On My Thoughts on a Monday Morning

I've spent the whole week listening to Coldplay.  That can only mean one thing:

I've got too many thoughts and feelings galavanting through my brain without my permission.  

And you know what THAT means?

Brain vomit.  That's what.  The mind can take only so much churning before it has to expel some of what's in there before it becomes one big, hot, complicated mess.

So forgive me.

Commence vomiting:

It's suddenly hit me.  Just what is being asked.  I'm catching a glimpse of what is required of me, and I'm not gonna lie.  It's a little scary.  And overwhelming.  Yet I know I would not be asked to do these things if there was no faith from above that I could do them.

I just finished filling out the equivalent of a personality profile on the online dating site I signed up for.  I'm not really sure why I even jumped on this particular bandwagon.  It was kind of a whim.  Done in a moment of frustration.  I have this account and I've no idea what to do with it because I'm too afraid to actually do ANTHING!  

I've been pondering the use of my Sundays.  I'm sure my activities fall under the description of "good".  But how about "better" and "best"?

I promise.  I'm not a "playah".  I just like playing Mario with company.  Especially company that makes me laugh.

I hear whats being said, and I see the merit.  I just don't know if an added piece to the board (me) is going to help much.  But I'll do what I can.

What's WRONG with me?  Seriously? Anyone?  No?  Okay then.  I guess it's time to move on to greener pastures, right?

We walk so high.  Aloof on our mountains of righteousness.  Believing we are invincible.  Ever tempting the edge.

And in a split second, that one decision, that single moment, the soft, chalky ledge gives way and we are plummeting.  Hurtling toward that dark abyss.

Because we were CONVINCED we were fine.  Convinced we had it all worked out.  Thrilled to have been sure enough in our footing to balance on that fine line.

Like an unruly child, showing off to his/her little friends.  Look what I can do!

And in seconds he/she is on the ground, knees scraped, crying at the unfair nature of it all, at the pain.  But most of all, crying from the shame of it all.

And if we were still children, how easy it would be to pick ourselves back up and wipe away the tears.  To meet everyone with a smile as if nothing had happened.  As if we had MEANT to fall.

All part of the plan, folks.

Except everything is different.

But you know what?   NO.

No more self pity.

No more lower lip stuck out and sniffling for someone to hug my problems away.

No more wishing that this or that person would be a shoulder to cry on.  Would miraculously show up and ask me how they can help make me feel better.

I brought this on myself, and I'll be darned if I'm going to force it on someone else.

It's up to me to fix things.

And fix them I will.

This life is filled with a million decisions to be made.  And you can either go running to someone else to make them for you, or you can take a deep breath and make them yourself.

You control your life and no amount of whining is going to change that.

You know what can help?  Trust.

And activity.

Trust that as we do all we can, and strive our hardest, we will be rewarded.

Not always in the ways we thing we should be.

But always rewarded.

And you know what?

I think the time for pining is over.

It's time to stop wishing you had something and complaining because you don't have it.  Either go out and take it, or think of all the things you DO have and get over it.

It's okay for things to be the way they are.  And a real adult will look at their blessed lives and say "I'm okay with this."  Instead of  "this is how I want to be blessed more".

Sorry.

I said brain vomit and I meant it.

Most of it is stuff my brain is yelling at me.

Stuff that I need to keep reminding myself of.

And things I need to just face head on instead of cowering in fear or uncertainty.  Even if they ARE comfortable waiting rooms with cushy couches, good magazines, and delicious snacks.

It's time to get OFF that cushy couch, roll up that magazine, and toss away those snacks and just....

Just....

GET IN THERE AND DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.

There.

I think I've done enough damage for now.

On Poo Soup, Pedicures, and Familiarity

Please note: this is another long one.  It covers the intimate details of my work.  Not for the squeamish of stomach.  

The first month it over with.

I'm through that terribly awkward and stressful time in a new job where you are new and know nothing.  When you feel like you spend more time being a hindrance than a help.

