A movie review

Warning. If you have any intention of seeing the new Transformers movie no matter what I say here, please do not read any further.

The following is a very negative review of the film and if you don't want to be tainted by my opinion before you see the film, feel free to skip over this entry.

If, however, you wish to spare yourself from 2.5 hours of some of the worst film making ever seen, please read on. This entry may be enlightening to you.

***

Okay, worst film making ever seen might be a little harsh. There ARE worse movies out there. But this one comes pretty close to the worst movie I spent money to see in theaters.

Here is a brief list of what was wrong with this film. There are spoiler so I will say again, if you plan on seeing it, don't read further.

1. First off was the voice over in the beginning. Not only was it unnecessary (they could have covered all the important info with some good scripting), it kind of made me want to laugh, it was so cheesy. It doesn't help that Peter Cullen (Optimus Prime) has always sounded like a movie trailer announcer. Anyway, voice over. They began with it, they ended with it, and it was not effective.

2. Next we have unnecessary sexual references. We have humping dogs, leg humping little decepticons, way too many crotch references. All unnecessary, all caused the whole audience to laugh...all except me and Kirsti. I hate people who find that kind of stuff funny.

3. Along with this horrible sex humor we just have horrid humor in general. Nothing that was supposed to be funny in that movie was funny. The only times that me and Kirsti laughed, we were the only ones laughing. And we would laugh at all the random things like "I have wet wipes! I have wet wipes!" Which is frantically shouted by Sam (Shia) at a girl who Bumble Bee shoots yellow fluid all over. Under this category is the stupid random humor of the Mom. It happened far too frequently and was NOT FUNNY!

4. Unnecessary characters. Under this category we have the roommate that adds NOTHING to the plot but annoying side comments and "comic relief" though nothing that he says is funny. He provided nothing useful to move the plot forward. The same can be said about the girlfriend. The only reason Megan Fox is in the movie is to increase the sex appeal. She hot-wires a car once that helps in a getaway and she charms a little decepticon into joining the good side. Other than that she is useless baggage and annoying baggage at that. The whole time it just seems that she is more in the way and things would go smoother if she weren't there. Not only were there several unnecessary characters but there were many that just dropped out of the plot completly partway through the movie. They served their purpose and then they are gone. 24 season 6 anyone?

5. Unnecessary language. Especially in the Autobots. I know that it sort of makes sense that the Autobots wold start using language that humans use because they have lived on earth for two years now, but it is still stupid. And the rest of the foul language is ver unneeded and does NOTHING for the film or the plot. I can admit that sometimes, language is important in a character or for the period or culture being represented. It can also be effective in showing emotion. Not the case for this film.

6. Way too much destruction. needless destruction. Not effective. Also, the fights between the transformers made you want to gouge your eyes out. There was too much going on. Sometimes it was cool, but most of the time it was just overwheling and unplesant to watch.

7. The twins. I'm sure that they were effective comic relief in the cartoon, but in this movie you just wanted them to die. They are represented as "gangsta" like Autobots. And it is almost like having someone tapping sharply on your head incessantly. SO anoying.

8. One of the worst scripts ever. 80% of the lines were so cliche it was painful. And the rest was just dumb. There were only a few good lines and most of them were delievered by Shia.

9. Ineffective use of emotion and emotional timing. There were many instances where I normally would have been crying. But no tears came because the timing was all off. Emotional scenes were to involved and rushed.

I was telling Kirsti right before the movie started that sometimes I really like going to midnight showings because of the excitement and the group mentality. You all cheer and laugh and groan together. Not the case with this movie. I wanted to shout "really?" every time the whole crowd laughed at things like the word "scrotum".

Anyway, I basically paid $7 to see a REALLY good Harry Potter trailer on the big screen.

Other trailers that I saw that looked good

-M. Nights newest film, The Last Airbender
-Nine
-Peter Jacksons District 9

Okay, I am done ranting.

I HATE wasting money.

Again, you don't have to take my word for it (tee-hee, LeVar Burton). Go see it if you still want to. But don't say I didn't warn you.