On Crossing the Halfway Point

A summary of the months:

January was simply THERE. It was a month of new things, new people, and a new home. Some expectations were met, other were not. MANY were not, to be honest. It was cold and there was much snow. I shoveled mountains of it. I did everything I could to make things work with a dog wrenched from everything familiar. Things could have been better, but there was plenty of time for them to improve.

February came in swinging and gnashing it's teeth. It was the longest month of my life. I felt grief, disappointment, and resentment. But wasn't I at fault? What was I doing here, so far away in the bitter place?

March brought with it a new month (finally). Things were now familiar. Office work, a frustrating R/L, more and more snow, more and more winter-all were things I came to expect by now. Things could only get better, right? With March there was a peace offering in the form of a trip to New York City. Who would believe that there would be no snow and warm weather for a weekend? And I remembered why I love singing.

Next came April. Showers? Not as much. Cold? Yes. And it was THE FINAL month. The LAST month I had to spend with a woman who is crazy. I still wonder how things are going with her now. Sometimes I dream of writing her an e-mail-gloating about how happy I am in this much better place. That would be prideful of me. April was supposed to be spring. There were spring WHISPERS, but no more than that. To have a winter that goes on and on was somewhat discouraging. But in April there was also joy. A gift of pie from two wonderful little girls, the arrival of a friend I thought I wouldn't see so soon, a birthday and holiday made more joyful than I was expecting. April was a month of patience and expectation.

Finally May arrived. And with it came a fresh new life. The joy of walking to work every day (despite the constant bone chilling mists), of walking to the laundromat, the store, the post office, EVERYWHERE. The dread I felt in going home was gone. Instead of spending my evenings hiding at the office, I spent them teaching myself guitar and reveling in my new home. May had it's disappointments (the failure of Kids Can Grow) but with those disappointments came a new opportunity much better than the first. May provided promise. And it went by so fast I hardly know what happened in that time.

Now it is June. June 13th! How did it get to be June 13th?? June is a month of experimentation. Trial and error. A busy month. My first REAL busy month. And I am taking it in stride. I have reached the halfway point (actually it was 5 days ago) and do you know what I see in the future?

I see the arrival of a sister in 11 days. I see a day trip to Rhode Island and a weekend with that sister in Maine.

I see two dangerously late nights as I drive 2.5 hours to New Hampshire just to see Fellowship of the Ring and Return of the King on the big screen one last time.

I see days in the garden and nights at home, creating, learning, exploring new facets of myself.

Do you realize how soon June will be over? What then?

Another several weeks and then ANOTHER sister arrives with all the intent of having the time of her life. Together with her friends she will explore the joys of "vacationland" with me going along for the ride.

And then, another sister is married! And I get to see her and meet him, see family and SADIE and TRISSIE and HOME and really take some time off.

I have a feeling once this exciting and busy summer is over, the months of August, September, and October are going to trudge on.

I am going to admit some things.

This is not exactly how I pictured it. I don't know what I expected. I wanted something different from New Hampshire-but I don't know how I was expecting this to be in any way better or more life changing. I was thinking today about all I got out of my Bear Brook experience. My time there was immeasurably beneficial to my personal growth, education, and self-exploration. I think in my mind I had this romanticized image of how things would be in MAINE. I mean, it's MAINE. A place I have dreamed of going ever since I was little.

I think when I planned to come here I wanted something JUST as life changing and educational as Bear Brook. It wasn't fair of me to have all these preconceived expectations. I suppose I am learning a lot about new parts of myself. And I am learning that I don't really like to be alone all the time. I do NEED my alone time, but I need connections and people as well. I'm not a recluse and I am not on the far end of the introvert spectrum. I'm somewhere in the middle, I think. Gradually making my way to the other side. You kind of have to be that way here. I am learning what I am like as a person on my own. I have very little direction except what I give myself.

I love walking over the river three times on my way home.

I love coming around those bends and seeing the Camden Hills.

I love the fields of buttercups and lupine.

I love the woman I live with.

I love my room.

I love being an hour away from a familiar face who GETS me.

I love all the potential in the Children's Garden

I love the new discoveries I am making and the strides I am taking in molding myself to be a better brighter Sarah Lambson.

I don't love that it can be June and 55 degrees.

I don't love that my feet are cold and I feel chilled at this time of year.

I don't love that I have very few peers in this place.

I don't like working in a place that gets so little of the crowd I am trying to draw.

I don't like feeling like I am not doing enough while being told I am doing all that I can. If these are the results of "all that I can" then I am extremely disappointed. And I am going to have to do MORE than "all that I can" if I want to see change in this place where I work.

I don't like feeling like I am not really making a difference here.

As you can see, in my reflections there are pros and cons here. And they even themselves out. Most of the pros are related to my personal life and where I live. Most of the cons have to do with work and the weather.