I'm starting to becoming a working piece of the machine that is a veterinary clinic/groom service/pet boarding service.

That's right, we're the whole package, baby.

*ahem* anyway.  

The first month is always the longest.  Time seems to drag on because you spend so much of it worrying and feeling anxious, and TRAINING.

But NOW is the time for routine and familiarity to set in.  To start feeling comfortable enough with the job that you know what to expect and what to anticipate.

I can finally start to get a feel how each of my days is going to be.

For example.  Thursday's are my LONGEST days.  Wednesday's one of my easiest.

But for a general view in a typical day in my job, keep reading.

And be prepared to be jealous (if you've got a strong stomach).

My typical full 7am to 6pm day goes as follows.

I arrive at 6:45 and am greeted by the symphonic sounds of shrill yaps, booming barks, and pathetic yowls.

Ah, what music!  

Usually the ward attendants are already there, giving the boarding dogs their walkies and cleaning cages, divvying  rations, etc.  

I flip on some lights, turn on some machines, clock in, and if I am lucky I have a fresh batch of stool samples waiting for me in the fridge!  Nothing like the fresh smell of poo in the morning to wake you up!

Want to know how to set up a fecal sample?  It's FUN!

Step 1: get some poo.  You can obtain this from the fresh, steaming pile the animal leaves behind on it's morning walk (lucky for me, this is obtained by the owners or the ward attendants).  OR if the owner fails to pick up their pets poop, we get to stick what we call a "fecal loop" (a long plastic stick with what looks like a big eye of a needle on the end) into the animals bum.  I mean really stick it in there.  Then give it a twist.  Pull it out.  And if luck is on your side, there will be a remnant of the pets last poo on the stick.  Yummy!

Step 2: Put the poo in flotation solution.  

Step 3: Stir and break up the big chunks so that you have a nice poo soup!

Step 4: Pour into a test tube (trying not to spill any on you!)

Step 5: Spin in the centrifuge so that all the poo pieces go to the bottom of the tube and any intestinal parasite eggs float to the top. 

Step 6: Dab the flat end of a small test tube into the top of the spun poo sample.  Apply a droplet of poo sample to a glass slide set with a cover slip.

Step 7: Look under a microscope and see what you can see! (This part makes me feel so cool and sciency!)

WEE!!

Back to my day.  

Groom animals and drop-off appointments begin arriving around 7am.  While I get things prepared for the morning (check supplies, catch up on laundry, etc.) I listen for a page from the front calling me to bring back an animal.

This is the easy part.  You go to the front and if the animal is a dog, have them hop on the scale.  HOPING that they stay still for long enough that you can get a body weight.  If it's a cat you get to pry it out of it's carrier in one of the exam rooms and force it to lay still on one of the smaller scales, all the while avoiding and claws or teeth that might hinder the process.  

Appointments start at 8am.  

For a routine check up I bring both patient (the animal) and client (the owner) into an exam room, check the chart, and then cart off the dog to the treatment room where we get a blood sample (sometimes I get to draw the blood myself!!!  *excited squeal*!!) and if we must, a stool sample.  If the owner REALLY want's to make my day, we do a doggie pedicure.  

Not as nice as it sounds.  

There are a great many different "holds" we are required to learn.  There are different holds for getting blood (from the neck, from the leg, etc).  There's a hold for extracting urine from the bladder of a cat with a needle.   There's a general restraining hold.  Then there's the hold for the nail trims (if the dog is an uncooperative baby).  You have to basically force them on their side, hold their legs, and put pressure on their head with your arm so they can't get around and bite you or the person trimming the nails.

Sometimes the dog whines, sometimes it yelps.  Sometimes is SCREAMS.  Like they are dying.  Pathetic.  And more often than not, the dog squirms like its fighting for its life.  

Grand times.

