"We never change, do we? No, no. We never learn do we?"

There are things rattling around in my brain lately.

Loose change, maybe some tight change, lint, dust, thoughts of creamy delicious chocolate...you know, the usual.

But those things only really take up approximately 12.3%

about 62.5% is taken up by feelings of loneliness and detachment.

The rest of it (that would be...25.2%?) is toying with the idea of joining the Peace Corps after I do this.

No, that's a lie. I'm not toying with the idea because that suggests a certain amount of levity in the consideration. I am not taking this lightly. This is a serious decision. It would be a once in a lifetime experience, I would be doing my part to make the world better. There are so many benefits.

But then there is the fact that it is 26 months and that is intimidating. I would be so far away. But a different country! I don't know. I am just thinking carefully. And praying. I know I still have 8 months here in NH. I'm just thinking ahead.

Anyway, on to more interesting things. From my weekend with Megan in Rhode Island

Megan kissing her family llama The Terrorist.
Megan painted these stairs. They are amazing! I told her that she needs to paint MY basement stairs when I finally get a house.

This is the loft in Megans amazing house! This is where I slept. The whole house is hardwood floors and it's got a wonderful homey feel to it.

This is the beach at Rome Point where we went with Megan's friend Megan. It was a beautiful day!
Megan has a great laughing face!
Megan's chickens...they made funny clucking noises!
The goat. I can't remember her name. She is apparently really old.

The Terrorist and Willoughby her other family llama. They love pine needles!

The trail we took to Rome point.
A small inlet near Rome Point. Megan says its a great place to go swimming in the summer.
Megan's rock tower.
The Jamestown bridge in the distance.

A short summary of the trip. We drove there Friday night. Slept in Saturday morning. Went to Megan's friend Megan's house and met her two dogs. They were so cute and I wish that I had taken pictures of them besides the ones on my phone. We went to Rome point. I was going to go to The Mews with Megan and her other friend but remembered that they card you at the entrance and I still didn't have a drivers licence. I insisted that Megan still go. I spent the evening having some Sarah time in my loft guest room. It was nice. Sunday we went to Providence. I forgot my camera so there are no pictures. I plan on going there again so no worries. It was nice. I got to see Kasia (the only person I kept up with in RI from my past internship). Then we drove home. It was a nice weekend.

I am going to close now with a small bit of good news. I found my wallet! Well, actually it was found by the NH Peace Action at their barn. The first people I called when I first noticed it missing. It was between a couple of folding chairs in their folding chair rack. They called me and it is now in the mail. I hope to get it back soon. This was, of course, after I got a new Chase card for $15. Poo.

Sorry the last part of this post kind of blah. I run out of steam by the end.

Sorry that the quality of the pictures are not as good as Em's. I just don't have the patience for editing or the high quality camera.

Okay, before I get any more boring I am leaving...

...to catch up on Lost.

"But I pulled you and I called you here. And I caught you and I've brought you here, didn't I? These hazards of love never more will trouble us."

So I know that this is the second post in two days but this is at the request of Mom. A VALENTINES DAY POST!

This it the first valentines day that I spent not feeling resentful of being single. Mostly because I had a lot of other single people to spend it with. But first a couple other things.
Here is my cabin. The one that I live in that has very limited electricity. Look at all the lack of snow!
Remember that trail picture from the last post? All that snow there? Yeah. Here is the same trail. Snow-less. The only reason there is still white stuff on the ground is because it is the woods and some of the drifts were pretty big.
Here is the first picture of what my secret valentine got me. A whoopie cushion...(She calls me Lambson and I call her Ryan because we are both people who share a name with someone else here. See the sun on the chest of the lamb? Yeah, she made that and glued it on.
Here is another shot showing the front of the card. So cute!! Love it.

