The Exploration of Identity

On Nights Like This

2012-01-30T20:05:00.000-08:00

It's on nights like this that I remember with fondness another time. A time of sitting in a log cabin in the middle of the pines, windows thrown open, listening to the night while reading Stephen King. The air is filled with the distant smell of campfires and the tang of evergreens. The sounds of night-jars and spring peepers. All these things work to lull me gently to sleep.

Nights like this are about full moons, windows down, unashamed belting of heart healing lyrics. The rush of the wind, the feel of the car as you change gears, the empty road consumed in darkness beyond the piercing of your high beams.

Simple things. Energizing things. Healing things.

Of course, most of the time these things don't happen AT THE END OF JANUARY!

On nights like these, I revel in 60 degree weather. But then I remind myself that Missouri is fickle and cruel. She will give you this one night and then take it all back with bitter winds and unmanageable road conditions.

Sure, weather forecasts may predict beautiful weather for the week to come. And then take snatch it away in the blink of an eye.

Living here you learn to get used to it.

That doesn't mean I love it. I'd rather have consistency instead of these wonderful teasing days.

I was out among the trees today, with grasses emerging on the forest floor. Buds peeked from branches and birds called merrily. Brooks bubbled from the thaw (incidentally 90% of the trails were muddy as a result of the weather), and the air smelled of spring.

BUT IT'S NOT SPRING. And when I remind myself of that, I think of how much further we have to go.

That's right. I'm glaring at YOU, February.

But that's okay. Because right now, this moment, I have a night like this. And with it, memories.

Long car rides, just because (when gas was MUCH cheaper). Walks around the block (when the neighborhood was safer). Letting thoughts waft to you through an open window. The white curtain waving to get your attention out of the corner of your eye. Falling asleep to the mild scents and sounds of the season, knowing what the next day would hold. Knowing what the next MONTH would hold. Things being certain the way they are when you are younger, still tied to the anchor that is high school, or college.

Nights like this are made for inspiration-taking advantage of the flow of energy. Every particle feels it. All I want to do is stay up until past midnight riding this wave. To forget the responsibility of tomorrow.

But it is still there. Not going anywhere. The routine, which is good, but still makes you feel like your creating the beginnings of a rut. So you try to make a change and end up saying yes to something you may no may not regret.

Inter-State Studio (we're moving part memories and into reality now). I applied. I interviewed. They asked. I said yes. And now I am committed to 9 weeks of early mornings and taking photo after photo of elementary school kids in their polo shirts and frilly skirts with gelled and sprayed hair. Don't take my lack of enthusiasm as a sign that I am not excited for this job opportunity. I am.

I guess I was just hoping that it could be a replacement. Instead I have allowed my inability to say no to make it my day job. And while I am excited to have a chance to gain some formal photography experience, I dread those days of 10-12 hours of work when I do both jobs.

Will I regret it? Only time will tell. The most disappointment comes from the fact that this was NOT the escape I was looking for. So I am still in that position. The one where you are caught on a spinning hamster wheel that provides me with a living, looking for something more progressive.

Isn't that the story of most of our lives? I don't mean to complain. This post was meant to be reminiscent and positive. But I let my mind take me where it will. And apparently it's feeling a little uncertain (big surprise).

It's okay. Work is easier (except that once I get used to one thing they throw me into another bowl of uncomfortable and uncertain stew). I have some semblance of purpose. I find it in those little things day to day. I'm building up a different part of myself. One that is necessary.

This is not forever. But it is for now. And for now, I will live my day to day knowing that "for now" will someday be "back when".

On Musings-Mostly Cloudy.

2012-01-11T19:36:00.000-08:00

What can I say? What is there to write?

It feels like nothing inside or outside will make this change. So I am going to offer some metaphors and similes . Keep up.

It's been almost two months since my (unable to find the proper adjective) return home. I didn't know what awaited me here when I left behind the meaningful and life-changing experience I had in Maine. But the future held promise despite the fact that I was going back to all things familiar and comfortable.

I said hello to the holiday's. We shared words. Mostly about how I missed the deep friendship we once shared. Now everything feels like a show. Fake. Forced. Tragically misrepresented. So the holiday's and I parted ways feeling much the same as we did going into it all (Well, Thanksgiving and I DID have a row which ended in me wanting to rip out my whole digestive system.).

Then I faced reality. The reality that a REAL job was not going to pop up it's convenient head with a friendly "hello! I've been waiting for you. Let's be besties." So I sought out a temporary employment friendship and the benefits that would accompany that kind of relationship. After fruitless attempts to convince several employers that I was the best friend they would ever have, I ran into an OLD friend...the first one I had really. This was one of those unlikely friendships that didn't end well, though it taught me a lot. We had parted on moderate terms, assuming that we would never speak again. Yet here we are. Speaking. And it is UNCOMFORTABLE. This has now become one of those awkward pity friendships. One where I can't stand the friend but I feel bad leaving them and I need the benefits the friendship brings. (Translation: I am working at the job I had in High School and left because of the inconsistency in management, the terrible scheduling, and the lack of decent hours. Things haven't changed, but I'm here because I need the money).

The there's the social aspect of everything. I'm as awkward as a day-old calf. All the other animals know and are comfortable with each other. And then there is me. Stumbling through as the person who ONCE used to know everyone and now knows no-one. That's just a barrel of awesome, right there. If I could find the "Sword of Pearls" to break my "Shell of Shyness", things would be a little easier. (I know that only 1-2 people get that reference. For the rest of you, I imagine you will NEVER have the chance to be enlightened. I weep for you).

There is too much good food in the world and not enough self-control receptors in my brain. This causes problems. As does a certain motivation problem and the fact that there are no mountains to hike. And I don't have a kayak.

"I want to see mountains again. MOUNTAINS, blog-readers. And then find somewhere quiet where I can own an Al paca." (name THAT horribly butchered reference).

Yes indeed.

Do you want to know what happened to all that potential that existed when I first left Maine and came home? I'll tell you. But first another question.

Do you remember a time that you look back on and think "I cannot believe I was FRIENDS with those people?" But then you look at your life and realize you have grown up so much since then and are IMMENSELY glad you changed?? This is kind of like that. I said goodbye to promise and potential when I re-found those friends I had tried so hard to get away from. I'm reverting back to old habits that those friends encouraged. (Remember please that these are metaphorical friends like my current job, as well as the friend known as "too much free time", "procrastination", and "lack of motivation".) What am I doing with these friends and why do I let them influence me?

Answer: Because I have found my way back to stagnation. And all my self-pitying mind can think is "welcome to The Rut. As a returning visitor we would like to offer you our platinum membership."

Here's the part where I try to mentally dig myself out of the hole I'm digging because self-pitying rants are NOT useful. Or helpful. Not in the long run. Especially if you keep dwelling on them.

I don't DESERVE to complain or to feel like I am lacking.

I HAVE aspirations. I have dreams. Just because they aren't going to come easy doesn't meant they wont happen.

I have no idea what I am doing here. That doesn't mean I am meant to keep walking forward in darkness.

Things may become clear. And some experiences, no matter HOW uncomfortable, are better teachers than the easy and illuminated road.

I just need to remember that I cannot have what I had. Not right now, anyway. I have to move on and try to continue to be a better version of the person I was two months ago. Not revert back to the person I was 6 years ago.

I control my life. My job doesn't. My family doesn't. My brains inability to refuse cookies doesn't.

And while today I needed was to feel sorry for myself, I'm not going to let that be tomorrow. I've had my little pity party and it's time to move on.

My life is what it is and I have SO much more than I deserve.

On November

2011-12-02T14:45:00.001-08:00

I'll be honest. There is little to nothing motivating my to write this post. The simple truth is I have been putting off for the past month and as I watch life march by I just keep thinking of all the things I SHOULD be mentioning.

If I don't get this November entry posted I will feel like I left a whole months worth of my life out of the internet universe (which, to be honest, would NOT be the end of the world). And so I go through this constant conflict in my brain whenever I look at this unwritten post that goes something like this:

"I should write a blog post updating what's happened since my LAST blog post."

"But SO MUCH has happened! I don't want to think about consolidating it all..."

"But I need to start somewhere. Let's just get a couple lines down."

"Okay."

*types a couple lines*

"Blah. This is taking too long. Lets go do something more fun!"

"Okay."

*A Few Days Later*

"I should write a blog post updating what's happened since my LAST blog post."

Etc...

It hasn't helped that in an attempt to NOT become an internet zombie during my current stint of unemployment, I have hidden my laptop in a corner of the living room. Out of sight and out of mind.

It's been liberating, actually. I don't spend hours updating social media, pinning, stumbling, and watching YouTube. Instead I spend my time waking up early, trying to get outdoors before it gets too cold, reading, applying for jobs, helping around the house, and watching episodes of my new addiction (which I shall not name here).

Since I spend less time on the internet, I have less motivation to blog.

But the gaping hole of November is growing ever wider and deeper and I just need to get this over with.

So, in fast, concise bullet style I am going to update my life for my small bundle of readers.

-I'm back in Columbia, Missouri now

-$444 of repairs got me and my over-stuffed car safely here

-I visited sisters along the way (Syracuse, NY and Lafayette, IN and St. Louis, MO-Thanks for the hospitality and wonderful time, gals!)

-I said goodbye to my life in Maine (tragic, really)

-Thanksgiving

-I experienced a full on digestive system rebellion as a result of Thanksgiving

-I've gotten back on my bike and my backside is not thanking me

-I've been exploring Rock Bridge Memorial State Park

-I applied to 5 jobs so far, had an interview with 1 (A Doctor's Assistant position at All Creature's Animal Hospital), and don't think any of them will be responding.

-I cooked some awesome food

-I discovered red velvet cake chocolate tea

-I've fallen in love with Beef Jerky

Wow, I think that's it really. I feel like more happened. I guess it just seemed that way with all the packing and worrying about my car and saying goodbye that happened in the first two weeks of the month.

Well, it's December now.

I feel I have become considerably more boring since my return home.

Here are some pictures.

Decorative pumpkin with little mummy pumpkin (painted on Halloween)

Decorative pumpkin and black cat pumpkin

Goodbye house of Kathy. I will miss you.

Megunticook River and old mill

Mechanic Street, Camden (smoke stack)

Horse outside the MOST (Museum Of Science & Technology) in Syracuse, NY

Elise crouching inside a giant heart at the MOST

Model train set at the MOST

Elise was almost eaten by a T-Rex at the MOST

The only thing I made for Thanksgiving that turned out exactly how I planned (Cranberry Brie bites)

There. It's done. Updates after a month silence are never interesting. The fun and exciting thoughts of the moment are lost when you let them pass by. And all that's left are these vague impressions of how you felt-impressions which don't seem to matter much anymore now that the event has passed.

*Sigh*

Now what?

On Late October/Early November

2011-11-03T06:54:00.000-07:00

As I walk to work or in downtown Camden, along familiar routes, I come to realize just how much I've been taking all this for granted. The fact that I can walk to the library, the market, the harbor, the park, and work. The smell of the ocean. The wonderful weather. The early morning Autumn fog rolling over the nearby Camden Hills. The golden sunlight.

Good, local food. The charming feel of everything. The BEAUTIFUL houses and churches.

I don't think I will ever find a living situation as ideal as the one I have with Kathy. The location, the room, HER.

I'm filled with mixed emotions as I come to my last week and 1/2.

Every time I am with the Young Women I feel this tragic sense of parting. These girls (and women) have changed my life here. And it doesn't help that they "pretend" resent me for leaving.

When I think of all I have in Camden and in Maine-all that I am going to be leaving-I heave a great sigh of regret. One that is exclusively related to where I live and the friends I have made, NOT to the place I work.

I am counting down the HOURS until I am done here. It gets harder and HARDER to get myself out of the warm covers and get ready for work.

As I walk the 5.6 miles I take to Merryspring, I drink in every sight and smell. The air is filled with the scent of wood burning fires. Something you can sometimes smell in Columbia in the right place at the right time. But this is something that I imagine every native of Maine has come to associate with these months of chilly mornings. Someday I will live in a house heated by wood stove and I will adore it. Every morning, as I walk into this shallow valley boardered by the river I am met with fog. This gets kind of scary, walking on an almost non-existent shoulder with cars driving by too fast. But I usually flash my head lamp at them to let them know I am there. If I am lucky, the fog is restricted to the river and mountains and I am awarded with a spectacular view. I love the way the sun shines through the trees and mists in the morning. The crows, chickadees, and blue-jays fill the early hours with their chorus.

And guess what? If you didn't hear, New England got Hammered with a huge October winter storm. Camden only got maybe 3-4 inches but only 1/2-1 inch in terms of accumulation (it rained before and after so it melted a lot)-it's those ocean breezes. Even a couple miles inland they were getting more accumulation than us(around 4-6 inches). It was still a sight to behold-SNOW in October.

Here are some pictures of the morning after.

My favorite view of the Camden Hills as I walk to work.

This is an old house that was built in the 1800's!

Another slightly older and BEAUTIFUL house. I want to live here. It's got land, it has a view of the river, and it's close to town! And it's red. LOVE it.

Halloween also happened. Thank you SO much to all those who helped with my costume (Emily, Melanie, Elise,) and thanks to those who were so WILLING to help (Beckie, Tamara). I LOVE that all of you rose to the call. You have no idea how wonderful it feels to have that kind of support even as I am so far away.

You wanted a picture and this is the best on that was taken of me.

This is me at the Trunk-or-treat with the Young Women. Next to me is Riley and next to her is Laura. Both AMAZING girls.

Fall color has been easing away but we've still has some late bloomer flashes.

A line of red maples on my way home from work.

Just outside Merryspring is this house that is used as a meeting center for a church. I think a family lives there also. This is their cat amongst the pumpkins.

And just for Gicks and Kiggles here is a view up the smokestack that is the tallest point on the Camden skyline.

I really have come to love this place and all it has to offer. I felt the more at home here than I have any other place I have been (besides Columbia).

Leaving New Hampshire was about leaving a little piece of woodsy paradise and 30 new friends.

Leaving Camden is like leaving a piece of myself. A part of me that I have come to find and hope that I never lose. I thought I learned a lot about myself last year, but here, I BECAME myself.

I can't help but think that if there was a way to come back to Camden in the future that I would do it. That some part of me will always be trying to find a way to come back. I mean, I've kept finding ways to get to the east coast-maybe something is drawing me there.

Well-who knows. My stress level has decreased. And I'm doing fine. I'm not depressed because I am leaving and I am not DESPERATE to be home.

In my heart I know what going home really means. It is a step. Something that I need to do to put me on the path to whatever is next. I know that I'm not going to stay there forever. And I can't help but feel that I am not leaving HERE forever.

I explained it to Kathy this way: I have nothing but my branch family and the beauty of Maine keeping me HERE and nothing but a loving family and a precious dog pulling me home. Not that THOSE things are nothing-but there is this void of purpose in either location (at the current moment). But I know that I'll get to where I need to go. And that void will be filled sooner or later.

Time kind of coasts and I begin to fill the thrill one gets when things are almost done. Where you can REALLY see the end. Like the end of Finals week in school. But at the same time it's almost like the feeling you get at the end of summer. The knowledge that something wonderful is coming to an end.

Like I said-mixed emotions.

On a Parental Visit

2011-10-27T07:12:00.000-07:00

NOTE: I was too lazy to go back and spell check this. Ignore the grammatical errors that I am SURE are there.

I have 16 days left and boy am I EVER counting down.

It's cold now in the basement at work and the heater doesn't work.

I can't even take walks around Merryspring now because I have so much office work to do.

I guess that there have been some happy things in the past week:

I got this idea off Pinterest. Little bat cheese balls rolled in poppy seeds, blue corn chips for wings, and olives for eyes. I made these for FHE.

And then of course there is the Mom and Dad visit. They decided that they wanted to get a look at Maine in the Fall. I don't blame them. It's pretty amazing-though I have heard this has been an off year. If this is OFF I can't even imagine what a NOT OFF year is like!

First I picked them up from the Manchester Airport (it rained the whole drive there). Things sunnied out and we headed to the State Park I worked at last year-Pawtuckaway

Here are Mom and Dad next to a giant White Pine tree.

Dad in front of one of the Many glacial erratics (AKA big rocks) at Pawtuckaway.

Burnham Marsh in the fading light.

The colors on Pawtuckaway Lake. They were actually BETTER in New Hampshire!

We got home late but enjoyed some AWESOME and GIANT wraps at a restaurant called "Silly's". Of course it took us FOREVER to find it...but it was SO worth it. You know, you can get a peanut butter bacon shake there? Seriously, you HAVE to go and check out there menu HERE

The next day was Owls Head/Rockland day. First we drove to Birch Point state park in Owls Head.