Okay...so once that is all done and dandy, the dog goes back into the room with it's owner and the doctor follows.  Then you get to check the stool sample for any intestinal worms!  And find other important things to  do, all the while still taking back groom dogs and drop-off appointments making sure to write them up on the giant dry erase board so the doctors know what they still have to do.

If there is any down time between morning appointments, the doctors have you bring up a drop-off appointment and you do all that you can with them until the next appointment shows up.

If drop-offs get finished and there happen to be no appointments, the the DA's have the wonderful task of giving selected boarding dogs a complementary bath!  I've got dog bathing down to a 5-10 minute science!  

The idea is NO DOWN TIME.  No time wasted.

After morning appointments, around 10:00 or 11:00, the doctor who isn't in surgery does all the drop-off appointments with the help of me or one of the other DA's.  That can involve anything from helping shave a dogs hot spot to getting a urine sample for a complete urinary analysis (it's fun, you catch the pee in a ladle!).  

Sometimes I get to help hold a dog for an X-Ray!  I get to wear a lead apron and gloves and all.  And then I get to process the films in a dark room with the red light and smelly chemicals.  Yeah, I'm awesome.

Some days we have dentals.  Yep.  That's right.  I'm now a dental hygienist.  BE JEALOUS.  Because there is no better smell than the reek of rotting dog teeth.  It's a VERY distinct smell and one they should not make into a scented candle anytime soon.

Basically dentals go as follows.  We put the dog or cat under anesthesia (so we don't get our fingers all bit off and everything).  First we scrape off all the tarter.  Sometimes there is very little and this is easy.  Sometimes it's like hacking off a thick protective shell that the dog has developed around it's teeth.  Gross.  But very satisfying as you chisel it off.  Then you "scale" the stains and remaining tartar off.  This is a tool that uses high frequency sound waves to blast the stuff into oblivion.  It's VERY hot and very damaging if you get it too close to the animals gums.  I was terrified to use it at first!  THEN, you get to use the oh so nice looking pokey tool (that's the technical term for it) to get under the gums to check for residual tartar build up, mobile teeth, or pockets in the gum line.  There is a lot of bleeding and it makes it a little unnerving...but you have to convince yourself it's normal.  Then it's the doctors turn. They check the gums themselves and *shudder* extract any really bad teeth (like a fractured canine...we see that in cats a lot).  Seriously, I don't get squeamish around much.  But teeth extractions?  I can BARELY WATCH.  Drilling?  Fah-ged-ah-boud-id!

After all that's done it's a good old fashioned polish with close to the same stuff they use on people.  I imagine it tastes disgusting...it always does.

You know where these animals get off easy?  The fluoride treatment!  No sitting there for 5 hours with those trays of the nastiest tasting goop in creation sitting on your teeth while you gag as the stuff runs down your throat.  Nope.  They get this foam that you rub over the teeth and it sits there for as long as it takes for the animal to wake up.  JEALOUS.

Now that I feel comfortable doing them, dentals are kind of fun.  But I've only done maybe 8 now and I have already seen some REALLY nasty mouths.  How the owners let it GET that bad, I don't know.

Same thing with ears. I've seen some ears that will keep you up at night.  And guess who gets to clean them out with cotton balls?  That's right.

Me.

If you are helping in surgery you get to prep patients-wash and shave surgery sites, mask them for anesthesia , hold their mouth open by the lips so the doctors can insert the tube to inflate their stomachs, move and monitor the patient, help keep things running smoothly and making sure things are clean and sterile.  

Today I got to use the thermal-cautery unit!  It look like a pen and has a hot little tip that you apply to nicked vein or artery.  Ah, the smell of singed innards...

It was kind of scary.  I had no idea what I was doing.  But I did it.

After you spend the surgery watching them cut into the animal and remove what they need to remove (be it testicles, ovaries, tumors, etc) you clean up.  That parts isn't that exciting.  

PHEW!  Now it's just the end of the morning.

