My A B C's of Gratitude

This all begins on a Monday.  The Monday before Thanksgiving, to be precise.

 It was cold and snowing in a way that wasn't pleasant for anyone.  I had been at work since 7:00 am and didn't have a prayer of being done until at least 5:30.  I had to drive through snow and traffic to schools 1 hour away.  I was to teach 4 different 1 hour long presentations to cooped up first graders who weren't getting outdoor recess and were super excited for their upcoming holiday break.  

Needless to say I was in a "just make it through" kind of mood.  Not a good way to start the week.  

But then this thing happened that I didn't expect and flipped my whole day.  

I was already out of sorts for the first class of the days for many reasons, the main one being the teacher wasn't prepared because she didn't read my email.  But they started their day off as usual, with the singing of the national anthem and the pledge of allegiance.

Then this school did something I've not seen at other schools.  Over the intercom came a voice form the front office saying it was time for "Mindful Monday".  I was already in front of the class ready to teach when they started this.  I didn't want to just sit their awkwardly in front of them so I participated.  The voice had them place a hand over their heart and their stomach and began some basic, calming breathing exercises.  Relaxing them.  I realized as I sat breathing and listening to the voice as it told me to relax my shoulders and face that I was actually pretty tense.  So I breathed and I relaxed.  This exercise lasted maybe 5 minutes.  

And at the end of it I felt better. 

The best part is that before she signed off, the voice told the students to try and think of their thankful A B C's.  Think of something you are thankful for beginning with each letter of the alphabet.  

I loved this idea.  Both of the thankful A B C's as well as the mindfulness Monday.

I don't take enough time in my life to be mindful.  To sit and just be still.  To not only relax my body but to relax my mind.  

So, in light of the holidays, I want to share my own A B C's of gratitude.  

This is not an exhaustive list of all the things I'm thankful for...also it's longish.  So be ready.

Here we go!

A: Abundance

I grew up in a life where things were sometimes tight.  There were a lot of us kiddos.  But my parents did everything they could to make sure we had the necessities.  We were never wanting.  We had food, a roof over our heads, books to read, toys to play with, and even a pet or two.  Maybe my clothes were hand me downs, maybe our milk was made of powdered milk mixed with water.  Some nights we had "mung" for dinner (macaroni noodles, ground beef, onions, tomato sauce) because it was what we had. 

But it was enough.  And we were never left wanting.  

The first year of my life in Utah was one of the hardest of my life.  There were a lot of reasons for this but one of them was the fact that I could barely make ends meet.  There were times I worried where my food was going to come from and my income was desperately dependent on the generosity of the people at the tables I was waiting on.  Very rarely have I lived a life so strained.  

And so now I am thankful that while I am not rolling in cash, I have enough for what I need and enough extra to start building up my savings again and start paying off debts. I have enough that I don't have to work two jobs.  What a tremendous blessing.    

B: Bones

No, not skeletons silly.  

Simply put, I'm thankful for my dog (don't worry not just the one, the other one will come up later).  The pup that I hadn't planned to get at the shelter but the one who changed my life for the better.  

He has been and continues to be one of the best dogs I've ever had. He's cuddly, sweet, affectionate, playful, smart, and listens to me.  The perfect partner, eh?  Except for the fact that he's a dog.

I adore this silly boy and I am thankful for him daily.

C: Camaraderie 
Specifically the kind that I find at work.  I'm typically the kind of person who can get along with most people, but I've worked many jobs where there were people where I just had a hard time handling in large doses.  Overall it was rare for me to make friends that I spent a lot of time with outside of work.

At my current job at the nature center, I have finally found my true niche.  I'm working with people who have similar ideals and ambitions as me.  People who will nerd out about nature just as much as me.  People who love to educate and who are basically dorky and quirky and my kind of people.

I paint with Susan and Hailey, I nature journal with Brent and Susan, I jam tunes with Lauren and Brent, I play Dungeons & Dragons with Daniel and Lauren, I go hiking with any and all of them.  I find that not only do I enjoy working with all my coworkers but I really enjoy spending time with them outside of work.  That is something that has been missing in my life and I am thankful for it.

D: Dungeons and Dragons 
I've had friends who play Dungeons and Dragons and I've sat in on a couple sessions.  I even played once.  But I was not invited back into that campaign (which made sense, they were in the middle of it).  I didn't really meet anyone for years after that who played.  Then I met Daniel when we both started work at the nature center.  He turned me onto a trio of comedian brothers who had a D&D podcast and shortly after invited me to join a new campaign he was starting.

It's been a fun adventure where I get to stretch and flex my creativity and it's been a blast full of snacks and side splitting laughs and I love that he helped me really get into it.  I don't know what I'm going to do when my other adventurers leave next year!

E: Environmental Education
In a nutshell, I love my job and the kind of work that I get to do.  I've found my passion and I couldn't be happier with where this job is taking me right now.

I'm thankful for all the places that have fanned the flame of my love for environmental education.  I'm thankful for a field that seeks to get people passionate and learned about the natural world around them.

Thank goodness I found my calling.

