Recent Adventures

So basically I have been lucky enough to go to some really cool places lately.  

Nearly a month ago I went hiking and camping with my other education staff coworkers from Ogden Nature Center.  We went to Little Wild Horse Canyon and Goblin Valley.

Then a couple weeks ago, I was in Cedar City.  Hope and I stayed the week there at her parents house while we taught at schools in that area.  We got to do a little exploring while we were there. We went to Snow Canyon State Park (pretty close to Zion but perfect because there were not tons of people) and Cedar Breaks National Monument.  

I've been trying not to bombard social media with floods of pictures so I decided it was worth it to share it on this blog (if people wish to read and see).  

So here is my photo dump. 

Maybe in a little while you'll get a post about a few other recent not so picturesque "Adventures" I've had.

Enjoy!

(There are a lot)

LITTLE WILD HORSE CANYON
(8-mile hike and camping overnight nearby)

The drive was stunning in so many ways, but this was the first jaw dropper just a little ways outside the canyon.

A short way down the trail we came upon some large cottonwood trees perfect for climbing.  Lily wanted to join the fun!

I had never been through a slot canyon before and I was amazed at the intricate waves and patterns the water, wind, and sand had made in moving through this canyon.  It tells a rather dramatic and stunning story.  I kept wishing I were a geologist!

The crew stops for a break.  Hope is walking Bones, I have Lily, Alex is in the red sitting down, the two standing right next to each other are Daniel (my office mate) and his girlfriend Kate, the other two standing a little apart are Brent and his photographer wife Kirsti ("ker-sti") who is from England.  Her photography is brilliant. https://kirstygemma.com/shop/

There wasn't a ton of wildlife in the area but we did see several lizards!  (no idea what kind for sure)

A lot of the trail was narrow like the pictures above but there were times when it would open up into clearings (like the one we were all hanging out in).  Sometimes it would open up enough for several people to walk next to one another.  

Can you find the face that's cracking up?  Get it?  Because it's a rock...and it has...you know...cracks?  There's a face that looks like it's laughing ok?  I'm not a comedian. 

I eventually let the dogs off their leashes once the crowds of people thinned out.  Here they are blazing the trail for us with Daniel and Kate.

There was not a lot of vegetation either.  Juniper was the tree of the day and this giant, sprawling one was just breathtaking.  

Lily poses on a rock!

If you look close you can see Bones' eyes look a little glassy.  I had sedated him what I thought was a little bit for the 4 hour drive there.  He turned out to be more sedated than I thought!  Poor boy.  

The second half of the hike opened up quite a bit and was more of the kind of canyon you would expect and less slot like.  But the view were still beautiful.  

Bones was such a trooper for being a little sedated.  He was often the one at the head of the trail.  At this point the dogs and myself were pretty work out.  I'd never taken them 8 miles before and I hadn't hiked more than a few miles in years.  But I felt rather accomplished (and luckily there wasn't much gain in elevation).

On the way out.  Those cottonwoods.  I miss the red of maples but I do love the yellows of the fall here.  

The dogs were pooped!  So was I.

This is the view from our camp area (since you can't really call it a site.  It had a fire pit made by someone else but that was about it).  The was as the sun was setting.  I couldn't take good pics after the sun went down but it's been a long time since I've been somewhere with so little light contamination.  The stars were wonderful.  And our little camp of random collections of food made for a nice dinner.

It was cold though.

This was a lovely little succulent I found the following morning.

The night was rough as it was so cold and because of the temperature drop (and it's the desert) there was so much condensation that it got quite wet overnight.  I didn't sleep much and since I was exhausted from the day that was rather unfortunate.  BUT the rest of the day made up for it.  

The following are just some wonderful pics from Goblin Valley State Park (you know, where they filmed some of Galaxy Quest!).  It was so fun to climb and explore and be adventurous. I've missed that.  See if you see any goblins!

These rocks aren't really that pretty but check out that goblin face profile!

Hope and I in a little cave we found.

SNOW CANYON STATE PARK

(several weeks later.  Just a day trip while we were in Cedar City)

This state park has so much amazing and distinct geology!  Not only did there used to be sand dunes here but there also used to be volcanic activity!  It makes for some really cool rock formations. 

Hope my adventure companion looks out at the beauty of the landscape.

I'm silly but I got really excited at seeing all the unique plants that I've never seen in person before.  I'm a true nature nerd. 

