and perfection. The brown, richness and warmth. The fact that it's a paint horse represents lot's of interest and contrast. It's type(stallion) means that I want someone bold, dominent and adventerous. The bridle can mean marrige(want for it?) and maybe the ability for it to take me somewhere. But the fact that it is not fully tamed(ie-no saddle) means that I want my true love to be free to an extent and feel pleasure in that freeness. I want my true love to be supportive as represented by the horse being near the cube.

Then we were to picture a storm. The sky is filled with lots of low cumulus clouds but there is little to no precipitation(now I sound like my meteorology teacher). The clouds are very dark and amazing to behold. There is lote of wind, thunder and big forks of lightning. I am in the midst of it all and I am not afraid. I even feel a thrill each time the sky is lit up with the electricity of it.

The storm represents issues and drama in my life. The clouds are apreheension, the thunder is anger and the lightning is danger. The fact that I am in the storm means that I feel my life is presently plagued with problems. But thought they are a challange and possible dangerous to me, I am unafraid and even feel accomplishment from overcoming.

Last but not least are my flowers. The are small, blue and in clusters scattered around the cube among the brush.

The flowers are the children in my life. Whether they are real or are my creative children...ie prijects in my life. There are clusters...many flowers which means that I either want to have lots of kids(which is true) or I have many projects/interests in my life.

So that is me being cubed. Interesting and a lot of fun. It helps you learn about yourself...which I am all for. Thank you Emily.

Heaven and Hell

I really should be sleeping right now. I have a date with a flock of Canada Geese early tomorrow morning. But I'm feeling a little bit not sleepy. Exausted from tonights closing at "The Gallery"(as it s to me now), but not like I want to be in bed. Unfortunatly, since it is 1:00 am and everybody else had a great time having Patty's day dinner and hangin out with each other, no one had the energy to be awake now. Not that I blame them.

I had a thought as I was reading a survey done by a friend. In one question it asked if you believe in heaven. He said yes. The next question asked if you believe in hell. His answer was he wasn't sure about that one. So I have a question now.

If there is no hell, what is the point of having a heaven? Isn't heaven supposed to be a wonderful place where we can exist happily forever? If so, then what if you dont get there? Where do you go?

Now assuming that you are one of those people who believe that we all get to heaven, what is the point of being here on earth in the first place if were all going to automatically go to the same place? (I know that for those who read this on a regular basis I am pretty much preaching to the choir). Why would we be put out of Gods presence if it didn't matter what we did down here? Thats was pretty much Lucifers plan...that we would all end up in the same place(granted that was because we had no choice and no agency). It's kind of depressing to think that choices we make down here don't mean anything because were going to heaven anyway.

There can't be heaven if there is no hell just like there can't be joy if there is no sorrow. I know there is a scripture explaining this, I just can't remember where it is. I don't even know if the person who posted the survey is even going to read this. I just needed to rant becuase sometimes I feel like the answer is simple and those who think that the LDS church complicates things are being closed minded.

On a brighter note, I went to an antique "mall"(is that what it would be described as?) today. I can't believe that I didn't know how much fun that is. I had a blast and if I had taken pictures like my photographical(yay for adding "al"and making a new unecessary word) sister, they would be on this post. I also re-discovered how delightful the movie "Black Beauty" is. Good times. Well, I really should sleep. I'll regret doing this when I force myself to wake up in 6 hours.

Hump Day and Sick

I hate the exhaustion that always seems to accompany getting sick. My body is using up all it's energy to fight off the bad things inside. Right now I would only call it an internal skirmish, but it's only a matter of time before it becomes a full fledged war. And I would love it if I could just pull a grade school sick day. But that wont fly now-a-days. Not with mid-terms coming up and all. I was hoping to completely avoid the whole getting a cold this year. I was doing pretty good too. I blame it on not watching 24 non-stop. See what happens when you don't get your daily does of Jack?