And now for the food. This pizza was not made by me. But it was too amazing not to capture. There was some amazing food being made last night, I tell you what.
So. Picture 1 of the amazing meal WE made. Me, Abby, Kelsey.
Aren't they loveley?
Sweet potato fried mixed with russet fries. Yum. Nutmeg, salt, pepper, garlic, the best.
Nachos. Again, not made by us. This was made by the same people who made the pizza. FANTASTIC!
Okay, so get this. The burgers were made of grass fed Angus beef from the farm of Abby's grandparents. The buns were made of focaccia bread. Ripe tomato, lettuce, organic ketchup, munster cheese. If that weren't enough, we mixed onion, garlic, and worchester sauce into the meat. I have to say that it was the best burger that I have ever had in my life. That include anything you might get at a restaurant.

After the amazing dinner, we watched Labyrinth. Me and Kelsey sand along. Abby wasn't impressed. But she had never seen it as a kid, thus proving my theory that most adults will not like that movie if they haven't experienced it as a kid first.

It was a pretty good night. But of course, nothing can stop the feeling that you should be with someone. It wasn't too bad last night, but it was present.

Someday.

So there you have it.

I hope you enjoyed.

Happy Valentines day.

ps-here are the letters and the song that wrote to my secret valentine. I hope you find them as cheesy as I meant them to be.

My dearest Abby,

I cannot contain it any longer. It is I, your secret Valentine and in these, the days preceding that day of sweetest love aka Valentine’s day, I finally find the strength to finally tell you just how much I love and adore you . Reminiscent of that Roman saint who died on February 14^th so many years ago, so my heart dies a little every day it is not given your return affections. But let us not rush things, my crème crumpet of delicious beauty. Love is an art and I am the master artist. Everyone knows that tension must be drawn out so that the release is all the sweeter. So it will be that this day and all the days following it which precede February 14^th 2010 I will write you a letter. A letter which puts into words feelings which no earthly words can express. And each day, oh bountiful bearer of all my affection, I will see your love for me grow until that fateful time when I will reveal to you my identity.

Stars will align, music will ring out, and all the cosmos will submit to that one power which is greater than all others. This power doesn’t take money, it doesn’t take fame. It doesn’t take a credit card to ride this train. It is strong and it is sudden and it can be cruel sometimes, but it might just change your life. It’s the power of love.

Until tomorrow my beauty, I must leave you to anticipate my next profession of devotion.

-Your secret Valentine

Oh Abby, my Abby! I’m glad you’re not at an Abbey

‘Cause if you were, you would not be my Abby

Oh Abby, my Abby I hope you don’t think it’s drabby

That I wrote you this song. A song that’s all about Abby

Oh she loves her earth and hates Dave Matthews

I sometimes wonder if she likes cashews

‘Cause I do and I like macadamias too

I go nuts for my Abby, oh Abby my Abby oh loo!

Abby, my sweet. It is I again. Your secret valentine. I know that you have waited with bated breath to receive this, my second profession of love. Breathe easy now, oh inspiration of all my doings for it is here.

I do not profess to be a being of many words. I must admit that I find myself distracted by thoughts of you. And so I make this address brief.

Expect a token of how much I worship you in the form of a little ditty.

If this letter is unexpected and strange to you, be sure to check your mailbox for the letter I wrote to you previously.

Until tomorrow dearest,

-Your secret valentine

"I shake through the wreckage for signs of life Scrolling through the paragraphs Clicking through the photographs."