Cactus!!!!! (I can't really convey to you how excited I was to see all the cactus)

So what makes these rock formations are PETRIFIED sand dunes.  So cool.

There were soft sandy areas here still and it made for some cool track finds.  How many kinds of tracks do you see? (I see at least three...one of them probably had a tail). 

Between some of the petrified dunes were some short slot canyon type areas.  Fun to explore. 

Not pictured is the random small sapling of a tree I saw which had leaves that looked like a redbud!  I was so surprised...I didn't know redbuds grew in this area.  After researching back home I discovered that there is such a thing as a desert redbud!  Again...nature nerd.  I thought it was cool.  

There was this amazingly colorful lichen splattered in random places.  Against the red rocks it was very striking.  I loved it. 

Another tracks find.  I have no idea what kind of tiny creature makes these!  It's got to be a mammal...maybe a mouse of some kind?  

Look at this crazy cool cactus!!!

CEDAR BREAKS NATIONAL MONUMENT

(we just drove up here to see it)

This was rather stunning and was up in the mountains a bit, a short way from a ski resort area.  

Off in the distance on a clear day you can see Nevada.  And also in the distance (not super visible in this picture) you can see Zion national park. 

Thanks for putting up with this photo dump!

I'll be better in the future not putting things like this off.  

Creatures of the Night and Why it's Been So Long

Hello again friends and family.  

I recently read a blog entry by my current favorite fantasy author Patrick Rothfuss.  He had reentered the blogosphere after months of absence and expressed exactly what I've felt for the past 3 years.

I feel like I used to love to come here to express myself.  Emotions good and bad. Life mundane and interesting. 

It was good practice for writing and a good brain exercise.  But for the past several years life has felt heavy.  Like I was dragging myself through the same mundane tasks over and over again.  Waiting tables, living in Columbia, same old same old.  I felt as if there was nothing interesting enough to put in an entry that people might read.  And any time I had a spark of inspiration I would start an entry and then the idea of completing that entry in the same state of inspiration it started in became exhausting and cumbersome.  I couldn't do it.

Then I moved to Utah.  Exciting, right?  So many new things to experience, so much beauty and variety to spark the imagination.  A new home, a new life, surely there would be so much to share!

But when I got here I found myself in the same drudgery that I had left back in Missouri.  I'd actually taken a step back. I was working at a PIZZA BUFFET. 

(Shakes head sadly)

Those were dark days. 

In any case to sum things up, life was tough when I first got here and the last thing I had mental energy for was writing a blog entry.

Fast forward almost a year to RIGHT NOW!

I have my dream job which builds me up rather than breaks me down.  On top of that for the first time in years I have a fairly regular work schedule giving me late afternoons, evenings, and most weekends off. I live in a good place.  Ogden is just waiting to be explored by me. The mountains are beautiful and inspirational.  I can't wait to build up my outdoorsey muscles.

More importantly I finally find myself in a head space where creativity is a things I strive for again. 

So here I am, starting small so I can work up those brain muscles. 

Below are a few photos I've taken recently of the mountains in Ogden and of a really fun Halloween event we held at Ogden Nature Center called Creatures of the Night.

It's a family friendly, no scare event for young children with a couple food trucks, hot cocoa, "carnival games" (in quotations because they resemble carnival games but are nature/Halloween themed and are all hand made by us), an evening hike called the crepuscular creep (where staff member dress up as creatures active at dusk and teach about those creatures), a few other really fun activities, and ME.  The fortune teller. I think my costume turned out well.  I had on owl puppet that I used sometimes.  I called him Bartholomew.

Children entered my tent and I sat at a table, welcoming them to Madame Greentree's tent of fortune.  There were some lights strung up for effect.  I would ask them some easy, cute question like "what is your favorite thing about Halloween" or "what is your favorite candy".  After they answer I tell them to reach in the cauldron and draw out a creature (there was an assortment of small, mostly African critters made of rubber.  The kind you can buy in bulk.).  I see what they pulled out and then tell them I must consult the spirit of the creature they drew.  I close my eyes and maybe put my hands to my head or something-then I tell them a scripted "fortune" based on the creature they drew.  All the fortunes were based on what that creatures represents as a spiritual totem.  This information I just looked up online.  But it was fun and cute.  I wasn't telling specific futures per say but I would say things like "The spirit of the bear tells me you have great strength" and throw in something silly like  "and that you like to sleep all winter long..., wait...that's not right.  The spirits must be confused".  The I go into something like "the spirits tell me your are mindful and that in your future it will be important to save your energy for when it is most needed."  Something silly like that.  I might tell them a few other traits they have or will have based on the bear.  If they are older I can give more specific fortunes.  Then at the end I would task each child with a quest.  Their quest was to use the power of their animal (the bear, the giraffe, the tiger, etc.) for good and not for evil.  To use it to help their friends and family.  And if they accepted they would receive good luck, good fortune, and much candy in their future. They get to keep their little animal figurine.

