"I shake through the wreckage for signs of life Scrolling through the paragraphs Clicking through the photographs."

Megan give me a strange look as Kate, Lil, and Kelsey watch SNL on my computer at the South Street Laundromat. This fantastic little piece of awesome is the cheapest laundromat I have found and has wireless internet! Love it.
Nate and Jo posed for this picture that we put into our slide show for the eighth graders. They are showing just how much they love composting.
Another little gem that we used for the slide show to demonstrate how we live as a community and cook community meals. Jo looks a little too excited and Nate is really enjoying the spoonful of nothing he's dipping from the pot.
Jo going full force into cooking, whisk held high.
This is a picturesque view of the lodge in all it's snowy glory. This is the place that we eat, work, shower, cook, and pretty much spend out lives when we aren't teaching or sleeping.
This lovely specimen here is Kate Hood. No doubt she is trying to poison herself with bleach water so that she can get out of cleaning the bathrooms. They were pretty gross that day and she is a little bit of a germaphobe.
Z and Shannon look a little too happy for having to sweep up hair and scrub toilets which let urine sit in them for hours at a time. "If it's yellow, let it mellow. It it's brown, flush it down. Or save some water, use the squatter." For those of you unaware, the squatter is the outhouse.
Looks like Kate's mood has improved. Maybe she has successfully poisoned herself.
This is a marsh a little ways away from the camp. I bet it is even more beautiful in the spring when it is teaming with life. Just after the only big snow storm that we have gotten since I got here. This is part of the trail to the Lodge.
One of the cabins in the snow. Beautiful.
The branches crowded in along the trail. I have to say that it was one of the most lovely morning walks I have ever experienced. I really wish that it would snow again.
Yet another snow view. I know there are a lot of these. It was just so amazing. I don't get to see this much snow all that often.
And yet another snow picture. This was when the clouds rolled away. Once the sun made it appearance, all the snow started to fall from the branches. It was almost treacherous.

So this wasn't all that exciting. But it's what I got. Believe me, these pictures were the interesting ones of the bunch. And I didn't want to overload you all.

I am beginning to find my comfort zone out here. It's only just beginning to feel like a home. Things are becoming familiar.

Along with the sweet comes the sour. I still haven't found my wallet. So I have no money and every time I drive I am afraid that I am going to do something stupid and get pulled over. I am in the process of replacing everything but those of you who have been in my situation know how hard that can be. Especially since I am out of state.

Teaching is coming along. Lesson two went really well, at least for my part. Nate and Jo had a couple rough spots. They both HATE the class we have full of really gifted/band/ADHD students. They are really smart. They just need to be challenged. Some of them are really into learning what we are talking about. Some of them just want attention. I am enjoying the challenge. I am pretty sure that they are going to be my favorite class.

The first teen night was awkward. It was a mix of being a freshman in high school and being the lame adult. It got better as the night went on.

So yeah. That's about it for this little update.

"I traveled half the world to say you are my muse."

I was going to ask who wanted to hear about my first two official days of teaching. Then I decided that I didn't care if you wanted to hear about it or not because you can't hear typing.

So whether or not you want to hear anything is irrelevant. Whether or not you wish to read about it is a whole other matter.

But that doesn't matter either because a post will be the result of these end of day musings and you can decide whether or not you wish to read them.

Onward then upon my trusty steed which is running on brain energy fumes left over from those early weekends of relaxation.

Thursday was one of the longest days of my life. I've had 13 hour days before when I was working at Bob of the Evans. But days like that were merely physically taxing. I have not had a day that taxed me as mentally AND physically as Thursday did since never. It all began at 4:45am.