Megan give me a strange look as Kate, Lil, and Kelsey watch SNL on my computer at the South Street Laundromat. This fantastic little piece of awesome is the cheapest laundromat I have found and has wireless internet! Love it.
Nate and Jo posed for this picture that we put into our slide show for the eighth graders. They are showing just how much they love composting.
Another little gem that we used for the slide show to demonstrate how we live as a community and cook community meals. Jo looks a little too excited and Nate is really enjoying the spoonful of nothing he's dipping from the pot.
Jo going full force into cooking, whisk held high.
This is a picturesque view of the lodge in all it's snowy glory. This is the place that we eat, work, shower, cook, and pretty much spend out lives when we aren't teaching or sleeping.
This lovely specimen here is Kate Hood. No doubt she is trying to poison herself with bleach water so that she can get out of cleaning the bathrooms. They were pretty gross that day and she is a little bit of a germaphobe.
Z and Shannon look a little too happy for having to sweep up hair and scrub toilets which let urine sit in them for hours at a time. "If it's yellow, let it mellow. It it's brown, flush it down. Or save some water, use the squatter." For those of you unaware, the squatter is the outhouse.
Looks like Kate's mood has improved. Maybe she has successfully poisoned herself.
This is a marsh a little ways away from the camp. I bet it is even more beautiful in the spring when it is teaming with life. Just after the only big snow storm that we have gotten since I got here. This is part of the trail to the Lodge.
One of the cabins in the snow. Beautiful.
The branches crowded in along the trail. I have to say that it was one of the most lovely morning walks I have ever experienced. I really wish that it would snow again.
Yet another snow view. I know there are a lot of these. It was just so amazing. I don't get to see this much snow all that often.
And yet another snow picture. This was when the clouds rolled away. Once the sun made it appearance, all the snow started to fall from the branches. It was almost treacherous.

So this wasn't all that exciting. But it's what I got. Believe me, these pictures were the interesting ones of the bunch. And I didn't want to overload you all.

I am beginning to find my comfort zone out here. It's only just beginning to feel like a home. Things are becoming familiar.

Along with the sweet comes the sour. I still haven't found my wallet. So I have no money and every time I drive I am afraid that I am going to do something stupid and get pulled over. I am in the process of replacing everything but those of you who have been in my situation know how hard that can be. Especially since I am out of state.

Teaching is coming along. Lesson two went really well, at least for my part. Nate and Jo had a couple rough spots. They both HATE the class we have full of really gifted/band/ADHD students. They are really smart. They just need to be challenged. Some of them are really into learning what we are talking about. Some of them just want attention. I am enjoying the challenge. I am pretty sure that they are going to be my favorite class.

The first teen night was awkward. It was a mix of being a freshman in high school and being the lame adult. It got better as the night went on.

So yeah. That's about it for this little update.

"I traveled half the world to say you are my muse."

I was going to ask who wanted to hear about my first two official days of teaching. Then I decided that I didn't care if you wanted to hear about it or not because you can't hear typing.

So whether or not you want to hear anything is irrelevant. Whether or not you wish to read about it is a whole other matter.

But that doesn't matter either because a post will be the result of these end of day musings and you can decide whether or not you wish to read them.

Onward then upon my trusty steed which is running on brain energy fumes left over from those early weekends of relaxation.

Thursday was one of the longest days of my life. I've had 13 hour days before when I was working at Bob of the Evans. But days like that were merely physically taxing. I have not had a day that taxed me as mentally AND physically as Thursday did since never. It all began at 4:45am.