During my midterm evaluation, it was brought up that I can decide to serve a second term here. One of the things that is a struggle here for Merryspring is the fact that every year they have to kind of start over with a new person. They said it would be nice to have a person do two years in a row. But THEN what? That person makes even stronger connections with the place and the people and then has to find something else to do with their life.

I didn't tell them at this point, but I have NO intention of doing a second term here. I can't get another education award. I wouldn't learn anything new. It would be learning the same things over again. And, so far, I have not been SO impressed with this place that I feel this strong need to stay here for another year.

That could change. I have six more months. And we all know that the time to be in Maine is the "summer" (I wonder when it will really be here?). And I know the fall will be beautiful. AND apparently I have the Common Grounds Fair to look forward to. This is the first thing you will hear about if you are a new resident to Maine. I think I was told about it my first day here and so was Eliza. Apparently it's amazing.

Anyway, now I am just going on and on. This is my mid term reflection post.

Ya Welcome.

On the REAL arrival of spring

It's been several weeks since I have posted. This, I know. Can you blame me? It's now June and it finally FEELS like spring is here. Some native Mainers would argue that the arrival of spring is heralded by the peepers and by the first flowers. Okay, sure. I can give you that. But it has not FELT like spring since arrival of the first peepers and daffodils. And, up until now, I have STILL been cooped up in the office most days sending e-mails and overall PREPARING for things (ug.). Not to mention all the walking to work in cold foggy MISTS and arriving to work unavoidably damp. I'm about to go on a tangent that you might find boring. So feel free to move down the page to the photos.

Funny thing about Maine-even since late march, the colors in the patches of forest have looked more like AUTUMN than spring. Instead of varying shades of green, there were shades of brown, yellow, and reddish. It was weird to look out through the coastal mists and see what looked like forested hillside in late fall rather than early spring. I attribute this to the slow emergence of leafy growth (allow me to get into the specifics a little bit. Then we will get to pictures). If you have ever observed the trees in spring you would notice that FIRST they start budding. Before the leaves really burst from those buds, the trees use all their stored up energy (combined with the new spring energy) and produce flowers and seeds so that they can get on with making more of themselves. THEN the leaves start coming out. I think that in warmer climates, like Missouri, this all happens in a rather quick sequence so that sometimes it's not easy to see this progression of growth. Once it starts getting warmer things just EXPLODE and are GREEN and GROWING and BLOSSOMING and it's WONDERFUL.

Here, growth happens VERY slowly and you can actually see the stages. It's kind of interesting, but it has also made for a pretty non-green March, April, and beginning of May.

ANYWAY. That's all in the past. In the past several weeks things HAVE finally started taking off and temperatures have been WARMER! Everything is green and growing and we are experiencing signs of REAL spring. Not fake, cold, "gotcha!" Maine spring.

There are MANY photos following that document evidence of this spring, and some other random things of the past few weeks.

Enjoy!

SPRING CLEANING! I know this doesn't really show a before and after of how this table/my room looked, but I DID clean and finished everything off with a vase of lilacs. I'm pretty sure Lilac bushes are my FAVORITE sign of spring (in the plant department, that is).

Here is the farm road trail, all green and growing and lush at sunset! I AM starting to fall in love with the beauty of this place now that things look alive! P.S., I don't know what kind of flowers many of the following pictures depict.

Starting with this one. OBVIOUSLY it's a conifer. And OBVIOUSLY this is a picture of the tiny male cones. I'm not sure what species this is but the cool this was when you touched these clusters of cones (even barely) clouds of yellow pollen appeared. It was pretty neat.

Nope. No idea what this is. It's pretty, no?

UPDATE: Bachelor's Button

A yellow aster of some kind.

I know this one! Columbine! I really liked the candy cane colors of this one!

I don't know what this is, but these little pink flowers are SO CUTE!

All the plants for the children's garden just WAITING to be put into the ground, or a raised bed.

I think I've shared a picture of this kind of flower before. I just like it a lot. Anyone know what it is?

UPDATE: Rhododendron

How cool is THIS flower? They are really pretty when all the flowers open up.

UPDATE: Lupine

WILD ONES! This is a wild mint of some kind. I looked it up the other day but I can't remember what it was. Maybe ground ivy?

"The princess, Buttercup!"

Like little bells...

UPDATE: Solomon's Seal

These flowers have lost their petals, I think (their calyx maybe? Or is it the corolla?). Anyway, the way they look now, they look like a Dr. Seuss creation. Like Truffula trees!

Merryspring's Rock Garden

Merryspring's front garden

Um...it's in the family rosaceae...but I'm not sure what it is. A small apple tree?

Lilacs at Home!

This is just a short little lane leading to the gardens and I LOVE it. There is a stone bench in it that I love sitting on and listening to the bees and smelling all the GREEN things!

Path to the gardens. To the left is the emerging Hosta garden.