• 4:45am-Woke up to first alarm. Reset it. Rolled over and went back to sleep with music in my ears.
• 5:00am-Woke up to re-set alarm. Set it a second time. Rolled over and went back to sleep with music in my ears.
• 5:20am-Woke to third and final alarm. Spent 15 minutes stumbling around, getting things together, debating a belt, etc.
• 5:35am-arrive at the Lodge for sprucing up.
• 6:10-Emerged from the bathroom cocoon a beautiful, clean, teacher-esque butterfly. Boots laced and all (By the way Beckie, these boots are the best things ever. In love.).
• 6:25-having hastily prepared a tuna and fresh mushroom sandwich, granola bar, fruit leather, and water for lunch and scarfed down a small bowl of raisin bran, I was now ready to submit myself to the bowels of one of the grey beasts we drive to town.
• 7:20-I am now thoroughly van-sick, but awake and feeling anxious as we exit the belly of the elephantine behemoth (yes I am aware of the redundancy of this-it was used to put emphasis on how I feel about these 12 passenger vans we have to use) and make our heroic entrance into Hillside Middle School.
• 7:45-Computer hooked to the projector, copies of outlines in hand, we prepare for the wave of our first students to crash over us.
• 1:00pm-After 5 classes in which we had one 40 minute lunch break, we felt like we had accomplished a lot. (You were expecting some sort of play by play of each class and the whole day? Not worth the time it would take to type. If you are that interested you can take steps to participate in the aforementioned "hearing" of the events by calling me on my still shiny and new cell phone. Though depending on where I am when you call I may or may not receive it. You would do better to call me and leave a message for me to call you back and give a brief list of the times you are most available).
• 1:00-2:00pm-data pertaining to events at this time has been lost within the apparatus containing it. It is possible that said apparatus shut down in this one hour period. Please excuse the malfunction.
• 2:00pm-(Apparatus working normally, you may now continue reading)-We received and invitation to attend an eco-club meeting that one of our students is the president of. After a lengthy and suspenseful time in which we waited to RSVP (three seconds) we agreed and attended said meeting at this time. Many good things were talked about.
• 3:00pm-We arrived at the Salvation Army (not the thrift store) and entered unsure of what to expect from our first time.
• 5:00pm-having spent the last two hours reading Enders Game and looking up the word "hipster" in wikipedia, I help prepare for Kids Cafe (3-5 is tutoring time and there were more tutors than kids. I had no-one to tutor.)
• 5:45pm-dinner (mung like macaroni with ground beef and tomatoes, a buttermilk biscuit, a carton of milk, and a choco-chip cookie) is over and we cleaned up. Then it was time for activity time. I got my trash kicked at air-hockey, pool, and foosball. No I will not tell you how old the kids were that beat me. Stop asking.
• 7:15pm-the day being done and our bodies and brains mush, the three of us climb back into the lumbering rhino vans and turbulated* our way back to bear brook.
• 8:00pm-we arrived back and Bear Brook. I pottied. Then I went to the cabin, ready to fall asleep before my head hit the pillow, as they say. To my dismay, it was freezing because no one had managed to start a fire. I spent the next 45 minutes making the fire perfect so that the cabin would be warm and toasty for everyone else. THEN I fell into a blissful sleep.

*Turbulated-verb: to move in a turbulant manner.

Thus ended the first day.

Day two (today) started just as early but did not end as late. We put in a good 8 hours when you include commute time. We taught six classes, had 20 minutes for lunch and another earlier 40 minute break. By the last class we were laughing at unfunny things and stumbling over our words. Much like drunk people.

I revealed to my teammates my slightly vague reasons for not drinking coffee. They will now leave me alone. It does bug me that their performance is dependent on whether or not they have had their coffee quota or have nicotine in their system (in the case of Jonathan (now Jo to me) it's self-rolled cigarettes. In the case of Nate (Now Na to me...not really. I'm just kidding on that one) it's chewing).

I am tired.

And did I mention that I misplaced my wallet? I have looked in all the places that I can at Bear Brook (The Lodge, My Car, The Cabin, My Cubby, The Lost and Found). There are only four place it could be.

1.The barn where we went to the barn dance last weekend. In that case, I have e-mailed the people who might know where it is.

2. Church

3.The Concord Public Library

4. On the street somewhere in Concord or in some random persons hands.

I am really hoping for the first one. The second and third would be acceptable. The 4th is something I don't want to think about until the first three hypotheses have been proven false.

