On Prefect Moments

I'm into my last two months in Maine.

What does this mean for your truly? It means that I will spend most of my workday at the computer. It means that I will scramble to get the things done that I promised I would finish before I leave.

It means that I dread going to work every single morning.

I find that overall the weeks are drab, though swift. The days are difficult and tend to drag. I can barely focus on the tasks at hand. Not when crisp autumn days await me outside this dungeon of an office. But I know that I have work enough to do. More than I think I will be able to finish. And I know that it's ME that controls the outcome of each day. And so I DO what's expected of me. I go through the files, I research the costs of installing interpretive signs, I e-mail potential speakers, I type up the years curriculum, I organize the supplies, I clean the office space.

And in all this time, as I am forcing myself to focus, I ache for something better.

But this post is not about all the things in my life that I want to whine about. It's about finding those perfect little moments in the day.

And so I will take you through THIS day. This Friday. And I will share with you those moments where I remembered to be happy and content.

It began with the morning. 6:00am gets darker and darker as time goes on. It makes it harder and harder to get up. Especially this morning. Because I was wearing fuzzy socks. Because I was under three soft layers of bed covers. Because I had just woken from a dream where a horribly depressed Eric Bana and I were very much in love.

And even though I had to FORCE myself to not hit the snooze ONE MORE TIME, all these things meant something (well, not the weird dream). These things meant Fall. REAL FALL. My favorite time of year, no contest. I savor these days. I live for them. And today is the first day it's really felt like actual AUTUMN. And so I allowed myself little moments in my walk to work. Here, as the sun was rising over Mt. Battie. Or there with the crisp breeze through the slowly changing leaves.

The morning was so beautiful, that I could NOT allow myself to be confined to the basement right away. I made my way, instead, the the children's garden.

There, I was greeted by many welcome friends.

Like these lovely girls. I do not exaggerate when I say that my face broke into a beaming smile when I caught sight of these gloriously happy flowers. Mammoth Sunflowers. I spent a good 15 minutes taking picture of them.

There were also these friends.

Morning Glory's that took over the trellis along with the beans while I was gone in Missouri.

And then there is this little guy.

One of two tiny eggplants. I am pretty sure they won't get big enough to eat before the first frost. I just planted them too late. But it's nice to know they are there.

Alas, this trip into the garden could not last. My days of spending hours in the garden at Merryspring are over.

I got to work and was unhappy with being stuck in the office. I spent my whole morning in there. Doing what I do. But after lunch, I planned my escape. Under the pretense of searching for late summer wildflowers and plotting the course of the interpretive trail, I took to the woods and fields of Merryspring. I often feel obligated to come up with a good reason to "walk the property" and today I could NOT pass up the chance to enjoy the weather. I admit that in my first 15 minutes out there I headed straight for a randomly placed picnic table in the middle of a field, receiving full sunlight. I let myself lay there, soaking it all in for a time.

Get ready for a picture of me.

BAM! There I am. I kind of look like a man. But here I am, un-prettied. You can see the red in my hair (I DESPERATELY want red headed children).

I then hiked in the woods, to my favorite places, and to corners of the property I have rarely seen.

These are a late yellow aster that has been brightening the fields for the past month or so.

WOAH. Crazy plants. I believe THESE are the fruit of a Jack-In-The-Pulpit. This one is actually rather large and took me by surprise.

Walks through the woods can be one of THE most healing experiences. As I made my way along the unfrequented trails of our arboretum, I saw many things.

Green things.

Fallen things.

Orange things.

Paper things.

There were also THESE things.

And THIS thing.

This little friend hitched a ride for who KNOWS how long. But I forgave him, because he was pretty.

Sometimes I don't get a day like this with LOTS of perfect moments. Sometimes the perfect moments are simply in a mug of chamomile tea at 10am, or in a 5 minutes Pinterest break. Every other day or so, I find a perfect moment in picking tomatoes or nibbling on husk cherries in the children's garden. I make it a point to take my lunch to my favorite bench along one of the trails and eat it there. Then lie under the leaves of the large beech shades it. It's quiet and secluded there and I am never disturbed. This is the BEST moment of my day and I find it getting longer and longer as it gets harder and harder to return to that uncomfortable chair and that glaring computer screen.