It was cute.  It was fun.  I loved it!  (Except when I had a string of 6 teenagers come through...it felt weird giving them childish fortunes they had to know were fake.  One kid asked me if he would be a businessman...I said I couldn't tell future specifics.  All I could do was read auras.

Below are some pics.

I hope you enjoyed this little window into my life.  Look forward to more in the future.  Madame Greentree foresees it. 

My tent made up of carefully clothes pinned sheets and blankets.  It did little to protect from the cold of those two nights.

My cauldron set up.  I really wanted to add dry ice but no one else seemed excited about that idea so I let it go. 

I really wish this owl puppet looked more real.  It would have been more fun that way. He looks very muppety. 

Apparently I have the perfect face (and face shape) for this role.  At least that's what someone told me.  Clearly I am in the wrong profession and should be making my money conning people as I tell them their fortunes.  

There's been some snow on the mountain tops as a little moisture arrived.

Blogs may not be what they used to be, but I'm still here.

Hello again world!  

Family, friends, random person who accidentally finds themselves here, I come to you after 3 years of silence (and another sporadic 3 years of on and off before that) to once again share with you my world.

Such as it is.

Not for popularity or recognition.  Not for validation.

For connection. 

Also because I'm a little rusty in the writing department and I figured dusting off the old blog might be good practice.  

The clacking of the keyboard has a sense of familiarity.  But the flow is slow and sluggish.  

Maybe a quicker wit, a larger vocabulary, and awesome extended metaphors will come back to me again.  For now, I just wanted to take some time to say just how thankful I am for my life right now.

What a blessing it is to even be able to say that.  To recognize all the good.  Because let me tell you...

...Things leading up to this were tough. 

But lets save the toughness for an different reflecting period.  

Today, let me tell you about my job.

(skipping the journey of getting there for now).

Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think a high percentage of people would say that working for a non-profit, making next to nothing, having to be a jack of all trades, and wrangling children is their idea of a dream job.

Well.

Let me tell ya. 

It's been mine since 2011.  

Working for a nature center has been my goal since my first taste of it working in Maine at Merryspring Nature Center.  

And if I had any doubts that this job would be just as amazing, they have been since quieted. 

This job at Ogden Nature Center is literally my dream.  

I get to go to a 152 acre nature preserve every day, work with a bunch of other kooky naturalists who love the outdoors, and EDUCATE!

Now if you had asked young Sarah if she had any plans of teaching, like...at ALL, she would have laughed in your face.  She was going to work with animals and own 100 brown puppies and 100 white puppies, dang it!  She was going to be an animal trainer for movies.  Or a Zoologist.  (Or maybe a special effects artist...that was a random one).  

Sarah Lambson an educator?  Nah.

Funnily enough, pretty much everyone in my family has done some educating of some kind or another (formal or informal) and the fact that it runs in my blood is rather encouraging.  

And when I realized I loved it, I ran with it.

And so here I am.  

For anyone interested I'm gonna outline my job below (feel free to skip if you bore easily).

I would try to outline a day in the life for me but the fact is, every day is different.  

For clarity's sake I will say that I was hired because of a grant through iSEE (Informal Science Education Enhancement).  The grant qualifications were that we created a curriculum for first graders that followed along with Utah testing and curriculum standards, teaches science of some kind, and that we attempt to reach every first grade classroom in the state of Utah in three years.

So that's a big part of my job.  Maybe about half.  This half of the time is spent driving all over Utah, going to schools, and teaching the same program about classifying animals into birds, mammals, and reptiles to all first grade classes. We use animal artifacts (pelts, feathers, skulls, etc.) to help teach about the traits different animals have.  And we always bring a live animal (usually a snake). So far we've gone to Park City and Logan.  And let me tell you: The drives are stunning. 

Driving in canyons is my new favorite thing. 