I really hope to receive a reply soon. I'm not sure I want to go to Portsmouth without an ID or anything else. I wouldn't be driving so I suppose that it would be good that I wouldn't have any money. No spending. On the other hand, I am sure that others would want to go places to spend things (mostly food, maybe a museum or something) and I would not be able to participate. On the other other hand, I might not have time to go there on my own. How fun would it be to go with people to Portsmouth and see the winter ocean? My mind isn't made up, but I am going to go to bed early so that I still have that option.

And her I end with this perplexing thought: If you write a blog post and no one ever reads it, do you actually exist in the blogging world? (We all know that the point of blogging is really validation).

"He's so mercifully free of the pressures of grace

This update will be short and to the point.

-There is way too much drama. Apparently, people cannot act like mature adults for more than 4 weeks.

-Having met with the teachers I am working with, I am now more nervous that I was before. Teaching these 8th graders is going to be hard.

-One of the teachers is a crazy Nazi. I don't like her. But I like one of the other teachers. His name is Rand. Yeah. Rand.

-It was really warm earlier this week and now it is frigid. No more show so far but when it comes it usually comes hard.

-I went to a barn dance. Best thing ever? Yeah. I think so.

-My shows are failing me in their content. The winners? The Office and Psych. Apparently comedies are the only shows holding it anymore. Nuts to dramas. That doesn't mean I'll stop watching them.

-Thanks Mom and Dad for the cookies and various other things you have sent me.

-A shout out to Kirsti and our evening text sessions.

-Also a shout out to Emily for the nice little message you left me on Saturday. It was a good pick me up.

-For a few of you, I don't have your number anymore because it was saved to my old phone and that phone died. So, you want me to have your number? send me a text with your name in the it. (Lame, I know).

-I am officially going to make my ward the Canterbury ward, even if it's all old people there.

-My first real day of teaching is Thursday. I am nervous. Pray for me.

-Did I mention that one of my teaching teammates chews that the other rolls his own cigarettes?

-There are a lot of people here that tell me how awesome they think it is that I am out here doing this since I am Mormon. I wonder how many of them are thinking fundamentalist or Mennonite.

-I was offered Mead. Peer pressure like. Ew...and lame.

-Never see Silent Hill...dumb movie.

-I don't like Curry. No matter how you make it. I don't like it. Too bad. We seem to have it all the time.

-I got a gift of a Cadbury egg. It was perfect.

-I might be an interpretive ranger instead of a conservation person. The verdict is still out on that.

-My cabin mate wants to hook me up with her brother or her best friend. Um...

-I've been trying to get people to call me Lambson instead of Sarah since there are two of us. Only a few people have caught on.

-Okay I think that's it really. I'm gonna stop now and also try to post at least once a week.

Done!

"Everybody knows that you'd break your neck to keep your chin up."

I suppose the time is ripe for an update on my life.

As everyone know, I am now in New Hampshire. In the southeast part of the state. Almost halfway between Concord and Manchester.

I am living in a state park. Bear Brook state park to be exact. Yes, LIVING in a state park. Not just working.

There is lots of snow. I have not been properly warm since I got here. Everything smells like campfire. I am struggling to balance sympathy and annoyance with one of my coworkers.

The food is good though pointedly vegetarian. Meat is a rarity and I find that's okay with me. I don't need meat. But I am not, I repeat NOT giving it up. Give me the chance to eat a meaty burger and I will take it.

The people are nice. I have broken out of my shy state and made it to the "Sarah is really sarcastic" stage. Really surprised everyone there. According to one of my bunkmates it has been the talk of the crew, my switch over from wallflower to Audry II.

I surprise myself sometimes. But I'm glad to be breaking out of my shell.

Let's see. What else.