I usually enjoy my walk home, but today it was particularly wonderful. There was a definite spring in my step that had everything to do with the weather, anticipation of new food creations, and a wonderfully hopeful conversation I'd had with my mother shortly before. AND COLDPLAY. I have been addicted to them lately.

When I DID get home, THIS happened.

Raw kale salad with dried apricots, roasted almonds, a chopped peach tomato (from the children's garden), avocado, and Parmesan cheese, all tossed lightly in a raspberry vinaigrette and garnished with Lemon Gem marigold flowers (they have a peppery, slightly lemony flavor). It was wonderful and I've been anticipating it all week. I also love this bowl of Kathy's that I ate it out of.

Another perfect moment was coming home to Jane Eyre as my new Netflix and a package from Mom and Dad with yummy cookies and a dvd.

Soon, I will curl up with a little dark chocolate, some homemade cinnamon sugar popcorn (popped in a paper bag-supposedly it works!), and a mug of hot tea and watch Jane Eyre. Then I will burrow under the covers and dream of apple cider, pumpkin EVERYTHING, and soup.

Thank goodness today was BRIMMING with perfect moments. If only I could collect them, keep them in a jar, and distrubite them out when I most need them.

I hope YOUR days are filled with perfect moments as well.

And really, it's only 7 more weeks with a wonderful fair, a visit from mom and dad, apple picking, and a spectacular Autumn to break up the monotony.

On Some August Things (A moderate photo dump)

Today is the first day of school for Camden-Rockport and I dressed accordingly. I wore my favorite purple and gray button down and my favorite corduroy pants (the ones with the small fading red nail polish spot). Today is downright blustery-probably a remnant of the storm that JUST missed us. Seriously, apart from some heavy rain for 1/2 an hour yesterday morning, this little part of Midcoast Maine got nothing that the rest of New England did. The storm skirted us and went further inland! Go figure.

Back the the blustery day. The wind is strong and has a bit of a bite. Winds of change, some might call them. They smack of Autumn and that pleases me. Random maples have already started donning their red dresses for the occasion. They're a little early but that never hurt anyone. It's better than being late (I'm talking to YOU Spring!). This month, like most of those before it, has blown by. And I have some picture to share with you.

Here we go.

First we have the new signs I put into the garden.

Kids would come in and just pull things up! I know the other sign says "Please touch" but it does not say "please pull up and ruin". The little flowers are saying "let us grow!" and he little green tomato is saying "Please don't pick me, I'm too green to go!"

Here's the other "gentle request" sign. I didn't want to be MEAN about it and DETER kids. So i went the "smiling" route.

Hehe...I tried to be silly here though I don't know how many young kids would get it.

And here we have POTATOES! They are saying "Taters" and
Spuds".

The garden went CRAZY while I was gone in Utah and Missouri. The Beans ESPECIALLY.

Look! My round Zucchini that I planted from a little seed! WOO!

And here is a little green pumpkin. PUMPKIN!!!!!

Hummingbird moth. It makes me think of this TMBG song

And a butterfly. This bush they are collecting nectar from is called a "Butterfly Bush" and it gets A LOT of action!

The following are some flowers growing in the beds around Merryspring.

These are just pretty.

A BEE!

Again, not sure what this is but it's pretty much one of my favorite plants growing at Merryspring.

These bloom into beautiful purple/blue flowers. Again, NO idea what they are called but they lovely.

White, cottony, hydrangeas. LOVE.

Gail tells me this is related to the Artichoke and you can EAT it!

Here is one in bloom. The bees LOVE these!

Now get ready to be jealous of DELICIOUS FOOD.

Ignore the Whoopie pies-Well, DON'T ignore them I guess. Be jealous because Kathy made them for the missionaries and gave me THREE of them. YUMMMMM. Don't ask what is in the filling. You'll gain a pound just thinking about it. Oh! And those rolls are wheat rolls I made from scratch. For something amazing.

I split them open and brushed them with olive oil. Then they baked for a little longer. To be topped with (wait for it.....)

THIS! I made meatballs from scratch and cooked them in homemade spaghetti sauce. The beef was bought from a small market down the street that sells beef provided by a local farm. I'm taking small steps towards living a life encouraged by THIS book (I think everyone should read it).