Leaves and moss and sun

Dad looking through a large tube of white birch bark. He thought it was SO COOL how the insides rotted before the bark and you could pick up the log and all the insides would fall out leaving this hollow sleeve of bark.

Mom and Dad as we walked to Birch Point.

I actually think this was at the top of Mt. Battie. Maybe. Or maybe at Merryspring. Oh well. Dad holding up a large golden Striped Maple leaf in front of his face.

Mom and Dad in front is the courthouse I think...well...SOME cool building in Rockland.

Here's that cool building again.

A cool metal sculpture of Kestrels in downtown Rockland

Mom and Dad stand under The Strand theater for me.

Train Track no longer used in Rockland.

THEN we went to the Breakwater Lighthouse. This is kind of a "need to do" thing in the area.

Mom and Dad at the lighthouse. It was COLD and WINDY.

Mom is flattened by the wind against the lighthouse!

Okay...not really...

The Jetty.

And then there was dinner. Even though we were ALL super exhausted, we made stuffed baked pumpkins. Italian sausage, dried cherries, pumpkin, peppers, onion, apples, a butternut squash risotto...it was amazing.

Yeah, so this PICTURE isn't amazing. But it was horrible light!!

Huh. I guess I decided not to include any Saturday pictures. I guess I figured you have seen PLENTY of picture of Mt. Battie and Camden.

We went breakfast at The Mariner's restaurant. I would pass that place all the time when I walked downtown and there is a hand painted sign that says "blueberry pancakes" with a hand-painted picture of blueberry pancakes drenched in syrup. It always makes me want BLUEBERRY PANCAKES!

Guess what I didn't get there? Right. Blueberry pancakes. I got a breakfast Monte Cristo (on French toast) and a BANANA pancake. I didn't KNOW they had things that sounded better than Blueberry pancakes! But dad got one and shared. It was ALL very good.

Then we went to the farmers market. I love that little market and my FAVORITE place is Polly's (who is apparently leaving next year! I'm glad I caught them). They sell jams and pickeled things. They always have free samples and the old man that usually runs that place is the cutest old man EVER. I LOVE him.

We wandered downtown, we drove to some pretty places in Rockport, we drove to the top of Mt. Battie, and then we made Lobster Mac and Cheese for dinner. It was spectacular. Oh yeah, I took Mom and Dad to Fresh off the Farm. I LOVE that place!

Sunday, we went to church, napped, and I took them around Merryspring. Nothing amazing.

MONDAY.

We drove to Bar Harbor/Acadia National Park

A view of one of the streets of Downtown Bar Harbor. This place was SO touristy. A place I only need to visit once. It reminded me of Gatlinburg in Tennessee (which is like this FAKE old fashioned looking town just outside the Great Smokey Mountains National Park). Bar Harbor was like FAKE cute New England. But it was still an experience. And I enjoyed it!

We got lunch at this "gluten free" place called Morning Glory Bakery. They didn't have as much gluten free as we hoped. But I got a shrimp, tomato, Parmesan quiche and Italian artichoke soup. I also got a hazlenut "steamer" (which I guess is just steamed milk). Warm/hot milk always sounds gross. But add a flavor? YUM. It was so good.

Mom and Dad after lunch which we ate at the Bar Harbor Village Green.

Dad next to the ice cream lobster in front of this ice cream/fudge place that looked SO GOOD but they overcharged EVERYTHING. I was so upset because I was REALLY looking forward to fudge and ice cream!!

After some window shopping we finally headed into the park. I have to say, it wasn't super user friendly finding out how to get to a place to pay for entry. I guess that's what we get for going in the off season. But once we got going it was wonderful. We didn't have a lot of time so we drove a lot around this road that went on part of the perimeter of the park.

The road we took.

A view from the summit of Mt. Cadillac. I think that's the Gulf of Maine in the distance.

From the summit of Mt. Cadillac (that's Bar Harbor down there with TWO cruise ships)

This was taken CLOSE to the summit of Mt. Cadillac. Lovely.

Just another view along the drive.

We walked one of the rocky beaches. It was low tide and this large rocks were covered in glistening seaweed.

How amazing would it be to live in that house??

We got our fill of views (I could have seen more but we were losing our light. Darn you Maine for being in the furthest part of the Eastern time zone!!)

We went to a lighthouse nearby. I actually don't remember the name...I was kind of tired.

Here is a view of the setting sun in the clouds and the rocky beach at the lighthouse.

Dad reading a sign at the lighthouse.

Another full day. I let Mom drive home and slept part of the way back. If *I* was that worn out I can't even IMAGINE how tired Mom and Dad must have been!

The next day we arose early so that we could see a giant chocolate moose and eat yummy food before I took Mom and Dad to the airport.

This is at Len Libby's. An amazing candy shop. Lenny is the life size moose crafted entirely from CHOCOLATE!!! The mama bear in front of him is libby and she has two dark chocolate cube in the background there. AMAZING!! The water that Lenny is standing in is white chocolate!

The Red Arrow Diner in Manchester NH. I've been there twice and their food is awesome. It's this tiny little diner. Maybe even smaller than Broadway diner. And they are known for having had lots of famous people eat there. Like Adam Sandler, Sarah Silverman, Patrick Dempsey to name a few. Their special was Shepherd's pie, which I got. YUM, but so HUGE! Gosh I love that place.

Then it was time to say goodbye. I dropped mom and dad off and headed back home.

On the way back I stopped by Smiling Hill Farm (somewhere Jason had apparently gone). There wasn't much. There might be more to do on weekends or during the summer. But I stopped by the restaurant/ice cream shop at the top of the hill. I got Indian Pudding ice cream. It's basically gingerbread flavored ice cream and raisins. YUM! I also bought some mint Oreo fudge (since I didn't get any in Bar Harbor, humph!), blueberry milk, and some Havarti dill cheese. WOO! Gotta love dairy farms!

Here is a flock of geese on the lovely, picturesque farm.

And that was the fun time I had with Mom and Dad. CONDENSED believe it or not. I'm sure they will have their own account of things.

Meanwhile, I have NO job lined up for when I get home. No clue exactly what I am going to do. And TONS of things to do at work. And it's almost IMPOSSIBLE for me to focus on doing work on the computer ALL DAY.

And lets not forget how cold it is in that basement.

And my stupid uncomfortable chair.

Sorry. After wonderful and grand times it's been hard being sucked mercilessly back into reality.

Two and 1/2 weeks.

On an Autumn Exploration

2011-10-15T12:34:00.000-07:00

Today was day 1 of the Autumn Exploration Camp that I have been planning for at LEAST a month. The thing I have been looking forward to for AGES.

And it was finally here.

And let me tell you, it was GRAND!!

I arrived early to make sure EVERYTHING was PERFECT. I had even thought out how I would explain the changing of the leaves to the kids in terms they would understand. I was super excited!!

When they arrived they were timid at first, but my casual and delightful personality won their hearts almost immediately. First we answered the question, "Why DO leaves change their colors in the fall." They really seemed to GET it. All thanks to my powers of description and creating quick analogies (Like how evergreen trees are like dogs. The DO shed SOME of their needles, but not their WHOLE coat.). It went as PERFECTLY well as I could have hoped.

The rest of the day proceeded as planned. These two boys were PERFECT! And sometimes you can have JUST as much fun with only two kids as you can with 10. We went on a hike, collected all kinds of cool seeds, did a sensory scavenger hunt, a color hunt, played human camera and meet a tree, we saw chipmunks, squirrels, birds, and snakes. We did leave rubbings, bark rubbings and learned how to identify trees and plants.

It was windy but sunny and the weather was PERFECT!

When we came back, we did a blind exploration. I had placed several food items in plastic bags (carrots, apples, sunflower seeds, granola, chocolate chips, and peanut butter). This was for their snack. They were to try and guess by FEELING the things what was inside each bag. Some of them were tough! But they got several of them right. And even said EWWWW in PERFECT unison when they touched the peanut butter. We then had our snack of apple sandwiches, carrots, and sunflower seeds.

Finally we made REALLY cute owls with paper scraps, toilet paper tubes, and paint! They left with smiles on their faces and everything was just...PERFECT.

Oh, wait, I lied.

None of that actually happened.

HA! I fooled you! Like one of those HORRIBLE movies/TV episodes where the explanation was "and it was ALL a dream..."

Well, the FIRST thing happened. I arrived early to make sure everything was ready and perfect. I HAVE been planning this event for a while, and even though there were only going to be two kids, I we SUPER excited. The weather was great, I had LOADS of fun stuff planned, and I was convinced I would have created little tree identification GENIUSES by the end of the day!

Then 15 minutes before show time, the dad shows up and informs me that his sons mutinied against him and weren't going to come. He asked if I had anyone else coming. I admit it. I lied. I felt so ashamed that we only had two attendees and that I was depending on his two kids to make this day a success (he's a board member by the way). So I told him that there was a woman who said she might bring her two kids today (this woman EXISTS, she just said she might bring her two kids TOMORROW).

Yeah. I smiled it off. Assured him it was fine. Then cried a little when he left.

I've had no-show situations before. PLENTY of them. This year AND last year. But for some reason, this one stung just a little more. And the disappointment was intense.

BUT.

I knew that I couldn't allow my day to be ruined. Not this time of year. Not so close to the end of everything. This would NOT be the memory of my last program weekend at Merryspring.

What did I do?

I made my OWN freaking owl. A blue one, with yellow swirls. It's cute and I loved making it. So there.

Then I took a nice brisk walk back home, listening to music that helped raise my spirits a little. The day was just so palpably FALL. I got home, ate a giant apple (not kidding. These honey crisp apples are the size of your hand-wrist to middle fingertip. HUGE), and hopped in my car.

My destination? Beech Hill Preserve. It's this organic blueberry farm and historic property. It has two trails, one which leads to the summit of a small hill. The hill may be small, but it has an AMAZING view of the bay and the lands surrounding.

Boy was it WINDY! And the whole time I was trying to snap good pictures-but in vain. A cheap camera plus lots of patchy clouds equals a lot of useless photos deleted at the end of the day. But it was a great walk, and it was wonderful to see all that beauty, even though I couldn't capture it in a convenient, portable memory.

After that, I drove through Rockport-the small town that USED to be part of Camden until it broke off. I'm not sure why. But it's a cute, SMALL town. Even smaller than Camden, I think. I stopped off at a park I have never seen. One that follows the river and old lime deposits from all the limestone quarrying that used to go on in this part of Maine. It had a loveliness all it's own. Then it was a drive along the road that boarders Megunticook lake and finally to Shirt Tail point for some pictures.

So instead of crawling in my bed and moping the whole day, I had my OWN autumn exploration. And it was great.

I'm still bitterly disappointed. But these things happen. And dwelling on them doesn't help. Plus, I KNOW it's not my fault that these kids didn't want to come and we got such little reception for the event. That's just Merryspring.

The day ended with a Merryspring's yearly volunteer recognition party. Lots of little finger foods, wine (and apple cider thank goodness), and a slideshow made by moi along with a little music I hand selected.

Not many people were listening but the playlist included a little Tijuana Brass, the Baby Elephant Walk, some Celtic, Bluegrass, and the main title from Chariots of Fire. Good times.

And while I had spent the whole day feeling under-appreciated, as I mingled with the volunteers they couldn't stop telling me what a great job I had done this year, how I had done SO MUCH, and how impressed they were.

Needless to say, my heart was lifted.

And one of the volunteers brought me a bag of gummy worms. And inside joke. I didn't even KNOW I had an inside joke with anyone in Maine!

So there you are. All about my morning that ended up in shambles, and how I picked them up and arranged them into a pretty successful Saturday.

Now I just have to wait and see if anyone shows up TOMORROW.

Some Photos.

The Diagram I prepared. And no one got to take advantage of.

The fun that was never had.

View from the top of Beech Hill

Leaf Covered Forest Floor

Clouds over the mountains

The historic stone building at the top of Beech Hill

Another view from the top of Beech Hill

Field of wildflowers gone to seed

There were ACRES of blueberry plants! All turned red for the Autumn season.

A teeny tiny snail hanging off an old Queen Anne's Lace stem

A view of the river from Cramer Park.

On The Beginning of my Last Month

2011-10-12T17:00:00.001-07:00

I just got done savoring every bite and licking my fingers of a meal I have been anticipating for at LEAST a month.

Italian Sausage Stuffed Acorn Squash Rings

This was the best I have ever had.

I bought the acorn squash at the Common Ground Fair (something I still need to post about). For the past two and a half weeks it's sat on top of my cupboard. Just CALLING to me. But I never had the time! I've been doing delicious QUICK meals, like asparagus grilled cheese.

Anyway, tonight was the night. I made sure of it.

I don't have pictures. Sorry. It took a while to cook and by the time it was done it was FAR too dark to take any kind of picture to do it justice.

But picture THIS.

A perfectly sweet, melt in your mouth, acorn squash ring, baked to perfection. And in the center? Juicy Italian sausage with a blend of spinach cheddar bread crumbs (from a Maine made loaf I bought from the local market), fresh garlic, onion, organic pepper, garden sage, garden rosemary, (and of course an egg), a little salt, and a little lemon pepper. I'm not hungry after the one I just ate, but I am DROOLING over this right now.

I could have eaten every single ring. But I still have 3 left (after leaving one for Kathy). JOY!!!!

When I bought the squash, I thought it was a little small. The woman at the farm stand told me it was a smaller variety but that it was better than it's larger relative. Sweeter.

She wasn't kidding. I just about ate the rind because I was trying to hard to get every little bit of squash! SO GOOD!!

And for me this meal is a fall ESSENTIAL-right up there with apple pie, everything pumpkin, roasted and candied almonds, and cider.

It is most CERTAINLY fall here in Maine. The color finally arrived LITERALLY overnight this past weekend. I climbed up Mt. Battie on Saturday (there was a little color here and there) and by Sunday morning the reds, yellows, and oranges were smacking me in the face! And each day brings more.

I'm SO glad I am here for this beautiful time of year.

This season, this meal, this BEAUTY represents the beginning of the end. The start of my last month.

I've started packing.

Nothing intense or anything. I just don't want to put it off to my last week. I want my last week here in Maine to be relaxed. So my books are now packed in boxes. A small step, but a step nonetheless.

I have a new phone. WOO! My old phone, which was actually Elise's old phone (which I had to use after mom's old phone's screen died, which I was only using because Steven's old phone's speaker stopped working) was on it's last leg. And this is actually DAD'S new upgrade which I am using until I can renew my contract and get my OWN new phone.

Whatever. It's a new phone. And it makes me smile. I love getting calls and texts right now so CALL/TEXT ME!!

It's tea at every meal kind of weather. I love that.

Today my lunch was sage cheddar cheese (made in Maine), Maine native honey crisp apple slices, and avocado on a slice of that spinach cheddar bread.

GOSH I am going to miss living here if only for the FOOD!

Every once in a while on my walk to work, I pass this kind old man walking his BLACK BEAR.

Okay, it's not really a bear, but it might as well be! It's this huge Newfoundland. And this dog is the sweetest thing. He always comes to my side of the street to say hello-and his owner can't stop him because he's so HUGE! I don't think I would ever own a dog that giant, but I do love petting his big furry head.

When I walk to work, I cant stop smiling because of each new revelation of color.

I found this old book that I forgot I bought. It's called "The Country Diary of an Edwardian Lady". It's "A facsimile reproduction of a naturalist's diary". And it's my favorite thing in the whole world right now. It goes through each month, quoting old sayings, poetry, and thoughts of the season. And on each page is a color photo done in the mimic of a watercolor. Often it's of flowers but you get birds and wildlife as well. It like something out of my own SOUL. I will never let this book go.

Javier is holding it together. Barely. He either needs a $200 band-aid or an $800 new Kidney. I wish he could take one of those pills Dr. McCoy gives the old lady in Star Trek IV and she grows a new kidney.

I have a new dream. But I'm afraid to share it. Kind of like not telling people what you wished for. But it's there-and for once, I hope I never let this one go.

I've discovered that I love blogging. Here on THIS blog, I suppose. But even more on my review blog. I have so many started posts that are just waiting to be finished. Including one on my favorite horror movie.

You all should go check it out so that I feel validated. It's for YOU after all!

I'm planning a weekend of seed collecting, leaf rubbing, fort building, and apple crisp making. With 2-4 kids. It's the Autumn Exploration Camp that I organized and it's kind of my last hurrah. And only 2 people signed up for the first day, and 4 for the second. Yeah, that's not a lot. But I am determined to have an amazing time and no one can stop me!

As much as I love being here, I really miss the Renaissance Festival (I hate the word Renaissance by the way. I can NEVER spell it right).

Here are some Autumn Pictures.