I am getting far too used to being fed 3 times a day. Sue, the facilities manager cooks dinner every night and often prepares something easy for lunch. Breakfast is provided by the volunteer stewards of the day and has ranged from breakfast casserole to French Toast to choco-chip pancakes. The only downside to the last two is that we have no maple syrup. So I've had to improvise. Sue is an amazing cook and almost everything she has made I have devoured. All except the curry soup that had cilantro. Ew. The weekends are hard because there is no one cooking. You are on your own. It's especially hard on Sundays since I am sp used to it being a night of sumptuous dinners. Despite the good food I am determined to eat healthy. Most of the time this isn't a problem...but the other night Sue made some sort of casserole that was cornbread, black beans, mashed potatoes, cheese, onions, peppers...yum! And last night she made jambalaya.

Anyway...Soon it will be up the the three person teaching teams to cook dinner at night.

Speaking of teaching teams, they were finally assigned. These teams of three are the teams we will work in with our classes. We will plan all the lessons together, present them together and do after school activities together. Me and my team are called The Young, The Old, and The Educated. AKA: YOE! (the exclamation point is key). Jonathan is the Old (being the oldest member in the whole crew at 25), Nate is the young (being the next to youngest at 19) and I am the educated because I am the only person in my team who has a degree. I am in the only team that has two boys and one girl. The rest are two girls and one boy. I feel pretty confident in my team even if one of them smokes and the other chews. And I need to because we are the team teaching 8th graders.

I cannot tell you how excited I was when I found this out. This means that the leaders think that the three of us have what it takes to deal with older kids. I was really hoping for 8th graders mostly because I have taught younger kids before and I wanted a challenge. Also, I think I have a lot to offer to kids who need a little deeper instruction on ecology and natural resources. Then yesterday I remembered how troublesome kids that age are and I got a little scared. I think it will be great, but it will be hard. Thank goodness I have a little experience and got over my public speaking fears.

I really like my roommates...there are already a few minor disagreements but overall it is good between all of us. We do have the messiest cabin according to Kate. That will soon be fixed I hope.

I am slowly starting to learn my way generally around. I can get to downtown Concord no problem. I know where a couple libraries are and a couple laundromats. I am already planning some great adventures if I have time. I will have to visit the beach at sometime. I also want to visit an Island Marlee (the education leader) said had sightings of snowy owls. How amazing would it be to see snowy owls?

Also me and a girl named Abby are planning on learning Piano Man by the end of the 10 months. She is going to learn the Harmonica and I will learn the piano part. It's going to happen. And it will be amazing.

I was feeling pretty down the other day. Financial problems had me singing the blues. Not literally though. I'm not comfortable enough to do that in front of people yet. Besides, I am a firm believer that white people cannot sing the blues. Not really. I had to keep telling myself that things would be fine and that the worst that could happen was nowhere near horrible. I am much better now that it's Friday.

Man, I know it's only been about two weeks but I feel like I've been here a month already. It's crazy. The days go by at a normal pace, the week goes by fast, but this month is going slower that I thought it would. Everything at a different pace. It's a little weird.

I really can't think of anything else. I know this entry has been long enough as it is. I think most of them will be this long until new things stop happening (which may be never).

Thanks to all of you who read this and make it worth posting anything ever. I hope everyone is doing well. As soon as I get a new phone I look forward to calling everyone and having a good chat.

Until then...did you know that there are tiny hexopods (not an insect) called snow fleas? The appear on warmer winter days and are easy to see against the snow. I was fascinated by them as we were walking in the woods today.

Also...I think being a mammologist would be great. So now it's between mammology, entomology or behavioral ecology/biology. Too many choices. Or I could just work for an animal rescue organization.

Done!

"I need a place that's hidden in the deep where lonely angels sing you to your sleep though all the world is broken."

Sarah needs to be packing. There is so much. My bed has already been re-located to it's current resting place: the basement. And so I sit on the floor. I wonder when I learned to sit cross-legged? I had to be pretty young because they make you do that all through elementary school.

In other words I am taking this opportunity to procrastinate.

Thank you for sharing it with me.

This is the last night that I will spend in Columbia for 10 months. How do I feel about that? You would think I would be excited. The truth is, these knots refuse to leave. There are stretched of time where I am s distracted that I hardly notice. Then I come home again and realize just how big a step this is in my humble existence. There are no parties. Nothing exciting. No big bang. I simply drift away from the home that has been my mainland for the past 22.5 years.