I get a 45 minute lunch-I bought this new awesome Star Wars lunch box.  All metal and vintage looking.  BEST $7 I've ever spent.  

I go outside across the parking lot under a tree in the grass.  I sit, eat, and read.  It's only 45 minutes but it's nice.  

Back from lunch.  Deep breath.  

Now comes the quiet time.  The doctors are calling clients back about their pets and then going to lunch so there are no appointments.  The DA' s get to check in the mail (meds, supplies, vaccines, etc).  All the stuff that comes in.  We label it and put it away.  Oh the joys of inventory!

We do Heartworm tests if it's Monday, Wednesday, or Friday (this REALLY makes me feel like a scientist!  There are pipettes, timers, droppers, solutions, blood spinning, etc.  I actually really like doing it).  The only part I don't like is then calling all the owners back to let them know the results (which have always been negative since I've been there, thank goodness!).

If need be, I pull up vaccines.  Just another example of an activity that makes me feel super doctor-y.  You use a syringe with the needle and flick out the air bubbles and all that.  Man.  It just doesn't get any better.  Unless you accidentally stick yourself, which I have totally NEVER done.

I check over things.  Walk dogs if I have time.  Make sure the exam rooms are ready for afternoon appointments.

Then the afternoon is basically the opposite of the morning.  Instead of dogs coming IN, dogs are going home looking all pretty and stuff.  This is my favorite part of the day.  They are all SO EXCITED to leave and see their owners!  It's adorable.  Appointments are usually the same (sometimes something EXCITING happens and you get diarrhea'd on by some insane dog that thinks you're there to murder it, other times things go smoothly).

All the while sweeping, mopping, fecal samples, blood work, general cleaning, and laundry are going on.  And we begin to prepare to shut down for the night.

On a good night we are out of there between 6:00 and 6:15 pm.

If an emergency comes in like a dog with a gaping wound from a dog fight or a cat with a fish hook up it's nose, we're there longer.

It happens.

We take out the trash, clean all the fecal loops and fecal sample test tubes, used syringes to be saved for later use in less sterile things, counters, etc.  Turn things off, and then head out.  If it's Thursday we get to carry out any euthanized pets to be "disposed of".  I'll let you figure out what that means.

I think that's about it.  That's what a long day in the life of me is like.

Working where I work is great.  I'm learning all these new things and I've barely scratched the surface!  Don't ask me questions, I'm no the doctor.  Though I do know a FEW things now.

Everyone there is pretty relaxed and fun to work with.  We help each other out and things run smoothly most of the time.

Sometimes, when things go wrong, we get a lecture from Dr. Mo.  He's known for his lectures.  And tangents.  But he's a funny guy who likes his country music and sometimes wears a camo bandanna to surgery.

Working with Dr. Mc is like working with the most encouraging and validating best friend ever.  100% positive reinforcement.  And she laughs at your jokes like they are actually funny!

The only thing I don't do often is work at the front desk.  That's because that actually requires that you have knowledge to answer peoples questions.  Which I don't have yet (and everyone else knows more than me).  I'll get there.

But I'll take stool samples and urine analysis over answering the phones any day.

ANY.  DAY.

Okay.  Time to end this post.

This was the right call.  I knew that I waited for a reason.  And while I still get paid hourly, this is a full time job.  One that I enjoy.  One that is giving me valuable experiences.

One that I hope I get to keep after my 3 month evaluation in June.

Who would have thought I'd end up here, right?
   

On Dating

This is it.  

It's going to happen.

There's no stopping me now.

This post is getting written.  Because I've had this revelation (encouraged by a relief society lesson).

Know going into this that I feel I have less experience than most to be even remotely qualified to write a post on dating.  But lack of knowledge has never stopped me before.  Why should it now?

Within this post there will be honesty.

Plainness.

That is what I offer.  Take it or leave it.  Ignore it.  Whatever you please.  Apparently I feel strongly about this and will not be deterred from sharing my opinions, however ignorant or naive(I hate typing this word.  I never put the "a" before the "i") they might be.