Put the meatballs on the rolls, add some of the sauce, top with mozzarella cheese and homemade pesto, put in the oven for 5 minutes and baby you've got yourself a STEW going! I drool every time I think about these. I still have leftovers at home and makes me INDESCRIBABLY happy. The only thing better than a meatball sub is a meatball sub you made yourself!

Next, we have some pictures of my most recent hike up Maiden Cliff.

Lovely view.

A little ways along the cliff there is a nice view of the cross (one where it's not so "BAM! I'm a huge white metal cross in your FACE!")

Three little mushrooms.

That was TWO weekends ago. LAST weekend (AKA two days ago) I spent 4 hours kayaking on Megunticook lake. WOOT!

Here is the view of the Camden Hills (specifically Maiden Cliff) from the lake. My first hour and 1/2 was rather cloudy. I blame Irene.

See what I mean? You would have been able to see the top of this small mountain if not for the fog.

This is where I took my lunch. I hooked the kayak up to this fallen tree and ate a pbj, an apple, and some pepperoni bites Kathy had leftover from some AMAZING pizza she made (and gave me three slices. YEAH. She is amazing. What in the world was I doing in OWLS HEAD for 4 months???).

Then I paddled over to a nearby rock, managed to fumble out of my kayak, and stretch my legs. There's that fallen tree where I ate my lunch. Kirsti, this is exactly where I was when I was talking to you on the phone.

Okay, I know it's hard but if you click on this photo it should enlarge it. And if you look hard at that hill, you will see a little white cross. That is the cross on Maiden Cliff.

This is the bridge over the little lane of water that connects Megunticook Lake and Norton Pond. Norton pond is where I spent Independence Day this year. I borrowed this Kayak from Kathy's cousin who said I can borrow it any time I want!

And here are some more random pictures.

This is a view from the new 5.7 mile route that I take to work in the mornings. I walk up a road that boarders the Camden Hills and the Megunticook River below them. It's always a wonderful walk-at least for the first part. The second leg takes me on a winding road that passes through a residential area. It's mostly trees which I IMAGINE will look amazing when they change colors for fall. Right now it's mostly dull and it's at this point I think to myself, "why in the world am I taking this stupidly long way to work?"

Play-dough. Made by Moi. SUPER easy and colored with food coloring. Fun times!

See the owl? I do.

And for my last picture, a QUESTION: What ALSO floats in water?

This?

These?

These?

This?

This?

These?

Sorry. No. The answer is....

A duck.

On 10 Days Off

Highlights from my 10 Day Vacation (the ups and the downs)

• Thinking my flight was on Thursday instead of Wednesday and costing over $300 the ticket changes to the next day
• The never-ending flight to Phoenix
• A wonderful warm greeting from my mother
• Trying on my dress and being enchanted (Mom you are THE GREATEST)
• Seeing the bride to be the night before and thinking about how much things are going to change
• Painting my nails for the first time since...well, EVER. (I wasn't very good at it)
• Feeling terrified of suddenly being responsible for two toddlers and an infant. Then said infant sleeping through the wedding and the toddlers entertaining themselves rather well. Boy, did I get lucky.
• MEETING LUCY FOR THE FIRST TIME. What a precious little terror.
• Kirsten in her dress-her hair, the train, how happy she looked. What a cute couple.
• Oh. My. Gosh. The FOOD at the luncheon. Chicken Salad, turkey avocado, croissants, PASTA SALAD (one of my VERY favorite things), and that carrot cake. YUM.
• Nap.
• Problem after problem trying to get things prepped for the reception. But then things working out (as they always do).
• Getting anxious at other peoples stress.
• CREPES+NUTELLA (and strawberry water, orange water, lemon water).
• Late night, LOOOOOONG drive, guessing movie soundtrack music, restless led syndrome, BLAAAH, (Kansas I hate you), home.
• SADIE!!!!!
• Bob Evans
• Watching all the first 5 Harry Potter movies (LOVE.)
• Good home food.
• Mario Cart/Mario Bros. YAY!!
• Flatbranch
• SHOPPING (something I usually hate. But I had saved $100 and had an awesome big sis to help me through it.)
• My virgin trip to Lonnie Rays. Things that stand out-pulled pork nachos, Green Bean Casserole, Pulled Pork Nachos, their sauce, PULLED PORK NACHOS, Spaceballs playing on the TV, and the random guy who interviewed our table. Oh, and pulled pork nachos.
• Sparkey's
• Rubber band fight with the new in-law.
• Nice long hike in Rock Bridge State Park-not long enough
• The cicadas singing-I actually MISS that. A lot.
• Thunder Storm
• The other reception-That MUSIC. Those COOKIES. How dark it felt.
• Oh my gosh, BISCUTS! CINNAMON RAISIN. With a sugary, buttery glaze. What could be better?
• A random drive from Columbia to St. Louis with the Merrill's
• A nice relaxing Saturday with Emily, Joe, Noah, and Lucy.
• SONIC.
• More Flying
• Being back in Maine but feeling (more than I ever did last year) that I want to go back home. I want to be done here. Not done with MAINE, but done with Merryspring. I want to start moving on and preparing for the next stage of my life. I feel like I can't do that until I am done here. At least not mentally.