I WISH I HAD A BETTER CAMERA!!! (I really am going to get a good one some day and either take classes or teach myself photography-that's PART of my dream-a part I am willing to share).

One of the many old houses that I pass every day. This one looked particularly nice in the fall morning sunlight.

First Frost.

What I call the Megunticook Falls which is really a part of the Megunticook river just before the old mill.

Washington street draped in color

A farm pasture that I passed on my way to the car repair place

The Camden Hills on a misty fall morning

Cows.

More cows.

That's the Snow Bowl ski slope in the distance there. I wish I had the change to ski while I was here.

Fall is here, my time is limited, and life is progressing.

It's that time of year.

Time for change.

On An October Sunrise

2011-10-08T05:46:00.000-07:00

ENTRY WRITTEN FROM THE TOP OF MT. BATTIE (6:45am)

"I've learned several lessons today and it's not even 7 am.

I learned that Sambas are NOT the best mountain hiking shoe. SUPER comfortable, ZERO traction. Hiking up a mountain is like trying to climb up a glacier in ice skates.
I learned that 3 layers may seem like an unnecessary and stupid idea as you are trekking up steep terrain and sweating, but they are absolutely ESSENTIAL once you reach the top of the mountain. It's COLD up there, all that wind!
Hiking up a steep, rocky, damp mountain in no-traction shoes would be a bad idea in the BEST of times. At 5:40am with darkness and a head lamp? Close to my WORST idea ever.
Climbing a mountain while you are trying to beat a deadline (say, the sunrise) just makes ALL those dangerous things I mentioned 10 times worse because instead of being CAREFUL, you are rushing to meet your deadline.
Hiking up Mt. Battie in 5:40am darkness and Sambas when the rocks are wet, I can't see anything, and I'm rushing to beat the sunrise? WORTH IT.

I've taken a bajillion pictures and I bet none of them are worth anything. My hands are freezing cold (but thanks to those layers, the rest of me is warm!). I will have to hike DOWN this mountain in Sambas. Yeah. Even MORE dangerous then going up. At least I will be able to see. But we all remember what happened the LAST time I hiked down Mt. Battie. And that was in HIKING BOOTS.

I'm wearing the same pants as then...

But you know what? None of that matters right now because I'm sitting sheltered from the wind in the Mt. Battie tower, I'm all alone up here, and the sunrise on the ocean and the bay is simply breathtaking.

I really wish I had a better camera. I really want to be a photographer of nature. AND a writer. DREAM jobs, right there.

I could see EVERYTHING from that tower when I got to the top at 6:10am. Well...not EVERYTHIG, but a lot of things. The lights of the cement factory in Rockland, the windmill lights on Vinalhaven Island flashing in the dim morning. All of Camden in slumber. And then little by little, I could see MORE. Each Island, each mountain, each tree in the distance as the sky lightened from dark purple to a light rosy blue.

I wish I was an artist.

Then the sun came.

I can't believe how quickly the earth moves and that we don't FEEL it. 3 minutes from the first pinprick of light, the sun had completely risen. I could see it's progression as earth spun on her axis. It was amazing over the ocean and the islands and I've never seen anything like it.

So yeah. Maybe this was a crazy, stupid idea. Maybe my whole family would have tried to talk me out of it. But I was GOING to be a the top of Mt. Battie at Sunrise one of these days. And it was worth it."

That's what I wrote in my notebook as the sun continued to rise on the mountain. And because I am here blogging, you know I made it down safely. Guess what? I even took pictures of the place I fell last time so you all can see! YAY!

Yeah it was a great morning. I workup at 5:10am, threw on some appropriate hiking clothes/layers, packed a small satchel with water, dry cereal, and my notebook, and armed with my headlamp I walked the dark streets of the Camden neighborhoods to the trial head. The stars were still out, full bright since the moon had set. Every time I see Orion in the sky, it's like greeting an old friend. And it makes me smile.

It was cold but it warmed up quickly as I took the steep half-mile hike up the mountain. It was dark. And it was dangerous. And every time I tripped a little I thought of how BAD an idea this was. Besides, I technically wasn't supposed to be in the park before 6am. But I wanted to see EVERYTHING. The sky grow light, that first hint of the sun, the FULL sunrise. And it was going to be a BEAUTIFUL morning for it.

Now that it's over and I am home safe, I don't regret it. But I would suggest not doing it alone. I know I won't ever do something like that alone again.

And you know what's funny? As I write all these things, all I can think of are all these perfect little life analogies.

About how sometimes you THINK you can see everything but then a bit at a time, details begin to stand out and everything REALLY comes into focus.

Or how life can take us up treacherous dark mountains, but if we are not alone, we need not fear. And we are never alone.

Or even something related to not being prepared (those SAMBAS).

Life lessons to remember.

You know what I thought was I was hiking down?

BESIDES "OH my gosh, that was a close one." Or "Okay, time for another butt scoot". Or "This was SUCH a bad idea". Or "I really need to stop talking to myself...Oh, HELLO other hiker who probably heard me say that out loud!"

I thought, "That sunrise was for me. It was all mine and no one else's. " Not in a SELFISH way. It's just that I was up there at the top of that mountain alone, with those wisps of clouds, and the cold breeze, and my dry cereal. And no one else experience what I experienced or will EVER experience something exactly like it.

This was my morning.

This is my life.

And while I am taking things one uncertain, small step at a time-I KNOW my goal. It's the top of the mountain. I'm not exactly sure how I am going to GET to the top. I only know that I need to go UP. And take each step as it comes. As it is revealed to me.

At the beginning of this week, I sent a "word vomit" letter to my little sister, Kirsten. What's word vomit? It's pretty much all the thoughts that involuntarily jettison themselves from my brain when I can't take it anymore and I just need to DUMP them. Usually I reserve this for my journals (so no one else has to deal). But this time I hurled the word vomit at a poor unsuspecting sister.

And do you want to know how she handled it? She wrote an insightful blog post about it. Here are a few of the wonderfully sound and perfectly timed bits of advice she gave.

"My heart went out to my sister, my friend, my kindred spirit who was seeking guidance through her life. As someone who was in roughly the same position a year ago, I have the deepest empathy."

It helps just to know that there is someone out there who gets it. Whose been there. Yeah, we ALL have. But Kirsten more recently. And even though I am 4 years older, I feel closer to her in age/maturity than I do a lot of other people in my life.

"Whatever decision you make, make it prayerfully and you might not get an answer with "angels and trumpets"(like my sister Emily said when I asked her how to know if marriage is the right thing), but if you don't get any red flags I say that that's the best answer for you."

Sound advice that I have received over and OVER again from various sources. But it's apparently one of those things I NEED to hear over and over again.

And then she shared a song that she wants to use in one of her short documentaries. And she kind of used it to tie in the advice she was giving.

"you'll notice, it has a kind of cinematic plot structure: there's the exposition, the inciting incident (where things start going crazy), the rising action (things keep building and get crazier), and the crisis (ultimate crazy moment where it's the biggest!), and the climax, when it starts to resolve. And the gorgeous ending bit would be the falling action where everything is new, a new normal. And, Sarah, this is how your life will play out in the near future. You're in the middle of the rising action right now, but your falling action will come and it will feel as good as this song."

It WAS a great song. It was a great post. It was great to know that someone has got my back. So THANK YOU, Kirsten. SO much for being awesome.

Okay, okay. All life thoughts are out there now. Want some PICTURES?

WHO want's a picture? Do YOU want a picture? Yeeeess, you want a picture. GOOD doggy, sit! Sit and I will give you a picture. Sit....

Sorry. Okay, here are pictures from this mornings hike.

As I predicted, most of the first pictures from when I got up there were useless. It was still pretty dark with only a thin line of purple and hazy orange on the horizon.

This was the first somewhat USABLE pictures. I wish I could tell you which islands these were. Isleboro, maybe?

The sky starts to lighten (Most of the pictures were taken from the top of the Mt. Battie tower).

The rosy hue of the morning off the stone of the Mt. Battie tower (and an example of my trying to be "creative" in my picture taking.)

The first peek of light.

Full rise.

Path on the water.

My favorite picture.

Sunrise view from the arches of the Mt. Battie Tower

In brightest day

Fall on top of Mt. Battie

Tree view

Mt. Battie Tower in the sunrise

Yet ANOTHER view of Camden

Okay. Prepare yourself for a terrifying sight. The next several photos are of the spot where I fell the last time I hiked down Mt. Battie. When LOOKED at the spot I thought, "no wonder I fell" and "I remember that kind of hurt". But looking it in photo form, it looks kind of unimpressive. Oh well.

See right in front you? The BIG boulder on the right and the smaller boulder on the left with that gap running through? I was on the BIG boulder, stepping over the gap onto the smaller boulder.

See? From here the gap doesn't look too large. There is even a blue trail marker practically SCREAMING "It's safe to step here because I say so!"

So here is where I stepped on the marker. The WRONG way apparently because I lost my footing, crashed to my knees, and began to tumble. Down that rocky slope. My destination? The base of that tree there to the left. Yeah it doesn't LOOK far, but it sure FELT far as I was falling.

Right there. THAT's where I ended up on my stomach. Ouch.

A view looking UP from where I fell.

And now for some other random pictures.

After the sun had risen, there was one couple who drove to the top. This is what they drove. Just out of curiosity, I want you all to put into the comments the kind of people you think they were. Who you are picturing.

And then this was the random, cute, colorful hat hanging on a tree that someone left behind. Sad. It's a cute hat. Maybe if it's still there when I go back up in a week or two I will claim it. WASH it of course. But it's super cute!

Okay that's all. Time to sleep a little more. I woke up EARLY.

On Control

2011-10-03T05:41:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else remember crispy M&M's? Because I do. And they were my favorite thing in the whole world...for about a month. Then I moved on to greater, more important things. Like obsessing over Star Wars: Episode 1-The Phantom Menace.

Still, I miss those things. When I saw the light blue M&M's package with the little orange M&M on it last year, excitement took my breath away.

Then I saw the word "pretzel".

Lame. Who on EARTH would want a salty pretzel in an M&M over a light, crunchy rice krispie?

My point is this:

Control.

Did I have any control over what consumers thought was a good idea or not?

Of COURSE not. I couldn't make Mars see that crispy M&M's were the greatest thing since Buncha Crunch.

So I moved on.

Why is it so much harder to move past things now that I'm older? There are a MULTITUDE of things that are out of my control. They are just TANTALIZINGLY on the outer limit of my circle of influence. And all I can do is STARE at these things and will them to take just TWO steps forward. Just a foot or two. That's all I ask.

We all know that the only result of obsessing over that which we can't control is varying levels of insanity.

I can't will someone to walk up to me and hand me a pamphlet entitled "This is your calling in life-Do it". No one is going to shove "the perfect man" into my path. There is no magical GPS that I can program to lead me to my desired destination the fastest and most convenient way possible.

At best I have a sketchy 5-year-old GPS device with spotty satellite reception and a grainy black and white display screen. 5 years in human years is like 50 years in technology years.

And has anyone told you how those 5-year-old GPS work? They don't. Not unless you are moving forward.

They can't tell you that you are on the wrong or right track unless you are following the right or wrong course.

What a PERFECT little analogy on life.

And so I must make the decision to focus on the things that I CAN control.

I can control my time: This is the month of production. This is the month of completion. The home stretch, the last leg, the final push, etc.etc.etc. And I will not spend it procrastinating those things which I KNOW I need to do.

I WILL have everything I MUST have done for Merryspring completed by the end of October. That way I don't want to rip my hair out my last two weeks. I can sit back and just watch them melt away.

Social Media and I have decided to take a break from each other. Good thing too. With the addition of Google+ in my life I was starting to feel a LITTLE pathetic. Thanks to inspiration given from little sister Kirsten and big sister Emily (as well as an inspired conference talk), I am working on my productivity. So goodbye Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ for October, if not longer.

The one thing I am NOT giving up is Blogging. Because blogging is as much for me as it is for my small gaggle of diligent readers.

I can control what I eat: Thanks to the wonderful blessing of food stamps, I can continue to buy the more expensive, local, FRESH foods from local markets. And then use them to make amazing things to eat.

Like THIS.

(rosemary olive-oil bread)

And also THIS

ABC muffin (Applesauce, banana, chocolate chip)-made with whole wheat flour!

And grilled talapia with dill, onion, and a tomato cucumber dill vinegar relish. Or squash rings (it's that time of year and this IS going to happen this week)!!!!

I can also control my stress sweets eating. Kathy, one of the most wonderful blessings in my life, keeps making whoopie pies and cookies and cake! The most amazing baked goods ever! Did I mention she used to work at a bakery? Yeah. And I find myself making excuses to eat not one but TWO or THREE of her cookies or whoopie pies in a day. A couple times a week. Because I "deserve it" since work makes me unhappy.

No more.

I am giving up sweets for the month of October to prove to myself that I am once again in control of my craving for deliciously sweet, melt in your mouth baked goods. No more cookies, cake, whoopie pies, or candy.

EXCEPT (because I am not perfect and I do deserve a LITTLE something at the end of the day) a SMALL amount of dark chocolate at the end of the day. Eaten slowly with a piping hot mug of chocolate strawberry tea. It's the best part of my evening. And a perfect way to unwind while reading a book, writing a letter, or doing something ELSE away from the computer. (Or, you know, pinning/blogging/trying to stay caught up with all the new fall shows.)

P.S. Do NOT watch Terra Nova. For a complete list of reasons WHY please visit this blog.

Yes. I am in control of things in my life. Just not the things I WISH I were in control of.

That's where letting go comes in.

And you know what I love? The word committee. I love typing it! So many repeated letters!

Also-this is important:

"If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend six sharpening my axe. - Abraham Lincoln"

Remember that. Sometimes sharpening your ax can be just as important as the work itself. With dull axes, nothing gets done efficiently.

On another note, fall is here. The trees are STILL hesitant to reveal their stunning new Autumn outfits. I'm not sure what's making them shy this year. I like to think it's because they are waiting for Mom and Dad to come visit.

But there is still obvious evidence. Like this:

(wonderful veggies from the garden. Some of the last)

And this:

(Thanks Em, for this sweet little gift from your garden)

As I walk the trails of Merryspring, I can literally smell the ripening apples as they are warmed by the elusive sunlight.

I go out of my way to crunch through paths of leaves on my way to and from work. People are already raking huge piles of the tree sheddings off their lawns.

As I drive here or there, I feel he familiar comfort of the heat coming from the AC system. And my music of choice is Coldplay, or Secret Garden.

I have discovered NEW sign of autumn. One that does NOT bring me joy (no it's NOT that constant rain. A rainy day can be joyful). It's the closing of the ice cream shops. Yeah Dairy Queen and Coldstone stay open. But who cares? All the little local HOMEMADE places are closing for the season! I guess it's good since I gave up sweets. But still. *teardrop*.

And guess what else? I have NO IDEA what I am doing with my life. Not a clue.

Only one thing is for certain. I'm going home. And that feels right and necessary. At least for a time.

After that? Gosh, I wish I could tell you. I wish I could even say "yep, grad school" or "definitely looking for work experience". I can't even tell you what I think I want to do with my life.

Because I suddenly find myself calling into question...well, EVERYTHING. My desire to get a masters, my wish to work in wildlife rehabilitation, getting a job along those lines...

Just...EVERYTHING. Everything I thought I had under control.

But I guess all I can do is focus on what I CAN control and what I know.

I know that I love being outdoors. To the point where when the outdoors and I are parted, I ACHE to stroll the woods and caress each passing leaf. I CRAVE the feel of the sun on my face and the scents of every passing season. I REVEL in touch of the breeze, the music of a stream, and the thrill of seeing a bird here, or a small woodland creature there-the connection you feel as you stare each other down, considering one another. And then move on, having shared but a moment. Give me mountains and hills, oceans and streams, fields and forests, for if I could have nothing else I would have these things.

I know I love teaching. There is nothing better than sharing what you are passionate about and inspiring even a tiny SPARK of that passion in someone else. To see the smile on a face as a new revelation dawns on them. To share an understanding with someone and inspire them to change or explore. It's almost as good as being outdoors.

I know I love cooking. I was wondering this morning why my palms were sore. Then I remembered that I had made 12 mini pot pies in muffin tins last night. I'd spent a good amount of time rolling out 24 little circles of pie crust for the tops and bottoms. With a tin rolling pin not suited for the job. All because I couldn't resist the taste of fresh cooked veggies, juicy chicken, savory gravy, and flaky crust perfectly combined in and individual sized pocket of wonderfulness.

Okay, so they aren't that pretty. But they were amazing.

I love music. And now that I have "The Rainbow connection", "Wild, Wild Party in the Loquat Tree", and "Green Waves" securely under my guitar belt, I can't wait to learn new songs.