P.S. this is kind of lengthy.

First thought (inspired by the words of a friend teaching a great lesson on standards):


Dating is NOT a commitment


Dating is a social activity with the purpose of interacting with another/other individuals in a one on one or groups situation so that you can get to know each other better.  It's an exercise in learning to read social queues and to associate with your peers in a respectful and enjoyable manner.  It's an important step in our social and mental development.

It is in no way an admission of devotion to another individual, nor a promise to love them and only them for all eternity.  You are not pledging marriage then and there nor even suggesting that marriage is even on the horizon.  Quite simply you are letting this other individual know that you admire certain qualities in them and would like to know them better.

I think a big problem comes from the misinterpretation of the phrase "you date who you would marry".  The statement isn't "you marry who you date".  Sure, a date is flattering because it says to the other individual that you see in them a potential light and goodness associated with an eternal companion.  However, rarely does one date bring certainty to either party that they are each others "other half".  And assuming that one date means more than a mutual attraction and admiration is not rational.

Yes there are exceptions, of course.  But we're not talking about them right now.

I will repeat.  One date is not a commitment.  5 dates aren't a commitment.  Honestly, there is no commitment until both parties mutually state that they would like to be committed to each other.  So until that happens, just chill.  Okay?  Let things be, and be willing to let things go.

Second Thought:

Dating does NOT have to be complicated.


I'm not saying it ISN'T I'm just saying it doesn't have to be.  We as humans LOVE to makes things harder than they need to be.

Dating is one of those things made unnecessarily complicated.

One of the first steps in making it LESS complicated is understanding the above statement-that it's not a commitment.

Another step is just RELAXING.  I mean really, it's just a date.

Here's another tip.  Don't be so quick to discount people.  You may be of the opinion that an individual has nothing in common with you, or maybe you think they aren't marriage material.  It is hard to muster up the strength to ask someone on a date.  Our greatest fear is rejection and embarrassment.  Remember that the next time someone asks you on a date.  Consider before you automatically say no.  Of course if a drunk off the street gives you their number, by all means DON'T call them.  But you honestly never know the kind of connection you may or may not form with someone.  You could have a blast!  And REMEMBER-it's NOT a commitment.  

 A person should not need to submit a resume in order to go on a date with you.  They don't need to go through a background check.  The whole idea of the date is to get to know them better.  And if you REALLY feel you wont connect, what's a couple hours of your time in the grand scheme of things? Give it a change, will you?

I feel that a lot of the complications we see in dating and the reservations we sometimes have for it come from a series of misunderstandings and stigmas.  Ones that can be understood if we just look past the whole culture falsely created by our current society.  Lets go into some of those, shall we?

Third Thought (acquired from "We Bought A Zoo"):

All you need is 20 seconds of embarrassing courage...


The asking.  Arguably the hardest part, no?

I've only asked a handful of times myself and let me tell you...ICK.

This is where I have the hardest time taking my own advice.

But truly, we draw out the horrible awkwardness needlessly.  It just takes 20 seconds (average) of putting yourself out there and then it's over.  1 of 2 outcomes occur.  You get a yes or a no.  And if the other person is merciful, they wont draw out that decision, making your life horrible.

Honestly, if you get a no, don't take it personally.  You are undoubtedly an awesome person.  Why fixate on the person who's not interested and waste time you could be spending moving on to someone who IS interested?

I know I have a tendency to put people on pedestals.  I believe that everything about them is PERFECT for me and if they would just realize that we are made for each other things would progress swimmingly onto marriage.  But really, if they don't show interest, they AREN'T interested.  That's doesn't make them a horrible person.  And you might find that if you let yourself, you can discover a good friend in that person.  So I repeat, DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.


Suck it up.  Fight past the anxiety.  And just give it that 20 seconds of courage.  At this stage, you really don't have all that much to lose.

