Wednesday, March 2, 2011

On things expected and things rejected

Compared to my last post this one might seem a mite negative. Rest assured that I am still feeling motivated to make my life here better. But it's Wednesday. Does a slight feeling of negativity need a better qualifier than that?

By now you all know that I went into this experiences with certain expectations. The thing with these expectations is that they were based on limited information, and bedazzled by the diamond binoculars I was looking through.

When you view expectations through such a useless and unnecessary piece of future viewing equipment, its no wonder that they end up false, or at lease less sparkly.

How was I to know, going into work, that I would experience the very thing I have been trying to avoid (a desk job)? Yes, it's winter, and there are potentially exciting things to be planned for spring. But still. This is rather tiresome.

Through what crystal ball could I have looked to predict that I would have to send my one loving companion home on a plane from Boston?

And I couldn't have asked R/L to reveal to me all here character flaws so that I knew what I was walking into. So there was no way I could have known that I would be resented for showering at 7:00 in the morning for 15 minutes. Or for not sweeping the kitchen floor every day because R/L has a crumb detecting super power (it's like a spidey sense for that woman!).

Disappointed expectations come with the territory when you try something new. It's not often that an experience will in every way exceed our hopes (my overall experience in New Hampshire was pretty close). But it becomes hard to keep a positive outlook when it seems like the expectation gods are plucking things away from you left and right at a moderated pace. Another words (oh look, and there's some another words!), one expectation goes out the window and I fall flat on my face in disappointment. But THEN, just as I start to pick myself up and brush myself off, there goes another expectation. Face, meet tile again (or carpet, or wooden stairs, or perhaps snow). Every time I decide that I can manage without this expectation being met and I start to see the light of never falling on my face again, there I am. Splayed on the ground beneath with my chin (or sometimes cheek) pressed against the cold surface of defeat. (Boy, I think a little bit of the angsty person I was in high school is starting to re-manifest herself. That's what I get for transcribing all those dark and saddened poems I wrote between 2004 and 2006.)

The newest expectation that has been removed from my ever decreasing living comfort has to do with laundry. A small thing, I know. But these small things have a tendency to add up.

Having arrived at my new home, I was assured that I would be able to use the laundry facilities down the street at R/L's friends house. Suddenly, R/L comes to the conclusion that she doesn't feel comfortable letting my do my laundry there. Please note that it took a good deal to get this kind of honesty out of her. She was previously telling me that she didn't want us to do laundry over there because she wasn't sure when this friend (who is living south for the winter) would have people staying there. It wasn't until I asked if I could just go over there and check to see if people where there and if there weren't THEN use the washer and dryer that she admitted that she didn't want me using the facilities there because it made her feel uncomfortable and that it didn't seem like a good idea anymore (these are her almost exact words and I imagine all she will give me on the matter). In the interest of not making this rant on laundry long winded (it's a bit late for that...) I will now move on the the second half of this disappointment.

It's bad enough at the prospect of having to go to a laundromat until the spring when it warms up, but my frustration was eased by the thought that I could use the washer that R/L has (yes, she has a washer but not a dryer) and then take my clothes to the laundromat to get dried. That would save me almost $3 a trip. But I should have been getting my face ready for another horizontal impact. When I asked if it was okay for me to use the washer in that way, R/L revealed that she has a small septic system that she would have to get pumped more frequently if we used the washer at this point. So until the dry season of SUMMER, it would seem that I cannot use her washer and will have to spend $4 or more at the laundromat every week. At least she has a practical excuse for not using the washer rather than her vague emotional excuse for not using the facilities down the road.

And so I am faced with the task of getting a $20 bill and then turning that into quarters for the laundromat. But I am in the process of seeking out a facility that is either cheaper or more user friendly. Keep your fingers crossed for "Clean Bee Laundry" in Camden. A local family run business which tries to use earth friendly methods and has wireless internet and this very nice little website!

By now, several of you in the family know the story of The Kitchen Aid Not To Be Used. A brief synopsis would be that I was told rather sternly that I am not to use the Kitchen Aid (as I stood there using only the bowl to mix dry ingredients)-A rule previously unknown to me. This event managed to lead into a rather interesting and nearly heated conversation about how things are going with the two of us living together. The result was me standing there and waiting out a defensive rant by R/L and then managing to get her to speak to me honestly and rationally, rather than tell me false reasons for things so that I don't know how she really feels.

The honesty is refreshing. But getting honesty out of R/L is like trying to get The Cheat to say Douglas. Or, for you non-homestarrunner savants, it's like trying to get a Star Wars fanatic to admit that the force is not real. Or, if you prefer a cliche, like trying to get a fish to breathe out of water.

This is my test and my trial and I will weather it as I have weathered all previous storms. I'm just grateful that the worst things in my life right now are a bad living situation and a dull job. Oh, wait...those are two pretty disheartening things.

Oh well, it's Wednesday. The perfect day for feeling like the things in your life are a smidgen of a let down and looking forward to that glorious weekend where you get to do taxes and then drive 1.5 hours to a town for a two hour combined choir rehearsal and then drive back at 9:00 at night.

Oh look, there's some more snow. What happened to 40 degrees and sunny?


genevieve said...

Oh. My. GOSH!!!!

This may not be the best advice, but....if I were in your position and it were feasible, I'd leave that house. Her reneging of privileges and sour attitude alone would make me look elsewhere....yes, you have a great view/proximity to the water, but you're so not happy! And if you're not happy at work, and not happy at home (with poor Sadie gone)....I mean, what are the next nine months going to be but torturous?

In my experience, I need a haven somewhere, whether it be a quiet bedroom, time with a fuzzy pet, an awesome work place, or amazing friends to escape with. And it seems like in your situation, so far, you have none of that there with you. I have sooooooo been there, in a place as close to heaven as I can imagine (Door County, WI). I hated so much of my summer there, and it was because I just accepted the ridiculous expectations and unpleasant situations. And I hate that I hated it! I LOVE that place, normally. And I still do. But I feel like I wasted what could have been a wonderful summer there.

Good luck, Sarah! I'm thinking of you.

Peeser said...

Oh, Strong Bad. And Mr. Green. Thank you for making me smile today.

Oh, Sarah. I feel your pain. If only the humor of Strong Bad and Mr. Green could make it go away. Alas. (Actually, if only the humor of Strong Bad and Mr. Green could make R/L go away, but that is even less likely.)

I will keep praying that you find a better situation soon.

Crapfully yours,

Kirsti said...

I agree completely with Genny! Seriously, keep looking for other places to live, I know they're out there. Maybe it might not be with that guy, but I wouldn't stand it there! And I thought my living situation was bad...I had no idea about the laundry.

I am SO SORRY that this has disappointed you so far. Keep your head up (I should take my own advice) and think of the small, happy things day to day. That seems to have helped me a lot.

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