I love writing and photography. Though I am not an expert at either, I would love to find a way to apply them both in my life (and get a better camera so I can take better pictures than the ones above).

So. I may not know many things for certain. But that doesn't mean that I can't try to control the things that ARE in my circle of influence.

I just need to keep moving forward. How ELSE is this ancient GPS going to led me to my destination and not into a lake?

On Pizza Cake (What? Ew.)

2011-09-22T07:10:00.000-07:00

I have a problem.

I lack that important combination essential to production: Focus + Motivation

I have both in spades when it comes to ANYTHING ELSE-cooking amazing food, writing a blog, pinning my face off (wow, that just sounds painful!).

But when it comes to work, no matter how much I INSIST in my morning prayer that I AM GOING TO HAVE A FULL DAY OF PRODUCTIVITY, I always end up feeling like I could have done better.

I make these check lists-which is a good thing, right? But lately, those check lists have been smaller and filled with things that seem BIGGER. Harder. And I end up taking off at least three of those things by the middle of the day because I know I won't get them done.

Yikes.

Plus there's the fact that this week has been wet. Cool, but muggy. NOT crisp like I want fall to be. And rain, rain, RAIN. Today, something in me felt like it was going to break.

But then there are caramelized onions.

And goat cheese.

Fresh tomatoes I grew myself and spinach.

All on a wonderful sandwich I had last night. I have a feeling that like feta cheese, Greek yogurt, and bacon, caramelized onions can make almost anything better.

There are the moments before sleep as I begin to drift of where I can think of my future without restraint, inhibition, or anxiety.

Walks to and from work (on days that aren't rainy).

This bed that I just can't get over (meaning I love it-not "I can't make it over the bed". Just in case you weren't sure.).

And then there is the word pizza.

For years I have been convinced that if you add the word PIE to anything, it makes it better.

Apple, chicken, potato, s'mores, chocolate, peanut butter, cherry, pecan, carrot, sweet potato, cheese, PIZZA.

Now I am ALSO convinced that if you take any food and either add pizza before OR after it, you've got something wonderful. It already works with meals of the day. Breakfast pizza? YUM. Dessert pizza? EVEN BETTER!

Lets experiment with this. I'll start with an easy one.

Apple.

Apple pizza? YES. I can see it now. A cinnamon crust with apples spread over it then drizzled with caramel. Or something with apple butter and streusel crumbles. YUM!!!!

Cake.

Cake pizza. Here is what I'm thinking with this. A dense cake crust with icing and sprinkles. NOM.

Dip.

Dip pizza? No that just sounds weird. Like a pizza with french onion, ranch, and cheese dips spread all over it. Not delicious.

But we can put it BEFORE the word, remember? So you get PIZZA dip! I would eat that with a spoon. Forget dipping anything in it.

Then you have pizza casserole, pizza soup, pizza CAKE-wait, no that one doesn't work either. Pizza flavored cake? Ew.

Lets try another one.

Pizza pancakes. Weird, right? It's a breakfast food, so how can it be pizza? Is it dinner then? Or a weird savory breakfast?

I say it's whatever you WANT. Isn't pizza for breakfast the best thing EVER? And what about breakfast for dinner? To me, pizza pancakes combine BOTH of those amazing events into one. This is no SWEET pancake. It's got Italian seasoning, sausage, mushrooms, cheese, and all topped with the only thing that REALLY makes it pizza-perfectly seasoned tomato sauce. *drool*

Trust me, these are amazing. I know from experience.

Let me toss something else at you.

Pizza muffins.

Yeah. I didn't think I would fine something better than pizza pancakes. But pizza muffins? They take the CAKE. The cake pizza, if you will. Or the PIE. The PIZZA pie. Or the pie PIZZA. No? Yeah, you're right. Pie pizza doesn't really work. Or DOES it? (Might have to ponder that one)

The point is you've got your basic batter (no sugar) and you add freshly chopped herbs from the garden (I'm talkin' rosemary, sage, oregano, and of course BASIL). You add Parmesan and mozzarella cheese. Toss in your favorite topping (I went with pepperoni) and baby, you've got yourself a stew going.

They come out of the oven all golden and bubbly hot inside and they taste like pizza MAGIC when you dip them in tomato sauce seasoned once again with fresh herbs.

These happened tonight. And they were EASY.

So easy.

And since today was a bandana wearing, never really dry, forever WET FEET kind of day, coming home and making these was the best thing I could have done.

Then all I had to do is curl up in bed with a hot mug of strawberry chocolate tea and write a blog post and I've just managed to make a seemingly irretrievable day a happy one!

Thank goodness!

You should have seen all the depressing and disheartening junk I had on here BEFORE pizza muffins and strawberry chocolate tea.

Well family, I must leave you now and wander off to sleep in preparation for the magical time I am going to have with children tomorrow (hopefully not in the rain) teaching them about how our own Maine forests are a wealth of edible and medicinal plants!

And then it's the Common Ground Fair this weekend! The crunchiest fair in Maine according to the natives.

That suites me.

And if it rains? Why I'm just going to brave it like I have countless years of Renaissance festivals.

Aw...*sigh* I MISS the Renaissance festival.

On Prefect Moments

2011-09-16T08:08:00.001-07:00

I'm into my last two months in Maine.

What does this mean for your truly? It means that I will spend most of my workday at the computer. It means that I will scramble to get the things done that I promised I would finish before I leave.

It means that I dread going to work every single morning.

I find that overall the weeks are drab, though swift. The days are difficult and tend to drag. I can barely focus on the tasks at hand. Not when crisp autumn days await me outside this dungeon of an office. But I know that I have work enough to do. More than I think I will be able to finish. And I know that it's ME that controls the outcome of each day. And so I DO what's expected of me. I go through the files, I research the costs of installing interpretive signs, I e-mail potential speakers, I type up the years curriculum, I organize the supplies, I clean the office space.

And in all this time, as I am forcing myself to focus, I ache for something better.

But this post is not about all the things in my life that I want to whine about. It's about finding those perfect little moments in the day.

And so I will take you through THIS day. This Friday. And I will share with you those moments where I remembered to be happy and content.

It began with the morning. 6:00am gets darker and darker as time goes on. It makes it harder and harder to get up. Especially this morning. Because I was wearing fuzzy socks. Because I was under three soft layers of bed covers. Because I had just woken from a dream where a horribly depressed Eric Bana and I were very much in love.

And even though I had to FORCE myself to not hit the snooze ONE MORE TIME, all these things meant something (well, not the weird dream). These things meant Fall. REAL FALL. My favorite time of year, no contest. I savor these days. I live for them. And today is the first day it's really felt like actual AUTUMN. And so I allowed myself little moments in my walk to work. Here, as the sun was rising over Mt. Battie. Or there with the crisp breeze through the slowly changing leaves.

The morning was so beautiful, that I could NOT allow myself to be confined to the basement right away. I made my way, instead, the the children's garden.

There, I was greeted by many welcome friends.

Like these lovely girls. I do not exaggerate when I say that my face broke into a beaming smile when I caught sight of these gloriously happy flowers. Mammoth Sunflowers. I spent a good 15 minutes taking picture of them.

There were also these friends.

Morning Glory's that took over the trellis along with the beans while I was gone in Missouri.

And then there is this little guy.

One of two tiny eggplants. I am pretty sure they won't get big enough to eat before the first frost. I just planted them too late. But it's nice to know they are there.

Alas, this trip into the garden could not last. My days of spending hours in the garden at Merryspring are over.

I got to work and was unhappy with being stuck in the office. I spent my whole morning in there. Doing what I do. But after lunch, I planned my escape. Under the pretense of searching for late summer wildflowers and plotting the course of the interpretive trail, I took to the woods and fields of Merryspring. I often feel obligated to come up with a good reason to "walk the property" and today I could NOT pass up the chance to enjoy the weather. I admit that in my first 15 minutes out there I headed straight for a randomly placed picnic table in the middle of a field, receiving full sunlight. I let myself lay there, soaking it all in for a time.

Get ready for a picture of me.

BAM! There I am. I kind of look like a man. But here I am, un-prettied. You can see the red in my hair (I DESPERATELY want red headed children).

I then hiked in the woods, to my favorite places, and to corners of the property I have rarely seen.

These are a late yellow aster that has been brightening the fields for the past month or so.

WOAH. Crazy plants. I believe THESE are the fruit of a Jack-In-The-Pulpit. This one is actually rather large and took me by surprise.

Walks through the woods can be one of THE most healing experiences. As I made my way along the unfrequented trails of our arboretum, I saw many things.

Green things.

Fallen things.

Orange things.

Paper things.

There were also THESE things.

And THIS thing.

This little friend hitched a ride for who KNOWS how long. But I forgave him, because he was pretty.

Sometimes I don't get a day like this with LOTS of perfect moments. Sometimes the perfect moments are simply in a mug of chamomile tea at 10am, or in a 5 minutes Pinterest break. Every other day or so, I find a perfect moment in picking tomatoes or nibbling on husk cherries in the children's garden. I make it a point to take my lunch to my favorite bench along one of the trails and eat it there. Then lie under the leaves of the large beech shades it. It's quiet and secluded there and I am never disturbed. This is the BEST moment of my day and I find it getting longer and longer as it gets harder and harder to return to that uncomfortable chair and that glaring computer screen.

I usually enjoy my walk home, but today it was particularly wonderful. There was a definite spring in my step that had everything to do with the weather, anticipation of new food creations, and a wonderfully hopeful conversation I'd had with my mother shortly before. AND COLDPLAY. I have been addicted to them lately.

When I DID get home, THIS happened.

Raw kale salad with dried apricots, roasted almonds, a chopped peach tomato (from the children's garden), avocado, and Parmesan cheese, all tossed lightly in a raspberry vinaigrette and garnished with Lemon Gem marigold flowers (they have a peppery, slightly lemony flavor). It was wonderful and I've been anticipating it all week. I also love this bowl of Kathy's that I ate it out of.

Another perfect moment was coming home to Jane Eyre as my new Netflix and a package from Mom and Dad with yummy cookies and a dvd.

Soon, I will curl up with a little dark chocolate, some homemade cinnamon sugar popcorn (popped in a paper bag-supposedly it works!), and a mug of hot tea and watch Jane Eyre. Then I will burrow under the covers and dream of apple cider, pumpkin EVERYTHING, and soup.

Thank goodness today was BRIMMING with perfect moments. If only I could collect them, keep them in a jar, and distrubite them out when I most need them.

I hope YOUR days are filled with perfect moments as well.

And really, it's only 7 more weeks with a wonderful fair, a visit from mom and dad, apple picking, and a spectacular Autumn to break up the monotony.

On Some August Things (A moderate photo dump)

2011-08-29T10:05:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of school for Camden-Rockport and I dressed accordingly. I wore my favorite purple and gray button down and my favorite corduroy pants (the ones with the small fading red nail polish spot). Today is downright blustery-probably a remnant of the storm that JUST missed us. Seriously, apart from some heavy rain for 1/2 an hour yesterday morning, this little part of Midcoast Maine got nothing that the rest of New England did. The storm skirted us and went further inland! Go figure.

Back the the blustery day. The wind is strong and has a bit of a bite. Winds of change, some might call them. They smack of Autumn and that pleases me. Random maples have already started donning their red dresses for the occasion. They're a little early but that never hurt anyone. It's better than being late (I'm talking to YOU Spring!). This month, like most of those before it, has blown by. And I have some picture to share with you.

Here we go.

First we have the new signs I put into the garden.

Kids would come in and just pull things up! I know the other sign says "Please touch" but it does not say "please pull up and ruin". The little flowers are saying "let us grow!" and he little green tomato is saying "Please don't pick me, I'm too green to go!"

Here's the other "gentle request" sign. I didn't want to be MEAN about it and DETER kids. So i went the "smiling" route.

Hehe...I tried to be silly here though I don't know how many young kids would get it.

And here we have POTATOES! They are saying "Taters" and
Spuds".

The garden went CRAZY while I was gone in Utah and Missouri. The Beans ESPECIALLY.

Look! My round Zucchini that I planted from a little seed! WOO!

And here is a little green pumpkin. PUMPKIN!!!!!

Hummingbird moth. It makes me think of this TMBG song

And a butterfly. This bush they are collecting nectar from is called a "Butterfly Bush" and it gets A LOT of action!

The following are some flowers growing in the beds around Merryspring.

These are just pretty.

A BEE!

Again, not sure what this is but it's pretty much one of my favorite plants growing at Merryspring.

These bloom into beautiful purple/blue flowers. Again, NO idea what they are called but they lovely.

White, cottony, hydrangeas. LOVE.

Gail tells me this is related to the Artichoke and you can EAT it!

Here is one in bloom. The bees LOVE these!

Now get ready to be jealous of DELICIOUS FOOD.

Ignore the Whoopie pies-Well, DON'T ignore them I guess. Be jealous because Kathy made them for the missionaries and gave me THREE of them. YUMMMMM. Don't ask what is in the filling. You'll gain a pound just thinking about it. Oh! And those rolls are wheat rolls I made from scratch. For something amazing.

I split them open and brushed them with olive oil. Then they baked for a little longer. To be topped with (wait for it.....)

THIS! I made meatballs from scratch and cooked them in homemade spaghetti sauce. The beef was bought from a small market down the street that sells beef provided by a local farm. I'm taking small steps towards living a life encouraged by THIS book (I think everyone should read it).

Put the meatballs on the rolls, add some of the sauce, top with mozzarella cheese and homemade pesto, put in the oven for 5 minutes and baby you've got yourself a STEW going! I drool every time I think about these. I still have leftovers at home and makes me INDESCRIBABLY happy. The only thing better than a meatball sub is a meatball sub you made yourself!

Next, we have some pictures of my most recent hike up Maiden Cliff.

Lovely view.

A little ways along the cliff there is a nice view of the cross (one where it's not so "BAM! I'm a huge white metal cross in your FACE!")

Three little mushrooms.

That was TWO weekends ago. LAST weekend (AKA two days ago) I spent 4 hours kayaking on Megunticook lake. WOOT!

Here is the view of the Camden Hills (specifically Maiden Cliff) from the lake. My first hour and 1/2 was rather cloudy. I blame Irene.

See what I mean? You would have been able to see the top of this small mountain if not for the fog.

This is where I took my lunch. I hooked the kayak up to this fallen tree and ate a pbj, an apple, and some pepperoni bites Kathy had leftover from some AMAZING pizza she made (and gave me three slices. YEAH. She is amazing. What in the world was I doing in OWLS HEAD for 4 months???).

Then I paddled over to a nearby rock, managed to fumble out of my kayak, and stretch my legs. There's that fallen tree where I ate my lunch. Kirsti, this is exactly where I was when I was talking to you on the phone.

Okay, I know it's hard but if you click on this photo it should enlarge it. And if you look hard at that hill, you will see a little white cross. That is the cross on Maiden Cliff.

This is the bridge over the little lane of water that connects Megunticook Lake and Norton Pond. Norton pond is where I spent Independence Day this year. I borrowed this Kayak from Kathy's cousin who said I can borrow it any time I want!

And here are some more random pictures.

This is a view from the new 5.7 mile route that I take to work in the mornings. I walk up a road that boarders the Camden Hills and the Megunticook River below them. It's always a wonderful walk-at least for the first part. The second leg takes me on a winding road that passes through a residential area. It's mostly trees which I IMAGINE will look amazing when they change colors for fall. Right now it's mostly dull and it's at this point I think to myself, "why in the world am I taking this stupidly long way to work?"

Play-dough. Made by Moi. SUPER easy and colored with food coloring. Fun times!

See the owl? I do.

And for my last picture, a QUESTION: What ALSO floats in water?

This?

These?

This?

These?

Sorry. No. The answer is....

A duck.