Fourth Thought:

Learn to understand, appreciate, and embrace the pressure


There is an immense amount of pressure put upon members of the church to get married.  There's a reason for that (COMMANDMENT).  Much of the pressure is exacerbated by the sometimes unavoidable dynamics of the LDS culture.  But it's there and it's not going anywhere.

So deal.

I don't mean this harshly.  While I know I cannot fully understand the amount of pressure the brethren are under in particular, I can appreciate it and sympathize.  It's kind of not fair, in many ways.  First it's GO ON YOUR MISSION.  Then it's GET MARRIED IMMEDIATELY AFTER!!  But at the same time GET AN EDUCATION!!!  Then GET A JOB!!!!  Eeeek.  I do not envy you men.

But there is a significant amount of pressure on us females as well.  We've got to walk the tight rope while balancing pursuit of marriage on one end of the bar and education/self-sufficiency on the other.  (Or if you are a LOTR nerd like I am, we stand upon the edge of a knife.  If we stray but a little we will fail).  If we focus too much on marriage and not enough on education, we risk not having a way to support ourselves if we don't marry young.  If we focus too much on school and self sufficiency, we risk ignoring marriage totally and not making ourselves available.

Knowing there is a trap is the first step in avoiding it.  Don't fall into the pressure trap.  It's there.  For a reason.  If dating, courting, and marriage were easy then we would have the same view as the world and have a great many more divorce cases.  It is GOOD that we have to excessively ponder our future and work to obtain it.

It's how we grow.

Understand the pressure you are under, appreciate, and embrace it.  Don't let it rule you and keep you from enjoying some of the best years of your life.  At the same time, don't choose to ignore it and the commandment that has been given to you.



Fifth Thought (one I feel particularly passionate about):

Lets dispense with the gossip and the jokes, shall we?


I get it.  Dating is kinda stressful and potentially uncomfortable.  The idea of marriage even more so.  And one way to alleviate stress is to make jokes.

You might laugh when after the first date you are saying to someone "so where's the ring?".  And the other person will laugh too.  Because it's a joke right?

But beneath EVERY joke or teasing statement (every. single. one.) there is an ounce of truth or sincerity.

You know it, the other person knows it, and it makes things uncomfortable.

Think if it's necessary.  Think if it's really going to make the situation better.

That brings me to the other thing.

Gossip.

THIS is the cause of a lot of that unnecessary stress and pressure.

We all know the drill.

The second you've gone on one date with someone the news spreads like wildfire.  Tongues start wagging, and before you know it there's talk of marriage.  I wish I could say that I'm exaggerating (Well, I am but only a little bit).  

Suddenly you feel pressured to make a premature commitment.  Because that's what people are SAYING is going to happen.  What SHOULD happen.

Now people are trying to date in secret or aren't dating at all to save themselves the stress, the embarrassment, and the trouble of having to sit through all those rumors.

It would be easy to say, "it's just gossip.  Don't listen to it."  But we all know how hard that is.

So I have an easier solution.

STOP IT.

Really.  Just because two people go on a date does NOT mean they are even going to go on a second let alone get married. And there HAS to be something better to talk about with your friends than the social life of other people, right?

Here's another thing: stop asking people if "there is someone special" or "is there a nice guy/girl in your life".

It's never an appropriate question.  If I wanted to talk about my dating life with you, I would bring it up myself.  

I'm not saying that dating has to become a taboo topic (it does kind of sound that way, doesn't it?).  Just tone it back.  Remember that large groups of young single adults/college students have got grapevine communication down to a science.

Remember that while you jest, a little truth is felt behind every word.

Above all, remember that everyone is going through just as hard a time as you.  Be considerate of that.

Sixth Thought:

Online Dating: an unfair stigma


What thoughts come to mind when you think of online dating?

I'll tell you mine:

Lame.  Dodgy.  Desperate.  Creepy Stalkers.  Something for everyone else but not for me.