F: Friends and Family
I have so many great friends and family that I can't list them all without taking pages and pages.  But while I do get along with most people as I said before, I am particular about the people I become close to and let see the deeper side of me.  I am so grateful for the friends I have that still like me for me, flaws and all.

My family is stuck with me and have to love me no matter what and everything.  But what I am really grateful for when it comes to them is the fact that we all actually still get along and really enjoy one another's company.  This is also the case for my extended family. The more I learn of the world the more I find that this isn't always true and is becoming more of rare thing.  I love and adore my family and can't wait to spend eternity with them.

G: The Gospel of Jesus Christ
I don't know if I can put into words that express how important having Jesus Christ as my exemplar is to me and my life.  It shapes who I am on the surface as well as on a deeply spiritual level.  I believe that one of the most important reasons for being in this existence for a little blip of time is to improve ourselves and improve the world around us, leaving it better than when we came to it.  I fully believe that following the example of our savior and brother enables us to do this and brings joy and peace along the way.

H: Health
I know that I am not the most healthy person in the world.  I need to lose weight.  I really need to stop eating so much sugar.

But all in all I have been in good health. I have far less to worry about than others and while it may not last, for that I am grateful.  Hopefully I'll get my act together this coming year.

I: Intelligence
This is not a humble brag.  I'm not trying to flout my "intelligence".  I am thankful to be a human being who is capable of intelligent thought.  I can make my own decisions and have the agency to do so.  Yay for being sentient!

J: Jude
Before you become confused, Jude is my car.  I've had him for 7 years, he's over 10 years old, and he's gotten me through lots of scrapes and adventures and is still going strong.  I may not take care of him as well as I could, but he always gets me where to go.  And I still love the great gas mileage!  I've been there and back again and there again and back again so many times.  He's taking a beating but is still there for me.  Thanks Jude!

K: Kindness
There have been so many tender mercies in my life provided by amazing people who have been put in my life.  Strangers, as well as dear friends, have reached out to me just when I needed it.  Kindness is such a valuable virtue and commodity.  I wish we saw it more on this planet we call home, but every time I do see it whether personally or via the internet, my faith that humanity is inherently good is restored.  I still have faith in people and I try to hold to that.

 L: Lily
There we go!  We got to Lily eventually.  Lily has been...an adventure to say the least.  I will be the first to admit that getting her was not my smartest move.  I was not ready for a second dog.  But once I commit to something I stick with it.  So I stuck it out with her.  Through all the stress, the messes, the frustrations, the hard move to Utah, I never gave up on her.  She is still a wild child and so much more of a challenge than Bones.  But I have learned so much with her.  She is SO affectionate and silly and playful and she always knows how to make me laugh and cheer me up.  I don't know now what I would do without her (well...maybe get a cat but SHHHHH DON'T TELL HER THAT!)

M: Music
I could go on and on about music.  Whether it's a film soundtrack, or the new Coldplay album, the Tabernacle Choir, or Muse...music feeds my soul.  Not just music I listen to but music  I learn and perform.  I have been feeling the music void in my life of late and hope that in the near future I can find the time to join a community choir and maybe even perform at open mic night with my co-worker, Brent.  Music is magic and I am so lucky to have parents who taught me a little about how to appreciate and wield that magic.

N: Nature
This one might seem obvious.  To anyone who knows me I am an avid lover of nature.  But it's so much more than that.  Among the beauty, the quiet, the tumult, the curiosities, the richness of nature, I feel whole.  I feel peace.  I feel wonder.  More than anything else in the world, nature makes sense.  It draws me in.  It heals me when I need it the most.  It touches and inspires me in ways that just about nothing else does.  It's my life and livelihood, and it is one of my passions.  I am thankful to live in such a diverse world where amazing things and places exist. 

O: Ogden
Just the other day I was walking along Ogden's hot spot, 25th street, in all its festive splendor when I realized something:  I love where I live.  Of the few places I've lived in or experienced in Utah, Ogden has the most personality without feeling overwhelming.  It's the place that feels the most like my home back in Missouri.  There's always something to do whether it's trivia, open mike, art walks, baking classes, knitting classes, painting classes, cool seminars on the college campus, minor league baseball games, college football games, etc. etc.etc. I could keep going on.  The farmer's market here is pretty darn amazing, 25th street is eclectic and has many fun places to visit and delicious places to eat.  Ogden loves its history and is all about creating a fun place for college students and families alike.

It is a place of beauty, of experience, of fun.  It has this low key, relaxed vibe that lets you feel like you can be who you want without judgement.

I am thankful for Ogden and for finding a place that I can feel at home.

P: Painting/Photography
I've always wanted to be more artistic.  It's a skill that so many of my family members have developed even going back to grandparents and possibly further.  So over the past several months I have been trying to develop those skills.  I only have a phone camera, some cheap acrylics, and a want to do better.  It's been fun and maybe someday it will be a more marketable skill but for now I'm just really loving the experience and the hobby of it all.  I'm thankful to have a creative outlet.