I love simple colored flowers, but I am ALWAYS impressed with multi-colored ones.

A hosta when the sun came out just after a rain.

The season wouldn't be complete without a Memorial Day parade! Only this one seems to have ushered the first REAL warm weather rather than summer. It does NOT feel like summer yet.

Love, the bus. This is a project that Cindy's sons (Cindy is on the Merryspring board). It has something to do with driving the bus around the country.

We are going to look at the parade backwards because THIS was at the end.

Your classic fire engine.

Little League!

A drama group

Look closely. There is a CUTE little boy in the back seat wearing black goggles! SO cute.

Your classic, classic cars.

Army vehicles!

You know, coming from a town where we had all the Jr. Highs AND High Schools play in the parades and the shriners in their tiny cars and a million other things, this was comparatively low key. There is only ONE high school in Camden and they were one of TWO bands that played. The whole thing took 10 minutes to pass by. But it was still fun.

Now for some pictures from Merryspring's Members Only Plant Sale and the service the Rockland Branch youth did in helping with it.

Two of the young men pull a cart full of plants to a members car.

The ladies!

Laura waits for a member to pay so she can help her with her plants.

The youth, leaders, and I, posing for a post sale picture.

Aaaannnd, a close up of some of the plant sale plants with ray potting in the background.

Wednesday, a storm rolled in and it felt JUST like a Missouri storm. It was WONDERFUL. Year after year, that is what I miss the most. The majesty of the thunderstorms.

And now, for some MORE images from my walks to and from work.

This is the smoke stack from the Knox Mill (I think it was a wool factory?) which is no longer in use and is now a bunch of restaurants and businesses. This thing is kind of the highlight of the Camden "skyline".

The laundromat I go to!

The vacant lot that was GOING to be a sound studio until THAT idea was shut down by a vote in a town meeting or city council meeting or something.

I really do love this mountain. And the Camden Hills in general.

This is the closed down gas station just up the road from Merryspring. It makes me smile that it was called McDucks. (:

THIS picture was actually taken about a month ago when things were just starting to get cold and foggy every morning. The ants were taking advantage of the moist soils to build their nests. There are TONS of them on the side of the road I walk to work.

Okay, for some reason every time I pass this car I chuckle. And so I had to take a picture. There are these two stuffed ducklings (rather large) that are in the back seat. And to me it always looks as if they are staring out that window, watching me as I walk past. This picture does not properly convey that, sadly.

And now...PORTLAND! It was a grey and cloudy and chilly day. But it wasn't the biggest waste of a Saturday. The buildings there really quite lovely.

This is the boyhood home of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. Surrounded now by the Bustle of Portland it's still a lovely place.

BEFORE I went to Portland, I went to the L.L. Bean flagship store in Freeport. I needed a good raincoat and a hat. So...

Once there I was met by a giant hiking boot. WOAH. It was a picture hot spot.

They had an aquarium filled with FISH. Salmon, I think...

And all of these museum like displays of L.L. Bean products from the past. Our family will especially appreciate this one (being the baseball lovers we are).

Let us not forget the stuffed wild animals!

More artifacts.

This one was really interesting.

An old sewing machine!

Hiking supplies!

And even a section for kids. I really wanted to explore it, but that sign seems so EXPLICIT in it's denial of adults. "KIDS ONLY!"

And now some random food pictures.

I made black beans for the first time at the beginning of May (not a hard thing, just something I had never attempted). They are STILL providing me with wonderful meals!

I've had a pound of black beans since February. The reason I finally cooked them up was because I needed to make something for the branch social. So I made Tex Mex dip! (Man, just looking at this photo is making me want that dip again...)

Recently for one of our YW activities we decorated cupcakes. They didn't turn out as nice as they could have because the icing was runny. But they were still delicious! It brought back memories of decorating goodies with Mom and watching her decorate cakes! I love nostalgic memories.

We're almost done, kids.

Here is the marsh that is on the southern part of the Merryspring property. Technically it's still our land but we really can't do anything with it.

I found another spring! This one is not nearly as well maintained as the one I show to people.

Ready for a before and after? I really wish I had taken a picture of the Children's garden in the winter and then again a week ago when all the grass had grown tall. But this is one shortly after I mowed it.

Sorry it's blurry. I think this was taken with my cell phone. I mowed the space but, even though you can't really tell, there are a lot of weeds in the boarder. THEN, the after...so far...

Wednesday, a volunteer and I put these raised beds together and weeded the boarder. Yesterday, I have to reinforce the beds with metal brackets so they were sure to stay together and then painted the one side of them. Then I put cardboard underneath and bordered them with wood chips. I've been outside EVERY DAY this week! Today, I am going to fill the beds with compost, fill the half barrel with compost, and get to work on the butterfly shaped pollinator garden bed.

WOO!

There you go. The rest of the month of May.

guess who hits her halfway point in 5 days??