On 10 Days Off

2011-08-15T11:27:00.000-07:00

Highlights from my 10 Day Vacation (the ups and the downs)

Thinking my flight was on Thursday instead of Wednesday and costing over $300 the ticket changes to the next day
The never-ending flight to Phoenix
A wonderful warm greeting from my mother
Trying on my dress and being enchanted (Mom you are THE GREATEST)
Seeing the bride to be the night before and thinking about how much things are going to change
Painting my nails for the first time since...well, EVER. (I wasn't very good at it)
Feeling terrified of suddenly being responsible for two toddlers and an infant. Then said infant sleeping through the wedding and the toddlers entertaining themselves rather well. Boy, did I get lucky.
MEETING LUCY FOR THE FIRST TIME. What a precious little terror.
Kirsten in her dress-her hair, the train, how happy she looked. What a cute couple.
Oh. My. Gosh. The FOOD at the luncheon. Chicken Salad, turkey avocado, croissants, PASTA SALAD (one of my VERY favorite things), and that carrot cake. YUM.
Nap.
Problem after problem trying to get things prepped for the reception. But then things working out (as they always do).
Getting anxious at other peoples stress.
CREPES+NUTELLA (and strawberry water, orange water, lemon water).
Late night, LOOOOOONG drive, guessing movie soundtrack music, restless led syndrome, BLAAAH, (Kansas I hate you), home.
SADIE!!!!!
Bob Evans
Watching all the first 5 Harry Potter movies (LOVE.)
Good home food.
Mario Cart/Mario Bros. YAY!!
Flatbranch
SHOPPING (something I usually hate. But I had saved $100 and had an awesome big sis to help me through it.)
My virgin trip to Lonnie Rays. Things that stand out-pulled pork nachos, Green Bean Casserole, Pulled Pork Nachos, their sauce, PULLED PORK NACHOS, Spaceballs playing on the TV, and the random guy who interviewed our table. Oh, and pulled pork nachos.
Sparkey's
Rubber band fight with the new in-law.
Nice long hike in Rock Bridge State Park-not long enough
The cicadas singing-I actually MISS that. A lot.
Thunder Storm
The other reception-That MUSIC. Those COOKIES. How dark it felt.
Oh my gosh, BISCUTS! CINNAMON RAISIN. With a sugary, buttery glaze. What could be better?
A random drive from Columbia to St. Louis with the Merrill's
A nice relaxing Saturday with Emily, Joe, Noah, and Lucy.
SONIC.
More Flying
Being back in Maine but feeling (more than I ever did last year) that I want to go back home. I want to be done here. Not done with MAINE, but done with Merryspring. I want to start moving on and preparing for the next stage of my life. I feel like I can't do that until I am done here. At least not mentally.

On Falling

2011-07-28T20:28:00.000-07:00

They say a picture says a thousand words.

I say, and I think we can all agree, that it depends on the picture.

I, unfortunately, do not have a picture that would do the tale I have to tell justice. I'm not sure I can even do it with words. But I am going to try.

Some of you may know, that dear sister Beckie is visiting midcoast Maine. Since Sunday she has been staying in a rental house two blocks from where I live. With her are friends, Jenna, Tim, and Kyle. They've been having a grand old time and when I am able, I pop on over for dinner or games.

This morning, I took the day off from work. Jenna, Tim, Kyle, and I decided to take the steep hike up to the top of Mt. Battie.

Going up, I learned that I am in a little better shape since the last time I took this particular hike. This pleased me.

Going down, I was forced to re-think my hiking practices and evaluate my tendency to fall down or into things.

Lets go back for a moment and recount a couple instances. Summer 2008, I was doing frag transects with fellow intern Corey in a marshy area in Rhode Island. Instead of following Corey with his uncanny knack to find all the safe walking spots, I went my own way and BAM! My right leg had sunk to my waist in the muck. Corey laughed and offered no help as I extracted myself. Two more steps and BAM! It happened again. Same leg, different hole. I lost a cell phone that day. Flash forward to the following winter. I went sledding with high school friend Matt and little sister Kirsti. The sledding hill was steep, the snow had been packed, melted, and then frozen in the frigid night. So it was hard as ice. I went down, my sled hit a bump, and I was jettisoned from my seat. I flew a little, landed hard, and continued to log roll down to the bottom of the hill. That was the same night I cracked my head on the icy slope. Next we come to the spring of 2010. We were running a Wilderness First Responder scenario where we had to carry someone a distance across uneven and difficult terrain. We came to a narrow bog bridge. The only way to get the stretcher across was to have one person carrying the front and one carrying the back with no one on the sides. Still, they wanted someone to at least guard the sides as the stretcher was rather wide. No one wanted to get mucky in the marshy water. I couldn't care less about getting mucky (having experienced it plenty in Rhode Island). So, thinking that the water was not deep at all, I took a couple steps to the side of the bog bridge in the muck. those two steps was all I got before I was up to my waist in muddy water. I had done it again.

I'm sure there are many other minor falling incidents. My family might be able to recall them better than I. But I think that THIS one takes the cake.

We had all had our fill of the view at the top of the mountain and were heading back down. The hike UP is strenuous and a challenge. It's sheer and steep at times. But it's nothing, NOTHING compared to going back down. I managed to do so without incident last time. I guess I can't be so lucky twice.

To be honest, as I was stretching my leg out down a steep slope to brace it on a small rock I thought to myself-"this might not be the best choice". But I was already going down and could not stop my momentum. For a split second I thought I had succeeded. Then my stomach dropped out as the momentum of my controlled movement downward towards the rock didn't go as planned. I couldn't stop after my foot landed on the rock and so I crashed to my knees in the steep and sheer slope. My brain said "okay, that wasn't too bad". But the momentum of the fall and the steepness of the slope were not going to let me off that easy. From there, how things happened were pretty much a blur. I somehow managed to get myself horizontal with the slope so that I was log rolling down the rocks. I didn't count how many times. Kyle, who saw the whole thing happen, says it was at least 4.

I don't remember pain or fear, honestly. My life didn't flash before my eyes. Just like in the situation with my car spinning across the highway, I think my thoughts were rather calm. Something along the lines of "Well, I could really get hurt here, but what can I do to stop it?" And when I see that I can't really so much to stop it, I just squeeze my eyes shut and wait for it to stop itself. Unlike the spinning car scenario, I DO remember hearing sound. I could here Kyle calling my name, the scraping sounds of my boots and clothes against the rock, and (towards the end) the sound of my water bottle clattering further down the mountain after it fell out of my grip. The steep rocks I was rolling down finally ceased on a little bit of scrubby earth. Here, I ended up on my stomach and I was able to stop myself from going any further.

I lay there on my stomach, breathing quickly. I heard Jenna or Tim call something down to Kyle. He said he thought I was okay. Then ASKED me if I was okay. Not sure how to answer, I remained silent, but pushed myself up and rolled over so I could sit and take inventory. First I was aware of the pain which I hadn't felt the whole time I was rolling. Nothing was excruciating-so I was sure nothing was broken. My head didn't hurt-So I have escaped a head injury, thank GOODNESS. My knees and legs hurt a lot but didn't seem to be broken. My arms stung. I took several deep breaths and then noticed that I was shaking quite a lot. Leave it to the adrenaline. Once I could breathe normally and assured everyone I was okay, I did a more detailed inventory. There was scrape about and inch and 1/2 long down my left arm covered in dirt, a couple other scrapes around my right elbow. My knees were screaming at me in protest, since they had taken the weight of the first fall. There were a couple mild scrapes on both legs but nothing bad. Thank goodness for PANTS! At this point I remember thinking, "great, the ONE TIME I don't bring my first aid kit along!"

My next thought was "Oh no! I lost my water bottle!" I asked Kyle if he had seen where it had fallen. He reminded me that he was too busy watching me. More than worrying about the pain, I was worried that I had lost a good Nalgene (P.S. I did find it and retrieve it).

This is not where I fell, but this is to give you an idea of the steepness of the slope and the rockiness of the terrain.

This is ALSO not where I fell. I don't actually HAVE a picture of where I fell. Kyle said he thought about getting one, but felt it was insensitive to ask me. I told him I really wish he HAD! I am a huge advocate for documenting the moment. I wish he had gotten VIDEO for it. Anyway, these rocks were right BEFORE the place I fell and were pretty close to the kind of rocks I rolled down.

The hike down this bit of mountain is hard ENOUGH with the steepness and the jarring impact on my knees. Now add to it the weakness that comes after a rush of adrenaline and aching pain in both my knees. It was not my favorite thing ever, let me tell you. But we got to the bottom without any other serious incidents. After I showered, it was apparent that my knees were both swelling. My right one more than the left. None of my scrapes were bad and had stopped bleeding. I found the stairs up to my room to be a challenge as bending my knees hurt. For the rest of the day, Right Knee stayed swollen twice it's normal size and Left Knee about 1/2 less than that. My cuts stung. And I limped everywhere we went (the rest of the greatness of this day will be documented later).

I'm now typing this with a frozen package of green beans and carrots wrapped in a towel over my right knee. The swelling has gone down a bit. The scrapes on my arms still sting. But stairs are a little easier and the pain has gone down.

I am indescribably lucky that I came out of this with nothing but a couple scrapes, bruises, and some knee swelling. And the fact that things already feel better is encouraging.

I admit that now the only thing I am worrying about is not being able to get exercise for the next couple of days. I know I need to take it easy on these knees of mine and not push myself. So I will NOT walk to work to water the plants tomorrow. I will drive. I won't walk to the laundromat on Saturday. I will drive. I might still walk the the village green. But I just hope that my knees feel better soon because until I can start walking places again, I am giving up sweets. Even though Kyle is making cookies tomorrow, Beckie and I made the most AMAZING cake tonight, I have CHOCOLATE in the pantry, ICE CREAM in the freezer, and Kathy made 3 KINDS OF CAKE for a members birthday yesterday! But I will control myself. NO SWEETS until I feel I am up for walking again. I hope it is soon.

Well, friends and family, it's late. I am tired. So I will end. I am thankful to be okay. Beckie is convinced that I'm like a Final Destination film-cheating death. And so eventually death is going to catch up with me and I am going to die in some crazy and elaborate way.

I'd like to think it has a little more to do with a higher power that ISN'T death, but what do I know?

On several verbs

2011-07-16T11:46:00.000-07:00

If School House Rock taught me anything it was that Inter Planet Janet was a "galaxy girl", pronouns take the place of a noun, interjections are things like "HEY!" "OUCH!" and "WOW!", and something about adjectives. Unfortunately, the whole verb thing never seemed to stick.

But after years and years of being embarrassed to play add libs ("I TOLD you what a verb is 5 SECONDS ago!") it finally stuck.

Verbs are a person, place, or THING, right?

I kid. I promise. I know verbs are. Grammar has NEVER been my strong point. Maybe that's why I will never be a real writer.

Moving on. I would like to dedicate this post to a number of simple, but well loved verbs. Verbs I have come to cherish over the course of my 24 years of existence.

First, my hat goes off to READING. Thank you, my friend, for presenting me with years and years of fond memories and page after page of magnificent new worlds and emotions to explore. In the past, when people ask me what my genre is, I would fall back on Science Fiction and Fantasy. Most of my youthful reading was predominated by Star Wars novels, the Dune series, and of COURSE, stories of magic. More recently, it's been harder to label myself with a genre. For the most part I would say that I prefer fiction. I do still love stories of the fantastical and slightly unbelievable. But lately, my tastes have begun to change. Many of you who have spoken with me lately know that though I still accept suggestions for Fiction, I have been wandering into the realm of non-fiction. Something I thought I would NEVER do. Who wants to read about real life? You live it, don't you? What's SO interesting about someone else's take on things? I think my change of heart has mostly come about because of this: In my life before now, I was steeped in education based activities that were meant to stimulate the growth of my brain. What better way to escape that than to venture into someone else's fictional world? But now that I have completed my formal education for the time being, I find that my brain craves nourishment. Lets face it. Even books like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and The Chronicles of Narnia (which have WONDERFUL and MEANINGFUL everlasting themes of love, faith, and good versus evil) are ultimately brain candy. BETTER brain candy than things like cookie cutter murder mysteries and romance novels. So lets call them brain fruit instead. But just like our bodies can't survive on fruit alone, so my mind has found that it needs the brain PROTEIN and CALCIUM that it's been force fed it's whole life and is now lacking.

There. That's my long winded analogy. I still love fiction. I still want fruit. Fruit is GOOD for me. Good for my imagination. But I am taking a break from fruit. So what am I reading now?

-On Writing: A memoir of the craft by Stephen King

-In Defense of Food: An eater's manifesto by Michael Pollan

-The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating by Elizabeth Tova Bailey

You know, I got the first two from THE LIBRARY? I can't REMEMBER the last recreational book I got from the Library. Honestly, I have a problem with buying books. I buy books even though I have not read them, assuming they are going to be good. That's why I DO in fact own the first three Twilight books (do I own the last one? Now I can't remember. I must remember to sell those). ALSO I have also had the advantage of having free book exchanges nearby.

But no more. TODAY, I got a library card. And I tell you, it makes me feel more at home here than I have up to this point. It kind of TIES you to a place, you know? I like it. I'd forgotten the feeling. Of browsing the stacks with nothing but leisure on your mind. Not desperately searching for that book you need to finish that paper. Of finding the book you are looking for. The feel of it in your hands as you carry it home. And the excitement and urgency you feel to GET STARTED IMMEDIATELY because you know you only have to book for a limited time. It was WONDERFUL. Remind me to ALWAYS have a library card for the place I am living.

So, THANK YOU, reading. I have rediscovered you and I now remember how much I love you.

Next, I would like to give a shout out to WRITING. My dear, old friend-you have been my companion through COUNTLESS emotional journeys. The ups, the downs, the awkwards. I've had a hard time really writing things here in Maine. I admit that this might have something to do with Instant Netflix. It is my downfall. But again, I go back to that brain candy analogy. I've been STARVING the creative and thoughtful part of my brain. I've been gorging on the sweets of the entertainment world. But now I feel this need to ENRICH myself. To EXPAND myself. To FINISH something. So I picked up the old pages of "The Bear Brook Massacre" and began writing again. I've made some edits. I've felt inspired. I've taken strides. And I've gotten farther in a piece of writing on this than I have on ANYTHING in a long time. It feels good. At the same time, it's all on paper in scribbles and I have gotten WAY behind on transcribing it onto the computer. And the more I put on paper, the further I get and the more it stresses me out, thinking about typing it all. Small steps, I suppose. I really DO feel that I write myself into well being.

Thank you, writing, for re-entering my life and inspiring me again.

Now a verb I passed over many times in the context of a noun. The noun is Music. The verb is listening. Since I have talked a lot about how music has been shaping my experience here, I will be brief on Music. (Sorry, Listening. I LOVE you, but it just makes SO much more sense to use a noun rather than a verb in this case). My ears have been overjoyed in the past week or so. I got two new CD's. One is "An airplane carried me to bed" by Sky Sailing-the PRE recordings of the guy who is Owl City. The second is the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 soundtrack. BOTH are amazing. I have already listened to them all the way through MANY times. One gets me to work and back again. The other feeds my musical soul.

I spent Thursday and Friday listening to ALL the Harry Potter soundtracks. It's funny, but I still don't own books 4 and 5, I own NONE of the films, but I have ALL of the soundtracks now. That says something about me, I guess. Music fills me. It touches the deepest emotions within me. It ENHANCES the read and write verbs as well as the view verb. Notes strung together in perfect strains can bring the most COMPLEX emotions. To appreciate and understand music is a blessing. To be able to CREATE it is nothing short of divine.

Which brings me briefly to my next verb, play. This is in reference to the music noun again. in addition to my guitar, I now have a snazzy strap, a capo, and several half-learned songs under my belt. And this too brings me joy. There is nothing better than finally getting your fingers trained to reach that chord. Or getting that sequence of chords right and in rhythm. It's electrifying!

Next is one I am REALLY ecstatic-COOK! Oh boy, COOK. You have taken my world by STORM. I've still got a LONG way to go, but I am ADDICTED to you!!

I now have two new recipes that I want to try a week. They are all logged on my calender for the rest of my time in Maine. I don't know if I will get to all of them, but so far so good. In fact, let me present to you the two new recipes I tried this week!

First: Sweet Potato, Red Pepper, and Black Bean Enchiladas.

I got the recipe from THIS site. But altered a few things. So here is MY recipe.

Red Pepper Sauce

-1 c. Whatever broth you have at the time (I used onion soup broth because it was what I had and it worked fine.) You can go for low sodium, veggie, or BEEF. Whatever. I don't think it will matter all that much.

-1 TBS of corn starch

-1 generous cup of chopped roasted red peppers (roast them yourself or buy them, whatever)

-3 cloves of garlic, minced. (add as much garlic as you WANT. I LOVE GARLIC)

-1 tsp of chili powder (I omit the cumin. *shudder*)

Combine all ingredients in a small pot and stir on medium heat until thick and bubbling.

Enchiladas

-2 c. Black beans (cooked in ONIONS! Only if you like them that way. But they DO need to be cooked and drained)

-4 cloves of garlic minced (you can always add MORE you know. GARLIC!!!!)

-Fresh lime juice (The recipe says from one large lime. I say go crazy. Lime is like garlic. IT'S AMAZING.)

-2 heaping cups of diced cooked sweet potatoes

-1/2 c. of diced roasted red peppers

-1/2 tsp of chili powder (again, I omit the cumin. Feel free to add 1/2 of tsp. of that as well if you can stomach it.)

-Salt and pepper to taste

-2 tablespoons of fresh chopped PARSLEY (Okay, the recipe calls for *bleeeech* cilantro. Like cumin, my taste buds have a hard time with this spice. No matter HOW hard I try to love it, I can't. It tastes like soap.)