On Falling

They say a picture says a thousand words.

I say, and I think we can all agree, that it depends on the picture.

I, unfortunately, do not have a picture that would do the tale I have to tell justice. I'm not sure I can even do it with words. But I am going to try.

Some of you may know, that dear sister Beckie is visiting midcoast Maine. Since Sunday she has been staying in a rental house two blocks from where I live. With her are friends, Jenna, Tim, and Kyle. They've been having a grand old time and when I am able, I pop on over for dinner or games.

This morning, I took the day off from work. Jenna, Tim, Kyle, and I decided to take the steep hike up to the top of Mt. Battie.

Going up, I learned that I am in a little better shape since the last time I took this particular hike. This pleased me.

Going down, I was forced to re-think my hiking practices and evaluate my tendency to fall down or into things.

Lets go back for a moment and recount a couple instances. Summer 2008, I was doing frag transects with fellow intern Corey in a marshy area in Rhode Island. Instead of following Corey with his uncanny knack to find all the safe walking spots, I went my own way and BAM! My right leg had sunk to my waist in the muck. Corey laughed and offered no help as I extracted myself. Two more steps and BAM! It happened again. Same leg, different hole. I lost a cell phone that day. Flash forward to the following winter. I went sledding with high school friend Matt and little sister Kirsti. The sledding hill was steep, the snow had been packed, melted, and then frozen in the frigid night. So it was hard as ice. I went down, my sled hit a bump, and I was jettisoned from my seat. I flew a little, landed hard, and continued to log roll down to the bottom of the hill. That was the same night I cracked my head on the icy slope. Next we come to the spring of 2010. We were running a Wilderness First Responder scenario where we had to carry someone a distance across uneven and difficult terrain. We came to a narrow bog bridge. The only way to get the stretcher across was to have one person carrying the front and one carrying the back with no one on the sides. Still, they wanted someone to at least guard the sides as the stretcher was rather wide. No one wanted to get mucky in the marshy water. I couldn't care less about getting mucky (having experienced it plenty in Rhode Island). So, thinking that the water was not deep at all, I took a couple steps to the side of the bog bridge in the muck. those two steps was all I got before I was up to my waist in muddy water. I had done it again.

I'm sure there are many other minor falling incidents. My family might be able to recall them better than I. But I think that THIS one takes the cake.

We had all had our fill of the view at the top of the mountain and were heading back down. The hike UP is strenuous and a challenge. It's sheer and steep at times. But it's nothing, NOTHING compared to going back down. I managed to do so without incident last time. I guess I can't be so lucky twice.

To be honest, as I was stretching my leg out down a steep slope to brace it on a small rock I thought to myself-"this might not be the best choice". But I was already going down and could not stop my momentum. For a split second I thought I had succeeded. Then my stomach dropped out as the momentum of my controlled movement downward towards the rock didn't go as planned. I couldn't stop after my foot landed on the rock and so I crashed to my knees in the steep and sheer slope. My brain said "okay, that wasn't too bad". But the momentum of the fall and the steepness of the slope were not going to let me off that easy. From there, how things happened were pretty much a blur. I somehow managed to get myself horizontal with the slope so that I was log rolling down the rocks. I didn't count how many times. Kyle, who saw the whole thing happen, says it was at least 4.