Another 25% of my job is helping with field trips.  These are for schools that want to bring their classes (K-5) to the nature center for a seasonal program.  Right now the have the option of a program called Field Ecology (where we collect bugs, learn about the food web, and explore predator/prey relations).  The second is called Living Close to the Land and teaches about the indigenous peoples of Utah (we built a giant teepee, we show them how to make corn cakes over a real fire, it's cool).  There can have up to 100 kids and we split them into groups and several of us take them around to the different activities around the nature center.  It's exhausting work but it's outside and it's a ton of fun.  

I would say about 10% of my job is other various outreach.  This usually means going off site with various activities to interact with the community.  I've helped out at the farmers market, gone to a block party at Weber state, taken paper making to a middle school, and taught veterans about aquatic macro invertebrates.  Some time in October I'll be helping out with an owl themed outreach and I'm really excited. 

What are we up to, 85%?  

Another 10% is helping out with events.  As a non-profit we do a lot of community fund raising events.  Some are fancy, some are more relaxed.  The one we have coming up that I've been doing a lot of prep for is called Creatures of the Night.  A non-scary, nature/Halloween themed weekend of fun times for kids.  I've helped put together several carnival games (pumpkin golf, skunk tail ring-toss, Bat/Moth), and put together a fortune teller costume for myself at the fortune telling station.  This event seems like a lot of fun and I'm excited for it.  The others I've helped host have been strictly 21+ and have been geared at the big money types around Ogden.  I mean...we don't make money here so we want wealthy people to give it to us, right?  So we throw fancy fundraisers.  I get it, I just wish I didn't have to dress all fancy and be there for it.  

The last 5% of my job is (hopefully) helping the nature center come up with more programming ideas and way to reach out to more and more people so we can continue to expand.  My goal is going to be to create programming for the middle school and high school ages.  My director isn't a huge fan of that age group so I'm not sure she'll be on board.  But I love the chance to reach out to that age and really connect with them on a more in depth level.  I think we could do a lot of good here in Ogden with that age group.  Working with kids that age begins the next generation of environmental stewards and that's kinda the point of a place like this.  

So there you have it. It may sound boring at times (heck, it IS boring at times all those phone calls and writing/re-writing curriculum).  But essentially I get to play games with kids, do arts and crafts, and watch magical connections happen all day.  It's a blast.   

For those of you who weren't sure what I do for a living these days, this is it.  I wouldn't have it any other way right now.  I hope to be here for several more years. 

Stay tuned for more little updates coming soon (like moving into my new place!)

Friends and family, I love you all and I wouldn't have made it here without all your help and support.  

On Learning to Become my Best Self

(Insert obligatory apology for it being over a year since my last entry....and moving on...) 

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to find yourself.  More specifically how to find your BEST self. 

And hold onto it.

I know I found my best self once.  It took me years but when I discovered her, there all the time…those were the happiest and most content years of my life. 

I knew exactly who I was and that gave me confidence, compassion, charity, and love. 

And then…

I lost her.

Two years give or take, and I lost her.

Anxiety, depression, and a total lack of trust of my mind, my heart, and myself took away all my confidence.  Everything I was so positive of.  And with it went the contentment.

I’ve spent the better part of the last 2-3 years trying to find her again.

I still haven’t succeeded.  I’m not giving up.

But here’s the trick to that: You’re best self is never the same person twice. Just like YOU are never the same person twice.  We are all constantly growing, learning, and moving in some direction that changes us.  Whether infinitesimally or in great leaps and bounds, we are all changing.  For better. For worse.  That’s up to you.

But the change is there.

And so with that knowledge comes the impossibility of ever being someone you used to be.

This was something I didn’t understand for a long time.  When I lost my confidence, contentment, and all that I thought was “my best self”, I was convinced that I knew how to find her again, and stick her back to me like Peter Pan trying to stick his shadow back on with soap. 

I believed that if I could just gather all the components of my life while I was at my best and jumble them together in the life I had now, that I could be that version of myself again.

I believed this and as I desperately tried to execute it, I didn’t want to hear any different.

Luckily, I had a very patient and understanding friend.  He told me over and over that I was fighting a losing battle.  That I could never be who I was before.  And that all the things I was doing to try to get there were going to end up simply disappointing me. 

I fought back for quite a while before I realized that he was right.

And for a while I was angry and upset and it felt hopeless.

I thought that if I couldn’t become who I was when I was happiest, then there was no way I could ever be in a happiest state again.