Q: Quirks
I love that individuality of humans.  Little things that make us unique.  I love that one of my coworkers sings random out of tune songs about the avocado he brought for lunch.  I love that my other coworker says my name in the voice of David Bowie's Goblin King from Labyrinth every time she sees me.  I love the different, random quirks of my two dogs.  I love the distinctly different way every single one of my immediate and extended family members are quirky and yet it's a quirkyness I can see in all of us that defines us as family.

Also I'm thankful for the work "quirk" itself because its fun. 

R: Repentance
Where justice, love, and mercy meet.

Repentance is something I can still hardly grasp, but it gives me hope which is something we could all use a little more of in this world.

Without the perfect sacrifice of my Brother and Savior, I would be helpless.  Lost in darkness without anything to hold onto.

I still feel that way sometimes.  There are days, weeks, months where I have felt I am drowning, drifting, careening our of control.  But HE is always there to pull me back.  For that, I owe my life and eternal soul.

S: Singing
Ok, a little less heavy now.  Something I have been so thankful for in my life is singing.  From a young age it's brought me happiness.  Heavenly Father saw fit to give me a voice to laud him with and I do so gladly as often as I can.  I've loved performing in choirs, small ensembles, solos, in the car, with friends, etc.  Singing fills my heart and has, at times, seemed to thin the veil between this mortal existence and the next.  I miss singing in a choir and I hope to remedy that hole within me soon.

T: Tears
I am thankful for happy tears, for tears that come with mercy.  I am thankful for the swelling within me that has no words, but its a burning that confirms to me the truthfulness of all things and with it the wetting of my eyes.  I am thankful for the movie tears, the music tears, the laughing so hard you cant breathe tears.

But I am also thankful for the tears of anguish, of pain, of loss, of feeling utterly alone in a black abyss.  I'm thankful for the ugly tears, the quiet tears, the tears no one sees, the tears that only the closest ones to you see.

Without the tears of sadness and hurt, we wouldn't be able to understand and appreciate the tears of joy.  I am thankful to be a person who feels and who expresses those feelings by leaking out of my eyes.

U: Utah
I didn't want to move here.  Did you know that?  I had said to myself many times over while I searched for jobs that I would never go to Utah.  How foolishly stubborn I was.  I said that and searched for over 5 years before I humbled myself and finally, truly considered it.

Do I believe I could have found myself happy with a job elsewhere?  Yes.  But my journey took me here.  It took A LOT of courage, a lot of acceptance, and in the end it was really hard.  But I made it here.

For now I am still here.  And for now I love it.

There's plenty not to love but whats the use in focusing on that?  Here there is adventure and beauty beyond compare.  Here there are new things to be learned and new experiences to be had.  Here there is family who I would love to know better.  Here there are mountains to climb, valleys to explore, wonders I haven't conceived of yet.

And here?  Here it's a dry heat.  Thank goodness for that.

V: Veterans

I would be an ungrateful person indeed if I didn't mention those who have fought and died for what they believed in.  I am thankful for all those willing to stand up for goodness, even if it was the hard decision.  I'm thankful for those who defended their country even if it might not have been the best decision the country made.  I am thankful for those who have courage I will never know.  Discipline I will never have.  My heart aches for those who have fought and died in war or battle.  I know war can and will still come.  I am thankful for those who are willing to take up the banner to defend those who cannot defend themselves.

W: Work Ethic

Really this is just me being thankful for my parents.  Since I can remember they had me out there helping do the work that needed to be done.  I was always taught how to take care of myself even if I didn't need to.  I was taught to finish what you start and to stay dedicated and work hard.  This is a virtue that has become somewhat tarnished over the years. So I am thankful to have been raised by parents who instilled a strong work ethic in me.  I wouldn't be where I am without it. 

X: Xylophones

Ok, ok.  I'll admit.  X was hard.  I promise I didn't pick Xylophone because it was the only X word I could think of.  Those who know me know I have, in the past, been a percussionist.  It's one of my favorite things about me because it made me stand out.  In Jr. high, being the only female in the percussion section, I often got landed with the instruments the boys thought were too girly for them to play.  The glockenspiel, the xylophone, the chimes, etc.  It helped that I knew piano.  Because of that it was something that I became really good at in Jr. High and going into High School. I feel that talent defined me.  Keyboard percussion instruments are still my favorite because you can express so much with them.  And they just sound fun.  I'm thankful for their existence and that I got to learn to play them.  I hope to own one someday and get those chops back into shape.  

Y: Yummy things
It would be silly of me not to mention the fact that the world is full of so many uniquely delicious things!  One of my favorite things is to try new foods, new recipes, new restaurants.  I am thankful to have a mouth that wants to eat new things and loves most things.  It is the time of the season to eat so many wonderfully familiar and rich foods and treats but actually right now I am most thankful for one of the best restaurants I have been to in a long time.  It's this little Korean place in Ogden and if you are ever in the area, we have to go!

Z: Zillion
I am thankful for about a zillion other things but this post has already run really long.  But here are a  few simple things I want to mention:

Lovely smelling wax melts
Space heaters
Soft throw blankets
Fuzzy socks
Hot herbal tea
Creativity and inspiration
Cuddles
Good movies
Good books

A good life.