I don't remember pain or fear, honestly. My life didn't flash before my eyes. Just like in the situation with my car spinning across the highway, I think my thoughts were rather calm. Something along the lines of "Well, I could really get hurt here, but what can I do to stop it?" And when I see that I can't really so much to stop it, I just squeeze my eyes shut and wait for it to stop itself. Unlike the spinning car scenario, I DO remember hearing sound. I could here Kyle calling my name, the scraping sounds of my boots and clothes against the rock, and (towards the end) the sound of my water bottle clattering further down the mountain after it fell out of my grip. The steep rocks I was rolling down finally ceased on a little bit of scrubby earth. Here, I ended up on my stomach and I was able to stop myself from going any further.

I lay there on my stomach, breathing quickly. I heard Jenna or Tim call something down to Kyle. He said he thought I was okay. Then ASKED me if I was okay. Not sure how to answer, I remained silent, but pushed myself up and rolled over so I could sit and take inventory. First I was aware of the pain which I hadn't felt the whole time I was rolling. Nothing was excruciating-so I was sure nothing was broken. My head didn't hurt-So I have escaped a head injury, thank GOODNESS. My knees and legs hurt a lot but didn't seem to be broken. My arms stung. I took several deep breaths and then noticed that I was shaking quite a lot. Leave it to the adrenaline. Once I could breathe normally and assured everyone I was okay, I did a more detailed inventory. There was scrape about and inch and 1/2 long down my left arm covered in dirt, a couple other scrapes around my right elbow. My knees were screaming at me in protest, since they had taken the weight of the first fall. There were a couple mild scrapes on both legs but nothing bad. Thank goodness for PANTS! At this point I remember thinking, "great, the ONE TIME I don't bring my first aid kit along!"

My next thought was "Oh no! I lost my water bottle!" I asked Kyle if he had seen where it had fallen. He reminded me that he was too busy watching me. More than worrying about the pain, I was worried that I had lost a good Nalgene (P.S. I did find it and retrieve it).

This is not where I fell, but this is to give you an idea of the steepness of the slope and the rockiness of the terrain.

This is ALSO not where I fell. I don't actually HAVE a picture of where I fell. Kyle said he thought about getting one, but felt it was insensitive to ask me. I told him I really wish he HAD! I am a huge advocate for documenting the moment. I wish he had gotten VIDEO for it. Anyway, these rocks were right BEFORE the place I fell and were pretty close to the kind of rocks I rolled down.

The hike down this bit of mountain is hard ENOUGH with the steepness and the jarring impact on my knees. Now add to it the weakness that comes after a rush of adrenaline and aching pain in both my knees. It was not my favorite thing ever, let me tell you. But we got to the bottom without any other serious incidents. After I showered, it was apparent that my knees were both swelling. My right one more than the left. None of my scrapes were bad and had stopped bleeding. I found the stairs up to my room to be a challenge as bending my knees hurt. For the rest of the day, Right Knee stayed swollen twice it's normal size and Left Knee about 1/2 less than that. My cuts stung. And I limped everywhere we went (the rest of the greatness of this day will be documented later).

I'm now typing this with a frozen package of green beans and carrots wrapped in a towel over my right knee. The swelling has gone down a bit. The scrapes on my arms still sting. But stairs are a little easier and the pain has gone down.

I am indescribably lucky that I came out of this with nothing but a couple scrapes, bruises, and some knee swelling. And the fact that things already feel better is encouraging.

I admit that now the only thing I am worrying about is not being able to get exercise for the next couple of days. I know I need to take it easy on these knees of mine and not push myself. So I will NOT walk to work to water the plants tomorrow. I will drive. I won't walk to the laundromat on Saturday. I will drive. I might still walk the the village green. But I just hope that my knees feel better soon because until I can start walking places again, I am giving up sweets. Even though Kyle is making cookies tomorrow, Beckie and I made the most AMAZING cake tonight, I have CHOCOLATE in the pantry, ICE CREAM in the freezer, and Kathy made 3 KINDS OF CAKE for a members birthday yesterday! But I will control myself. NO SWEETS until I feel I am up for walking again. I hope it is soon.

Well, friends and family, it's late. I am tired. So I will end. I am thankful to be okay. Beckie is convinced that I'm like a Final Destination film-cheating death. And so eventually death is going to catch up with me and I am going to die in some crazy and elaborate way.

I'd like to think it has a little more to do with a higher power that ISN'T death, but what do I know?