Somebody tell me that I am doing the right thing.

No, don't. Because the only one that can know if this is right is me. It may turn out that this is all wrong. But I will endure because I need to grow up. No more crutch. No more pretending that I'm not really an adult. Not yet. I still feel like a child but with none of the innocence and simplicity. I'm in the worst kind of limbo.

I have two more nights to spend in blissful familiarity. I suppose I should be glad that I'm not going oversees into some harsh country where I don't even speak the language.

Enough of this. I just needed to put some thoughts down. As I said before I went into Rhode Island, who knows how many opportunities I will have to blog out there (Of course I had plenty in Rhode Island but the office I spent time in had internet.).

Happy snowy Wednesday everybody.

"All I wanns do is *bang*, *bang*, *bang*, *bang*, and a *Cha-ching*, and take your money."

The verdict is in. Here are the results.

Behavioral Biology: B

Human Dimensions in Fisheries and Wildlife Conservation: A-

Behavioral Ecology: B+

Geography of Cemeteries: A

Natural Resource Biometrics: A-

Semester GPA: 3.5

Cumulative GPA: 2.985

Status on my Ichthyology grade: Still a D+. No grade change out of him.

I am SO close to that 3.0 GPA I can taste it. If only he would read my paper and say, "Man, that was one of the best written research proposals from an undergrad that I have ever read. And this girl did SO much for this project, I am going to bump her grade up to a B."

I do not hold much hope for that scenario.

On a less happy note, I spent $1083.75 on my car today. I sent it in on Tuesday morning to get them to look it over and tell me what needed to be done to get it to New Hampshire and not die withing the first week. I told him to fix everything that needed it. He did. Now I am praying that it makes it all the way there. I would probably stand in traffic if my car died halfway to New Hampshire.

I guess it's better to spend the money to get it fixed now rather than have to worry about it in a strange location where I don't know anybody. I also get to spend another $80 to make Sadie genderless.

So all in all I am of the opinion that money is horrible, as is spending it. But I do have faith that it will all work out.

That's all really. Just wanted to give you all a little update.

Also, I leave in T minus 8.5 days and counting. I am not ready. Give me another month, please?

"We believe in the sum of ourselves and that's the way we get by."

And so the epic tale of Pimephales promelas and the scholar comes to a dreary and anticlimactic end. Not ending in triumph in any sense of the word. Letters were scrawled across a paper, yes. But there was nothing of real merit in those words. They were empty and lacking of any real results.

Why was the end so tragic, you may ask? It is simply this. That 10 months passed and all that results is a sad excuse for a paper. No eggs. Never eggs. No real experimentation. Just a handful of attempts and a spawning surface lying bare like white bone picked clean of all it's intentions. 10 months of hopes (like tiny sparrows), worries (like writhing snakes), and disappointments (like murdered puppies). And in the end it came to this. Writing a paper of what could have been. This scholar, soon to graduate, putting all her sweat and blood into something that will later be used by another. Will he/she have to do work? Not as much as I have done because it is now completed and all he/she will have to do is sit back, wait, and observe the fruits of her non-labors as they develop and hatch.

But as I said. This epic is at an end. There is no use dwelling on what is past. The words are written and sent the the man who, after all these months, will finally decide my fate.

And this scholar asks herself: Why on earth would you want to do this for the rest of your life?

Because it gives back what I take every day from the world.

In other words, I wrote my 10 pages, I did the research, I turned it in and now I am waiting for my professor to read it and tell me what he thinks and if I got my C or not. (A on the paper hopefully, C in the class).

I wish I could say that I was really done. I still have one other paper and a test looming over me. The paper is no worry. It practically writes itself. I just have to sit down and do it. The test is no real sweat. I can fail it and still get a B in the class. I would much rather get a B on the test and get an A in the class...but you know. We'll see. I have no idea ho hard it is going to be.

So that is what I have left. That and a mound of things growing ever higher of things I need to do before I leave. Among them is spend time with the people I will miss the most (My friends and family).

So there is your little update of my status in life right now.