No, it's probably actually mom's fault. She was sick before me. Apparently Airborne doesn't stop the germs from spreading.

I'm feeling pretty good about this week, despite the fact the whole last half of it will be spent working for my whopping $6.75 and hour. I guess I can't really complain. It's my own fault that I don't have a better job.

I was really distracted in geology today thinking about old marching shows and how much I miss Nathan Miller and Jeff Kyle our fearless leaders, and all the P.I.T.T. alum. My mind has been traveling weird places lately. I had an old dominoes jingle stuck in my head the other night and couldn't get it out.

And I think there may be something seriously wrong with me. I was watching an old seminary video on Heleman when I heard birds. I identified 3 species by their song. What is this ornithology class doing to me? I'm morphing into something horrid.

And thats about how life is right now. In a pretty good place...and spring break is just around the corner.

Two in one week!

So I know that I have tried to stay away from the 24 entries...but this wont take long.

we welcome guest star Denethor as the Russian Consul. He looks like taking a running, flaming jump from the top of Minas Tirith wasn't good for his health. Poor guy just lost a pinky.

We also gladly welcome Marial Varon Underlay from the "not good enough to last two seasons because people get bored to easily" show Invasion. She has gone from creepy alien hybrid to being the vice presidents advisor. A step up in my opinion. Man I miss that show.

In my opinion the writers of 24 are doing a poor job at being plausible. There is no way that Chad Lowe would be willing to kill the president and have second thoughts about murdering his boss...yeah right.

And I feel like there is no way that when Jack breaks into a Russian Diplomatic building under his own jurisdiction and gets nabbed, CTU will risk having the Russians pissed at America and launch a rescue mission for an agent that was supposed to be dead anyway. Not that I don't want them to save Jack. But c'mon. Lets be realistic.


Okay, I'm done. Moving onto life.

I saw "Because I Said So" with my girls Erin and Jenni on Monday. It was a wonderful night. It was nice to giggle and be extremely attracted to the hot guitar player Johnny. Who I just figured out where I have seen him before. From one of the shows that I loved and completely dropped off the face of the earth, "The Others". It's a cute movie but there are way to many sexual references for my taste.

And almost right after I got home from my evening with my friends I was sad that that was it. I probably wont see them again until summer. Oh well. Thats life.

I'm kind of dreading the field trip I agreed to go on the the Satan State.

I hope it's worth a weekend of missing work and the money that I need.

I work with Scott tonight. And that makes me sort of happy. Harmless flirting that wont go anywhere because that would be awkward.

Signing off. What was the point of this entry again?

And then you get over it...

Not completely really, but I feel a lot better than I did this time last week. Thank you time.

Things like cold Pizza Hutt (couldn't help it. My Star Wars alter ego broke loose), sleeping in and Death Cab for Cutie make the day better.

Speaking of which...

"And all you see is where else you could be when you're at home. And out on the streets are so many possibilities to not be alone."
-Death Cab for Cutie-"Your Heart is an Empty Room"

I've been hit by another wave of restlessness. I blame it on the nice weather and thinking too much about what my life could be and is not at this point.

Every once in a while I look at where I am and wonder where I'm going? What's the plan here? Will I spend the rest of my college life living at home? What am I doing to try to move out and get a car? Not much.

Why do I still cling to the life I had in high school, wishing that I had it all back?

I miss the simplicity.

I was watching an episode of "Boy Meets World" the other day (man I miss that show). It was the college years (sad, I know). But they said something that made me think.

"We're not kids anymore."-Sean
"When did that happen?"-Topanga

I think that the road just stretches out before me, dark and intimidating in places. There are lot's of potholes, but I can't see exactly where they are and that scares me.

Two weeks ago I hit a sunny patch, but it disappeared behind a cloud last week. Now I'm in a kind of partly cloudy haze, where the light breaks through in places in brief spurts.

But it's all good. I think that I'll get over this in a few days and be back to not caring that I spend my free time on the computer writing blogs like this.