I've not actually tried online dating yet (though I won't be able to say that at the end of the month), so I cannot say with certainty that these words are false.

I CAN say that I believe them to be unfair.

Online dating offers an opportunity for an individual to expand their social circle.  It can be particularly helpful to those in an less than ideal social situation.

And it is not something to be sneered at.

Participating in online dating does not make you lame, desperate, or creepy.

It is, of course, something not to be taken too lightly (because the internet is, in fact, a dodgy place sometimes.).  Like every other thing on the internet, it can be misused in the worst way.

But used in the right way, the right setting, with the right mindset, it can become a useful tool.

It's not for everyone.  Just don't discount it because of stigmas produced by bad press and the opinions of those too afraid to give it a try.

And don't judge those who see it for what it could be.


Seventh Thought :

Don't Give Up


There will be times of rejection.  There will be the typical "I had a nice time,but lets just be friends" response.

These things happen.

And it doesn't feel good.  Rejection never does.

But it's also not the end of the world.

Don't make me go into fish metaphors.

Someone saying they want to be friends is honestly admitting to the you that they aren't the one for you. They are making your life easier!  You wont spend months of your time with them only to discover this later.  And honestly, while it seems crazy, it IS possible to be their friend.

Look past your own discomfort.  See them for what they could be not what you thought you were certain they would be.

And move on (trust me, I am still mastering this one).

Try someone else.

Don't let rejection deter you.  It is simply the opposition created to make this whole dating (and eventually marriage) thing ultimately worth it.  Allow me to add something cheese worthy and say that the best things in life are the things we work for.



A note on girls and TO girls (a potentially unfair generalization and some unsolicited advice)

I hate to harp on my own sex.  I think girls are pretty great sometimes.

But here's the truth.

While we may sit and pout and talk about how "STUPID" boys are, we are kettles talking about pots.

We're petty, immature, insecure, and overly expectant when it comes to boys and dating.  Please note that I say this knowing that there are many girls who don't fall into this category.  That being said, allow me to continue.

We're sometimes withholding.  We expect the guys to be forthcoming with their feelings and thoughts while we stand there, arms folded, and refuse to be honest ourselves.

We're hard to read.  Even I don't get all the complexities of the female psyche.

We're an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in a big ball of emotional chaos.

But you know what, guys?  Cuts us a little slack.  We're going through this too.  We have our own challenges.  We have just as hard a time being honest about our feelings and guard our hearts just as much as you. We may have flaws, but aren't we ultimately  worth it?

Now GIRLS.

Give the guys a break.  "Stupid" they may be, sometimes.  But they are under a lot of pressure.  And we're kind of a mess to deal with.  Don't take one look at a guy and decide that they aren't worth a chance.  How will you know for sure unless you GIVE them that chance.

If movies have taught us anything it's that anything can happen (vomit).  By that I mean stop secretly using movies as your template for the perfect relationship.

PLEASE GIVE UP THE CHICK FLICK MENTALITY!

(Sorry Beckie, I know you hate the term "chick flick").

Life is NOT a romantic comedy.

Even if you are convinced that your Mr. Darcy is out there, remember that Elizabeth didn't even REALIZE Mr. Darcy was her Mr. Darcy.

I'm not saying settle or compromise.  I'm saying be realistic.  And compassionate.  And open.

Here's a little bit of wisdom offered by my Branch President in Maine.

1. There is no PERFECT man out there.

2. You can't change a man's personality to make him what you want him to be.

What I take this to mean is that while you shouldn't set your standards to unachievable heights and have a list of "deal breakers" a mile long, you should not compromise with the false belief that you will be able to change your husband once you are married.

Be worthy.  Marry worthy.

I think on that note I should close.  I have many other thoughts and I could just keep going for hours.  But I want to spare you.

I'm glad to have added my opinion to the plethora of unsolicited and unofficial dating advice in the world.

You're welcome, world.