Foolishness.

You can never be the same person twice.

I was never going to be that girl again.

And as long as I kept trying, I was going to keep myself from becoming the woman I had the potential to be.

I was trying to ignore all the flaws I had picked up, all the cracks in my mind, all the nonsense.  I was trying to force myself back my skin from two years ago.  Like trying to fit into the clothes you wore when you were a child.

What I needed to do was accept those flaws as a part of who I was becoming, and then use them to shape who I wanted to be. I needed to be comfortable in the skin I was in and then work on making the improvements needed so that I could be my best self 2.0. 

Little by little I have picked up pieces.  I have sewn torn seams, I had sealed cracks.  Only to find new ones from time to time.

That’s life. 

The only time we find ourselves perfected is in the life to come.

Even now I have days where I feel like I might never find my best self again.  I’ve come close, and then lost it.

I feel at times as if I’m still losing it.

Drifting.

Further and further away from the vision of the woman I saw myself becoming.

Eventually, I will have to turn away from that image and create a new one.  One just as pleasing and grand.  One with just as much confidence, potential, compassion, and love as before. But different.

Because I am changing every day.

Some days it’s a new crack.

Some days it’s a repair.

I am thankful for that friend who helped me see the truth, and stop holding onto the past.

It’s ok to  use the past as a template, and a learning experience. 

But never should we try to go back.

That leads to madness.

Always we need to be moving forward. For all forward movement is progression.

And it will lead us home.

On the Beast Inside.

*******This is a post about anxiety/depression.   It's very personal and not typically something I would post on such a public forum.  But I feel the need to share.  To be honest.  And I am going to do so now.  Fair warning*******

It's been nearly a year, folks.

About 11 months since I posted anything.  

I don't really feel an obligation to this blog anymore, to be honest (that being said I intend to visit here more frequently again).  When I created it years and years ago in college it was a place to just put things.  Thoughts, emotions, tidbits about my life.  As time went on it was a place to update my family on my life (when I was in Rhode Island, New Hampshire, and Maine).  

Now?  Well, the updates are mostly unnecessary. Nothing exciting has really happened.  As for thoughts and emotions?

I've had a bombardment of those in the past 11 months.  More than I think I've ever thought or felt.  Nearly none of them thoughts or emotions I felt inclined to share.  

And right around August/September of last year is when it all got really hard.  

My way was suddenly barred by a beast I never thought I would have to battle.

The double headed monster that is depression/anxiety.  

It took a really long time to admit to the anxiety.  Even longer to admit to the depression.  And it took until a week or two ago for me to admit that I'm not fully recovered.  That while in general I can see the world in a positive light, I still battle that beast, even if he's in a smaller form.

I don't speak honestly to create discomfort.  I speak as one who understands that sometimes we don't speak of these things enough.  Because we are ashamed or in denial.  We insist that we need to be stronger.  Hide it.  Keep it all inside.  Admitting it means admitting to weakness, right?  And we can't have that.  Telling others and asking for help is putting too much on someone else when we should be able to handle it ourselves.

Right?

Wrong.

I post now about these things not just because I feel the need to come out of blog estrangement, but because I've seen too many people that I love live in denial, or hide away the things they struggle with.  That beast? He works within.  He eats away at the core of you, creating imbalance and pain.  

You can have a dozen good days and then suddenly he's there again.  You can't get out of bed and force yourself to be productive.  You can't smile genuinely because in your head there is nothing really to smile about.  You look inwardly and instead of the beauty you see the beast.  And to your eyes, the beast is yourself.  YOU are the horrible creature that is destroying everything good.  There is self-loathing, there is despair, there is fear, and there is physical pain.  

A friend of mine recently shared a buzzfeed post which I really appreciate.

You too can read it by clicking here.  

I want to specifically mention some of these.  

Number 9:  It's frustrating to be that person.  The person who doesn't want to burden anyone else with my problems.  For me it's not an inability to express what's wrong.  It's not wanting to assume that other people are willing/able to just listen.  To just be there.  To take a tiny speck of my burden on themselves.  Because sometimes you DO just hurt and want someone to hold you and say it's going to be ok and expect nothing from you.  It seems silly to want to be alone but feel terrified of being alone at the same time.  I was lucky enough to have a very close friend who never judged, who loved me enough to just be there so I wasn't alone, but not expect anything from me so that I didn't have to deal with the world.  A friend who made the world melt away.  I hope everyone can have a friend like that.  And trust in them.