-8 corn tortillas

-1/2 c. of shredded Monterey Jack cheese

-2-4 tbs of oil (veggie or olive or whatever kind you prefer)

Preheat your oven to 350°F. Choose a baking dish that would hold 8 rolled enchiladas. Make your Quickie Green Chile Sauce. Set aside.

In the meantime, for the Enchilada Filling, using a mixing bowl, combine the drained black beans with minced garlic and lime juice. Toss to coat the beans and set aside.

In a separate bowl combine the cooked sweet potatoes with the chopped red peppers; add the spices. Season with sea salt and pepper.

Pour about 1/4 cup of the Quickie Green Chile Sauce into the bottom of the baking dish.

To assemble the enchiladas, grab a skillet and heat a dash of oil. Lightly cook the corn tortillas to soften them, one at a time, as you stuff each one.

Lay the first hot tortilla in the sauced baking dish; wet it with the sauce. Spoon 1/8 of the sweet potato mixture down the center. Top with 1/8 of the black beans.

Wrap and roll the tortilla to the end of the baking dish. Repeat for the remaining tortillas. Top with the rest of the sauce. Top with a sprinkle of shredded Monterey Jack cheese.

Bake for 20 to 25 minutes, until the enchiladas are piping hot and the sauce is bubbling around the edges.

Sweet, savory, just a LITTLE spicy. Perfect. In MY opinion much better than it would have been with the green chili's. WOO. Go sweet potatoes!

Second: Zucchini Pizza

From THIS site.

This one is more simple. Basically, you need either a ROUND zucchini or a LARGE regular zucchini. Something that is going to give you nice large round slices. You need pizza sauce (homemade or canned or jarred. I prefer homemade with lots of FRESH herbs.) Shredded cheese of some kind. I PREFER mozzarella, but all I had was Parmesan and the Monterey Jack from the Enchiladas. And then TOPPINGS. Whatever you want. I don't have precise quantities because I winged it with what I had. The recipe I got this from grills the zucchini, adds the topping and puts it back on the grill to cook the toppings and the cheese. *I* only had a toaster oven. So put the toppings on the zucchini and put in the toaster oven under "broil" for 15 minutes. And it turned out GREAT. Pizza? LOVE. Zucchini? LOVE. These are PERFECT little round discs of pizza flavored veggie wonderfulness.

There. Two recipes.

Back to verbs. What DO all these verbs have in common? I will tell you.

All these verbs can be summed up in one SUPER verb. One that has changed my life this year. One that is intoxicating, exciting, time consuming, and a little frightening all at the same time.

That verb is EXPLORE.

I've been exploring myself. Exploring my skills. Exploring new talents. Exploring joys, tastes, interests, LIFE. A new world.

DISCOVER is another good verb. Discovering myself. Discovering Maine. Discovering VERBS.

Verbs: They're what's happening.

On Sweet Potatoes (For Genny)

2011-07-11T07:00:00.001-07:00

I have SO many other "important" photos to upload and "interesting" things to blog about. But today, something went down on the old Book of Face.

I announced that I was making sweet potato tater tots.

I did this to make all my friends and followers jealous. As they should be. Sweet potatoes are the BEST potato, in my opinion. Simply because they are so versatile in the sweet AND the savory. It's almost magical.

Regular potatoes just don't have this magic, or "mojo" as I am now going to call it.

I admit that for many years I, like so many others, was not sold on the whole "sweet" potato thing. Potatoes were supposed to be mashed and creamy, or baked and served wit butter, sour cream, and BACON (I LOVE BACON!!!). Nowhere in the WORLD were potatoes supposed to be sweet.

In Jr, High I even tried to venture into the sweet potato world. For an ethnic cooking portion of "Independent Living" I made Kumara Soup. This is a recipe native to New Zealand. The Lord of the Rings had just come out and I was OBSESSED with New Zealand. Can you blame me? I STILL want to live there. They are one of the only countries where Colony Collapse Disorder hasn't had an effect on bee populations. They have the PUREST honey in the world. And don't even get me started on the endless rugged landscape and wonderful indigenous people.

Sorry, I digress. Where was I? Ah! Kumara soup.

Kumara is just what the Maori call Sweet Potatoes. And it was the easiest and least expensive recipe I could find from New Zealand. So I went with it-sweet potatoes aside. Let me remind you all that in Jr. High I was NOT the cooking master I am now (riiiiight). I knew little to nothing. So I shredded the sweet potato, like they asked. But SOMEHOW I missed the puree part. I added all the OTHER ingredients. Onion, garlic (it probably wasn't fresh, being the novice I was), curry powder *shudder*, etc. And guess what I got? Shredded sweet potato curry with the very SLIGHTEST consistency of "soup". I was disappointed. Even IF the stuff had been like soup it STILL would have tasted bad to me. I mean, the potatoes were SWEET! And, little did I know at the time, curry powder *shudder* makes the BEST of recipes inedible. Even then I had no idea how much I really disliked that mix of herbs and spices.

So I TRIED. But even then, I was convinced that Sweet Potatoes were only something that southern people loved and THAT was because heat, humidity, hurricanes and hoodoo made them like crazy things.

It didn't help that Mom and Dad really never made sweet potatoes for us at Thanksgiving. Maybe that's because none of us kids would TOUCH the impostor "potatoes".

It wasn't until the year 2008 that I saw the light. That summer, I traveled to Rhode Island. What a wonderful place. I insist that you go there and fall in love. I was at Mew's Tavern for happy hour. All us interns went every Wednesday for free pizza (and everyone but me for 1/2 off the "amazing" beer). I had managed to keep my unreasonable prejudice against sweet potatoes a secret until this point. But somehow, that night it became common knowledge that Sarah Lambson HATED sweet potatoes. More specifically sweet potato fries. Everyone INSISTED that I get an order THAT INSTANT. They also insisted that I would love them. I refused. They weren't going to convince ME to spend money on sweet potatoes. Even if they WERE disguising themselves as fries. So one of my friends ordered some instead and they then insisted that I just TRY one. I'm not one who usually gives in to peer pressure (There WAS that one time with the meatball sub) but I made an exception this time. They were so SURE of themselves and so far none of them had lead me wrong.

I still remember that first bite. Just a plain, simple sweet potato fry. Crispy and unassuming. Nothing on it to taint it's sweet and wonderful flavor. My tongue rejoiced! I had never tasted such a thing before! How had I not KNOWN?? I took another. And another! Everyone was nodding their heads with "I told you so" looks on their faces. They had me try it with sour cream. EVEN BETTER. The sweet and crispy was offset perfectly by the smooth and sour. It was THE best food discovery I made in Rhode Island (besides New England pizza and Brickley's Ice Cream).

From that point on, I was converted. I had consumed the sweet potato mojo and it had changed me. There was no turning back. Once I got back home to Missouri, I kept an eye out for places that had sweet potato fries on the menu. They were few and far between...at FIRST. Now I feel like it's almost a given at restaurants. And then I branched off. Sweet potato CHIPS? Yes, please. Sweet potato breakfast potatoes? GIMME! And then it became "lets add sweet potato to this, it will make it SOOO good!"

Like sweet potato burritos, sweet potato potato salad, sweet potato mashed potatoes, SWEET POTATO CHEESECAKE! There's NOTHING that sweet potatoes can't do. I promise you. I realize now that they aren't impostors. They aren't trying to be something their not. They AREN'T the hipsters of the potato world-being sweet because being savory is SO cliche. They are the JEDI of potatoes.

Unstoppable.

And so, tonight, I continued on my quest to make new and wonderful things out of sweet potatoes. On Pinterest Emily pinned a photo of sweet potato tater tots.

WHAT?!?! I mean, tater tots are already hot and crispy little bundles of JOY dipped in ketchup. I thought they could do no wrong and that there was nothing to top them in the world of tots. Boy was I wrong. The site that talked about them didn't have a recipe. So I looked one up. And decided that TONIGHT I was going to make them.

So I did.

*Angels singing praises in the background*

Yes, they ARE as good as they look. Better in fact. Here is the recipe (I got it from this site)

3 cups of shredded sweet potato (about 3-4 medium sized sweet potatoes)

1/4 c. all purpose flour

1/4 c. Parmesan Cheese

Salt and pepper to taste

Enough oil to fry in

Boil Sweet potatoes in a large pot for about 20 minutes then transfer them out of the water and let them cool. Peel potatoes (or not, I don't think it matters. I DIDN'T peel them but the peels didn't go through the grater anyway) and shred using a grater. Fold the shreds in between paper towels and push down to squeeze out excess moisture. Combine shreds with flour, cheese, salt, and pepper. Mix well. Using a tablespoon, portion out the mixture and mold it into tots. Fry in hot oil until brown and crispy and DELICIOUS!

With mine, I used inexact measurements. I only had 2/3's of a sweet potato to use. So I think I added too much cheese. "IMPOSSIBLE!" you say. Sadly, it's not impossible in this case. The tots would stick to the bottom of the pan because of the cheese and so would often fall apart as I tried to scrape them off.

Despite that one small hiccup-these little nuggets of cheesy sweet potato goodness took Kathy and I by STORM! She couldn't stop raving about them. MY mouth is watering just thinking about them. My only regret? That I didn't have 100 sweet potatoes to make TONS of them.

And so, my friends, thank you for taking this journey with me down memory lane. I look back on those dark years of sweet potato prejudice and weep for my taste buds. As I weep for all of you who STILL refuse to let sweet potatoes touch you the way they have touched me. OPEN YOUR HEARTS. Come to the light. You will never want to go back.

Next on the sweet potato menu: Sweet potato and black bean enchiladas!

On Independence Day Weekend 2011

2011-07-05T10:57:00.000-07:00

NOTE TO READERS: Once again, there was SO much to put into this post that posting it has left me exhausted. I have not spell checked myself. You have been warned.

It was a busy weekend highlighted by many enjoyable and entertaining events.

There are many pictures.

Most of my hike.

I slept in Saturday. It felt good. But I didn't sleep in TOO late. I had a date with a hill who calls himself a mountain. (Okay, I know I need to get over my reservation of calling the Camden Hills "mountains". According to mountain definitions, they ARE mountains. Just like there are Mountains in the Ozarks. It's just hard...).

Once I got up, I strapped on my boots, loaded my pack, finished my brunch, and headed to the trail head. I am SO lucky! There is a trail head up the mountain that is about a 10 minute walk from my HOUSE!! How GREAT is that?

Let me take this time real quick to tell you all what I have told many already. I ALWAYS feel SO over-prepared when I go hiking. I had my pack with me. In it was the following: 3 water bottles, a cliffs bar, trail mix, a sandwich, a banana, a first aid kit, my rain coat and hat, my journal, bug spray, keys, camera, and extra batteries. I wore a moisture wicking t-shirt, bandana, and hiking boots (to be fair, I ALWAYS wear these boots because they are SO comfortable and I walk to work every day). Most people had themselves, a camera, and maybe a SMALL pack (maybe fanny pack size). One or two had a small backpack sized pack. And there were some who had NOTHING but the clothes on their backs. Some were even wearing flip-flops. Now I know that the flip-flop wearing people who had no water are just really bad hikers and were severely unprepared. I mean it IS a "mountain" (there I go again). But still...

Okay. Time for pictures.

The first picture I took: Yellow asters growing up a hill.

There ARE some tricky parts up this side of the mountain, but you are CONSTANTLY rewarded by view after BEAUTIFUL view of the surrounding area.

It was kind of cloudy for the first part. I kept my fingers crossed that it wouldn't rain.

This is one of those tricky parts I was talking about.

Here's another one.

Really, random person? A skull graffiti? Okay, I admit, I thought it was a little clever or I wouldn't have taken the photo. STILL. ZERO points to that person on their Leave No Trace skills.

View of the middle school and their baseball field. If there weren't trees in the way I would be able to see my house.

My first view of the harbor from the side of the mountain. STILL not at the top.

Here it is again, a little closer. Camden is SO cute!

More of Maine Mountains and Camden (the NOT downtown part).

The cemetery near where I live. I have yet to take a walk there, but I will soon. Or maybe that's something to be left for the pensive and cooler months of Autumn.

Nope. still not at the top. But one of the vistas did provide a nice view of Penaobscot Bay. I want you to know I just spent two minutes trying to decide is it was spelled Penabscot or Penobscot (knowing that it was either an "a" before the "b" or an "o"). I gave up and looked it up and I guess it's BOTH. Crazy Maine names.

The side of the mountain.

Looking up the Mountain (about halfway from the top).

Lowbush BLUEBERRIES! I guarantee (I HATE the word guarantee. I NEVER spell it right) that I will be back up there at the end of the month to HARVEST!

A little rock house that someone made and left behind.

A giant pile of rocks. I didn't add to it.

A city of little stone towers. I feel like these have a name (Trail blazers? Something like that?). I can't think of it.

I added the tiny rock to the top of this one.

The distant mountains and islands of Bar Harbor and Acadia National Park. One of these days I will GET there.

Once I got to the top, things began to flatten out. Green mountain tops have their own style of rugged beauty.

Random little stone fort.

Oh LOOK. The tower in the SUNLIGHT. You can see things AROUND it!

Stairs.

From the top of the tower.

Closer up, Camden and the harbor from the top of the tower.

Bar harbor and Acadia from the tower.

Last view from the tower I promise.

Tower arch.

I know I have already shown you a billion pictures of the harbor and what not. With this one I want you to look hard. Past the harbor, past the bulk of land south of the harbor (or to the right of the harbor). To that hazy, thin strip of land in the distance. Do you see it? That's Owls Head. I used to live near that strip of land. Sigh...the memories...(Ew, sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit).

A cute little bog on top of the mountain. I bet you didn't think you would hear the words cute and bog put together, did you?

I don't know what these are but they were next to the bog and LOVELY.

It's the very beginning of mushroom season and I am back to taking pictures of all of them.

See how tiny? Why do I love them so much?

Okay that was Saturday. I also did laundry. I walked ALL the way to the nicer, "GREENER" laundromat. And they closed early that day. Great. So I had to walk from THERE (luggin ALL my laundry in my big red pack) to the OTHER laundromat. The one that is a 5 minute walk from my house. UG. Oh well. Clean laundry.

NOW I want all of you to be jealous. Because I made THIS for my Independence Day Eve/Break the Fast dinner.

THIS is a turkey burger. I cooked it in a blend of garlic, rosemary, and lemon pepper. I topped it with smoked Gouda, red onion, and a raspberry balsamic honey mustard that I made myself. It was pretty much the best turkey burger I have ever had in my LIFE. Maybe the best burger EVER. In addition to that, I made a BLT macaroni salad with a tomato basil seasoning and sweet potato fries baked in cinnamon, raw granulated sugar, and nutmeg.

Best dinner I have had since I've been here? Well, that's hard to tell. I've had some pretty amazing dinners. I never TOLD you about what I had at the Old World Potato Company!

Briefly: tomato Parmesan soup (ALWAYS get soup when you can), a side salad with their HOMEMADE sun dried tomato vinaigrette, and the LA VIVA. A peanut butter, banana, honey, and BACON sandwich on whole wheat bread. Was it amazing? Yes. Was it life changing? Yes. Because now I will always crave this sandwich and NEVER make it for myself because It hurts to think of how NOT that good for me it is.

Okay moving on.

I also made this on Sunday. Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Banana Bread. It's only dark chocolate because the only kind of peanut butter I had WAS dark chocolate. And YES, it is a very wonderful banana bread. But NEXT time I will add less nutmeg. Really, that's pretty much the only thing I can taste.

This is where I spent the REST of Independence Day Eve. Sitting on the lawn of the Camden Village Green. I got there early for their traditional Independence Day Eve fireworks. But all there was to see was fog.

But there was still a chance of a free concert and MAYBE fireworks. So I waited for an hour and 1/2, reading Harry Potter and writing more of the Bear Brook Massacre.

The concert started and they announced that the fireworks were officially cancelled for the night. Then the band started playing. They were a fun group but the SECOND they started, the rain started also. I gave the whole thing up as a bad job and just gathered my blanket and book and walked home.

MONDAY: INDEPENDENCE DAY 2011

At noon, I went to my branch presidents house to have a cookout with his family and a couple other families he invited to attend. The burgers were good (meat, cheese, onions, on a bun), there were many good fruit, pasta, and green salads. I ate to much. I had the best woopie pie IN MY LIFE (homemade) and it was a grand time.

THEN, I went with Kathy to her cousin's place on a pond/lake (from here on out known as P/L NOT to be confused with R/L).

The second I got there I was hurried onto their motorboat. An Uncle Sam hat was pressed into my hands along with a red, white, and blue lei. And I was part of THIS...