• 4:45am-Woke up to first alarm. Reset it. Rolled over and went back to sleep with music in my ears.
• 5:00am-Woke up to re-set alarm. Set it a second time. Rolled over and went back to sleep with music in my ears.
• 5:20am-Woke to third and final alarm. Spent 15 minutes stumbling around, getting things together, debating a belt, etc.
• 5:35am-arrive at the Lodge for sprucing up.
• 6:10-Emerged from the bathroom cocoon a beautiful, clean, teacher-esque butterfly. Boots laced and all (By the way Beckie, these boots are the best things ever. In love.).
• 6:25-having hastily prepared a tuna and fresh mushroom sandwich, granola bar, fruit leather, and water for lunch and scarfed down a small bowl of raisin bran, I was now ready to submit myself to the bowels of one of the grey beasts we drive to town.
• 7:20-I am now thoroughly van-sick, but awake and feeling anxious as we exit the belly of the elephantine behemoth (yes I am aware of the redundancy of this-it was used to put emphasis on how I feel about these 12 passenger vans we have to use) and make our heroic entrance into Hillside Middle School.
• 7:45-Computer hooked to the projector, copies of outlines in hand, we prepare for the wave of our first students to crash over us.
• 1:00pm-After 5 classes in which we had one 40 minute lunch break, we felt like we had accomplished a lot. (You were expecting some sort of play by play of each class and the whole day? Not worth the time it would take to type. If you are that interested you can take steps to participate in the aforementioned "hearing" of the events by calling me on my still shiny and new cell phone. Though depending on where I am when you call I may or may not receive it. You would do better to call me and leave a message for me to call you back and give a brief list of the times you are most available).
• 1:00-2:00pm-data pertaining to events at this time has been lost within the apparatus containing it. It is possible that said apparatus shut down in this one hour period. Please excuse the malfunction.
• 2:00pm-(Apparatus working normally, you may now continue reading)-We received and invitation to attend an eco-club meeting that one of our students is the president of. After a lengthy and suspenseful time in which we waited to RSVP (three seconds) we agreed and attended said meeting at this time. Many good things were talked about.
• 3:00pm-We arrived at the Salvation Army (not the thrift store) and entered unsure of what to expect from our first time.
• 5:00pm-having spent the last two hours reading Enders Game and looking up the word "hipster" in wikipedia, I help prepare for Kids Cafe (3-5 is tutoring time and there were more tutors than kids. I had no-one to tutor.)
• 5:45pm-dinner (mung like macaroni with ground beef and tomatoes, a buttermilk biscuit, a carton of milk, and a choco-chip cookie) is over and we cleaned up. Then it was time for activity time. I got my trash kicked at air-hockey, pool, and foosball. No I will not tell you how old the kids were that beat me. Stop asking.
• 7:15pm-the day being done and our bodies and brains mush, the three of us climb back into the lumbering rhino vans and turbulated* our way back to bear brook.
• 8:00pm-we arrived back and Bear Brook. I pottied. Then I went to the cabin, ready to fall asleep before my head hit the pillow, as they say. To my dismay, it was freezing because no one had managed to start a fire. I spent the next 45 minutes making the fire perfect so that the cabin would be warm and toasty for everyone else. THEN I fell into a blissful sleep.

*Turbulated-verb: to move in a turbulant manner.

Thus ended the first day.

Day two (today) started just as early but did not end as late. We put in a good 8 hours when you include commute time. We taught six classes, had 20 minutes for lunch and another earlier 40 minute break. By the last class we were laughing at unfunny things and stumbling over our words. Much like drunk people.

I revealed to my teammates my slightly vague reasons for not drinking coffee. They will now leave me alone. It does bug me that their performance is dependent on whether or not they have had their coffee quota or have nicotine in their system (in the case of Jonathan (now Jo to me) it's self-rolled cigarettes. In the case of Nate (Now Na to me...not really. I'm just kidding on that one) it's chewing).

I am tired.

And did I mention that I misplaced my wallet? I have looked in all the places that I can at Bear Brook (The Lodge, My Car, The Cabin, My Cubby, The Lost and Found). There are only four place it could be.

1.The barn where we went to the barn dance last weekend. In that case, I have e-mailed the people who might know where it is.

2. Church

3.The Concord Public Library

4. On the street somewhere in Concord or in some random persons hands.

I am really hoping for the first one. The second and third would be acceptable. The 4th is something I don't want to think about until the first three hypotheses have been proven false.

I really hope to receive a reply soon. I'm not sure I want to go to Portsmouth without an ID or anything else. I wouldn't be driving so I suppose that it would be good that I wouldn't have any money. No spending. On the other hand, I am sure that others would want to go places to spend things (mostly food, maybe a museum or something) and I would not be able to participate. On the other other hand, I might not have time to go there on my own. How fun would it be to go with people to Portsmouth and see the winter ocean? My mind isn't made up, but I am going to go to bed early so that I still have that option.

And her I end with this perplexing thought: If you write a blog post and no one ever reads it, do you actually exist in the blogging world? (We all know that the point of blogging is really validation).