Number 10:  A million times over (both in my head and out loud to my friends) I have said "I'm not the person I used to be.  I miss that person".  I miss the carefree, stress free person who loves hiking, biking, cooking, reading, learning the guitar.  Who isn't a control freak and doesn't get anxious or sad about the silliest little things.  I miss the ambitious girl who had a goal in life.  I miss the girl who was strong enough to look her temptations in the face and say "screw you, I'm better than that".  The girl who was strong enough to bare OTHER people's burdens.  I hardly recognize me anymore.  Sometimes I see the old me and I feel joy.  Like greeting an old best friend.  I'm still trying to morph into the new beautiful butterfly that is a combination of who I was and who I am now with what I've experienced.  But that metamorphosis takes time and means letting go.  

Number 13:  I hope that not every person who goes through anxiety or depression (or both) has to have a friend say the following to them: "There are people out there who have it so much worse than you."  Because those words hurt more than almost anything else.  Why?  Because YOU have been saying them to yourself all along.  You know they are true.  You have been beating yourself into a corner with all those words of "suck it up.  You're better than this.  You have nothing to be sad about.  Get over it".  And then here comes a friend who you hope to lean on and it feels like they are joining in the beating.  Kicking you while you are down.  They don't MEAN to.  They are trying to help you have perspective.  

Let me promise you, friends of anyone who is or has gone through anxiety/depression: these words NEVER help.  They only hurt.  More than that person may admit.  Please...never use them.  

Number 14: Very close to my heart is this one.  The friend I had who was closest to me through all this was wonderful.  Tried to help me gain a new perspective on life so I could pick myself up.  But this friend used this one so much...and I couldn't make them understand.  That it didn't matter. "You have so much going for you...you have less reason to be insecure or down about life than anyone I know...".  These words hurt almost as much as telling me there are people who have it worse than me.  So what if I have a lot going for me...if feels like your saying I have no reason to be anxious or depressed.  You think I don't know that???  But that doesn't matter.  Knowing that I have so many good things in life is not the sword that defeats the beast.  In fact it only feeds him and makes you feel worse because you hate that even though you know what's good about your life that you still feel awful.

Number 16: Never tell a friend who is going through this that they are being silly.  Or ridiculous.  They know.  And it hurts.  They are trying.  What they need is encouragement. 

I feel like a lot of the ones that touched me had a theme.  

And so I again want to reach out to those of you who know someone who is going through these things.  Maybe you understand what they are going through are just want them to snap out of it because it hurts you to see them feel pain like you did.  Maybe you don't understand and have no idea how to handle it.

In either case I promise you-don't try to help them rationalize through it.  Because the nature of the beast is to generally be irrational.  There are things that your friends will go through where they need that slap in the face.  A big "HELLO!  You are being silly or dumb.  Stop it.".  When it comes to this, the majority of the time all that friend needs is an "I understand.  I'm here for you for whatever you need" or an "I may not understand, but I love you anyway."

Give them a hug.  Tell them that it will pass and you will be there for them until it does.  Don't leave them behind to deal with it alone.  We are not solitary people.  We were never meant to be alone.  Don't beat them up for it.  Don't be angry or upset with them.  Be patient and considerate.  Encouraging.  It's ok to offer them incentive to get out of the house or to have fun.  But if they can't do it, don't guilt them for it.  Offer to be there but don't feel slighted if they just need some times alone.  

I could never have written this in the midst of it all. In the darkest parts of my experience.  Because I saw no light in those times.  And so I never came here because I felt I had nothing good or rational to say.  I've gone through so much more than just the anxiety/depression this past year.  But I'm starting to come out of the woods.

Now, I am more light than darkness for the most part.  But it's still there from time to time.  And I have to remind myself to be kind to myself.  For this too shall pass.  

I want to thank you, readers, for being patient with me and this entry.  I know that for some of you it will touch a part of you that knows exactly where I am coming from.  I hope for some of you it will be a lesson.  And for others I hope if will be a reminder that you are never alone.  

I want to personally thank those of you who have been there for me through any step of the journey.  You were essential.  

I want to leave you all with one more link to a comic.  I think the end of this one touched me more than anything.  To those friends out there who are helping someone through this, my prayers are for you as well.  To have the strength and presence of mind to simply say "hard day again, huh? I'm sorry."  And then give that friend a hug until their pieces start to glue together again.