A local boat parade. Something they do every year. People dress up, decorate their boats, and bring sound-makers. They then go slowly around the P/L for the enjoyment of everyone sitting on their docks.

Yes. For your amusement, I asked one of Kathy's relative to take a picture of me in my Uncle Sam hat and patriotic lei. We got a lot of laughs from the observers.

A view of the pond from the dock.

It was a grand afternoon/evening. After we got back from the parade, I went and kayaked around the P/L. I went through a culvert that went under the road and into a peaceful pond with water lilies, and grasses. There was no sound but the swish of my paddle in the water.

I spied a hiding heron, I raced the water beetles, and I glided along with a family of Canada Geese. It was sublime.

Then I got back to the main P/L and there were people tubing with motorboats. NOT was peaceful but still enjoyable. The sun wasn't too bad and there was a gentle breeze. I want to make kayaking my next hobbie (well, when I become gainfully employed, that is).

After that it was a dinner of LOBSTER!! My first time eating one out of it's shell. YUM. SO good! But a little tedious. And as good as it was, I don't know if I appreciate the whole "cracking into it" part of the experience like native Mainers do. I got halfway through before I was too full to go on. It was great to scratch that quintessential Maine experience off my list.

I hope these videos work. Two short ones of the fireworks shot of on the P/L. Technically illegal. Maine is making fireworks legal next year, so I hear.

The longer one is the fireworks a particular family shoots off every year. The shorter one is one of the fireworks a Kathy relative shot off from their dock.

Overall, it was a grand weekend. SO busy that I didn't even have time to think to myself "aw, it's a family holiday and I'm not with my family. (frowney face)". It was MUCH better than last year. To end this post, I give you this: Taken Tuesday morning on my way to work.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Independence Day.

What the foot! It's JULY?!?!?!

On 300 Posts

2011-07-01T06:32:00.000-07:00

This is post 300. I'm above a few people in the blog verse, and behind many more. But 300 is an accomplishment.

I suppose you are expecting something amazing. Some topic or revelation that will FLOOR you.

I hate to disappoint. Today is just another day and this is, after all, just another post on this self-indulgent pocket of internet space.

And so here are a few little shots of my life as it is in this moment.

-I admit that right now, I am blogging when I should be filling our reports. I find that I get SO easily distracted when I have to do desk work that I hate. That's why I would much rather be outside working on things that keep me occupied. I'll stay a little later after today to make up for this.

-Tonight, I am going to watch Return of the King on the projector with the new and wonderful speakers. I am SOOOOO excited for the last Harry Potter film. I am reading book 7 again. So yes, you could say I am finding time to encourage my nerdiness.

-I chew gum. A LOT. Anytime I am not eating I am probably chewing gum. Not CHOMPING. Quietly chewing. I hope my chin won't start jutting out like a violin. But I do thins because it keeps me from wanting to snack on things I don't need. It keeps me from crunching ice. And it makes the walks to and from work easier.

-I both love and hate the nails that I now have. How do people keep them in such good shape? And the same length?!?

-I take the long way too AND from work now. And I love it. Taking a nice long hour to get to work really makes my mornings wonderful.

-I have gotten to the point in learning guitar where I know enough chords to try and learn songs. So I have neglected the lesson book that I got with the guitar. I need to go back to those basics.

-The passionate desire to keep bees has been reawakened within me. I want to keep bees, have chickens, a garden with flowers, herbs, and vegetables, I want to be sustainable, and most of all (I know this may be a pipe dream) I want to build my own earth-friendly home. And I want to raise my kids to be as passionate about the earth as I am.

-I have a new mini-crush. His name is Mike. He works with a group of handicapped guys and gals and he has started to bring them to Merryspring to do service. He loves gardens and plants and doing work. He loves the outdoors. He's pretty cute...and he's married. So we are going to move on from that mini-crush.

-I am excited to make BLT macaroni salad, A lentil cherry basil salad, dark chocolate peanut butter banana bread, and smoked Gouda turkey burgers. I am also excited to try zucchini pizza, black bean and corn tortilla pie, crab hush-puppies, and any other recipe that I have recently discovered.

-I LOVE PINTEREST

-I have decided that sometime between September and November I will climb Mt. Katahdin.

-7 pounds away from my end of July goal. I can DO this!

-I am alternately TERRIFIED about my uncertain future and EXCITED for the wealth of potential options there are for me. So basically when I think about my future I am a nervous wreck of excitement and terror.

-I do love Camden-the cute town, the Camden Hills, the Library, the Camden Green, the farmers market. So even though Maine in general has yet to WOW (I'm sure it will happen), I do love where I am right now.

-My obsession of going to school in Rhode Island is fading. More and more I see myself going to school out west.

-I still wish I knew more nerdy people here.

-I watched "Everything is Illuminated" and it reminded me just how much I LOVE looks that say everything. And Elijah Wood pulls them off SO well. Like at the end of Return of the King when he turns and smiles and gives everyone a little nod. I want to be able to do that someday.

-I think my brain is hungry for reality. I have started this documentary kick and I want to read lots of non-ficiton and real world realistic fiction. When I think of reading science fiction, fantasy I just think "that's not real, though. I know it's fun, but I am filling my mind with a world that could never be and right now that is not what I crave." This is all very new and strange to me. Who am I becoming?

-And most of all, I have fallen into my usual summer trap of discovering new music.

And so, in a fashion similar to THIS post, I am going to give you my June/July playlist.

I do this because, as previously mentioned, I love music. I love discovering new music. I also love SHARING music with people. There is no pressure for you to listen to it or to love it or to even LIKE it a single BIT. But this is the musical me. A snapshot of the emotions and sounds that are playing through my head at this point in my life. And I just wanted to share it with you.

These are in alphabetical order. And not all are new songs, but rather RE-DISCOVERED songs

1. Bee of the Bird of the Moth: They Might Be Giants-as is typical of TMBG, this song is pretty much random and has no real purpose. But I listened to it ALL during pollinator week in June. And fell in love. Now I can't get enough of it.

2. Cameras: Matt & Kim-THANK YOU Kirsti for introducing me to Matt & Kim. I LOVE this song. That's all I have to say.

3. Don't Stop (Color on the Walls): Foster the People-I'm not sure why, but I like songs with whistling. I think it's because they sound so carefree. LOVE this song right now. I will say that the maniacal child laughing in the background IS a little unsettling.

4. Drops of Jupiter: Train-Okay, so I bought this song YEARS ago with several other songs by Train. I went on a Train kick. About a month after buying them I was SO BORED with them. And so for the past 4 years, probably, I have passed over these songs, unimpressed. Then this one came up on iTunes and I listened. And remembered why I fell in love with it in the first place. Is it an AMAZING song? No. But it reaches into the deepest corners of nostalgia and makes me smile.

5. Elephant Gun: Beirut-I discovered this on wearehunted.com. A place for discovering music. I like the folk sound of the song. But a FOREIGN folk music. Not American folk music. And while the song is mostly simple there is a passion hidden underneath.

6. Every Teardrop is a Waterfall: Coldplay-First of all, with all the other songs I didn't do the music videos. But with THIS one I feel you HAVE to watch the music video. WATCH IT!!! Okay, this is their new single. Which means a NEW CD SOON!! And this song is the greatest thing in the world right now (just like the album will be the greatest thing in my life when it comes out).

7. Feelin' Good: Muse-Muse's take on the jazzy song Feelin' Good. And every lyric of this song applies to me right now. P.S. the music video for this song is FREAKY. If you feel like watching it HERE it is.

8. Fire with Fire: Scissor Sisters-I could only find a music vid for this one. Watch if you want, I guess. This song was free on iTunes. And the more I listened, the more I loved it. I think it's because his voice reminds me of an 80's band.

9. Fix You: Coldplay-Another good music video. So watch it. This song is just ALWAYS perfect for healing and making you feel like things are going to be just fine. You feel like he GETS it and is saying "It's okay. You'll make it through".

10. Forget Myself:Elbow-Give me a song with a good andante beat (maybe a little faster), stand out lyrics, and sing along harmonies and I am SOLD.

11. Gold: Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova-From Once. The quality of this video is not great. But I LOVE this song right now. It makes me think of all things spring and summer (which have a golden hue in my eyes for the most part).

12. Green Eyes: Coldplay-Another Coldplay song, I know. I have been on a Coldplay kick for the past....well....6 years or so? I am learning this song on guitar. I almost have all the chords and I am getting better. When I listen to this song, I either wish I had green eyes or had someone in my life who has green eyes. Also, I am going to think up lyrics to this song about trees or plants. Calling it green leaves or green trees or something. And then I will play it for the garden kids.

13. Landslide: Dixie Chicks-I agree with Emily that this is my favorite version of this song. As with all folky blue grass style music I love the harmonies and simplicity of the message. I LOVE this song and I love the Dixie Chicks.

14. A Makeover: Shearwater-I really wish I could find a video for this one. But here is a taste of the lyrics "I'm like an architect, cashed his check but he doesn't let on that it's the last one he'll get. Though he knows the funds have run dry, he wants to have fun for one final night, staring out at the skyline he'll never change. They're saying, 'though we like all the things that you've made notice no one remembers your name..." I like how this songs puts an emphasis on things of this world that are transient. Things don't last forever. You have to love them while they ARE happening-and then look on to the future and not get stuck in the past.

15. Polka Face: Weird Al-His latest polka from his latest album. This needs no other explanation or introduction.

16. Pumped Up Kicks: Foster the People-I know, I know, another Foster the People song. But it's SO GOOD! Kirsti introduced this song to me as well. And I think it's amusing that we both love it so much when you listen to the chorus. It's a little darker than you would expect! Also, there is whistling again. LOVE the whistling.

17. Raised on Black and Tans: Gaelic Storm-Just a fun song. Makes me wish I was Irish.

18. Somewhere Only We Know: Keane-Always a classic. This song ALWAYS makes me thing of that semester of college I was having a hard time with classes. I would go to Proctor Park at those times and walks the over-gown path through the woods. I felt like it was a park few people knew about or paid attention to. It was a place I could go to be at peace and with no company but an occasional deer or barred owl.

19. Violin: Amos Lee-This song is beautiful and melancholy and lilting. And I can't listen to it enough lately.

20. Young Blood: The Naked and Famous-This is a summer song if ever there was one. I still feel young and I want to hold on to that forever.

Block after Block (Matt & Kim), Rollerblades (Eliza Doolittle) get honorable mention for making it onto my favorite songs playlist again. I figured you already heard these on the previous post.

There you go. Post 300 on the first day of July in 2011. Written during my "long lunch" break (a siesta!).

On A Weekend Visit

2011-06-27T09:51:00.001-07:00

(Lettuce that we didn't sell at the plant sale-for me for FREE!)

As many of you may know, dearest Elise thought it would be nice to stop off in Camden on her way from Rhode Island and on her way TO New York. Wasn't that nice of her?

I'm not only glad she came because I got to see her and watch both Tron movies, I am glad because having her there gave me more of an excuse to explore places I have not yet been (i.e. THE TOWN I LIVE IN...). I like to explore and discover things, so you would think that I could have ventured out INTO Camden by now and seen what there was to see. You would think that I would have gone up Mt. Battie like everyone else and their grandmother.

Well, here is a little truth about me. I don't really like exploring alone. It took me YEARS to finally start going to see movies by myself. I STILL prefer seeing them with a friend. But for the most part, I won't go out to eat unless I have someone to share it with. And for the most part I keep telling myself "yeah, sure I'll see Camden. I'll walk around it. Why wouldn't I? It's RIGHT THERE." But because it's RIGHT THERE, I end up putting it off and before you know it I have missed out on EVERYTHING.

So, having Elise here gave me the chance to REALLY explore downtown Camden and see all the cool shops and restaurants they have. It encouraged me to drive up to Mt. Battie. I finally went places I had been meaning to go since I got here!

But first, we had a visit with friends.

Do you remember Sue (those of you who visited New Hampshire)? She's the one in the middle. She spent Friday night and Saturday morning with Eliza (On the left. remember her from two posts ago?) at Peacemeal Farm and went to the Camden Farmers Market with her.

So Elise and I braved the pouring rain (and thunder and lightening!) and walked down the road to see them! This is after they closed everything down and the rain had stopped. From the left-Elise, Sue, Eliza, Sarah, and Mike (Sarah and Mike are from Peacemeal also). Sarah brought Starwberry Shortcake!

Elise, Sue, Eliza and I got lunch at the Bagel Cafe and then parted ways. Things actually cleared up after that.

Elise and I explored Downtown Camden. Here she is a the entrance to the amphitheater behind the Camden Public Library. Just look at those wonderful weeping elms on either side!

Here is the amphitheater. There were alpine strawberries growing all along the steps!

We then walked through the short trails of the Camden Village Green and saw the Harbor.

Here are the falls of the Megunticook river feeding directly into the ocean. I need to remember to eat at the Deli up there with a harbor view.

Here are two ships in the harbor. The one on the right is the Mary Day. I can't remember what the one on the left was called.

This is looking up the harbor into Camden.

As we explored more, I discovered that even though it seems everyone raves about "soft-serve" places, there aren't really any soft-serve places here. They all serve REAL ice-cream. That encouraged me. Though I don't know about "The Camden Cone". Elise is right, that "topping" on the cone looks an awful lot like blood.

I do like the Ice Cream Cone trash can.

We DID get ice cream, but from a different place. And the lived up to my standards of "good" ice cream. They also seem to take on the same theory as New Hampshire that a "small" is equal to two large scoops. A bit of advice from me-if you have been limiting the amount of dairy in your diet (have some cheese here and there and using almond milk like I have) you should NOT have two large scoops of ice cream in one sitting. It was SO good, but it did NOT agree with me.

A view of Mt. Battie from the harbor.

So after the exploration of Downtown, we drove to the breakwater light house. Remember the last time I went there? It was cold, windy, and the waves got us soaked. And it seemed to take FOREVER to get there. And once we did, everything was boarded up. Well, not THIS time.

Look at how much better this shot is from a nearby dock! Much better than my earlier photos. And we got there in good time. AND it wasn't too cold and windy.

We got to go INSIDE. Here is a view from one of the windows. As we were there, I remembered that at one time I thought it would be cool to be a lighthouse keeper. I still think it could be a peaceful and lovely profession.

We even got to go UP into the lighthouse! Elise poses for the camera. This kind of made me want to sing "I'll be your candle on the water...". Don't judge. I LOVED that movie as a kid.

Looking down.

Here's a view just as we were coming off the Jetty on the way back.

The next two are from the restaurant we went to. "Old World Potato Company". They have potatoes, among other things, if you can believe it.

This is me taking a picture of Elise taking a picture of her drink.

And this is Elise hiding behind the drink menu. I tell you what, these two photos make up look like we are drinking alcohol. If you look closely you can see that those are Stewart's brand diet root beers. I PROMISE.

That was our Saturday.

Sunday's weather was not TOO bad. It was a little cloudy. So after church and my program at Merryspring, we decided to drive up Mt. Battie and see what we could see.

Here is what greeted us.

FOG. This is the tower at the top of the mountain.

And here is what I could see from the far end of the top of that tower. A grey curtain of nothing. You are supposed to be able to see Camden and the harbor from here as well as a good portion of the Atlantic. Nope.

Here is a distant shot.

Elise walking through the fog.

Reindeer and British Soldier lichen on the mountain.

Don't know what this is, but it's pretty!

That was the end of our Sunday. We went home and made a dinner of chicken fingers (with Bob Evans honey mustard that I have been hoarding. You know they discontinued it? Scandalous!), whole wheat cheddar biscuits, Waldorf salad, rosemary and Parmesan potatoes, and I had a green salad (from the salad I showed you at the top!). It was G-E-W-D GEWD!

Elise did laundry this morning and then we went to The Market Basket (a dangerous place. They have home baked pastries, breads, sandwiches, soups, etc that all look to DIE for. I need to never go back there), and then ate our food HERE.

This is Glen Cove. The cove I used to drive by every day on my way to work from Owls Head. The "rest stop" area (picnic tables, parking, and grills for tourists) is finally open and offers a peaceful view of the cove and a wonderful smell of roses blended with the tang of the ocean.

The roses have started to burst into bloom and I am LOVING it. This is what I remember from my summer by the sea in Rhode Island. The smell of the sea, the blooming roses, and sound of waves, the sparkling water. THIS I could live with.

One last view of Glen Cove.

It was a good weekend. Rainy, cloudy, and (on my end) physically painful (ask if you REALLY want to know). But I got to spend time with someone who got all my nerdy and silly references. Someone who I could laugh with and be the old ME with. The me I have in some ways forgotten how to be.

Eliza laughed at us, at one point, saying that seeing Elise and I together was like a two heads on the same body. We fed off each other in the nerdiest ways and poor Eliza and Sue were completely lost. That's what I love about our family.

And now it is Monday. It's sunny, over 80, and I am going to work in the garden for the rest of the day. THIS, I can do. It's the wet, foggy, 60 degree days at THE END OF JUNE I am having a hard time with.

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMILY!

On Ducks and Plant Lables

2011-06-22T08:06:00.000-07:00

I have decided that for the sake of everybody I need to be a more frequent poster.

As someone who likes to take photos (no matter how non-professional they may look), I get EXHAUSTED after posting an entry of several weeks of built up photos. I'm sure you are all exhausted after reading and viewing said photo dump posts.

So, in an attempt to avoid posts like the last one I am going to try and post picture soon after I have taken them. Even if that means posting several times a week (is that more or LESS annoying than massive photo posts?)

Anyway, lets move on. I do have some pictures I want to share with you. It all started with my usual walk to work. Luckily, the weather has really improved lately. It's in that perfect stage where the early morning is cool as are the nights so I don't feel hot when I sleep and the air coming in through the open window is perfect. The days are warm sometimes. Maybe getting into the 80's, and there is a TOUCH of humidity but nothing to scream in rage about (as I might have in MO). The roses are finally starting to bloom and they fill the air with a variety of heavenly fragrances.

I hope that this weather lingers as long as the winter and the chilly mists did.

So, back to the point. I was walking across the river when I spotted a family of ducks.

Here they are! A mamma and her little younglings (yeah, yeah, I DID just make that reference. So there. What are YOU going to do about it?)

I sure hope this video uploads because this was easily the best part of my day.

I watched as this mother duck guided her trailing team of tiny tots (take THAT alliteration!) up the Megunticook river. This is a tricky bit of the rivers because there is a waterfall effect created, I imagine, by the mill to help along production and such.

Here is the second part of their venture. This is after they passed under the bridge. I hope THIS video works too.

She would try a way, realize it was a little too challenging, and try a new way. But they eventually made it out of my sight. I wish I could have seen how they got up the actual falls! But (assuming the video works) you cannot deny that this is pretty cute and fun to watch.

Speaking of cute, remember that chipmunk from my last post?

Well I helped myself to another serving of cuteness. Either this is the same chipmunk, or ALL the chipmunks around here freeze for a photo-op when they see someone with a camera. He didn't move so I got a PRETTY good shot. Not AMAZING (someday I will have a really nice camera and be able to take really nice photos).

And now some more of what I have been up to with the children's garden.

PLANT LABELS!

I'll admit that I had a lot of fun painting them. Even though I could have just written the names of the plants in permanent marker.

Here is a random caterpillar.

And here is the delicious dinner I made for myself the other night. Mini grilled cheese sandwiches made with rye cocktail bread. They had sharp white cheddar, granny smith apple, avocado, and turkey bacon. The soup is tomato parmesan (from a can but still really good).

As you can see, I also had yummy steamed veggies. And I am going to have the same thing tonight!

Anyway, there you have it. There isn't much to report since last time. But at least that's a few less photos to add to the ext post.

On Hiking, Gardening, And a Friend Revisited

2011-06-17T06:13:00.000-07:00

NOTE: I didn't spell check this. After writing these posts I am too exhausted to spell check. So deal with the typos.

It's time for another post of pictures. But there are going to be some words at the end. I figure that's the best place to put words. At the end of everything else. It's where they feel the most comfortable. That way they don't feel like they are imposing on your eyes and you can get right to the more pleasing images. One is worth 1000 of those lowly little words, after all. And the words know that.

So enough words. Here are the pictures. (There WILL words among the picture of course. Unless you want to GUESS what I am trying to say with them.)

This is Eliza. Eliza is from Rochester, New York. She went to school in Canada. We served with the SCA and AmeriCorps together last year in New Hampshire. She moved to Maine to complete a farm apprenticeship in Dixmont. Last weekend she decided she needed to get away from the farm. So she came here and we hiked up "Maiden Cliff" in Camden Hills State Park. This is her after I told her she should pose on the large glacial erratic we passed. I love that girl.

We are going to take a tour of this hike backwards. This is a lovely field view we passed AFTER we had reached the top of the cliff.

Grass can be beautiful in it's own somewhat less colorful way.

Now we're getting to the GOOD views. There are a lot of them.

The water in all of these views is Megunticook lake which feeds into Megunticook river. That river runs right through Camden and empties into the ocean.

The view was pretty stunning.

There were a couple little islands which looked like they had solitary houses on them. This island looks tiny now but as we passed the lake walking back to the car we could see it wasn't THAT small. I think it would be cool to live on a tiny island on a lake.

There she is again. Don't you just love that smile?

The cliff is called "Maiden Cliff" because a young girl fell to her death while she was reaching to grasp her hat which was swept away by the wind. This large metal cross kind of ruins he view in my opinion but it's a monument. I think it could have been smaller. I know I am a horrible person for talking bad about a monument dedicated to a young girl who died decades ago.

I don't have pictures of it, but after our hike we went to my place to make dinner. It was wonderful. Then we went to our camp site in Camden Hills State Park and talked each other to sleep. I haven't done that in ages.

Moving on to the gardening part of things. If you recall, in my last post I shared an image with you of the built raised beds with "Children's Garden" painted on them. Since then, things have begun to sprout and grow.

Including this round zucchini seed. I planted 3 of these and 3 regular zucchini plants. This was the only one to produce anything. It is now doing VERY well in it's spot in the raised bed.

After BUILDING the beds I spent a good amount of time moving loads of decomposing leaves and compost into them from the piles on the other end of the garden.

After a little more prep, it was time to prepare for the first official Children's Garden program. I pulled the two carts of plants over and made sure I had plenty of tools, extra compost, and even more woodchips. I was prepared to do ALL KINDS of things if we had a good turn out.

We didn't have a good turn out. Two kids who were not interested in planting for the most part. I DID have two volunteers to help. So we DID get the three raised beds planted. Parsley in the small box, and then one bed a pizza garden and the other a medicine/herb garden.

This is the medicine/herb garden. We planted lavender, sage, catmint, chocolate mint, lemon balm, strawberries, dill, chamomile, lambs ear, and a random plant called a "toothpick plant". It looks a lot like queen anne's lace once it flowers.

Here is the pizza garden. We have 5 kinds of tomatoes (peach, husk cherry, jelly bean, roma, and tigerella), red and yellow peppers, lemon gem marigolds, rosemary, oregano, basil, eggplant, zucchini, more sage, red onion, yellow onion, and chives.

TODAY I painted this sign for the medicine/herb garden. It could use a few more images, but I was DONE with painting signs by the time I got to this one.

Here is the sign for the pizza garden.

Now here is all the work I did on the butterfly shaped pollinator garden.

First, the outline. I kept re-altering it.

Then I spent a whole Saturday pulling up ALL the grass. It took FOREVER and yielded THESE...(you are going to hate me in a second)

Mmmmm....grubs! These are the grubs of some kind of beetle species. The live under the grass and tend to kill it. Most of them I threw into the rock wall. But saved some and put them in THIS pile on a stump for THIS guy...

This is my little Gray Catbird friend. A funny little species I first encountered in Rhode Island. Their call sounds like a cat, hence the name. This guy is FEARLESS. As I was pulling up all the grass and exposing the bugs and grubs he was there, not more than three feet away from me at any given time. FEASTING. It was a joy to have his company. He was SO full by the end of it.

These stones were previously located at the entrance of the garden under the trellis. I put them here instead. I figure it makes the butterfly shape more recognizable.

Then we placed plants where we wanted them planted. They stayed there for a week until the SECOND week of the Children's Garden program where we finished planting.

Here is it planted with ALOT (hehe...intentional misspelling) of Salvia, a lot of Phlox, some poppies, verbena, one hollyhock plant, several asters, and ONE solitary columbine.

Here's the lovely lady now-in her second bloom. I'm glad I got an encore. I love Columbine.

And here is the sign for the pollinator garden. It took me the longest. Just like flowers are easier to take pictures than wildlife, they are also easier for me to paint than wildlife. The hummingbird was particularly tricky for me.

Oh, yeah. The boots and the barrel. We haven't planted the potatoes yet but we are working on sprouting them. We planted parsley into two of the boots, baby radishes in on, and round baby carrots in another. This picture is right after planting.

Here they are a little over a week later. The parsley has been eaten by the woodchucks, the radishes are coming in nicely, and the carrots...?

I cant tell if these are carrot sprouts or grass that was lying dormant in the compost. We will have to wait a little longer and see.

The other day I decided to start planting things in the boarders. So I did a little weeding and planted two rows of "witches broom" corn. Not for eating but they make a nice, fun, crafty broom (according to Gail).

Oooh, look! The first little snacks! The Strawberries, of course. I wonder how long before some critter comes and eats them. I wonder if I will get to harvest these at ALL.

Ooooh, look! I THINK those are basil seedlings and not weeds...

I am going to try to grow pumpkins. It's an experiment. I hope I get SOMETHING out of it...

I also alternated sunflower seedlings and sunflower seeds. We'll see how many of the seedlings get eaten. If they ALL do, I have to depend on the seeds to do their job.

I let the kids paint "CLUB" on the side of the lettuce and parsley bed. We also started some lettuce seeds and painted a couple plant labels. The second program was MORE successful than the first but still only have three kids. It was loads of fun, despite the low attendance.

Here it is from a distance. The woodchucks have gotten to the coneflowers, parsley, chamomile, and lemon balm. Some kind of insect is eating away at the Salvia and the Verbena. The Lady in Red Salvia and Poppies aren't looking encouraging. I can see that at least 60% of the plants have been affected by either a bug or the woodchucks. But I am still hopeful that things will continue to grow and produce wonderful things.

I am going to allow some words on the the Children's garden. Out of all the things I have been going, this is my favorite. This was my blank canvas. Here, I find happiness and excitement and anticipation. I am outside when I work in it. I LOVE pulling up the little weed sprouts and watering. I LOVE digging in the ground. I LOVE planning cool plants and activities to do with kids in the garden. Though attendance has been small so far, at least I GET to work with kids. Here, I find peace and a sense of accomplishment. More words will follow up on this at the end of the post.

It's time for an update of the flowers in the woods and in the gardens.

It's time to revisit an old friend.

Remember Pink Lady Slipper? I do. I first saw her beauty in the woods of New Hampshire and I was instantly in love. I searched high and low for her rosy hue and slippered shape. She became my favorite woodland flower of New Hampshire.

And here she is in Maine. I have only seen two so far. Perhaps they are more rare in Maine than they are in New Hampshire. According to flower books, Maine should have the yellow lady's slipper as well. It is now a dream of mine to find one.

I know this is not a flower, but I LOVED the color of the moss growing on this stump. And I didn't know where else in the sequence this picture fit.

I'm not 100% sure, but I hope, I hope, I HOPE these are blackberries.

BUNCHBERRY! I love this plant. Apparently people in England love this plant also and keep trying to grow it there. But it never seems to work.

Not a flower, but one of my favorite trees: Stri-ped Maple. (Okay, it's just STRIPED maple. I just like "stri-ped").

All the field flowers popping up. Lovely.

I don't know what this is, but I am determined to find out.

It comes in white and purple flavors.

These are beautiful yellow Iris' growing in the middle of the vernal pool. SO pretty!

Something related to peas??

These are the domesticated/bred blueberry plants we have growing at Merryspring. I see us having blueberries in a couple weeks! I wish I could find WILD blueberries on the property...

Not sure what this flowering shrub is, but it's pretty.

More Iris'

Daisy

Something yellow-orange

We have SEVERAL Iris varieties and I love them ALL! They are coming in very nicely.

"Poppies will make them sleep..."

ANOTHER Iris. I like the name Iris.

Um...I wish I knew what this was.

A pink Dahlia

A white Dahlia

I have NEVER seen this before, but it's "Weeping Elm". A pretty cool ornamental tree.

A couple species of rose have bloomed but I think it will be another week or two before roses REALLY take off.

"Rosebud..."

I think this is the rose species our rose guy Glenn wants to breed and name after Merryspring.

A lovely scarlet peony.

Another Dahlia

And for some random other pictures.

I may or may not have already posted an image of this view of the "mountains" but I had to post another one. Right now, this is my favorite view.

After all the rain we've been getting recently, Maine has become overrun by orange slugs!

Speaking of orange and slimy, this is some kind of mold or fungus growing on top of our decomposing leaf pile. Look how vibrant that color is! Maybe this is the cure for cancer and everyone is too scared to try it!

I know some of you will hate me for posting the above picture, but it was too cool NOT to. This is a spider in the center of a daisy eating a bee. The circle of life at work!

Speaking of the circle of life, I found this little guy trying to grow in the compost pile. Sorry, tiny oak. You won't get very far in there....

I startled this chipmunk into stillness. I was able to take several careful steps close to it to get this pretty good shot. Someday, I would LOVE to get a nice camera and spend weekends just sitting in the woods somewhere, or in a field, or by the ocean, just to wait for some wild animal to come by so I can capture them on film.

And last but CERTAINLY not least, I give you my dinner last night. I saw this little cocktail loaf of pumpernickel and (because I love all things tiny) had to get it. So these are three little open faced sandwiches. We have tuna with parmasean cheese, a tiny chopped caprese salad, and pepperoni and salami with pecan pesto. And I had a little pickle as well. YUM!

Time for some "another words". Here they will flow in all their unhindered glory. But there is no pressure to read them. I know there have already been THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS of unspoken picture words and many typed picture words. But I would linger a little longer and share more words with you.

Words on our building and grounds manager-let's call her Gertrude. Her name isn't Gertrude. But that's what we are going to call her.

Gertrude doesn't particularly like her job. Or rather, she doesn't like her job in the context of the people she has to work with. She seems okay with me, but that's because I have a feeling she would never rant about me TO me.

She does love to rant, though. Every once in a while she has good advice and good insight. The other day we were talking about this AmeriCorps position. I was telling here that while there were some parts that I liked, more than anything it was being affirmed to me that a job like this is not something I would want to do for the rest of my life. I want to work with kids and people. I don't want to be in the background planning EVERYTHING and doing NOTHING. I want to be THERE among the people, teaching them. Making a more direct impact rather than an indirect one. I don't want to work at a job where half of my time is spent at a desk. While I at first thought it was a charming idea to work at a place so small and intimate, I don't think I like working with such a small REAL staff and have to depend on non-existent volunteers and members who don't lift much of a finger to help.

That was a GOOD talk with Gertrude.

Most of the time it's her ranting about how things never go the way she wants and everyone else that works there is incompetent. She keeps talking about how sh wants to quit by the end of the year. And yesterday, in an attempt to make me feel better about the lack of attendance in the children's garden she struck up a new rant topic.

She went on about how she always thought it was a mistake to try to have a children's garden program with all the competition around. Aldemere farms has the corner in children's gardening and there is this new place 6 miles from her house that is going to start a REALLY intensive gardening program for youth next year. She thinks that Ray and Cindy's idea of putting work into a children's garden program is a waste of time-a waste of MY time and skills.

None of this made me feel better. In fact it made me feel worse. The one thing that I am doing that I LOVE is a waste of time? I'm putting all this work into it only to have it become obsolete? I think I have mentioned this before, but I HATE thinking of what I am doing as a competition. Like we are a business or something and we are in the business of luring little kids into our facility. It's not about the number of kids that Merryspring gets. We are a tiny, little known non-profit. I KNOW we aren't going to get scores of kids. This is a new thing that we are trying. And I don't like thinking that it's not a success if we don't have 20 kids show up. Like with the Ecology Camp, I feel that if I teach and touch 1-2 kids in a day I have made progress and the program was a success. So having someone tell me they think that what I am doing is a waste of time is discouraging. Not to mention that I KNOW one of the reasons she doesn't like all the time I am spending on it is because I am constantly going to her for help (because I am not trained in gardening) and interrupting whatever work SHE has to do. This is something she hates. And while she has never said that to me outright, it's there, in between her words.

It's hard working with Gertrude. She is a pretty big downer. I hardly ever hear something positive out of her mouth. While she is helpful, she is often helpful grudgingly.

I love the time I get to spend in the garden. I love planting seeds and anticipating/wondering if anything will come up. I love seeing the first sprouts. I love digging in the earth and I love my little catbird friend. I love the 1-2 hours a week I get to spend with kids. I love creating and I love impacting.

And that's all that matters, right?

I'm pretty sure I had other things to mention but I've forgotten all about them. I didn't mean for the words to get carried away on such a negative note. But that's how I feel when I think of Gertrude and her negativity. It's contagious. It doesn't matter. If they don't want to continue the garden next year that is THEIR problem. I am going to put everything I've got into it, like I do with all my other projects, and the result will be something satisfactory to ME.

Who cares about the competition.

Okay, I'm out.